Jem…Chapter 11
Chapter 11
I end up using the corner of my thumb to blot out the tears because it sounds lame and stuff but This moment and the cornball singing and stuff, and the girls singing along as Raven strummed away on the acoustic.
Honestly, one of the best moments of my life.
So yeah, I guess I’m a girl or just a softy but I’m choked up and blotting tears and I can’t stop the smile there. It’s for all of them and for here and us and…and Kimmie is hugging me again and I love that she is.
I Love that I’m not the only one dabbing at tears.
I Love that we’re sitting around the kitchen table and we’re having a family breakfast together again. I really Love my Dad but even together we were lonely.
Dammit…
“Excuse me okay…I need to call my Dad.”
Raven looks at me. “I’ll drive you over, how’s that?”
“You’re still sick; you should be back in bed.”
“Okay…Just be careful.”
“I’ll come and take you over at lunch Ange. Kim and I have a free class after lunch today and we can run you over and it’ll look better with the three of us showing up and stuff.”
“That’d be great, I’m worried about him.”
“You take care of other people way too much Angel.”
“I…I…I Have to, I never know when the next drunk driver’s going to take someone I…I… Love from me…”
It does that, y’know…just sometimes all comes back like a freight train and I’m looking at them and I’m walloped by being scared, just scared of something happening and I’m Bawling my eyes out.
God it so good that Kimmie’s a hugger. She’s the first one there and I’m crying. No, sometimes you can mourn all you want but…you lose someone you love more than anything and it hurts, it always hurts.
I get hugs from Kimmie and some from Brooklyn and Raven wraps her arms around me and leads me away from the kitchen and upstairs. “C’mon, I’m still tired and I don’t want to sleep alone.”
“Okay… (Sniffle) are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sick and you really don’t need to be alone right now Jason, I probably couldn’t sleep if you were down here alone feeling like this.”
“’Kay…Thanks Raven.”
“We all have our shit Angel and I still like to take care of my friends too. It’s my fuck you to my family who think just because I’m a lesbian that I’m a shitty person.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“Yeah…” she actually smiles at me and I can’t help but sniffle smile back.
We get back to my room and we crawl back into bed and Raven slips into the bed first so she’s more sort of denned in. “Angel?”
“Yeah?”
“Uhm you can like untuck and stuff that can’t be comfortable.”
“I’m not tucked.”
“You’re not?”
“No, I’ve only got the one uhm...you know and when I’m not all guy awake down there he’s pretty pliable, the panties are enough to keep him uhm…confined.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.”
I’m blushing. But I slip out of stuff just to my underwear and slip into a set of Pj’s. “Not all guys can pull it off most likely.”
“So are you uhm smaller down there than most guys? I mean I don’t mean to like pry or anything.” She blushes a little too.
“Yeah a bit, I dunno around five…” I bite my lip, blushing. “Low average? I mean stuff kind of happen to me when I was young so…I guess I didn’t get the full dose of guy I was supposed to.”
She nods. “Could be why Jason’s not the typical guy. A lot of guys are just kind of creepy assholes.”
“Not all guys are like that, most guys aren’t like that Raven.”
“Yeah I know just the some odd thirty or so percent of them that are wreck things for the rest.”
“Kind of like the whole lesbian thing.”
“Lesbian thing?” She’s hugging my pillow but looks interested maybe defensive.
“Yeah, a lot of people hear lesbian and the make the assumption that the girl automatically is a die hard feminazi and a die hard man hater.”
“I get that sometimes actually. I don’t hate guys, they sometimes frustrate the hell out of me and they can be real jackasses too but there are guys I’m perfectly okay with as long as they’re okay with me. I don’t hate men. I just can’t connect with them and sexually they just kind of really don’t do it for me.”
“Me neither.” That gets us both chuckling.
“But the feminazi thing I get too. I’m a lesbian and I honestly believe that being all female militant over words and policies aren’t going to do any woman any good ever. I’m not asking for special treatment just even odds at doing whatever I want to try to do without being messed with. I’ve got no problem with a guy being mannerly to me and trying to be a nice guy. I like good manners on anyone and I’ll open a door for anyone and stuff like that. Hard core feminism is just like hardcore politics or religion it’s just twisted away from the original message.”
We both look at each other and laugh again. “Okay maybe that’s just a little too heavy to sleep on.”
“Definitely too heavy for Nyquil.”
We laugh again but get comfortable and I drift off pretty easy and sort of feel when Raven sort of spoons with me a bit.
…………………..I wake up having slept about three hours and it’s about ten after ten in the morning now and I carefully slip out of bed and go and pee and get cleaned up and tie my hair back out of the way and head into the kitchen.
I’m going to see Dad around lunch and I’m worried and a bit homesick he’s been all I had since Mom died and he just drives himself a lot and stuff so I try to take care of him as best as I could and stuff but….
I don’t know it’s really different being Angel, it’s like I have an excuse to actually try and go all out in this kind of thing and not have that guy thing between us even though we’re father and son. Actually even with that we are closer that a lot of fathers and sons are I think.
First things first I pour some flour into a bowl and some confectioners sugar not a lot and mix them together and put it in the oven to warm. Then some warm water and yeast and get it started literally and then get out the stuff to make cookies, again and the fixings to make meatloaf.
My meatloaf is pretty easy and basic stuff. Hamburger, bread crumbs, two eggs and a can of cream of celery soup and a packet of powdered onion soup mix and I make it into a loaf…well two one for dad and one for here and put them in the oven and take out thee warmed flour and toss in a literal handful of white table sugar, a pinch of salt and a quarter cup of lard…yes lard not shortening. Mom made her bread with it and so do I. I mix that together with the yeast starter and then I set in covered with a damp towel to rise while I make cookies.
I make my jam filled ones again and a batch of peanut butter ones too. I can hear the hum of on of the amps in the Living room and I peek out and Raven up and freshly showered and has a ringed notebook out and one of the guitars and is starting to play and to write.
Red and black plaid shirt on and an old faded and ripped pair of jeans and barefoot sitting on the edge of the couch she looks not just stunning but she looks like a rock star really.
I slip back in and put tomato soup over the meatloaf to finish them off and put in the first batches of cookies ten minutes later and then punch down the bread dough and pan four loaves of bread and two trays of bread rolls and then get a coffee for each of us and slip out to Raven and…
She’s just starting to sing this song. She’s got that halting kind of breathy sound like Sinead O’Connor had when she sings nothing compared to you…totally different song but just picture that vice singing in those breaks like this.
Please don’t go away…
Hello, good morning…
You’re beautiful….
And I know you don’t know me well.
So...
Hello…
You’re soulful….
You take the pain away….
You brighten up my days…
I know…
You don’t know me well…
But your laugh, it makes me smile.
I see sunshine in your eyes…
(Chorus)
Please……Don’t go away…….
I need to know you better.
I need your smile in my life girl.
Oh that’s not true…
I need more…I need you…
Oh I need you…
Hello…
Are you having second thoughts?
Are you wondering if I’m just…
Too much trouble…….
I know……
I’m not what you signed up for….
But who’d sign up for this kind of crazy….
Who could take me every day girl…
(Chorus)
Hello…good morning…
Do you really think I’m beautiful…
Did you really say I’m…
Worth it…
I know…
I’m sorry that I crying…
And no I can’t stop smiling…
They’ve never said that…
I’m worth it…
I’ve never heard it…
Until you did…
(Chorus)
Hello…
I Love you…
You Take away my pain girl.
And I’ll love you everyday girl…
(Chorus)
……………………………….............Wow…Oh…she got really soulful when she was singing that but the way she was just barely playing the guitar but somehow almost making it sound as serene and piano-esque.
“You’re playing that tomorrow night.” I say as I pass her the coffee I made. She takes a sip of it and looks at me.
“You really think that I should?”
“Yes, definitely yes and especially with Summer there. This is good, really good all sad and wistful and hopeful and longing and more than all of that is the fact that you’re songwriting again.”
She blushes. “Okay, you really liked it.”
“Raven it’s good, I’m a songwriter myself first before being a singer and stuff so if I don’t like something I’ll say it.”
“Good….what am I smelling?”
“Meatloaf, cookies and bread.”
“You can do all of that? You shouldn’t be doing all of that.”
“I learned the only thing tricky is making the bread and that just takes some practice and…”
“And?”
“I wanted to take some stuff over to Dad when I go over.”
“You’re worried about him.”
“Yeah he works himself way too hard and we’ve never really been apart this long before and stuff.”
“I…I get being homesick…”
I sit and hug her because…honestly I think that she might have had a decent homelife until she came out to her family. It would really hurt a lot to get kicked to the curb like that for something that really isn’t or shouldn’t be a big thing.
“You want to come with? Meet my Dad?”
“You think that’ll be okay?”
“It better be okay missy seeing now that we’ve slept together like three times.”
That has the desired effect and she bursts out laughing and I smile and get up and head into the kitchen and raven follows me with the acoustic again and sits at the table shaking her head as she watches me cook and bake and she plays “Please don’t go away” again for me. It sounds actually better on the acoustic.
“That sounds better like that Raven.”
“Yeah I think that’s what I’m going to use for the gig with this song.”
“We’re going to be playing a coffee shop and I was thinking we should change up our playlist a bit to be a bit more fun and funky and save the EMO stuff and the harder stuff for someplace else.”
“Okay, I want to still do this.”
“I think Soul sister would be a good fun tune for the café.”
“Yeah can you do Macy Gray?”
I stop and take a drink and clear my throat. And I close my eyes and get into the music of the song flowing through my head.
“Games changin’ and fears…”
“When will they go from here…”
“When will they stop…”
“I believe that fate… has brought us here…”
“And we should be together babe….But we’re not…”
“I play it off...but I’m dreamin’ of you” *I start to dance just feeling it.*
“I’ll keep it cool…but I’m fiendin’…”
*Oh yeah into it and I just can’t help but to belt out the chorus.*
“I try to say goodbye and I choke!”
“I try to walk away and I stumble…”
“Though I try to hide it…”
“My world crumbles…”
“When you’re not …near!”
Raven has to actually yell at me. “Okay! Jeez angel Okay! You can sing that.”
I give her a sheepish grin and we talk while we also work out the rest of the playlist that we’re going to use ay the café gig. Neither of think that hard rock or Emo is really what a café crowds going to want to hear. Ravens into the first of the rolls and she gets this look one her face when she bites into it after buttering it.
“Holy…is this real butter?”
“Yes, I don’t like majorine or Becel.”
“Becel’s supposed to be good for you.”
“Uh-huh, its non-natural fat, try and get oil out of corn without heavy industry. That stuff’s toxic in my book. Human’s lived on animal fat based stuff for a long time like the Native Americans without half of the processed stuff that we have today and they didn’t have the problems that we did. Animal fat’s and oils from heavy oil laden stuff like olives and nuts and seeds.”
“Okay…but what about the white bread you just made.”
“Screw off I need my carbs.”
She’s laughing and tearing into the food and I get the rest of the baking done and put stuff into bags and some Tupperware containers and just get finished when Brooklyn and Roxy come in being lead by their noses.
“Yay! Angel cooked!” Roxy squeals.
“Angel’s always cooking, not that I mind…is that?” Brooklyn’s staring at the table and the cupboards and part of me is really kind of happy at them being so happy. Roxy interrupts of course with her mouth stuffed full of a hot buttered roll.
“Fwessh Bridd!” the whole roll is in there the whole roll. And the whole chipmunky cheeked oriental girl look is just too damned cute for words.
They eat and there’s a fight between the two of them over some of the rolls and Brooklyn has this look on her face when she eats it that’s not heaven but heaven and confusion. “Is this real butter?”
Raven nods. “Apparently Becel and that kind of stuff’s outlawed here now.”
“Oh…I’ve never had real butter before.”
We kind of look at her and she’s looking more at her roll than at us. “My house if it wasn’t for my Dad or my brothers than it wasn’t important. If it took booze money away from them…it just pissed them off. Dad used to freak when me and Mom needed “Cunt plugs” as he called tampons…even then he went with us to make sure we got whatever was on sale cause it’d do.”
We all go over and hug her. Me…I’m mad as hell, who the fuck treats their daughter like that? I’m not a violent person…well not to go out and hit someone but I really want to go and find these assholes.
Raven seems to notice my mood and says. “Alright lets get ready and head over.”
We head upstairs and go to our separate rooms and I get changed. Jeans and a light scoop necked tee-shirt then a light pink sweater over that and then my Uggs and touch up my hair and my make-up.
Raven just pulled over a black Iron Maiden t-shirt over her plaid flannel and a pair of high top sneakers and we get ready and gather stuff up and get into Brooklyn’s car and we drive over town to my house.
I tell them where to go because this time of day he’s likely in the garage having forgotten all about eating dinner.
We get out and get out the care package for Dad and we head into the garage with me in the lead.
He’s in his coveralls and he’s welding an axle for what looks like a semi trailer and I take a hammer and bang on some scrap metal to get his attention.
He stops welding and turns off the power to the arc-welder then lifts the mask and looks around. He see’s us an for a second he does this head tilt trying to figure out who we are then he clues into me being me. “Angel!” He says it so loud and the smile on his face is from ear to ear and he comes over peeling out of the top part of the coveralls and takes off his gloves and hugs me.
I hug him back and I’m volume careful with the “Hi Daddy.” I give him.
Comments
Starting to just press the
Starting to just press the button instead of putting a comment down. But I really like this one Bailey (the entire part but also the enntire story). Was laughing with the feminazi part 'cause I get put into that box now and again. Funny thing is the only real comments I get in that direction are given by other woman ...
Well Kage no Inu, thank you very much:)
I get to see so many different kinds of people and I know some very awesome Lez girls and are really close friends with them even. Then there's the ones who go completely overboard just like feminism's a bad religion. Now not all the radical feminazi types are Lez but a lot of Lez girls do get bashed with the label nowadays.
I dunno, I like my girls who like girls in the middle ground not insanely man hating or the swear like a trucker sleep with any slit drinking and puking party girl types I call the Red-Neck Lesbians.
Seriously, we have them here kind of like lesbian Jersey Shore:(
Most like Raven where it's mostly who they are and not an excuse or a jihad statement.
I Hope people treat you just...well decently.
Thanks for the comment again.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
>howls with laughter< and
>howls with laughter< and another group (which I'm part of) put me in the redneck box :d. Which is strange 'cause on a few 'heavy points' I go as far opposite as can be. Maybe 'cause I live in what overhere is considered 'country' (yep cows, sheep, orchards, farms and 5km before I get to a general store)
I Knew You'd Get a kick out of that too:)
It sounds like you're one of those girls who really gets along with the whole spectrum but gets splashed with the much thrown at both sides. There's nothing wrong with country in my opinion it's just the....
It's the female chauvenist pig types that bother me. The girls that shout and scream for all their rights as women but then spend all they're time acting just as nasty as the guys that give a bad name.
That's just not...I've lost track of the girl in the LBD doing the snort and spit in public and order not ask the person they'with to give them a fucking smoke...then they get pissy if someone doesn't open a door for them or pay for them.
Yeah...
I could go off on that for a long time.
Thanks Kage no Inu:)
*More Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Great Story Button
I can't find the right Button again! Good story simply doesn't do it. I must admit, I was half-afraid she would find out something bad had happened to him. The people they're dealing with cares only about themselves and are capable of almost anything. I love that song. Angel so didn't get that it was written for her did she? :)
Great story Bailey!
hugs
Grover
I agree with Grover
"Good" just isnt good enough for this one. "Stunning", "Fantastic", or maybe "Amazing" would be better.
And I love the song, too.
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Aww, Thanks Dorothy:)
I'm blushing over that. I did like the chapter and writing another song for Raven was nice too.
Thanks again for the really great comments.:)
*Big special Angel Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Raven didn't mean the song to be about Angel...
but like when you write anything the stuff that's on your mind does come out now doesn't it. They also both kind of know that too but are kind of giving it a wide berth right now and dancing around the possible romance of the thing.
Thanks so much for the great comment Grover.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
one of your best stories
you just get some great stuff going here. some of the stuff the other girls went through, how can you treat your kids like that.
can't wait to see them (ha ha ) preform in public for the first time.
keep up the great work, thanks
They'll be playing stuff soon, I've the scenes in my head.
I Honestly agree that you just shouldn't be allowed to get away with treating people like that but it happens:(
Thanks LoneWolf for the comment.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Ok another good tale in Jem
Ok another good tale in Jem :) I'm glad for what happens at the end of this chapter, also wow she can sing Macy Grey! who sounds like Elmo with a head cold :P
That's just amazing stuff right there *Giggles*
Keep up the good work Bailey :)
*Hugs*
Robinverse
Have a mew of a day!
=^.^=
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Have a mew of a day!
Snerk!
Elmo with a head cold:) I never heard her as being described like that. Thankfully Angel sounds like a bit like a lighter voiced Chrissy Hynde and a bit like Joan Jet...actually Jewel or Dido would be closest.
I'm glad you liked it and commented Ashleigh.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Another try :(
My previous comment got eaten... Meanies!
Whatever... Another interesting chapter that displays the abyss that can be humanity.
Thank you for writing,
*hugs*
Beyogi
Thanks so much Beyogi:)
I think I get what you mean. I'm Glad that you enjoyed it.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Another great song :)
"Please don't go away" sounds as though it was inspired by the confrontation a few chapters ago when Angel!Jase was threatening to leave and the subsequent conversations and emotional support Angel!Jase has offered Raven (and to a slightly lesser degree, Brooklyn and Roxy).
So the cafe gig's going to be mainly bright, up-tempo songs; but what will be really interesting is when they have a gig where they can roll out the emotional ballads, many of which will be originals ("Please don't go away" plus the couple Angel!Jase wrote in earlier chapters). Especially if one of those gigs happens to be a "Summer" gig as well... :D
There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Right on the money as usual Mittfh:)
I'm thinking the pool hall will be a good place for the more Emo ballads and the paying pub job a mix of the more up beat and rocking stuff. The pool hall is one of the gigs of Summers that they're shadowing.
Thanks for the really great comments:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Really enjoying this story,
Really enjoying this story, thanks for sharing Bailey, looking forward to more.
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Thanks Lizzie:)
Just trying to take care of one of my Angels and give you lots to read and keep you distracted from the pain of recovering.
*Great Big Special Angel Hugs*
Bailey
Bailey Summers
I am so glad to see another
I am so glad to see another chapter of Jem! I am normally not a fan of stories that have lyrics mixed in. Sometimes I think it detracts from the story, but it works very well here.
This is actually the story that made me register here. I've been popping over to the site off and on for a long time, but I really wanted to make sure I followed Jem. Still so much left to be told, and songs left to sing. :-) Thanks for another chapter.
The new girl - at least for now,
Gwendolyn
That's really seriously cool for you to say Gwendolyn:)
Lyrics are important here because the songs are either written specific for characters in the story or are being sung so they're dialog plus I like to sometimes write in actions as they're singing.
I'm very glad you joined, Welcome!
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I loved Raven's song
I loved Raven's song. It just encapsulated the last part of Chapter 10 so well for me and those times Angel has been there to tackle Raven's self doubt and poor body image. Did Angel realise it was about her though? And I say her because that song was definitely aimed at Angel not Jase from the lyrics.
'I try' is just a wonderful song. And Macy Gray just has such an amazingly distinctive voice. And I hadn't even thought that a coffee shop would need a different soundtrack - much more soulfull, acoustic and personal than say a club. D'oh! I guess that means you've been working on two playlists!! Now I'm really intrigued to see where you'll go with this. Some of the songs we've heard and you've talked about would work in the coffee shop setting done acousticly but some are going to be more suitable for the club. And you like to mix old and new covers as well as new (Bailey Summers original) songs. I'd kinda like to hear Angel sing No Doubts 'I'm Just a Girl' which sounds good acoustic, can be done well with a sort of Chrissie Hynde voice, and is a little amusing in the context of the story.
Overall some lovely little scenes between Angel and Raven. Those last three lines were a double tear jerker though. It was great to see Jase back with dad but it also reminds me of when I'm five or six and that's my dad with his coveralls half open and tied off at the waist. It's those little things that transcend the story and have resonance with life that make this such a great story.
Thank you Bailey.
"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Wow, Jemima what a great comment:)
Besides your being pretty much spot on about the song which they're kind of avoiding the meaning of. Raven hadn't meant to it to drift to that since she sort of started it as a song about relationships and her own funk but y'know when something gets in your sub-concious.
But I'm just a girl goes threefold in this case. There's the fact it's a great tune, then there's the whole amusing play on Angel but it's kind of really a fit for the stuff Brooklyn had to go through at home when you look at the lyrics.
And that's sparked a really great scene bit for this. Thank You!!!
I've got three playlists going right now. I mean it wouldn't be right if I didn't do some of Summers tunes too:P
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I could gush about how wonderful the story is..
But I do that all the time. Instead I want to comment on the song "Please...don't go away". It sounds to me like Raven is falling very quickly for Jase, and is trying, in a creative, clumsy way, to say how much she cares. She should just tell him, but after Summer, it may be really hard for her to trust anyone with her heart, and that's completely understandable.
I am surprised that Jase didn't comment on that. He seems pretty perceptive, and I just don't think he would miss such an obvious plea for his love. Maybe he's just too self-conscious to believe that a confirmed lesbian could fall for him.
Great story, Bailey. I think you get better and better the more you write.
Love ya!
Wren
There is a lot of what you just said here Wren:)
Raven did end up writing the song for Angel even if it started in her head as something else. They are dodging around the issue. Raven's a lesbian and not because of anything it's just her but Angel is very much hitting a lot of her emotional buttons and she's a pretty girl too and just so much she's looking for. But she's...a guy.
Jason is very well aware that there's something going on between them, there's this chemistry and more. But no one's every shown an interest in him at all in his life and with the break up and lesbian thing and Angel and his own inexperience and it's all blended together into where there's this...
Too, too, close distance going on right now.
Thanks for the confidence Wren and the great comments.
Love Ya Back!
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Eventually...
I suspect we'll see (perhaps in about a dozen chapters or so... or possibly less) If It's You, It's Okay.... :D
Obligatory warning: hours of your life may mysteriously disappear after following that link... :D
--B
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
I'll be teasing that effect soon Mittfh:)
Loved the link though it's good reading actually for some authors into writing romance/relationships. Lot's of good brain food in there.
Thanks so much for that:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
hours of my life have now mysteriously disappeared ...
ahhhh!
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Their first Gig together Bailey
Is going to be a real winner I anticipate, I just can't wait.
They are becoming close friends if not already and they just seem to click when they write and play their music it seems to me.
Don't forget to invite her Dad to the Gig and the guy from the hardware store who helped her with the shed?
Great as always Bailey, thank you.
LoL
Rita
I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac.
'Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.'
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
You read my mind there.
Angel is sort of already thinking to ask some of these people to some of the shows that they're going to be putting on. There's a definite closeness building and a friendship too. I've got lots of ideas going around.
Thanks so much you really great girl you for the awesome comments:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Daddy eh?
I do believe it was 'Dad' in previous chapters :).
Kim