During the debate of the California law allowing trans kids to choose which bathroom to use, a Christian leader talked about how all these "sexually confused" kids were more than likely victims of sexual abuse.
And ever since, I've been struggling with coming up with the proper response to this.
I want to write an essay about being trans and being a survivor of sexual abuse, but I doubt I have the needed skills to write an objective essay, especially when I seem like the perfect example of what they're talking about.
Ah, well.
Comments
Hrmm...
Well, I'm definitely trans, and, as far as I'm aware of I was never the victim of any serious sexual abuse. Some foolish kids playing foolishly and exploring aspects of each other we had no business exploring is hardly comparable. And... that's literally all there's ever been sexually in my life. And the other kids were always all girls. So... Yeah... Probably not any cause for my "confusion".
Abigail Drew.
I too.....
Am definitely trans, and although I suffered both verbal and physical abuse from an alcoholic father growing up, I was never sexual abused or assaulted.
All of the indicators of who and what I am were there when I was young (my first real memory was of using a beach towel to try and dress like all the other girls, and coloring my nails with crayons - hey, I was only four you know), but we were talking the mid-sixties and no one really knew or wanted to admit to what was happening with me. Add that to a very conservative household, and you get a child being punished for aberrant behavior instead of understanding what the underlying issue was.
So, bottom line, much of the abuse was a result of the fact that even at an early age I was obviously already having issues with GID. I think that this would lead to a discussion of the fact that the GID led to the abuse, rather than the opposite. I would be more than happy to serve as the subject of your essay if you need another person to use in addition to yourself.
I hope that this helps,
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Gender and sex are different things
Gender and sex are different things, that's the first brick in the wrong wall that guy was trying to build. He's the one who is confused.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Why sexual abuse is often assumed of transitioners...
As someone who was trans, and was abused (physically and sexually) as a child, I am rather familiar with this scenario... and why it is an automatic assumption with some people...
I do not know about "most clinics", since I only ever went to one gender clinic... but the practice at that particular clinic (at least back then — I have no idea what they are doing now) was to ask all potential clients if they had been sexually abused as a child. Is that something that is "relevant" to being trans? Not really. But it is clinically significant, and they are (were?) right to ask about it.
You see, while someone who is "truly" trans is just born that way... not every one who walks into a gender clinic is actually trans. Shrug. I am bi, and for a while I was exclusively a lesbian. Was I born a lesbian? No. I admit that some (most?) lesbian women certainly seem to be truly lesbians, but some, such as myself, *became* lesbians after being abused/raped by men. And so it was for me. At the time, I was afraid of men... but in time, I got over that. (I am married to a man, now).
Similarly, a certain percentage of those who "think they might be trans", are not, really. Being sexually abused as a child is *not* a contra-indicator for being trans (you *can* be both, as in my own case)... but what it does is "complicate" the clinical picture. Is the client presenting to the clinic truly trans, or are they just so traumatized that they are turning away from all things male — wanting to "cut off that part of me" (literally) in disgust? Unlikely? You bet. But it does, in fact, happen sometimes. Shrug. Part of that "two percent" who sometimes slip through all the hoops that the medical establishment throw in the path of transitioners... and who end up unhappy (regretting) their surgeries, if they somehow manage to go that far.
Such people are a tiny fraction of those who transition, but transition (at least full, surgical, transition) is such a permanent, irreversible, thing that they usually want to catch those few before they go too far. Sigh. After all... they may not have been "truly trans" *before*, but if they do go ahead and have surgery in error, they will certainly be genuinely trans *afterwards*. (Trapped in a changed body that no longer matches their inner spirit... which somewhere deep inside actually was their birth gender). And trying to "undo" the physical alterations of transition is a lot harder than making those alterations the first time around...
Such cases are a tiny percentage of all those who transition... but they are memorable, and "news-worthy". Think of all the publicity that is generated when someone admits to making a mistake about transition, and wants to go back. For the vast majority in the cisgendered world, transition makes no sense whatsoever. Why would someone want to do something as crazy as that? And so, when they hear of the few for whom it genuinely is a mistake... it appeals to their "Ah-ha! I *knew* it!" feelings. Verifies all their instinctive negative feelings about this... validates all their discomfort with the whole idea. And so, it gets remembered.
It doesn't matter that such abused would-be transitioners are a tiny percentage: they match most people's preconceptions, so they are the ones who get thought of first...
Shrug. You will probably always see this particular error being made by people, no matter how much education about transsexuality eventually happens. Much as I would wish otherwise, child abuse is not going away anytime soon... which means there will be a few, rare, individuals who do "think they are trans", but are not, in each new generation. And therefore, there will be new people making headlines and reinforcing this stereotype that "transitioners are just deluded souls who were abused as children". It is just human nature.
All you can do is tell such people that no, this is not the case with yourself... and move on...
Shrug. Just my two cents worth, from my occasional thoughts about this recurring issue over the years. I have no idea if I am right about it, or not.
Being Trans and Victim
Dor how long have you been out? I want to encourage you that in time, your sexual abuse, like mine, will fade into the past and you will hope that your perpetrators eventually learned to be better people. Mine were three boys a couple years older than I. I remember the blood and the soreness, but can not remember it happening, only the utter horror, and that, I think is where the dis-associative episodes began.
Even today as happy as I am, certain situations make me simply check out and that is humiliating.
Today I have moved past my past and become thankful, even joyful at times for what God has given me.
As to being trans, if I ever was I'm not now. As to the physical reality of it I can not speak, but I know that once I decided that being trans or intersex, or AIS or what could not stop me from being the happiest, most loving, pleasant woman I could be. It is a choice, and I hope that one day you are able to move on and be happy. I pray this in the holy name of Jesus the Christ. Amen.
Gwendolyn
GID and Sexual abuse.
Many of you here will have read my story but just for the record, (Yet again) I am intergendered and I was seriously abused sexually, physically and psychiatrically/medically. To this day it is impossible to be objective about any of these different forms of abuse and consequently it is (for me at least)totally impossible to evaluate the effects that they had and continue to have on me.
I was between sixteen and mid twenties simply sorting out my sexuality and that was just one single thread to unravel from the tangled knot that had been my early life.
By the way I have never ever attended a 'gender clinic'... psychiatric unit...yes, but that dealt with all manner of paediatric psychiatry. I suspect that some of the doctors might have had a 'greater interest' in paediatrics and sexuality and/or gender but I still don't know if any of the monsters who 'treated' me were truly qualified in GID, probably because I suspect that branch of psychiatry was still embryonic.
My own perspective is that our 'trans' conditions invariably preceded any abuse, if it came. I have to say this because in my early times it seemed that my transgenderism invariable precipitated the abuse.
Today, not all transgender kids suffer serious abuse, thanks to education, education, education. It only remains to say I believe it is almost impossible for tee-people to be objective about transgender abuse because of the victim scenario that surrounds this issue.
I Was Trans First
I was trans before I was sexually abused. Fortunately, it was "minor." It was still physically and emotionally painful.
Shelly
No abuse here,
and I am definitely trans and working the issue.
abuse
While well meaning talking heads continue to pontificate about it ,there is only one thing that is really clear to me....Abuse of children is so damn wrong that it just makes me want to really hurt the the abuser in a real bad way. It is so wrong to beat, rape or in any other manner a child who is loving and trusting & knows no better. Having lived through a physicaly abused childhood by a witch who was identified as my "mother"
makes me well qualified to say & I roar it loudly ."you let me catch you abusing anyone & I will hurt you so badly you might not survive."
The preceeding message was meant for any who do bad to the innocent. I do so swear that is was heartfelt & am very sincere as to those who harm God's babies
Something else...
...we talked about this briefly on FB. Your presentation and your vulnerability made you a target; not the other way around, since your gender identification predates the abuse. The other thing to consider is that folks from that particular point of view try to find things to match their theories rather than coming up with a theory that matches the information. There's a presupposition that sexual abuse can lead to transgenderism; nothing I've yet read supports that other than that it might be one of several things going on during or after the abuse. And perhaps that the abuse acted as a catalyst of sorts to bring the gender issue to the surface?
As I mentioned in my note, my resemblance to my sister and how I carried myself at nine is probably one of the chief factors that I was abused along with Joann. But I knew as early as five and perhaps even four that I was different and as much as a kid that age can, I identified as female; wanting so badly to 'be' a girl.
Love, Andrea Lena
my rapist normally targeted boys
my brother was one of his victims, and there were many others - all boys, and if my brother was typical, boys who were not terribly girly - until he met me, and from the best memories I have, my gender struggle fascinated him.
Dorothy--
I think that it is impossible to have a definitive answer to the type of uneducated comment you refer to.
We who are GID react from our own insecurities. The perps do not - they always think that they have the right to do what they do. It is all about them. They are extremely selfish and do not consider their effect on others. Satisfying their "perverted" "needs" are all that they can think about. Every thing else is an excuse for their actions as they are convinced that what they do is to the benefit of the victim because in some small way they may suffer some sense of guilt or awareness that what they are doing is going to get them in trouble.
Just my $0.02.
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade