Jem…Chapter 56

Chapter 56

I get everything that I want to report typed up and I include some of the thoughts that I came up with as observations that I have made with the information I had and I put it all into a brown envelope and head downstairs.

It’s late, or really early in the morning just after three. Rayne’s up and doing stuff with out sites. Talking with our fans and she smiles at me. I go over and kiss her in front of the web camera and then look into it. “Sorry guys love you but I’m cooking a big supper today.”

I hear Rayne doing her little laugh. “Yeah guys the time’s right that’s just Jem. I guess we’re still working on adrenaline from everything tonight.”

Yeah…that’s us. I’d like to think that’s one of the reasons why we’re doing so well. We talk to our fans and everything. Real stuff, unplugged playing, no make up….kissing.

I smile and put the envelope up and away for now. I’ll get a ride later to send this to my handler. I kind of like that…The whole spy girl feel. Hell I’m helping get stuff on the Marshals, that’s an evil empire right?

I take out some things that I want to get ready and I get a big pot of water going and a smaller pot of water going. The first thing I do is get a can of chickpeas in the small pot. I then start peeling potatoes. I keep the peels without a lot of scars or damage or funky bits. I toss a few bay leaves in the big pot, then some peppercorns from the pepper mill, salt and then start peeling turnip, carrot and parsnips. I take some carrots and turnip and put it in the smaller pot. I’m making a stock in the big pot by tossing in the peelings and from the veggies. Not the potato skins though. Those are for breakfast.

Once the big pot is boiling a few minutes I turn it off the heat and skin out the skins and stuff. The smaller one I cook until the carrots and turnip is mushy. I let it go until there’s very little liquid in it then take that off the heat and set it aside.

A really good meal you try to build flavors especially with something like corned beef and cabbage. I take the turnip, the carrots and parsnips and lots of onions into the big pot of hot water with some garlic and leave it. The heat will start working on them but I’m not cooking them yet, I’m also not putting the potatoes in yet either. I actually put those in last you want the potatoes cooked but still fluffy when you break them with the fork.

Next is the meat, it’s a brisket basically but in a brine with spices. Mom always did this and that’s transfer this all into a roasting pan fat side up but only after a rolling in some flour and salt and pepper. The key is getting a crust on it and that’ll add flavors to the food. It’s a lot like making a stew.

Cabbages…well it wouldn’t be corned beef and cabbage without them right? I peel off the outer leaves. The really not so good ones go to the composte and the good ones I set aside, and then I take some of the ones that are on the tough side I dice and toss into the big pot of hot water.

I have an idea but it can wait until I go over town to Fed-ex my envelope off.

Bread…yeah more bread, we go through a lot of it and I enjoy making it. Really if you get good at it the sugars play with the yeasts, you mix and knead it a little and the rest is the oven. I do a little turn and add about an eighth of the flour as cake flour and in some warm water a bit of molasses in the water not to make a brown bread…okay yes brown bread it is or along with the white bread.

I grab some raisins and make coffee. Raisins get this really great flavor with them being re-plumped in coffee.

Brown bread…normal bread but with lots of molasses in it and Mom always did the coffee thing with the raisins and by the time the raisins were plumped the water’s cooled enough for the yeast.

Actually I’m making raisin bread now at this point and toast some flour just browning it in the oven on a plate and add some salt.

I mix the bread and add the raisins and let things rise.

I take it out of the bowl and use the salted toasted flour as the counter top flour for the raisin bread and drizzle some more molasses on it before kneading and folding it into itself. The bread picks up the toasted and salted flour sticks to the sugars and gives it this great flavor and texture.

I hope this turns out right, dad loves raisin bread. Oh toasted…with cream cheese icing like you’d put on hot cross buns…

I should be asleep, I should…but I want to get these things done first.

I head out of the kitchen with the stuff done and the bread raising I’m feeling it…tired and sore…my shoulder bruise is very there and I head over to the couch where Rayne’s at and step up onto it and grab the blanket before settling in behind her and wrap myself up. I don’t know if this happens to other people but once I’m at a certain point of being tired I get cold.

Rayne looks at me and signs off. “I’ve gotta go to work in a few hours, can I crash here with you?”

I open the blanket. “C’mon, I’d love the company.”

We curl up into the couch together blanket wrapped around us snuggled deeply into that warm place between your lovers touch and dreams before getting woken up by the sound of Kimmie drumming I can’t help but smile as she’d drumming out the beats for the tune from Hawaii 5-O.

That’s got a great feel to it or I’ve always felt so. Its seven thirty…oh three and a half hours of sleep….I’ve gotten less. I roll over and kiss Rayne softly and slowly she kisses me back before she even opens her eyes. “Stay here, I’ll make breakfast and get things ready.”

“Mmm…you don’t have to do all of these things.”

“I love doing these things for you and the girls.”

“I’d rather have you join me in the shower….” She slowly blinks her eyes at me.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

She gets up and she takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom and we kiss as we let the water heat up and we strip each other out of our clothes then head into the shower…I’m feeling kind of shy…I’m just not her ideal…my ideal self really.

She gets that and even though we’re still…really different and everything she’s still looking at me with those eyes. We just get cleaned up but it’s not just…washing, touching soaping each other it’s this whole other kind of intimacy…yes we both get turned on…but we don’t go beyond touches and kisses and eye contact.

We’re sort of maturing the Us I’d have to call it. But there are things that we do that I wouldn’t trade for the chance of sex and maybe it’s me being a girl or me being me but…personal contact…

We shampoo each other’s hair and her fingers lathering my scalp after the little sleep feels so good my eyes roll back in my head….the neck massage with soap that goes with it. And just having someone wash your back…is beyond good.

Doing our hair and brushing our teeth together…people my age honestly think about sex way too much, I do too even as confused as it is with me about just what I want or think I want but really…this, some of the other things has me thinking about the relationship, our future. Mornings like this, because it won’t be sex all the time or even most of it.

It’ll be this, it’ll be living.

I leave first and slip into the clothes I put on last night and go to make breakfast. I move some of the pots out of the way and grab the frying pans and some oil get that hot and toss in the potato skins, then sausage in another pan and I break that up, enough for a full pan then take the potato skins and put them in paper towels to drain and the same for the sausage that pan I grate an onion into and then toss the rest into the pan as soon as I see the onion browning and make hash with it all and the pan that had the potato skins in it I and grab some of the white bread dough and make rounds of the dough and fry them in the oil…there’s just something about fried bread dough.

I’m just plating when Mike comes in sniffing the air and Kim’s right behind him then Brooklyn who’s more than awake but smiling this little smile that shone a bit brighter in her eyes when she saw Mike.

I love seeing that look in her eyes; she deserves to have that look in her eyes.

Rayne comes in and I give her a smile and set out the food and she slips over as I set the pans in the sink and she kisses me and sets the coffee she made for me in my hands. You ever have someone just do something for you that makes your heart go pitter-patter even as small as a coffee and a kiss?

Oh yeah, pitter-patter.

“Sit honey, eat too.”

She’s not taking no for an answer as she guides me to my chair. And it’s a morning breakfast scene, talking about the gig, and website stuff and just nothing at all really. Mike eats a lot, way more than me but he’s a lot bigger me I guess I’d fit the skinny chick thing so that’s not a surprise. I do pig out on the fried bread dough though…I crack the crust with a knife and then butter it and lots of it. I like it dripping with this stuff and as the butter’s melting I put brown sugar on it and it’s just….

Oh if you’ve never had fried bread dough before it’s like a pancake had orgasmic sex with an English muffin. I eat like three of them just dripping and they go great with coffee. Everyone has different stuff on theirs like jam or jelly or peanut butter.

Still though other than noticing our various hurts it’s like the attack never happened and we have a family breakfast all together before Rayne takes off to work and the girls leave for detention. I’m hugged and kissed and Mike walks Brooklyn to her car and I walk to the van with Rayne.

“Have a good day.”

“It’s already a good day. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll have supper ready.”

“Angel, you don’t have too.”

“Dad wanted this and I’m his daughter…Cooking stuff like this, looking after him sometimes it comes with the deal.”

“Yeah…I wish that I could sometimes.”

“I know babe…” I give her a warm embrace and several long sweet kisses.

She sighs and she gets into the van. I stand on the runner board and kiss her again. “Hey…next Sunday we’re going to Winnipeg.”

“What!?”

“You know what cemetery right?”

“Y..yeah…”

“So no one just hangs around waiting for people to go, people barely go to them. We’ll go and we’ll see your Dad. It’s not that long a drive it we take the girls and we take turns.”

“Really?” (Sniffle.)

“Yes really.” I reach over and wipe her eyes before she can mess her make up. She leans out of the window and kisses me really hard and over and over again for several minutes. “I love you too…but you’re going to be late.”

“I’ll see you this afternoon….I love you Angel.”

I smile and step off from the van and sort of hug myself doing it. “I love You Too.”

God the smile she gives me and the look just.

Thump…goes my heart.

Not the thub-dub but a Thump…

Oh just wow…

I’m still holding myself and doing that sigh to myself as I watch her drive off and look over to see Mike doing sort of the same but with him he’s got his hands behind his back shoved into his back pockets.

We look at each other and we smile and then head inside. He looks at me. “So…?”

“So…dishes then get the supper on then I want you to do something for me.”

“Sure…what?”

“Start showing me how to fight.”

“Okay, but I’m not going to make this easy.”

“I’ve been beat on by assholes for no reason most of my life Mike, getting some while learning actually how to stay safer will be cake.”

Mike actually does the dishes while I get the corned beef out of the oven. I pull out some of the veggies from the big pot so I can put a rack in the bottom. I should have done that at the first. If you’re making anything like this them it’s a good idea it keeps things from sticking. The veggies first, then the potatoes then the meat and some more onions and some cabbages I’m using two medium ones and I add the mashed veggies that were blended and get it all boiling then I make a paste with the fat off the meat and some flour to thicken it when done. Once the whole thing’s boiling I turn it down to low and take lastly those big outer leaves and set them on top of the stuff in the pot instead of a lid.

This can go most of the day at a slow simmer and those leaves will let it reduce without some of the veggies that tend to float up from getting exposed to the air.

Okay…Mike leads me into the living room and he takes me and get’s me to stand and take a few swings at him and come at him like he’s Adam. He blocks every one or dodges them and shoves me on the couch about every third one for awhile before raising his hand.

“Okay, I’ve got an Idea of where you’re at. Ange you’ve got some decent instincts but crap for training.”

“I know that that’s why I asked you.”

“Would you just listen? Okay you’re a girl, transition or not you’re still a girl and you don’t have a lot for upper body strength. You’re small and we use that and we use the most powerful part of you that you have.”

“Huh?”

“You’re legs, when you throw a hard punch I want you to push your body into the punch.”

He moves me around and we practice at that until I think that we have it down or rather that Mike thinks I have it down. “Okay angel that’s good, this is your heavy punch right now you hit someone right with it and you’re going to hurt them.”

“Really, so what’s hit them right then.”

“I’ll show you this is where blocking and jabs comes into play.”

“Boxing?”

“Yes, you’re suited for it and no one will figure on you knowing it.”

“Girls don’t box.”

“Skinny, pretty girls don’t box.”

“Oh…” I blush and he rolls his eyes. “Never mind now here this is how you throw a jab.”

He’s teaching me that awhile and mixing it up with keeping my arms up in front of me.

“Guys will try to hit you ninety percent of the time in the face because you’re a girl; it’s a shock tactic so you block your face and your chest. A blow to the face or your head will stun you, body blows hit soft places that’ll take the wind out of you. Getting hit in the arms and the legs will hurt, they’ll bruise but unless he breaks a bone or really knows what he’s doing it won’t take you out of a fight.”

He’s then showing me where to jab, because it’s about getting into position and hitting him somewhere soft with the harder blow. Even blocking I can learn to hit him with a blow.

“You’re small too Angel dodging a hit is even better than blocking one. Keep those arms up, keep then tightly in and move, see the punch coming…”

He swings a training swing not really hard but enough to demonstrate. “Twist out of the way…right now back is better…okay feel that, you just built torque in your body you throw that into the next hit, even if it’s a jab it’ll get more force behind it.”

We do that for a bit and he’s slowly speeding things up and accuracy too he has me punching at his fingers as he’s trying to push me down.

See apparently if I punch a guys fingertips as he’s reaching for me it hurts like catching a ball wrong and by instinct he’ll recoil that hand and arm and Mike explains it’s a raw reaction that will leave me an opening more often than now, seventy percent of the time people yank their hands from something up and away…..opening his side up.

More on places to hit, he make’s me punch him in the nerve cluster until I hurt him…he dances away from my holding his side and hurting…he’s not satisfied until I’ve hurt him ten times…short ribs and kidneys…More dodging hit tries and punching at his tries to grab me.

We’re still into it when dad and Uncle Mitch show up. Take a break? No…Uncle Mitch steps in and he starts and he’s not as friendly or as slow paced as Mike’s been. I got him fingers once and part of me that’s aways fought back let loose and I do the twist and the push with my legs thing and I hit him in the face…

He took a few steps back…

He came right back at me as I was starting to apologize.

He’s really hard on me not just with pushes but he slaps me hard too. We go for a half hour after they got here and I’m hurt and bruised and welted and dripping with more sweat than I ever have had and I’m panting…I…I really get why fighters do all that endurance training.

Daddy stood by and watched me take my lumps but the few good moves I made and the hits I landed made him smile. “You need to work out more pumpkin…get more wind.”

I nod still gasping…I really feel sore and sticky and hurting but at the same time the way that feeling of accomplishment for getting through this is pretty great I can get how Brooklyn got into this and hooked up with Mike….I kind of wish Rayne was here I’m kind of feeling adrenal-kissy myself right now.

I hug the three of them. “Dad?”

“Yeah honey?”

“I need a drive into town to drop off something and get some others is that okay?”

“Sure I was going to get some things to for here.”

“I know a guy that’s got some stuff left over from a hotel remodel and he’s got some stuff for here that’s for free.”

“Cool we need all the stuff we can get. Don’t get me wrong dad there’s nothing wrong with second or third hand but even some stuff here is really on its last legs.”

I head up and shower and I can hear the lawnmower starting up and there’s a bang on the side of the house of an aluminum ladder and another sound. I get my things and am just wearing my hair loose and a plaid work shirt like it’s a jacket and a tee-shirt that’d be okay if it got wrecked and the same for the jeans.

We head off and I talk to Dad about the stuff that I think is going on with these kids and what Adam’s doing we think with the girls that he hooks up with. His knuckles tighten on the wheel a few times. “I’m not positive, but some of my friends have said that Adam had Mike investigated and that thing with the drug dealers at his last school saw some kids that were of age get some hard time. It looks like Adam reached back through them to find himself some beaters with a grudge on Mike.”

“But you know guys right you can get it called off right?”

“Mike got their blood in prison, there’s payback coming it’s in the code.”

“So what we just have to sit back and watch? Dad!”

“No…Adam crossed a line he threatened them to try and to keep them silent…payback’s one thing but the club is at nobody’s beck and call.”

“So that means?”

“I’m expecting a call.”

“Okay…and?”

“Your Uncle John’s pulling some strings.”

“Uncle John? I though he was living in the states?”

“Not anymore, he’s up in Edmonton.”

“Okay cool will he be coming for a visit?”

“He might he’s got a daughter that will be getting her surgery in Quebec.”

“Her surgery?”

“GRS the same as you when you’re ready.”

“Huh…what?”

“Your cousin James.”

“Yeah?”

“Her real name’s Jenna.”

“Oh…why didn’t you say anything?”

“Didn’t know until I was talking with him and that was after you moved out we were kind of busy.”

“So he’s going to help?”

“He knows people that can help.”

“Oh…well go Uncle John.”

We stop into Fed-Ex and I send off my envelope to RCMP Red Pines care of my handler same day delivery. I pay for it and keep my receipt I’ll get reimbursed for it later. Then we head off out of town to this place where Dad’s guy is at and we load the truck with stuff that’s left over but still actually new. Some carpet that looks really decent and it’s a nice neutral sandy shade that’ll be more than okay in the house and we get some free boxes of nails and a couple of big industrial things of paint that weren’t touched and there’s some old furniture there that was tossed out in the remodel. I get us four lamps and there’s these faux leather comfy lobby chairs and a really nice dresser kind of thing too that’ll actually be good for me because I really need another one.

We stop into ReStore, that’s this second hand hardware place on the way home and Dad gets some lumber there really on the cheap and a few other things and we stop into the grocery store on the way home and I get him to but Sunday’s roast…I’m doing a prime rib roast of beef tomorrow for the family Sunday dinner and I want it in hand now so that I can get it prepared. I also pick up some more potatoes and other things and Dad takes it all from me and he smiles and puts it all on his credit card.

“Dad…some of that stuff was for our place.”

“You’re my daughter I’m allowed to spoil you and my girls besides none of you still have that much free cash and the less you have to buy this way the more you can spend on other things.”

“Okay…Okay…”

I’m so not used to him spending this much money, especially not on me. But he actually looks happy doing it.

I bite my lip…. “Daddy?”

“Yes honey?”

“Can I ask something?”

“Yes, anything.”

“Could we afford breast implants?”

He stares at me…and stares… “Dad…?”

“Yeah…Uhm I mean yes we can but are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure when I’m going to transition and start hormones and Rayne…plus if I get into it sometime and my top get’s messed up I’m not sure if the breast forms will pass…or even hold up.”

“We’ll make an appointment but somewhere not close by.”

“No…definitely not. I don’t want any kind of surgery where the Marshals might hear about it.” The last thing I want is Adam around me while I’m out of it. Just eeew.

“But yes Angel we’ll get it done.”

“And Dad?”

“Yes Honey?”

“Thanks about…about getting all of this.”

“I told you honey, all that matters is you being happy. Will you be able to play afterwards?”

“I’ve read the recovery’s not too long about two weeks before anything really strenuous. But out of the hospital pretty fast though. It all depends on the swelling and stuff though.”

“So…what size?”

“I was thinking of maybe a B cup? Something really close to what I’m wearing now?”

“You start hormones those’ll get bigger.”

“Huh…yeah…well Mom wasn’t big breasted maybe I’ll be okay. Big boobs might be a pain?”

“You’ve got a random chance there honey, you’re Irish and we’ve got large busted girls in the family. You’re a bit behind in that respect once you start but…well you never know.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this kind of talk Dad.”

“If everything stayed the same Angel and you were born a girl…we’d still be having this conversation….just a few years faster.”

“That’s true.”

“So maybe a large A cup or small B cup to be safe?”

“Yeah…god Dad honestly…I really want this.”

“Yeah I figured…Rayne?”

“Some…we showered this morning together and she’s good with things but I was feeling the lack of….I just sort of felt lacking…not girly enough…”

“Angel…you’re pouting and fretting over how you and your S.O. feel about your breasts and you’ve checked your make up like ten times here and back…you’re girly enough sweetie.”

I seriously blush at that. “Dad….” I never noticed and you just get into the habit y’know He kind of chuckles all the way back to the house.

We get into the house and I’m seriously stiff and sore so I get the groceries. Mike’s got the lawn mowed and all the weeds trimmed and things raked up. There’s a plywood box built beside the garage that he’s painted green that wasn’t there before.

“Hey, what’s that?”

“Your composte bin you wanted one right?”

“Yeah I wanted to try a garden sometime.”

“I know Brooklyn said, show me where to dig and stuff and we can get started.”

“I was going to wait until next year with this being the fall and stuff.”

“Okay, still need the box though right?”

“Oh definitely and maybe….” I do the cute girl stance, y’know when we want something.

“Maybe….?” he raises an eyebrow.”

“Maybe a garbage box at the end of the lane.”

“Okay.” He shrugs.

“Okay?”

“Yeah it’ll keep the animals out of it and stuff but you’re painting it.”

“Sure, is that dry?”

“It’ll be dry in an hour, why?”

“I want to decorate that and the garbage box.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I’m a girl and we like things pretty.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep!….Thanks Mikey.” I kiss his cheek and he blushes and mutters.

“It’s Mike not Michael, not Mikey…”(Mutter, grumble.) He keeps it up all the way around the house to where Dad and uncle Mitch is.

I put stuff away and check on supper and then put in the first of the bread and that’s the rolls because the guys’ll have some for dinner. I set my timer and my watch and then take the roaster and I put the beef roast in it and I stab some holes in it with a butcher knife then twist the knife and pour into the open holes a mixture of the left over coffee from this morning and a bit of steak sauce. Then I push in some bits of garlic, thyme, and some rosemary chopped up…not a lot of each I want it to blend more than anything but I also put some wedges of onion in there and then cover the whole thing up and put it in the deepfreeze. Yeah it’ll freeze but I’ll take it out to thaw overnight and that’ll save kitchen space and mix the flavors more with the freezing and thawing.

The first rolls are done, those out seconds in. I go do laundry. I can smell paint and hears dad’s compressor going. I get some cold drinks and Mike’s using a grinder with a wire brush to peel off the old paint and Dad’s already got one side of the house painted in a coat of paint or Uncle Mitch did and their working on the second coat. Nothing fancy or stand out the same kind of white that it was before just it’s not pealing off now. I figure it’s been twenty years since this place got painted.

The guys take their drinks tanking me and I watch, there’s nothing like using real power tools to do the job right. Dad’s painting and Uncle Mitch passes me a pry bar. “Let’s get to work on the stuff out back huh.”

“Sure just let me get the rolls out and some more stuff in.”

I switch out some of the baking and butter a roll for each of us and get some gloves and set the timer and my watch and head out back.

We go over the back fence first and pull a few boards that are iffy but mostly it’s good. He does get a few 2X4’s and he drives then into the ground by the old posts so it doesn’t wobble anymore. That’s good I like the security of a sturdy back fence and it’s a good fence really when it was built height wise it’s about a good six feet high.

“This’ll be great in the summer for relaxing.”

“Not moving back huh?”

“No…I mean it’s way sooner than I though to be leaving home but this is my place…I’m Angel…I’m at home here.”

“Mike’s staying he can have your room?”

“Yeah I want him to have it.”

“Thanks, I’ve hauled him around too much.”

“Yeah he said he was getting sick of it.”

“Yeah…” He’s got that I could’ve done better look going and I step up and hug him.

“Mike’s a really great guy Uncle Mitch he’d not be that kind of guy without you being one too.”

He blushes like Mike….for an older guy he’s really sort of cute too. I’m really certain I’m Bi or Pan now…It’s like when I stopped pretending to be Jase anymore the way I was mentally avoiding this stuff went away.

He does put a pair of the longest 2X4’s together with some spikes and puts it in the far corner of the fence it’s taller than the others even after he’s driven it in and spiked it in place eight feet high or so.

“I figured you’d like to have a clothesline?”

I squee and hug him.

He actually smiles and send me inside to cook and Dad comes in and we move the furniture in…and well move the other stuff in the girls rooms so we can put down the carpet…actually that’s a lot of work….and the slave drive makes me do it.

He puts up some shelves in Brooklyn’s room, Mine and Kimmie’s and Rayne’s…Rayne’s room he builds a bookshelf…or assembles it. It’s office furniture styled but still about seven feet tall and four feet wide…she’s got tons of books actually. The dresser I was going to take we end up putting in here too.

She tossed most of her stuff in boxes and totes after she couldn’t stay in their old room anymore and hasn’t had time to really get this stuff done.

I’m up and down between baking and Dad’s taken a lot of time with this, on this. The carpet’s down and he’s putting the bed together when she comes in.

“Angel did you see what the Mike and Mitch were doing….” She stops dead in her track and her hand went to her mouth and too her face… “Oh…oh shit…Remy…this…You didn’t have to….” (Happy sob.)

Dad stands up and hugs her and after this morning she hangs on and cries into his chest some and then Hugs him tight. “Thank you Remy…I’m so fucking glad you’re in my life…”

I see Dad get that choked up look too. “You’re one of my girls, no matter what Rayne your family.”

She’s all sniffly and so am I…My Dad…I’m so proud that he’s My Dad y’know…just everything…and he really could’ve gone a whole other way with this…but he didn’t…he never even thought twice about loving me, or taking the girls into his heart.

Then Rayne looks at me and you ever have that person you’re falling for stare at you still red eyed and wet cheeked from crying and they still catch your heart?

Runny make-up, teary and yet she’s just so beautiful because she’s shining in that way only she can shine really.

Oh yeah….

Thump.