Jem…Chapter 180

*Before…

Figure’s with things with Adam looking up I’m going to have to face things that I’d mentally put on hold for a while now apparently.

We’re pulling in and I get a text from Carmen. [Adam wasn’t arrested, and he wants to talk to me at the show tonight.]

I don’t swear much it’s not ever one of my go to things but seeing that I just went…

“Fuck.”

*And Now…

It was almost worth it to see the expression on Jimmy’s face.

“Well that was a surprise.”

I blush. “Sorry Jimmy, I just found out whatever happened up on money hill didn’t catch Adam junior in it and I’ll have to deal with him tonight most likely.”

He nods. “Whole family’s a bad bunch.”

“You encounter them too?”

“Oh yeah all my life really, Old Adam Senior’s father used to hire Yanks to come up here in the depression to be bully boys for whatever politician he needed at the time and was chest deep with the mob and prohibition. Senior here did the same tricks with some of his shops and the first mill when they tried to unionize.”

“Sounds like them.”

He sighs. “They’re a bad lot Angel they operate on a whole different set of rules to the rest of us. Be careful around that boy, he’s dangerous.”

“You know something?”

“All the Marshall’s are but when they’re his age they are so full of themselves, so full of all their stuff Angel they get crazy, and they either get through it and old and mean like Senior is now or they self-destruct. There’s a lot of obituaries in that family Angel liked they’re cursed or something best not be too close when they blow.”

He looked toward Adam’s house. “Betting that’s what happened there.”

I nod. “Sounds like it from the news.”

I text Carmen. [Got your back, we’re not going to let him hurt you.]

[Thanks, god I was hoping they’d get him.]

[They still might.]

[I’m scared Angel.]

[HE WON’T HURT YOU I PROMISE.]

[TY I don’t deserve your friendship.]

[Yes, you do and you will always will.]

We sign off after trading some stickers between us with feeling and stuff and Jimmy helps me unload and I hug him. “What do I owe you?”

“Nothing Angel.”

“The van doesn’t run on water Jimmy.”

He sighs. “Ten dollars and that’s bending my arm.”

I give him a twenty. “Tip and coffee money.”

“Angel.”

I give him a hug. “Shush don’t insult me okay.”

I really do love the look he gives me that sort of moved old fellow mixed with a grandfatherly expression and he nods and gives me another squeeze before he goes and I wave as he leaves and I head in the house and the bikes for Billy and Davey are gone from the yard but Dad and Uncle Mitch are home and I look around and there’s no one in the house and I sigh at the shape of the place and I look around at things and the fridge and other stuff and I run the hot water and take two bags of deer meat from the old deep freezer and nuke them on high from frozen in a ceramic bowl.

Deer’s fatty in a different way than beef so I want it to render as it cooks and defrosts, it’ll do both it’s in there for forty minutes on high.

I get mom’s big pot and I toss in some bacon from the fridge chopped really rough and fast and then three onions rough chopped, garlic powder, a can of pickled jalapenos dad likely had for tacos and I let that all pop and sizzle in the bacon fat and I peel potatoes and carrots and dig through the freezers until I find some frozen turnip and I see some chunked up frozen celery and green peppers too so I take those out too then I add some soy sauce to the pot, chili powder, bay leaves and dried rosemary and some hot water from the tap. Then two cans of dad’s dark beer and then the veggies and the deer meat after I drain the fat away from it and I turn it all up full blast and I grind a lot of black pepper into it.

And just for flavors a few glugs of steak sauce.

Once it hits a boil I turn it down to simmer.

I whip up a fast biscuit dough and half I set aside, bread dough after that and let it rise. The other half of the biscuits go in the over and then I break out the paper towels and cleaning stuff and go over the house and open windows and dust.

Hey I know they’re all grown men.

But sometimes a woman’s touch...and they’re all my grown men.

Cleaning is fast, with just me going over the basics and it’s not that long or hard if you just do it and before long it’s clean and fresh and lemon pledged and I tackle the laundry which is barely needed to be done but I change the bedding.

I swear guys don’t change their sheets nearly enough.

I’m done and everything is washing and the biscuits are done and the stew is just starting that cooking smell and really it didn’t take an hour and I make three big mugs of coffee and take some of the doughnuts and head out to the garage.

Dad’s there and he’s working on someone’s car and I can deeply smell that heavy resin smell of a vehicle in the painting booth.

Well it’s not really a booth but a sort of tent of heavy plastic tarping that rolls down from a part of the ceiling like a four sided blind that seals off the dust and dad has blowers and heat lamps in there to dry paint jobs he’s done.

We’ve never been a body shop but Dad loved to touch up the paint for folks on tractors or dozers getting them looking close to new or just sprucing them up with stuff.

Uncle Mitch is in the office and it looks cleaned up and organized moth than ever and he’s on the computer there and I see a flat screen on the wall now and there’s a CB and police band radio in there too.

Actually it’s been awhile since I’ve been here and there’s a bunch of changes too in the shop and all around. More first extinguishers here and there and everywhere really plus there’s a lot of get to it projects done like some of the shelving units are all up and filled with parts and then there’s the tools all fixed and really, really organized. I mean we weren’t slobs but this looks like it’s been really gone over...oh...I see a whole section of stuff for bikes and some are even fixed up and put together and there’s a few of those spare parts art projects too like dad’s bucket seat chairs and other stuff.

Billy and Davey must have been chipping in and helping and I think Davey’s a carpenter.

It looks good in here.

I mist up a little because Mom...Mom would have loved to see the garage looking like this. Though all of this gives me a really cool idea too, I’ll have to talk to Josie...

I take a drink of my coffee before setting it down and sticking my fingers in my mouth to whistle loudly.

Dad and Uncle Mitch look up and Dad stops what he’s doing and wipes off his hands and both come over.

“I come bearing coffee and homemade doughnuts.”

He and Uncle Mitch dig in eating and making appreciative noises as they do and Dad looks at me after he scarfed like two of them down.

“Any word on things from your end?”

“Adam texted Carmen and said he wants to talk to her tonight so as of last I heard he’s not under arrest.”

Uncle Mitch shakes his head. “Nope as far as I’ve heard though they did catch his dad with a lot of stuff and it looks like he’s getting pinned for the stuff with the girls.”

I look at him. “The blackmail and credit card thing?”

He nods. “Chatter I heard that Adam-two was behind it all and not only was he into the credit card thing but he had made these girls into prostitutes for him and had been for a while and was running drugs.”

“Drugs, Carmen sort of mentioned that someone in Adam’s crew had a hoof up and mike thought one of them might be dealing but like what?”

Uncle Mitch makes a face. “Meth, and good meth too something called Black ice, it’s pretty potent stuff too higher than average grade.”

I nod. “This is so Adam-three I just…he brought in the bikers and then there’s Brooklynn’s brothers being all hooked up into this as well.”

Uncle Mitch looked at me. “One of them got arrested yesterday when Rayne found the guys that hit our van and there was a whole thing with them and the police and the cops that I think started all of this but I saw a big baggy of stuff that looked like it might be that Black ice stuff.”

Dad asks. “How do you know it’s Adam and not his father?”

“Because of the biker’s dad. Adam pulled the strings to bring them here about Mike and I bet that it’s him behind all of this.”

They’re both nodding and Dad asks. “What about Carmen?”

I shrug. “I mean she might testify but will it do any good? I need to talk to Booby first and see what’s going on.”

Uncle Mitch says. “The prosecutor’s going to go for Adam-two because he’s older and this dirt could lead to other dirt as it is right now it’s sort of bad for her to go after Adam-three because he’s seventeen and even if he’s that guilty he with his family’s connections and power he’d be out really fast because it’s hard to figure a seventeen year old is anything but being led by his father.”

I take another drink of coffee and sigh. “I was so hoping that there would be an easy way out of this.”

Dad shook his head. “Even if it was Adam-three then he’s taken some hits with the bikers gone and the drugs cleaned up there’s only so much he’ll be able to do after losing so much and they’ll still be watching him and Adam-Senior-Senior.”

I actually chuckle at that a little bit and he gives me a look. “Okay something was funny?”

“Girl geek moment.”

Dad looks like he doesn’t get it and the same with Uncle Mitch and they’re like older and I’m not sure they’d have gotten a Kim Possible reference. (There’s a villain called Senor Senior-Senior.)

I look at them. “So Adam’s going to be less than Adam after this for a while and he might be trying to cover his tracks with Carmen and have her do something like say he’s not the one doing all of this.”

Uncle Mitch nods. “He’s likely doing that and he’s not eighteen so there’s that.”

I take another drink of my coffee. “So we just have to see what’s going on with him and Carmen and we plan things from there.”

Dad sighs and still takes another doughnut and says. “Unfortunately yeah it’s what we’re left with for now.”

I sigh but smile at both of them. “But he is hit, or they’re hit which means that we scored something on the Marshalls.”

They’re nodding and Dad says. “We keep carrying on, carrying on.”

He nods and I slowly finish my coffee looking around some more and Dad and Uncle Mitch kill the rest of the doughnuts like it’s the only meal that they’ve had today or rather like guys do so much of the time.

Dad looks at me. “So just here bearing gifts?”

“Actually I wanted to go over the thoughts and stuff for Fall-fair because I have stuff getting delivered to the house and was wondering if you had time to go over the ideas I had some more and maybe we could swing over to the park and get some stuff set up?”

Dad nods. “I can take a break.”

I look. “How much left do you have to do?”

“Probably a lot.”

I look at the clock and it’s still early yet in the day since all of this has been going on in the morning and stuff and it’s not even noon yet.

“Give me a few and I’ll go in and check on the stew and stuff and I’ll be right out and help.”

“Stew?” Dad asks.

“Yeah I made some deer stew for you guys and there’s biscuits that are ready to come out and I tidied up a little too.”

Dad looks at me. “Angel you’re not the maid.”

I grin. “Place needed a woman’s touch, besides it would’ve made mom happy.”

I gesture around. “And so would this…the shop looks cooler Dad, better than ever actually.”

He grins. “Yeah Billy and Davey tinker in their spare time and there’s plans for more too.”

“Tell me when I get back.”

I kiss him on the cheek and I head back inside the house and the biscuits are almost done and I stir the stew up and taste by the time I do that I take the biscuits out and I pan the bread and put it in the oven and set the timer for that and then I go and put the laundry in the dryers.

Everything pretty much done I head out to the garage again and get changed into some overalls and tuck my hair up under a trucking ball cap and go over to help Dad.

I wear gloves too because of well my nails and getting stuff all over me but it actually feels good in a familiar way to get in there and do something like this and a lot of what I’m doing is just stripping parts. I’m just taking things apart on this part of what’s wrong so Dad can actually fix the engine which through pistons by the look of things and he’s welding the axle while I’m doing all of this since I’m freeing him up from having to take the time for doing things and stripping things and getting things apart is a pretty big job and when I’m done I look everything over.

Then take the parts that just need cleaning and drop them into our cleaning tub and get that started.

That’s literally this environmentally safe detergent powder along the lines of the oxi-clean sort of stuff and then hot water and it’s will literally start foaming and then I carefully load it all into this washer that’s a steam pressure washer and I open the bottom and put in the large gel brick that’s this oil eating enzyme that goes in the rinse.

It’s kind of like a steam dishwasher and we even have to have a separate septic like tank just for the garage but it’s sealed and it’s a serious deal and we have above ground tanks for other fluids that get professional disposal of.

But one the stream washer’s going I slip out to the house and stir the stew some more and take the bread out now that it’s done and I take it out of the pans and everything and then cover it all on the cupboard with a few cup towels.

I go back out to the garage and help some more as Dad and Uncle Mitch are doing stuff now with both of them on the same thing and I look at the in-sheets and grab the next set of keys and drive in the next car and start on it.

Dad gets these regular jobs every now and then because he’s cheap and I look things over and drive the car to the lift posts and get her up off her feet and there’s a bent tie rod in the passenger’s side and they’ve been driving on it for too long.

I go looking for the part first and find a spare and then grab the tools and take off the tire and then get the bent one off use the air tools as much as I can because it’s faster and that’s important as much as doing quality work is.

I get the new one on after I scrub and clear things around the tire and everything and then pop the new rod in and then look at the sheet and Dad wants the tires looked at and rotated if the need be and they needed to be since the wobble was causing rubbing not bad wear but they needed done.

That was actually more work than the changing of the tie rod end and when I’m done I yank over the shop-vac and I clean the cars inside. That’s a trick I learned from Mom because if you can vacuum and not have to bend down you can do a better job.

I take a clear garbage bag and anything loose I find that’s not definite garbage goes in there and once I’m done I grab the Armorall and a shammy and clean the inside.

You’d be amazed at how many folks don’t clean the inside of their vehicles.

I do that because I always do that it used to be my job since being a kid and it was something Mom had me do too so it’s a quick clean and a vacuuming and then now a shot of Febreeze and a car freshener.

I pull the car out to the done side of the yard and hold the keys up for Dad and Uncle Mitch to see and they’re grinning and so am I as I take the Keys and clip them to the clip board for their job and set it in on the office.

While Dad’s finishing his set up work on the engine that threw the rods I help Uncle Mitch change out a set of brakes and clean another car and then we’re pretty much done to where Dad wants to stop and he goes over and he hugs me.

“That was awesome honey thanks for your help.”

“It was fun I haven’t done that kind of stuff for a while. I’m glad that I got a chance to do it.”

“You’re welcome to pop over more when you’re not doing other stuff.”

I hug him back, I think he missed this. “We’ll see I’ve got a lot going on and some of that will be school after the new year I’m hoping.”

“Me too actually kiddo, You’re really talented and you have a head for business too.”

I lean on him. “Well I’ve had some ideas actually for here but I still got the Fall Fair stuff to do or get started on today.”

Dad nods letting me go. “Well we’ll get started on that stuff and we’ll head over just let’s get some things and then we can get cleaned up.”

I grin. “Sounds good I’m going to get my things too and check in on the stew…and Dad?’

“Yeah honey?”

“You guys should get a used set of washers and stuff in here for like all of the work clothes.”

He nods. “Not a bad idea actually, I’ll think about it.”

I get out of the overalls and head to the house and check on the stew and it’s actually pretty much done and perfect all it needs is the dumplings.

That’s the biscuit dough I saved from before. I roll it out fast and I pour some steak sauce on it and then I shake out some onion flakes and just a little bit of dried thyme and I roll it back up and then I just kneed it into a rough lump and then a long roll and I just cut off bits the size of licorice nibs like the candies and toss them into the stew and give it all a big stir and turn it off.

The bits are all small so they’ll cook from the heat of the stew and in just a few minutes really and the starch off of them will thicken everything and the baking powder in the dough will make them all go puffy inside.

I get all my bags together as I see Dad and Uncle Mitch closing up the garage but loading tools and things together to take with us and I stir the stew one more time and then I go and I head to Mom’s room and go looking for some of our photo albums and once I find the ones I want I take some careful picture of the pictures that I want and head back downstairs and grab the laundry and take it to the living room and give everything a fold.

I’m doing that when Dad and Uncle Mitch come in and they’re sniffing the air like they never ate the doughnuts that they did.

Dad kisses my cheek and I motion to the pot. “Stew’s done.”

We actually all stop to eat before getting ready and locking up after I’d done the dishes and dad drives me home.

It’s still really sort of odd going from what’s always been my home to where I’m actually living now and it does feel like home.

There’s lumber and supplies in front of the garage and piled beside it but along the edge of the driveway are the bales of hay.

It’s mid-afternoon and I head inside with my things and I see Molly who’s working and ask. “Anything new?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing yet. But Mike texted and said there’s a few kids missing that were part of the Adamtourage and Adam’s still a no show at school.”

“Where’s Carmen?”

“Working, she needed to do more than sit here and watch all the stuff going on and everything online or on TV.”

“People talking online?”

“Oh yeah the Marshall online war is so on, they have a lot of supporters but there’s a lot of haters coming out of the woodwork with everything that’s going on. I think the Marshall’s are pulling weight with Facebook because there’s a lot of that fake name account banning going on whenever there’s some significant Marshall bashing going on.”

“The Marshall’s have sway over Facebook?”

“Anyone with the right cash can have sway with Facebook, the community standards are bullshit and Zuckerberg will do what he wants. And I imagine he’d take Marshall money.”

“Really I’d think he’d be worth too much to care?”

Molly shrugged. “Guy’s a douche with what’s allowed to flourish and not get banned on his Website and that just smells dirty to me.”

I head down to the basement and Carmen’s listening to classical music and it sounds like something that she might have danced to when she was back into dance and there’s a lot of clothing items out and some hanging and some are in process of being cut and sewn and the washer and dryer are going.

I go over to where she’s sewing and sit in one of the chairs.

It’s a few minutes before she looks over at me.

Her eyes are red from crying.

“Hey…”

She looks at me and she’s doing that tough girl I don’t want to cry thing.

“I’m okay.”

You don’t look okay.

“I am it’s just the shakes.”

“Which means that you’re not okay.”

“Angel…”

“Carmen…it’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m not scared I’m upset why didn’t they take him too!”

“Because he’s framed his dad we think and even if the cops think he’s in on stuff Adam’s seventeen and no one wants to think any kid is that crazy.”

“He is, seriously Angel I’ve seen him in action he gets off on pain.”

“I know.”

“No you really don’t, I was there I was part of the clique and one of the party girls and I fell for it I seen him push people I’ve seen the reach they have even him. He has this whole network of people that he knows will do him favors because he’s like a fucking Lannister.”

“If he’s a Lannister then he’s Geoffrey.”

She makes a face like in between laughing and crying and I move over and I hug her.

“We will get through this, I swear we will get through this Carmen, we’re family.”

She sniffles-sobs. “But my family is shit I don’t know how to be family…”

“You might have noticed that there’s a lot of us with bad families in this house.”

“Not you?”

“No and I’m really lucky in that.”

She nods. “Yeah you are they’re pretty great.”

I pull back so I can look at her and still hold her. “We will get through this, we will Adam will go down if not for this then he’ll get sloppy thinking that people will be done looking after the thing with his dad.”

She’s nodding. “I’m just so tired of this Angel, I’m tired and I’m strung out.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“No…it’s just bad usually trying to get clean but this just spiked my anxiety and that made me want to use extra bad.”

“You used that much?”

She shakes through a sigh. “Truth is I’ve always used since I was like twelve.”

“What?”

“Mom…her and the pressure to be super thin and super pretty I started using laxatives and there was also diet pills and other stuff to numb that all out…fuck I know my mom does drugs too so she can stay thin even though she’s not hirable according to the industry and there’s a lot of top flight dancing that’s the same as modeling with all the thinness.”

I hug her and I listen to her talk about all the stuff her mom put her through and how she couldn’t really have friends like us because we’d drag her down according to her mother.

Diet, spend, over achieve…and social climbing.

She says. “Getting into Adam’s crowd was actually perfect for me. Mom finally shut the fuck up for a while at least on some of it and she just let me be at least for the first year then she kept pressuring me to fuck him.”

“She did what!?”

Carmen shakes her head. “No…not literally but she made no bones about how connected Adam was and that maybe if I was a whole lot nice to him that I’d get a contract or he’d pull some strings.”

“And you did this all the way up until you met up with us.”

“Sort of…I was fucking Adam for a while and I used everything he sent my way and I did it in exchange for him being scary enough in his social way to keep mom literally off my back….but while I was still in his entourage I was just a flavor of the month…that’s all any of us ever are is flavors of the month….he talks a good game and if you don’t know him he can be charming even vulnerable.”

“Vulnerable?” I can’t help but to raise an eyebrow.

“Abusive family stuff that he uses to make himself look like the misunderstood beast from Beauty and the Beast.”

I nod a few times. “And then the nice things for a bit and then the credit card where he has you all sign to cover the legal stuff.”

Carmen nods. “So that if we’re ever stopped or asked about the cards they will be ours.”

“And they really are you’re just scammed into signing them under a company contract.”

She nods. “And it’s so easy to get in deep…Starbucks three times a day, minutes on your phone, junk food, just all these things that it gets so easy to spend money on once you’re used to blowing that much money…not even counting clothes or jewelry I was spending an easy forty bucks a day more…way more if I was taking out cash advances for drugs or a weekend was happening.”

I look at her. “Bobby will get you off the hook for that. How much did you owe him?”

“Over thirty thousand…that’s the last time he showed me the bill and that’s for three years and that’s when he had me…I mean my folks seem rich but we’re not. Most of our cash is in the house and the cars are leases and The Marshall’s own the dealership they’re from and our Mortgage is through banks I’ve seen Adam go to…and not like just go to he literally doesn’t make appointments he’ll just walk to whoever’s office and they’ll make time.”

I mean it’s stuff that I know, but it’s literally different hearing it from her first hand.

The fear she has of him is real.

“Angel my father works for them at Blue-gill fishery he can be dropped just like that and where’s he going to find work? He’s almost fifty…and Mom she won’t and can’t work she doesn’t have a clue and if something happens she’ll split and…and I’m not the only one he’s got like this…All of us are fucked if he is…he told us that.”

I hold her. “We’ll get through this, nothing is perfect his con will start falling apart sometime, somehow, somewhere, we’ll find a thread to pull and it’ll all unravel.”

I hear Dad and he’s there with a tall glass of orange juice and he passes her the glass and it smells better than our usual frozen stuff. “Angel’s right kiddo he’ll fuck up and he’ll get his ass nailed to the wall…here.”

She looks at it. “Orange juice?”

“V.C.O.J.” Dad decodes that for our blank looks. “Viet Cong Orange Juice.”

We’re both like. “What?”

“When the military vets come home and their hooked on pain meds or worse they have a rough time especially coming off of stuff. This helps, orange juice usually helps with stuff like heroin and all of that but this is for the shakes my cousin John taught me this one time when I was staying with him and he was helping a friend.”

Carmen drinks it and makes a face. “Tastes funny…okay but funny, really sweet.”

I ask. “What’s in it?’

“Frozen orange juice melted down in a pot and heated and you add a few shots of lemon juice and some honey, it has to be honey sugar won’t fight the shakes in the same way.”

Carmen drinks some more of it and makes a face. “It’s strong.”

Dad smiles. “It’s meant to be.”

She makes another face looking at the glass. “Heroin addict juice…lovely.”

He shrugs. “Best I can do other than a good burger.”

“Burger?”

“Yeah the right hit of protein to fat hits the craving centers john said and it kinda fools the brain into that whole sated thing not a cure but just one of those things that’ll take another edge off.”

Carmen finishes the juice. “So I get jonesing and I best hit Burger king and Orange Julius?”

Dad nods. “Actually yeah….not a cure but it’s something.”

She goes over and she hugs him. “It’s support Remy and it’s more than I’ve ever really gotten before.”

He hugs her back. “Right so I’m going to go and get burgers for everyone then.”

He’s grinning but he’s serious too and I go over and hug him. “Thanks Dad we can go do the Fall Fair Stuff tomorrow.”

“Deal, I’ll pick you up.”

He squeezes us both and then he heads upstairs and I lean on Carmen and watch him go.

She sighs. “Angel don’t take this the wrong way but if I was twenty years older…”

I laugh. “And not in a relationship.”

She nods. “And not in a relationship. Seriously your Dad he’s good people, Jason’s good people.”

I look at her. “You didn’t really know Jason.”

She shrugs. “There were a lot of bitches in my old crew and still are and Jason’s a guy and guys can usually hurt a girl when they lash out and we’re easy targets for assholes and handy shields too. Jason for all the shit we put him through he never gave up, but he never lashed out either and he never turned him getting bullied on someone he could bully like younger kids.”

“It didn’t help him though.”

She shrugs. “Nope…and…neither did I or a lot of people who should have tried to get Adam to stop years ago. The one thing I can do and I will do for Jason is to help you out.” She holds up this sequined pink camisole top and it has this fringe of well reddish-pink fringe but like really fine strands but like shiny too. “And part of that is to make you look amazing. Here go put this on.”

I grin and smile as she seems like she’s feeling better some at least and I take the top and go change and that kind of requires me to go braless and without enhancement and my bust is there…it’s smallish but it’s there and the line of fringe draws the eye right to my breasts.

It’s ridiculously thin and slinky and spaghetti strapped and the fringe is making eye attracting movement. I shimmy and the effect in pretty awesome…oh…I shimmy and there’s some jiggle…my boobs moved more than my torso did.

That’s actually making me really happy.

“C’mon out and let me see.”

I come out and can’t help but shimmy. “Look it sights in my boobies.”

Carmen laughs. “Kinda the point, it’s an old dancing trick used a lot in Latin dancing with women to attract attention.”

“Oh cool so you do know a lot about dancing.”

“Dancing I like, Mom was never into the street stuff from home just the fancy stuff but I liked it. I mean one of the cool things for reals about my family is that we had a lot of dancers in it. I looked stuff up in the attic one time and then looked up some of the rest like where they lived and what they danced and all of that.”

I look at her. “What is the deal with your mom?”

“She’s black.”

“Okay and?”

“Black Latinos are really looked down on back home. Like it’s really, really racist down there and Mom grew up in a shitty barrio and went from being hated to being picked by some company to be a model and that became more modeling from her early tweens to her thirties she was pretty much super privileged except for the stuff that still drives her to never go back to any of those places.”

“Okay I can get that.”

“Yeah well while I get it too I’m also so far removed from it and so is she that we’re never going back there, even if we lose everything and end up on welfare we won’t go back to where she’s from.”

“Still it’s hard to get clear of phobias and other deep fears.”

“Mom’s not that scared, if she was she’d help others she just wants the famous style she got way too used to.”

“Well you’re not her meal ticket.”

She nods and heads to the bench. “Damned right, I don’t know where I’m going but…”

I break into a song riff. “But I sure know where I’ve been.”

Carmen’s looking at me and I’m gesturing for her to join me in singing and she rolls her eyes and she’s blushing.

I keep singing.

“Hanging on the promises….on the songs of yesterday.”
“I’ve made up my mind...I ain’t wasting no more time…”

“Here I go again.”

And I croon out strongly channeling how Luba would do this as a cover and… “Here I go Again….!”

“Though I keep search for an answer...I never seem to find what I’m looking for.”
“Oh Lord I pray…”
“You give me the strength to carry on….!”

“Cause I know what it means!”
“To walk alone the lonely street of dreams!”

Carmen rolls her eyes again but she drops the thing in her hands and she closes her eyes as she belts out the chorus with me.

“Here I go again on my own!”
“Going down the only road I’ve ever know!”
“Like a drifter I was born to walk alone!”

“An I’ve made up my mind…”
“I ain’t wasting no more time…”
“Cause here I go again!”

We both crack up and it feels good to laugh and Carmen’s covering her face and she’s really blushing now. “Oh my gawd you’re such a doofus Angel!”

I laugh at that too. “Totes guilty as charged, you’ve seen me dance remember.”

That makes her laugh some more even and then she’s hugging me tight right out of the blue.

“You really are an Angel you know that right? I mean no one besides Molly even tries to get me and make me feel better.”

I hug her and hold her tight even. “I can’t help it; I guess I’m just wired more to caring than other stuff.”

She nods and gives me a long look that’s a little like intense but not like “Old Carmen” intense but like girl with girl intense and then she breaks it and sighs. “If we knew each other before Rayne and Molly…yikes.”

I blush. “Carmen…”

She says. “No, no…I’m cool with stuff Angel I’m just saying a girl could y’know.”

I’m still blushing. “Well technically a girl did…”

She picks up the thing she had. “I know like Rayne, seriously she’s like top shelf level of hot.”

“I know, I so totally know.”

“Molly had the biggest crush on her which she’s told me about in like detail so I don’t get freaked out when someone eventually tells me and then there’s you.”

“Me?”

“Oh yeah Molly’s like got this huge torch for you too.”

“What!?”

“Oh no like don’t worry she’s also like kinda in like hero or like heroine worship of you too.”

“What!?”

Carmen’s laughing. “Like I said don’t worry about it she’s got this totes geekette anime crush on you.”

“Huh?”

“Angel Sempai!”

My mind flashes to all the animes that I have seen and stuff.

And Molly and just… “Really?”

Carmen cackles. “Actually not that bad but she does think you’re the shit and she’s gone from crushing on Rayne to shipping you two.”

I grin. “So what’s she call us?”

“Angelfish.”

It’s my time to laugh out loud and she looks at me. “Okay she gets it, Kim gets it and you get it what am I missing?”

I sit on the folding table; it’s one of those steel and rubber maid things so it’s pretty tough and will hold me. “Rayne often used to get Rainbow, I think it’s a leftover pet name from the whole Summer thing and at one point Rayne had said ‘Don’t call me that, anything but that.’ And then it was either Kim or Brook but Rainbow became Trout.”

Carmen looks at me like I’m crazy then says. “You nerds are freaking weird.”

I’m laughing until she has me try on this western style tassled white denim jacket and I think it might be a theme today but it’s seriously cute and. “I’m so wearing this for Fall Fair.”

“It’s actually what I made it for. I mean we don’t do the country thing and all but it’s still the Fall Fair and there’s like that kinda crowd so I figured we might win a few folks over with a sort of family and country friendly sort of look plus you can do some of those songs from the video at the shelter and people will like that too.”

“Great ideas, I’m planning a mix of our stuff and some serious Ontariocana and Canandiana for the show.”

Carmen looks at me. “What…? I swear you speak a different language at times.”

I grin and take the jacket off and go change out of the cool top. “Ontariocana is the music flavor of Ontario. And by that I mean not what’s playing in Toronto but the things that you hear all the time in parties and the radios and stuff, Canadiana’s the same but we’re looking at like more of our stuff with like things that we love and some of our national talent.”

She’s staring at me. “Angel I got like half of that.”

I laugh. “No you got like all of it.”

“Okay, okay but it’s all old stuff.”

“And people like classic rock; they expect classic rock especially since it’s a thing for carnivals.”

“Yeah and there’s going to be a stage and lots of bands that could play the oldies.”

I come out changed. “True but this actually mixed with our own shows we’re versatile, we get old and cool tunes and that we play Canadiana.”

Carmen looks at me. “So why’s that so important?”

“Fairs get people covering them, and playing Canadiana will be really friendly for people who like Canadian rock and it looks good for the media and it gives us linked presence with Canada and that can lead to all sort of cool things.”

“Like what?”

“Like getting a gig for Canada Day.”

“That’s next summer.”

“Exactly, and that’s my point we will get known to be good with playing that kind of stuff. And we’ll have our own things too and it looks good for CRTC stuff too.”

“The army?”

“No…they’re the Canadian content people that want so much Canadian Content on TV and Radio.”

“Okay, so we’re trying to be good to get on TV?”

“Anything Carmen, people do take notice of this, notice of bands like us if we’re for one…good enough…two easy and good to work with…three because we actually fill or fit a need.”

She shakes her head. “Okay, I’m just going to leave the business side of things to you.”

“And I’ll leave Wardrobe and Make-up and Choreography to you.”

Carmen grins at me. “I respect your respect of my professional abilities.”

I grin back and I can hear Dad’s truck pulling in and some others and we both head upstairs and Dad’s coming in with a bunch of pop flats for like when it comes in cases of twenty four and there’s cling-film or Saran-wrap over it that’s puffed out some and cloudy because of the steam from the food.

Kim and Brook are coming in too and actually head upstairs to get changed and then Mike’s arriving as I’m grabbing things from the kitchen like salt, pepper, ketchup, paper towels and Rayne’s the last one in and we all sort of camp out in the living room as Dad breaks the plastic wrap and the smell of Lucky’s burgers and fries and kick butt onions rings explodes into the living room and we all dig in.

Well after some coughs to interrupt Rayne and I from kissing and sitting on the end of the couch and leaning on each other face to face and getting pretty serious in the kisses and touching each other.

There’s a lot there too, Dad spent some serious money in feeding all of us.

“There’s a lot here Dad, you really went all out.”

“Well you’re my kids, all of you are my kids and besides you helped earn that today kiddo.”

He passes Carmen a burger with her name written on the foils package and she smiles hugely and she’s blushing too. “Thanks Remy seriously thanks, and the orange juice too it helped a lot.”

She stood and leaned over enough to kiss him on the cheek and then she sits right beside Molly who gets a special order of “Donair onion rings for Molly.”

Lucky’s doesn’t make donairs and that mush have meant that Dad went to Greco pizza and got some donair meat and sauce because her rings are drenched in the sauce and then covered in the donair meat.

Donair is Gyro meat or called Kebab sometimes in places. The sauce is a cooked down mixture of garlic, vinegar, canned milk and canned dessert milk or baking milk like the super condensed and sweetened kind.

She stares at him and says quietly. “How’d you know?”

Dad just says casually as he’s passing out food. “You mentioned it last week on your Facebook.”

“You read my Facebook posts….?” She’s string at him.

“Uhm…yes, because you’re one of my girls and I have all of you on my newsfeeds.”

“I…No one…My family…No one…”

Carmen is unwrapping her burger with pure lust. “Well no hon, computer machines and the interwebs be the devil.”

We all kind of laugh at that and it’s only kind of because Molly’s so moved by Dad just actually paying attention.

Carmen does look like her burger is helping too, and not just the look she had when she was biting in to it but she just looks like a bit better.

And Dad knew, he knew and he made this run not even for all of us but I know that he made it for her.

And he knows that she’s going through withdrawal and he’s not judging her.

We seriously eat and as we’re getting down to the last bites I get up and start setting things up for us and to rehearse for tonight’s gig and we play through the songs for tonight while Carmen crashed downstairs for a recovery nap with Molly.

After rehersal it’s cleaning up and packing things away and then we start getting ready for the show with showers and hair and outfits.

Tonight’s the heavy and hard night so I’m rocking the lace-up bustier corset shirt with the red satin and the black lace that looks like it’s from either the old west or like a burlesque style and I’m wearing my silicone girls tonight and I have a band tee- over it with the bright pink and my hair’s waiting on being fixed at The Pine Tree but I’m sporting pink temporary dyed tips and some bangles.

We’re all sort of done in the same way a cross between glam-girl-power and old girl band rock like The Runaways.

We head out and we’re met as we’re going by Billy and Davey who show up as we get about halfway there and they’re driving with us and I’m relieved since I have seen them since this whole thing with Adam and his old man started going down.

Actually not since they pulled away after Mike and I went to rescue Rayne.

We get to The Pine Tree and there’s a crowd out in front of the doors as we get there and I’m still kind of blown away that there’s this many people here to see us and I know we have folks that are coming to every show but I’m still surprised at the new faces that keep showing up.

Josie is there waiting for us with her two new hires at the back of the place and we all start unloading and setting up and there’s handshakes and hugs too and Dad’s talking with Josie and there’s a glance at Carmen and Josie takes over the swag table and Dad is back and hanging with us and that’s not lost on any of us.

Hair and make-up with mine getting that punky sort of spiked look that’s like the cartoon version of myself and that’s sort a like a thing for me and then the eyes and lipstick and then the other girls and we head out on stage as people have been let in and the place is busy with tapas things being brought up and sold very fast.

I look around and I see Adam and he’s coming in and getting food with some girl I don’t know and she’s blonde and thin but she’s cold looking too. But really good looking like she could model and she’s as thin as one but just flawless in that almost inflicting anxiety on other girls way just by being there.

Designer clothes too, mini-leather jacket and a very expensive looking and pretty short dress and the shoes. I’m not fashion maven or whatever it’s called but those are Minolos.

I step back and over to Carmen. “Who’s she do you know?”

“That’s Helena I think, there was a rumor that Adam was courting her before I took off.”

“Courting?”

“Oh yeah she’s Helena Price and her family owns like from what I know a lot of stuff like south of the border but she’s not the usual girls that he goes with she’s one of those approved to breed with ones.”

“Oh…Well okay so not local.”

Carmen shakes her head. “Nope, but her being here means Adam’s pretty confident that he’s not going to jail.”

“Yeah figured that out so he’s likely here to secure your side of what you’ll say and what you know.”

She swallows. “Yeah.”

I rub her back. “We’ll get through this, we will.”

I head out and Dad steps up beside her to take over and there’s cheers as we come out on stage and date or not Adam’s staring at me…staring at me a lot.

And what the heck…he’s one of the one’s cheering and whistling as I come up to the mic stand.