Jem…Chapter 42

Chapter 42

It takes a few minutes for me to get a hold of myself after Mike does that whole serenade to Brooklyn and I’ll admit it. I went all sniffly melty and girly about the whole thing. I mean…I guess that it does say things about me doesn’t it.

I slip out from behind Brooklyn and head to the kitchen. It’s weird too that I can see the shit that Mike had gone through to get her stuff and to do this for her and the thing is that I really don’t feel the slightest bit unmanly about me not doing that or having those wounds y’know I just don’t feel like un-macho-guy-shamed about it.

Honestly…The biggest thing I’m feeling is good for Mike and Brooklyn really needed this. I’m happy for her and I’m proud of my friend.

So are these girl thoughts?

Or am I just more grown up than I though?

Or is it when I’m Angel I just don’t think like Jason?

And y’know not that long ago that would have been something that would have drove me nuts by obsessing over that but just looking out into the living room it’s not the first thing that my mind jumps on it’s…

Rayne…

The stuff that Mike did…

Yeah, I’d do that for her in a heartbeat.

I get the food out and I set the table and Kim and Rayne come in with a smile on their faces and they help get all the extras ready.

I look over to Rayne. “You think Brooklyn’ll be able to play tonight?”

“Yeah, I think she’ll be fired up for it honestly now that she’s got all this weight off of her.”

“Good I was just thinking that she might need some time.”

Kimmie snorts. “Oh she’s getting all the time she needs to recover and stuff.”

“Oh?”

She hikes a thumb towards the living room and I take a quick peak. They’re not there…

“Oh…”

Rayne chuckles and says. “Oh indeed.”

“So they’re?”

“Yep.”

“That’s a little fast isn’t it?”

“Yeah maybe but in the whole list of Brooks conquests and one night stands Mike’s so not like one of those guys…and after the whole thing with her stuff and her serenade she needs to have a guy like Mike show her that this is real and that there are guys like well…Mike out there.”

“Yeah but she knows that already.”

Rayne looks at me and there’s this hot, hot, hot sexy little smile there. “Ange, sometimes it’s a good thing to brave that physical relationship.”

I blush.

She smiles at me in that sexy and flirty way.

We don’t bother to hold on and wait for them to come down after y’know and we eat supper and talk about how good it was the thing that Mike did and stuff and then we get the leftovers put away and do the dishes and then start to get ready.

Mike’s downstairs by the time that we’re getting out of the kitchen with Brooklyn apparently having showered together and their packing up the stuff for the gig tonight and their doing those cute we’ve just been together in such a way touches.

I loved that part actually of after the time that Raven/Rayne and I had made love together.

I hop in the shower and get cleaned up and take my other things to get ready in my room. I check myself out once I’m there in the mirror, well in my room and I guess I could really look in there a long time trying to see just who’s there looking back…I mean if I wanted to go there but really I don’t but all the same I see Angel and Jason’s there it’s just Jason is under Angel.

And I’m less wigged out at it than I was. Understand it no, but I’m not going to get into that who am I stuff.

“Angel…Jase is just going to have to take the back seat for awhile.”

I start putting Angel back together and the thoughts are there about how much that I actually kind of enjoy the ritual of becoming Jem. Actually Jem’s kind of a different person than angel too really. I’m a lot more open even more in a different way as Jem. I think you have to have some very extroverted part of you to get up on stage and sing things that you love and even more so for the things that you’ve written.

I’m actually planning on going a bit all out tonight…I pink up my hair a bit more for the touch ups and I really might just get my hair done professionally with like some serious lightening and stuff before getting it died and stuff.

I get my knit-looked leggings on and a black mini skirt, I really should get a few more for on stage and maybe something in leather or faux leather? Next are getting my boobs ready and there is the thought that one of the best things about if I actually transitioned would be having boobs that I wouldn’t have to get put on.

Yeah I waste some time cupping and holding mine and looking in the mirror and trying the real deal out in my imagination. Even trying to picture just what the changes might be if I went there and had the whole hormone deal.

Honestly, I’m unsure if I could ever father kids as things go now and it really does depend on the way that my relationship goes with Rayne. I’m really in love with her and I’m still really conscious of how young I am and she is and life can…I know it can be short but it can turn on a dime and I do like girls…and I….

Shit I’m going there.

Do real transgendered people go through all these feelings and self identity crisis moments all the time too?

Maybe it’s just me and I’m crazy.

Grrr…Stupid brain.

I go over to my I-Pod and I crank some tunes getting myself ready and charged up for the gig and I take my time getting into my secret weapon tonight. I’ll say this much…girls go to a sporting goods store and buy yourselves a hockey lace tightener.

I make sure all of that’s ready and I slip on one of the band tee-shirts that I’ve kept for myself. It’s all kind’s of perfect with it being kinda longish and pink with the butterfly logo and the top is a scoop neck just right that I adjust it with that hanging off of one shoulder look…some glitter in the right places and then my stage make up, black shoes with a three inch heel and I’m ready…

I look really well like Jem…but like if the cartoon girl was a real person.

“Well, the whole Angel Benton heiress thing would have been nice considering I have the villain guy and the K&T Misfits.”

I head down and Rayne’s all Ravened out in her usual hot semi gothic flare and she’s wearing a black band shirt that’s been tore off? She must have done that but…she’s showing mid-drift…she…actually showing her mid-drift and while she’s not magazine tummy she’s damned good enough in my books.

“Wow…oh that is such a hot look on you.” I tell her and I slip over and give her a kiss and run my fingers teasingly back and forth over her exposed skin…she’s in her blacks and it makes her pale skin pop really and at the same time the fact that it’s a cut off T-shirt really shows off her breasts.

She kisses me back and it’s one of those french-oh-my-goddess-lesbian kisses…where she’s doing that thing with my tongue with hers only…only I take a page from the whole idea I had upstairs and slip into being Jem and I kiss her tight back like that.

We get really into it and I add a bit of just sort of swaying and dancing until we get coughed into joining the others in getting things set up.

We take off and head to the Pine Tree early and we start to set up and move things around…Mike really helps a lot with that too because we’re moving a decent amount of tables and chairs out of the way and actually down into the basement to make a dance floor.

Mr. Walker likes the Pine Tree brittle and he asks. “This is good and it’s something that I never thought of and I want the recipe.”

“Sure.”

“I want it to own.”

“Okay…”

“Come with me.”

That led to a small quick contract being done up between us that was basically me signing off my copyright on the recipe and rights of production for it. Honestly I was just messing around but I’m not going to turn down the three hundred dollars that he bought the recipe for.

I know something like a recipe can go for more sometimes but…one he asked me a couple of times what would be fair and I was more than willing then to give it to him but he explained the whole thing and we even googled buying recipes and stuff. Three hundred is a nice decent number for something I’m not going to be making a business out of.

So yeah I’m in a really good mood by the time the crowd starts to come in and we’re tuning and getting ready and stuff and talking over the playlists.

Oh Mr. Walker said it was okay to sell the T-shirts and he said he’d talk to me later about them too? I had them set up by the counter and the cash. The counter looks different too and the customers notice it too and instead of the café baked goods there all this snack stuff and finger foods set up and it actually looks more like a bar-café type of place that you’s get in a lot bigger and hipper city than just here in Harper Point.

The crowd is actually pretty big…and they’re still sort of getting situated out there when we turn things on and lower the lights and…there’s happy crowd shouts immediately.

I look at the girls and their all grinning and smiles and all energy…I can feel it like magic running from them into me all coming from the crowd.

I step up to the microphone. “Hey, Harper Point! Are you all ready to break out of that middle of the week blahs?”

There’s some more yells…some cheers… “Good, because we are definitely ready to play…and party…and dance…so let’s get this…”

And I segway into us….

*Get this party started.* By Pink and we took them totally by surprise with the bouncing hard core rock right off the bat. And I’m cutting loose or rather stepping into Jem just a little bit more…trying some dance moves in that kinda punk and hip-hop spazzy way.

Yeah I’m so doing the head thing and her shoulder thing she does in the video.

And right from that into *Love Shack!* by the B-52’s which is just and awesome fun song….and the crowd is dancing and really doing that bouncing stuff and singing along with us.

Mr. Walker looks both shocked and concerned. I can’t help but to grin even more at that.

*I want Candy.* by Bow-wow-wow is the next tune on our playlist keeping up the fun high energy party stuff.

*Walk like an Egyptian.* by the Bangles and another song that’s wired for sound and so sing along crowd pleasing that it still charges me up and it blows me away…I love this song I think I have loved it more and more because I get to get the crowd and the girls and the place vibrates with the “Oh-Wey-Oh!”

*Price Tag.* By Jessie J is next and that is a killer song and just to me one more girl that really just say to me that some of the very best female pop artists are from across the pond. Great to dance to on stage but there’s even this almost line dancing thing with the “Everybody look to the left…Everybody look to the right.” But not just that but it’s a perfect song sound wise and lyrically in feel to lead into…

*Soul sister* By Train and almost now one of our signature covers and I love microphone dancing with this and getting the crowd doing the Hey’s and it’s just got that line where they shout “left side brains!”

I’m so pumped at that I’m bouncing literally bouncing as the music is playing and the girls are singing the opening bits for… *Tubthumping.* By Chumbawamba…yes I know but it’s a good fun tune and just a great clubbing song too.

And that’s a perfect intro for us to play *All-Star* By Smashmouth and I let that lead us down into our break.

“Whoo…wow…now this is a Hump-day isn’t it!? Look we need to cool down…wet down…refuel and we’ll be right back in a few to crank it up into the whole late night party sounds.”

We break and it’s water on our way to the bathrooms out back and we’re not there that long or it doesn’t seem that long before we’re back out and I step to the side start funky dancing as Brooklyn comes up and she’s looking at Mike and she starts the guitar just….

Well she’s playing *Voodoo Child* By Jimmy Hendrix and she’s completely blowing the crowd away and I’m dancing up that whole groove for the era that it came out in and I pull off my tee-shirt and throw it out to the crown revealing my in a very pink and lace lacy trimmed push up corset that has me cinched and curved in a whole new way.

I’m so using the sweat damp hair thing to as I dance up to the microphone to sing the vocals.

Raven has this look that I love seeing there on her face and in her eyes mixed in with a nice little bit of surprise too.

And then she get’s really into it as we slide from that into *Whole Lotta Love.* By Led-Zeppelin but if you can picture Joan Jet doing it and the chorus is me and Raven singing at eat other in the microphone….and then there’s the drums…Kimmie can do Tom Sawyer on drums…and the really cool guitar stuff is Brooklyn and they’re getting to really shine as Raven and I dance to all of it, to each other and the crowd and it’s get’s to the whole point near the end and the crowd in chanting along with “Whole lotta love.”

*I need you tonight* By INXS is next and I sing it differently…more of INXS if the lead singer was Jessica Rabbit? Sultry…sexy…and leaning over and up against Raven as I’m singing…
“I need you tonight…”
“Cause I’m not sleepin…”
“There’s something about you girl.”
“That makes me sweat….” Yeah I draw that part out exactly like a club line…This song and the lyrics are so made for girl on girl hotness done right.

And Raven singing the bits back…almost sexy crying things out…

From that song we slip into a bunch of good hard rock girl band capable stuff…..

*Boots of Chinese Plastic.* By The Pretenders another song that’s good to rock out to let’s us take the sound up into lighter rock tunes.

*AC…DC….* By Joan Jett.

*I Love Rock and Roll* Another Joan Jett tune that just gets them dancing and let’s us rock things out.

Then… *Because I’m Awesome!* By the Dollyrots oh I truly love this band and really love doing their music.

There’s a pause for us belting back some more water on stage and then Kimmie starts in on the drums….*We Will Rock You* By Queen…it’s just one of those songs that gets the feet to stomp, the hands to clap and them to sing along as I’m belting it out and as great a song as it is it the blood pumping lead up to…

“Hey this is the last song of the show folks…a Starlight Butterfly original written by me and Brooklyn…” I look over to her and I start playing the guitar part as she steps up to the microphone and starts belting out the words with this kind of Alanis Morisette angry sound.

*Raise Your Fist.* By Starlight Butterfly.

“They wanna hold me down…!”
“Told Me I was…no good.”
“They wanna keep me down…!”
“Saying…Girl why can’t you be good?”

“But I’m a girl! I’m a woman!”
“I’m a lover and a fighter!”
“I’m a sister and a daughter…”
“But I’m not you fucking doormat!”

(Chorus.) “You son of a bitch!”
“We won’t take it anymore!”
“You don’t rule me!”
“You don’t control me!”
“You stone aged pig!”
“Sadistic creep!”
“You won’t keep me down!”
“You won’t keep us down!”
(Machine gun drum beats)
“We’re gonna get up…”
“Off of the floor…”
“Punch you in the face…”
“As we’re out of the door…”
(Pause 1,2,)
“I’m done talking shit…”
“Next time he thinks you’re his punching bag…”
“Raise your fist!”

“I hear you crying at night…”
“I know cause I’ve been there too.”
“You gotta get out and live…”
“Girl you gotta stop playing his games..”
“You gotta get out and run…”
“There’s no make-up that’ll cover the shame…”

(Chorus.)

“They wanna keep us down…”
“Beat us down, put a girl in her place.”
“They wanna control what we think.”
“Control what we say.”
“Control how we feel.”
“Control how we breed…”

(Chorus.)

“What give you the right?!”
“To treat us this way!”
“Always controlling, fucking hating…”
“What give’s you the right?!”
“To treat me this way!”
“Did I abuse you?”
“Try to hurt you?”

(Chorus X2)

I’m as carried away with the song as the girls are there’s a lot of the lines in this that aren’t just Brooklyn’s abuse but mine too and a lot for more people that we thought maybe and I’m just singing the chorus with the rest of the girls but by the time we’re getting to the last two chorus’s there’s a lot of girls there singing with us and being all very jagged little pill along with us.

I think we scared some of the guys that were there…some…really the angry lyrics for the song only apply if you’re a douchebag to women.

We’re just about done in by the time we’re done and there’s a lot of clapping and shouts and whistles and Brooklyn…not me…but one of the original girls is there on the stage…center stage taking her bows…getting the cheers.

Being shown she’s good enough.

Showing Summer she was wrong and can just go fuck off.

Then…

“Stay and play!”
“Stay and play!”
“Stay and play!”

I look at the girls and then to Mr. Walker who gives us the nod and they’re still chanting it and we’re still packed…

I look to the girls and we’re tired but not tired, sweaty and yet perfect…they want us still here…okay.

I strap on my guitar for the first time tonight and even with my back to the crowd I felt the actual impact of them cheering when I did that.

I wipe my hands and grip my guitar and turn around.