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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 108
 

Jem…Chapter 108

Chapter 108

The four of us just sit there just for a few moments longer all together and then Kimmie starts it off again but this time with a huge yawn that just hits all of us I think right in that whole sleep area of our brains and we’re all yawning and yawning even more and more as we get up and we shuffle inside and we close the door.

And lock it.

Yeah with things the way they can be; locking our doors is a really good idea these days. I’m like full on Canadian and I’ve never really seen like guns up close aside from some hunting stuff or like the guns that the police carry but there are times when I think about Adam and his cronies or the bikers I almost want one for self-defense.

Almost…actually I’d never have one but sometimes that thought is there.

Actually…I turn from the door to Rayne. “We need to get an alarm system.”

“Like a house alarm?”

I nod. “Yeah, one it’ll be safer for us in case something happens and it’ll be safer for our stuff. We’ve a lot of cash here in equipment in case anything happens to it.”

She nods. “You think we can write it off?”

“Definitely we can get it set up as part of the band stuff and we should take the chance to get some more insurance and stuff in case something happens to the house and to out gear and stuff.”

She pulls me into her arms and she makes me squeak and she slips her arm around my waist.

“Good now can we go to bed please?”

“Oh bed…that sounds so nice.”

She does this long but sweet and slow nod. “It definitely sounds nice.”

She kisses me again and it’s…wow it’s so good. I mean with everything that’s gone on and all the stuff that I’ve been through and found out about myself since all this has started it had gone past a lot of that feel weird or awkward stuff right now and this morning it’s just hitting squarely in just right.

No angsty stuff no GID flare just…Kissing…no…better…snogging and yayness.

I’m almost pulling away though and heading to the kitchen to get Carmen sorted when Brooklyn gives us both a steer toward the stairs.

“Mike’s doing dishes with Carmen we’ll get her into Rayne’s old room and you two head off to bed and whatever.”

I smile and kiss Rayne again. “Mmmm…Whatever.”

Rayne kisses me back grinning but sis-fists Brooklyn. (Fist-bump.) “Thanks.” And they do that we’re family smile at each other and I head up the stairs pulling Rayne along with me by the hand.

She follows with the sexy smile on and soon we’re in through the door and kissing…yeah we’ve been up all night…but it’s still happening.

Y’know that smiley-kissey-punchy from being up all night together sexy thing.

Like Rayne pushing me to the wall and kissing me and my fingers wind into the lattice and the plastic greenery and silk flowers.

Like her fingers under my shirt…touching my skin…taking things off.

It’s a little strange having things that detach but my whole self is strange really…y’know what it doesn’t matter as she pulls my shirt off over my head and kisses me hard again and her hands reach and cup my breasts or my almost breasts and push the flesh up and give a little squeeze to make then rise as she takes a nipple into her mouth.

I grip the lattice and shiver.

Her mouth does that swirly thing with her tongue and the nerves already sort of awake definitely wake at that and it feels so good.

And knowing why they feel good because they really are almost the real deal just way behind in things must help…it’s got to be a psychosomatic thing but it really doesn’t matter as she does it again and again and there’s this soft wet sound of her breaking a kiss in the air between my moans and her Mmmm’s.

My skin feels so hot and flushed it’s like all the blood is rushing there to have every ounce of me alive and awake and needing.

I like feeling that too…feeling that need is way more me than the other way things have felt in the past…it really is a whole lot better mentally now, emotionally it sucks when the physical experience doesn’t match up to the internal one.

It is not good when you are at war with yourself.

Rayne pulls me into her arms and off the lattice and some of the silk flower petals come loose which sort of just adds to the moment and she lifts me and I sort of hop to help and I’m the girl that is sort of in the carried straddle with her lover being taken to our bed.

I want to be that girl.

I like being that girl.

There’s some more kissing and tasting of my budding bits and I kiss back and touch her using my hands to trace over her sides and to slip over her hips and to settle on her bottom and squeeze and hang on and it gets more and more passionate as Rayne takes off her shirt and I’m there in sort of happy awe looking at her ripe full breasts and lacy black bra.

I sit up and kiss her and then move…taking my hands and slowly taking off her bra. Teasing and yet gentle…using the lace…that delicate almost sort of scrape of it so elegant and erotic too over that pale soft skin and to make her shiver, to make Rayne give me those sigh sounds and to see her nipples react and those dusky nipples get so hard and so erect and I am just unable to not suckle sweetly on them.

It goes like that with hands everywhere and kissing and suckling and us both sort of clumsily and non-sexily sliding and sort of kicking off our sweat pants and then it just us in our panties and then it’s hands and fingers slipping down and down and Rayne’s so wet and so perfect and she has the most amazing…there is a lot more personal ness when you take your time and can feel it all…the tightening of muscles, the way she feels inside with her breathing, the roll of her hips…even the give and slackening of muscles too….there is nothing impersonal about lesbian sex without getting into the oral stuff.

And me…Rayne had taken her own juices to slicken her hand and her fingers and her hand does that slip under my panties and over it…there’s that jarring twitch of being touched like that and the gasp as she presses down and settles my bit between the crease of her middle and ring finger and her hand and wrist moves keeping pressed tight and not too tight but enough that it doesn’t feel like that…

“Feel it baby…Feel my fingers over your clit, feel the bumps running over the hood tingling all those nerves…?”

Rayne says it so hot, it that excited whisper but when she’s like this, really into it she loses some of her English and she has just this little hint of a French accent…and with everything else about her it just…it’s very, very yay.

“Yes…oh…yes…I’m gonna…”

“Non…non Cherie, not yet…I want more…I want you to dance for my fingers more…dance for me An-gelle…roll your sweet hips.”

I do, I do and I try and I get taken to the edge two or three times and I feel almost fevered…and almost blissed out and I have never had sex…sex like that last this long…feel this good.

We get to this point where we’re almost dirty dancing together on the bed or the sort of edge of the bed since Rayne’s been standing the whole time and she’s getting to where I’ve been heading and we’re both gasping and rolling hips and saying each other’s names and there’s desperate passionate kisses right up until we both hit this semi frantic rubbing part…each of us likely going as intensely on the other as we would if it was ourselves and we were right there.

I swear part of my brain has some kind of short or a mini electrical storm or something go off and I ride and roll my hips and my feet tilt and I almost get stretch cramps in my calves and the stage lights in my head dim as I nearly black out.

Is it a girl thing when Rayne’s weight on me feels right?

Is it a girl thing when we just look at each other after two or three minutes of just breathing and we both sort of kiss and laugh and happy cry?

I think so, I hope so.

Rayne kisses me again and we have this whole moment of yayness and face snuggling and then she gets up and she comes back with a bottle of orange juice and baby wipes and clean panties we share the juice while we kiss and are gentle in wiping ourselves clean and it’s just nice to just slip into soft clean underwear after that and into our bed.

I remember kissing and getting comfy and spooning with Rayne.

…………………………………..it’s so very, very strange waking up in the afternoon. I’m a morning person so I’m so not used to it at all. I think Rayne moved a few times while I was out of it and there’s a sort of semi coolness and freshness in the air as my bedroom window is open a little bit and there’s a little bottle of nail polish holding it up.

I’m snuggled with her so I’m warm and it’s not that cold outside given that it’s like daytime and stuff but this has definitely got to be a Rayne thing.

I used to have an really small window in my bedroom and I wasn’t really tempted to try my luck with getting a cold when I didn’t want one but actually in bed with a snuggly girl and in warm sheets and clean air.

Well sort of clean I mean we’re right down and close to the tracks so there is that smell…y’know oil from the railway, fuel and the scent of creosote treated ties and lots of steel…it’s a kind of unique smell…a little industrial but not bad.

Boats have that too…you go to a place that has docks and wharves and the marinas there is that smell the water and water with wood and that stuff they use to treat the docks and fish and fuel and stuff.

I’m thinking of boats too I guess because I think I can smell the lakes today. I mean it’s always sort of there but we’re less than a mile from the water. It’s one of those things you see a lot here in small town lakeside Ontario.

A lot of stuff was either picked up by rail or dropped off by rail and the docks were also a big deal back in the old days when stuff from the mines and the mills would come down by rail and then get loaded onto boats and stuff. Here in Harper’s point it wasn’t really that different. The fishery here was the big thing with lots of processed bass and perch and pickerel going from the fish plants here onto cold cars to go elsewhere, Toronto most likely.

Rayne moves a bit in my arms. I smile and kiss the nape of her neck, she was holding me when we went to bed this morning and now it’s the other way around.

I’m not complaining.

“Mmm…Morning Rainbow.”

“Mmm Morning? More like afternoon.”

“Yeah true but it’s sort of morning for us.”

“Mmm…yeah what time is it?”

“No idea.” I sit up and look at my clock. “About five after three.”

“Oh… (Sigh)…time to get up then?”

“Yeah, not a huge amount of sleep but we can catch up on that tomorrow.”

“How? Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving?”

Well technically it’s Monday but we’re having our thing tomorrow and we’re doing that job and show for Mr. Walker on Monday evening for his dine in Thanksgiving clients.

“The turkey can cook in the oven and so can a lot of the baking so we just kind of get things together and organized and stuff and we can cook and doze in between the timers in the kitchen.”

“That sounds way too organized Angel.”

I roll over on top of her and kiss her while I’m straddling her. “It’s not that bad, I’ll do some prep today even.”

“Really? Like we don’t have enough to do?”

I grin and lean down and kiss with her a few more times. “C’mon where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Kitchen life is not my idea of an adventure.”

“Well the stuff in Toronto was an adventure, the bullshit with Adam is sort of an adventure and this is really the first major Thanksgiving with all sorts of new family and friends and stuff for me and Dad so it’s a really big deal and still that’s very much a kind of adventure for me.”

Rayne looks at me and she nods. “Okay, okay but I still reserve the right to flake on some of it today because we’re still playing tonight.”

“Yes and this stuff soothes me.”

“You’re such a girl.”

I grin and I lean back and blush a little and tuck some of my hair back out of my face and Rayne’s looking at me and she’s got this sweet smile there.

“What?”

“I’m really, really lucky you know that?”

I bite my lip and smile and have that happy little rush of someone loves me yayness. “Yaaaay.”

“Dammit I love you Angel.” She smiles and she grabs me and she rolls us over until she’s on top and she pulls the blankets over us and….we have a very, very nice repeat of this morning….and then some…uhm yum. (Blush.)

…………………………………….It’s a quick dash to the showers with our things and we take a shower together and it’s a good thing, it’s even a good shower with my actually really not having a serious GID attack since we did the yayness…twice there’s certain things that have done the post deed deflate. I’m not sure if that happens to all that-part-equipped people but I kind of lose some inflation after that happens. Not like a lot but it just kinda is emptier? Retreats?

I don’t know but “It” wasn’t a real factor in anything this morning. I take my meds and apply my patch and then do the rest of my rituals like checking my fuzzy levels and stuff and I do a quick once over with the Veet and the scrapy razor plastic thing and then it’s lotion and powder and let my skin get dry or absorbed and stuff before I get my breasts on and in place and Rayne actually watches me just smiling because I’m actually more maintenance than she is.

I moisturize and do all that stuff way more that she does. Rayne’s idea of hair treatment and stuff is using a two-in-one and a towel and sometimes the hairdryer.

I get dressed in just some capris and my Steelheads jersey and bare feet in my ballet flats and I head downstairs. Rayne’s sporting old faded sexy jeans and wools socks and am Alice in Chains tee-shirt and when we get downstairs the place is actually pretty busy.

Brooklyn is with Carmen and Molly and they’re going through the swag and stuff from jakes and they’re on the computer at the same time. Kimmie’s actually fully online with our current stuff but she’s texting too and smiling sometimes.

Max, she must be texting with Max if she’s got that kind of a smile going.

Mike’s doing stuff with the video stuff and he’s on another one of the laptops and I think doing stuff with Molly’s too and they look up at the rest of us and there’s some smiles and waves and Molly turns red faced and she can’t hide her smile though.

“Good…really good afternoon…?”

I smile. “Very what’s everyone doing here and doing up?”

Carmen… “Well Kimmie and I couldn’t sleep since we were about the only two that wasn’t having sex in this place.”

There’s some laughing but there’s some blushing too. Its way too cute that Brooklyn’s the one that’s laughing and Mike’s the blusher.

Molly too and she’s looking right at me and Rayne and for a second or too there’s the look of imagination in her eyes and she gets even redder.

Kimmie… “Yeah like seriously unfair since Max kinda left me with a certain problem and all of you all going at it and I’m like not a lesbian and Brooklyn and Mike aren’t sharing.”

She makes a face and sticks her tongue out at all of us.

Rayne… “Kim don’t be a tease it’s rude to Molly.”

Molly slaps her hands over her face with a squeal/squeak.

Carmen… “Kim…I’m pretty sure you’re okay…besides you weren’t quiet either?”

Kim squeaks. “Shit you heard me!?”

We all laugh.

Brooklyn’s nodding. “Duh…you were blasting your masturbation CD.”

Molly’s red faced still but laughing and setting her head on the coffee table whining. “TMI…just TMI…”

Mike reaches over and he’s soothingly rubbing her back. “It’s okay, you’ll get used to it.”

I laugh and lean down and give her a peck on the cheek and Carmen and Mike too and head off to the kitchen.

Oh there’s coffee made and it smells fresh.

I pour a mug for myself and then take one out for Rayne who kisses me and she takes it and she sits down with the rest of the band.

I lean into her and nuzzle and whisper into her ear. “Breakfast?”

She nods and tilts her head to nuzzle and kiss me back. “Yes please.”

“Any requests?”

“Anything hon.”

Hon…and it’s that soft sexy but warm just between us hon.

I slip off to the kitchen and I start digging stuff out. All the stuff I need to cook with and get ready and everything I clean stuff out of the fridge since I’m going to need the room and things from the freezer of the fridge and the first thing is me putting a four litre container that had ice cream in it at one point full of four in the freezer since when making pie crusts it’s best that everything is as chill as possible.

I call dad.

“Hello Powerhouse garage.” He’s on the shop phone.

“Hey Dad I was just calling to see if you took the turkey out yet.”

“Yep just after lunch and he’s thawing out now.”

“Okay, you have any requests?”

“Pie!”

I laugh. “Done what kinds?”

“Uhm how many can I ask for?”

“You’re my Dad so as many as you want beside you have a full house too.”

“Mincemeat, Lemon, Coconut Cream, Apple?”

I laugh. “Done all of them, do you have Cousin Jenna’s work number?”

“For the Diner?”

“Yeah I want to call and talk to Billy’s girl.”

“Just a sec.” He’s gone and then back and giving me the number, I jot it down and I smile and lean on the wall. “Can Carmen come over too?”

“Definitely, Mitch and I are working on actually building a new table right now.”

“A new table?”

“Yeah, we’re going to need one and we’re moving stuff around the house clearing out the front room.”

I think…it’s the big room we used to have the stuff for Christmas in and it should fit all of us. Actually that would be cool.

Christmas…there’s another project in my head started too…or several.

Still I’m kind of smiling still.

And my other idea. “If you’re not busy you think you could swing over and take a look at the garage?”

“What’s wrong with your garage?”

“It’s cold and drafty and Carmen’s now sort of moved into our office.”

“Gotcha I’ll take a look and you get in contact or something with the landlord and see if he’ll be good with you doing stuff to the garage.”

“Oh…def, and remind me if we do get the okay that we’ll need permits and stuff.”

“You need to go to school for this stuff Angel. That Mr. Walker’s right you’re too talented at this stuff not to get everything official.”

“I am Daddy, but the school year is well under way for community college and stuff so right now it’s going to get stuff set up so I can do the school thing and get my GED.”

“Good girl.” I can hear pride in his voice, right in the warmth of it when he says that it’s so amazing that he’s good with this and with me and add in the fact that he’s proud of me…just honestly proud of me it’s such a huge thing for me.

Such a strengthening thing for me.

“I’ll see you when you get here daddy.”

“I’ll see you before the gig honey.”

I hang up and then I call out west and I talk to Kendall and she talks to Dallas…Billy has an ex working with his current girlfriend which oddly doesn’t surprise me and I talk to a lady called holly and she knows what Davey likes and I write it down too.

I’m smiling because it’s not just pies but some things that both of the really like with like food wise too.

I’m sort of food thinking when I get stuff for breakfast sorta brunch for me and Rayne. I fry a few strips of bacon in our non-stick pan and then I make eggs. I do scrambled eggs which when I’m being fancy is cream with the yolks and a little touch of salt and I mean just a touch and a half teaspoon of baking powder and I have the whites separate and those I whisk with just a pinch of sugar and then once the bacon is cooked I fold the yolks and the whites together gently and then pour them into a really hot pan…see the baking powder and the egg white both do the loft thing and you get the fluffiest eggs and the salt and sugar are so minor all they do is accent the eggs and as you get that sort of hot pan sear the eggs go all fluffy and when I figure they’re a light brown on the bottom I use the egg turner to flip them all over and I cover them and take them off the heat.

Good scrambled eggs are almost kind of wet and yet not and fluffy like little clouds...I make toast and put the bacon on the toast wedges and them plate our eggs and go out to Rayne and sit with her on the couch.

Rayne still sometimes has a food thing but she inhales my eggs and I love the look that she gives me as she’s eating. Yes I made my special eggs for her…the breakfast I love you kind of eggs thing and she gets it and I’m so getting the whole my girlfriend rocks thing coming off of her and the others have smiles and Carmen does the look, sniff the air and eye-brow thing and Molly looks at me and Rayne and the eggs and there’s that long sigh.

And it’s a little hard not to choke on my coffee when Carmen says. “Given how awesome Remy is and how you are with your girl Angel it’s too bad that Jason wasn’t around…it might actually been nice to be with a guy that wasn’t an asshole or a misogynistic piece of shit.”

I nod and take an inhale through my nose as I kind of have three good gulps of hot coffee.

Kimmie comes to my rescue. “Yeah, I was kind of into Jason when I first met him, he was really cute but beyond that one of the sweetest guys I know and brave too.”

Carmen nods and she actually starts talking about stuff…stuff that I did standing up to Adam but really it’s actually much more of a list of the shitty things that she and her friends and Adam and stuff did to me back then.

It’s hard to listen to it.

Really hard and it wasn’t standing up to Adam as much as surviving, fighting back...fighting back when I was just too tired of their shit to not do something crazy like not take it when there were so many of them.

Kinda like it getting so bad it doesn’t matter how much it hurts so you do something that’s kinda crazy and you stand up because he might lose it and it might be over with for good one of these times.

Shit…I think I was doing the Army/police Trans thing maybe along with the bullied thing.

I stay though, I stay because it’s something that she’s unloading and she’s into telling some of it and it’s gone from that recollecting stuff she thought she should tell us because it’s cool stuff about Jason and instead it’s kind of become a sort of confessional about all of the really horrible shit that she had done to me, with them and stuff.

Three years of school with her from grade seven to grade ten and she has literally and personally spit on me…dropped a loogie down the back of my neck from an stair case or in my book bag…seventeen times…seventeen fucking times!

She’s actually rocking a little by the times she’s sort of done…. “Jason…he…he had me in the halls sometimes…we’d pass and it’d just be me and him…and he’d just keep going…I mean he could have gotten even…but he didn’t.”

Brooklyn looks really pissed and worried… “That’s because Jase is the kind of person that’d never even think about it.”

Rayne’s rubbing my feet with hers and she’s looking at me with this soft sweet kind look but also one that gets the bullying stuff…here family…coming out…being out….

I look at Carmen and it takes a second to find my voice. “Seventeen times…how do you know that?”

(Sniffle-sob.). “I…I couldn’t sleep…I mean…Remy and you all and I couldn’t get all of the shitty stuff I’ve done out of my head…”

She’s crying and I close my eyes…I’m mad…I’m mad and I’m hurt and there’s just so much I want to say and I want to do or feel like doing but in the long run…? What good would that do me? What good will that do her? People are people and we suck and we do shitty things all the time…

I kind of look deep and sort of picture Jase… and he’s leaning over a yellow pad of paper with a pen and our keyboard.

~What?...It’s done, she’s sorry…it’s not worth the pain anymore…let her go and we’ll just do what we always do and we’ll either write it or play it out.~

Yes he’s imaginary…but he was there more than the me that’s here right now and well…he’s right.
I give Rayne my plate and get up off the couch and over to her and give Carmen a big hug and let her do the face plant into my stomach and she cries.

(Sobbing-cry!) “Why…why don’t you guys hate me.”

I look at the others and they’re sort of all staring at me and I know Molly doesn’t quite get it but she still is sort of getting that whole Jase being our family thing and I shrug…and run my fingers through her hair.

“It sucks…but you hate it as much as we hate it but keeping that hate going…who does that help. It doesn’t…it hurts, it give me personally a headache and a clenched jaw and makes my stomach hurt…I’d rather sing or play or cook if I have that much energy.”

Carmen looks up and me pulling away and she’s sniffling and wiping at her eyes. “You mean it? You don’t hate me?”

I smile and give her my best wry smile. “I’m not so much into hate.”

She sniffles and I smile and take my thumbs and wipe at her eyes and her running mascara and make these really big messy huge raccoon eyes and she’s sort of sniffling and she’s looking at me and it starts to click in just how much a mess I’m making on purpose and she snuffles and starts to laugh.

“I’ve got some stuff to do you wanna come and help out in the kitchen?”

(Long wet-sniffle.) “Can I wash my face first?”

And that sort of all breaks the tension and stuff and gets everyone else laughing.

I just can’t do it; I just can’t be full of the hurt, the hate…

I take out my phone. “As long as I can have a picture first.”

Carmen squeals and covers herself and starts running for the stairs and I’m after her.

Oh I’m so getting at least a picture.