Jem… Chapter 98

Chapter 98

 

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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 98
 

I let out a ragged and shaky breath and the place is quiet, it’s really quiet and I look up and there’s people staring at me and there’s a lot of tears in the eyes of people too and I can see some pain there on a few faces.

Some of the staff…Brooklyn, Dad’s. Mr. Walkers…..

He’s the one that talks first.

(Cough) “Angel…could you please play that again?”

I nod and take a breath and look at Brooklyn who nods at me that it’s okay and she gives me this slightly broken hearted look though and she leans into Mike and says or asks him something and he holds her really, really tight.

I sing but I almost lose it when I see Daddy looking up and talking to the ceiling…

*And now continuing…………

I choke a little on the start of the song while watching Daddy…I’m no lip reader but I’m pretty sure that I saw him mouth. “Our little girl…” in what he was saying to her.

And it’s me actually seeing Daddy talking to mom.

And you know that they do it. I mean people talk to those they lost especially to pictures and to graves and like I said you just kind of know that people do these kinds of thing.

But seeing your Daddy slip off to a little bit of private and look up towards heaven and talk to you’re mom…your mum…and you can see how much he loves her.

How no matter what this is real to him.

That she’s still there.

I’m swallowing this big sobby lump in my throat as I start back in on the chords of the song and there’s tears running down my face as I start playing it all over again.

*Mother’s song* By Angel for Starlight Butterfly.

Precious child…
I still have you in my heart.
I my dreams…
In my soul.

Baby mine…
I missed you today.
I missed your laugh.
I missed your touch.

Our time was too short before you went away.
Sometimes I hold my breath and hug the pain.
So many times they say it’d just be easier…
To say, you weren’t mine and just a dream.

Mommy loves you…
I always will.

(Chorus) My sweet love…My precious child.
You are my love.
You are my love.
Bunny child, velveteen heart.
What I feel…It makes you real
Real to me…
And Mommy loves you…I always will.

Baby mine…
I missed you today.
I missed that smile…
That I could feel.

Precious child…
You’re still my heart to me.
You’re still my hope, you’re still my love.

(Chorus)

Our time was too short before you went away.
Sometimes I hold my breath and hug the pain.
So many times they say it’d just be easier…
To say, you weren’t mine and just a dream.

(Chorus X2)

Like I said Brooklyn looks still really shaken up and is getting held tight by Mike and I see Mr. Walker there with his phone in his hand and it’s just being held like it’s on speaker and there’s this look on his face too

I could not have kept this song out of my head after talking to that fellow with cancer about *Oncology*

It just sort of drove home to me first.

Losing a child…there’s a few songs for that but not really enough…I mean I love *Tears in Heaven* By Eric Clapton and *Nothing Compares to You* By Sinead O’Connor they come up sort of right off the bat for songs like that but I wanted something too.

Something Starlight Butterfly and something that talks about the loss and is for everyone…Like the women who miscarry a child to the Trans-moms that are stealth and never have the chance and even the ones that won’t have kids because we can’t.

Trans or Cis it doesn’t matter if you can’t have a child it doesn’t mean you never wanted them…to have them.

It doesn’t mean that cry you might hear or the burbling giggle isn’t real to us.

I finish up playing and I unplug and set the guitar in its case and I look up to see Mr. Walker there and he offers me his hand. I take it and shake it and he’s guy-close to having tears and when he speaks his voice is husky.

“Thank you Angel, My wife and I…we we’ve never been able to have our own and we’ve had several miscarriages trying. That song, it meant a lot to her.”

“I…Uhm…You’re welcome…god you’re really welcome.”

I can’t help it I’m a girl and seeing him like this and as close as we sort of are with all of this and all the advice that he’s given me I end up hugging him.

(Sniffle.) “Y’know with all the help…and all of the advice that you’ve given us and me…you’d have been really great at it.”

I’m almost crying when I feel his arms tighten back in the hug and he does that guy-not-going to cry suck of air.

“Thanks…Thanks Angel…It’s good to hear that…”

“It’s true.”

I breathe a little and we part from the hug and I go over to sit with Rayne who slips her arm around my waist and pulls me close to her on the booth seat and I bite my lip because the was a little skinny girl with a strong girlfriend bit of yay for me.

Then she leans over and takes my chin in her hand gentle and leans over and she kisses me really deeply and really passionately.

Over and over and better and better because one arm is still circled around me, the other gently and romantically touching my face and her amazing breasts pressed into me with us being so close and locked together.

We break the kiss and a happy little semi-kiss-blissed sigh slides out of me.

“You keep doing it; you keep doing these amazing things that just make me fall in love with you so much more.” And she’s doing it with that really soulful stare she has and her hair is loose in this sexy tumble.

It’s scary and good and maybe a little crazy at how good this makes me feel. How important it is that I feel this small and loved and delicate and protected.

It’s sexy as hell feeling protected like this.

And honestly being “The Girl” or whatever you want to call where I am in this relationship more than rocks it just kind of speaks to me. I love taking care of people sure but there’s nothing like leaning on Rayne and semi snuggled to her to make me feel sooo…Me.

We take our time after the whole emotional release of all of this stuff that just went on with the whole after show part of things. It’s getting the cash put together and Mr. Walker getting our checks and then packing the rest of the stuff we have to put away and heading out to the vehicles.

I look at Molly and smile. “More than you bargained for tonight?”

“Yeah, so much more…I’m still kind of shaking.”

“Shaking?”

“Yeah, the new SLB is millions of light years different than the old one and then there’s all this stuff that you girls do. I mean from seeing the behind the scenes stuff to you girls being so transparent with the videos and the stuff that you let us fans see about you girls and stuff.”

I hug her. “You going to be alright?”

Molly laughs a little. “Alright? I’ve never been to a show like this and the video stuff and that phone call and then you making that song on the spot…Angel…I was actually there, there when you wrote something and it being something like that!”

I grin a little. “Good thing?”

“Good!?” She hugs me. “This was like being there when you’re favorite band wrote one of their really great songs! Fans don’t get to have that kind of chance…it was amazing…”

Molly ends it with a wistful sigh.

I pass her one of the little brown pay envelopes Mr. Walker uses.

“What’s this?’

“Your share of the tips.”

“Whaaa….?”

“Molly you’re or web designer our Techno-magic-maiden you get paid too.”

“But…but…”

“Rayne’s taken stop asking her to look at your butt.”

She blushes a deep red.

“I didn’t do much…”

“But you did you helped and you will.”

“How…how do you know?”

“Because…you already helped us before and it was a thing that had no other motive that doing the right thing Molly. It’s why I hired you.”

“You…it is?”

“Heart and hard work to me trumps fancy toys and good grades and stuff…I know that you’ll put your all into this.”

(Sniffle.) “I…I’m not used to someone having…”

“Faith in you?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

“Well I just kind of have a different business model than some people.”

“Angel…” She hugs me pretty tight.

“C’mon we’ll give you a drive home.”

“But I don’t live in your guy’s way.”

“Its staff gas, and you’re staff we can write this off as fuel for the gig.”

“Really…you’re into doing stuff like that?”

“That and more, SLB’s going to be completely above board and doing things right by people while we’re at it.”

She wipes her eyes. “As…as long as I’m not putting you guys out or anything.”

“Nope, not for a second.”

“Okay…” Molly smiles and it’s way more cute than the punk gothy image she tries to keep up.

We take Molly home first and she’s clutching her stuff and the pay envelope like it’s a really big deal and the van is cold. But we didn’t have to drive too far. It’s not like Harper’s point is this huge city.

Her place though is kind of what I expected. One of those kind of close to the bus route older homes that’s been made into those cheaper apartments. It’s what she can afford since she obviously doesn’t live at home. Or if this is the family home it’s that we’re broke too and have to rent here.

There’s a whole lot of people that just live like this as best they can with not a lot.

I’ll ask her sometime when she’s not so skittish around us.

She waves us off and we wave back and we wait until she unlocks her door and goes inside. Believe it or not there are people that might show you one place and let you leave so they don’t let you know that they live in worse.

I’m actually kind of relieved that this wasn’t the case.

But our house as messed up and old as it is has been fixed up and is a lot less…third world Ontario than this.

There’s unfortunately a lot of the Third World in Canada.

I sigh and cuddle into my jacket some more.

I’m kind of more than welcome for the van’s heater blowing on me as we head home. I get cold sometimes after I go through something really emotional and I’m not sure if that’s a girl thing or that I’m just so skinny but it’s been that way as long as I can really remember.

I was never one of those kids that could go around in the fall with just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

But it’s funny though how much I can wear a skirt or a dress without it being too cold.

Then again I’m finding myself a sucker for leggings and stockings.

The guys follow us on the bikes and we all pull into the house and there’s a different vibe in the air as we’re getting unpacked.

Something’s up and Dad and Uncle Mitch seem like they notice it too coming from Billy and Davey and then there’s Mike. He’s still sort of sticking close to Brooklyn and she still sort of looks upset too.

But Mike he looks tenser than usual like there’s something going on and he was sort of talking at length with the guys.

Something Adam related?

We unpack and Mike’s talking to Brooklyn and they spend a few minutes murmuring to each other and then kissing long a slow and sweetly before she heads upstairs.

I look at him. “Hey is she going to be okay?”

He sighs. “I don’t know she said that she’d tell us later. She just needs some space to regroup she said.”

“Uhm okay…So what’s up with you and the guys.”

“Adam’s escalated stuff there’s more guys in town and it might get dicey. But there’s also stuff they found out that I’m supposed to pass to you once I get it packaged and look into a few things.”

“Mike…” I do that drawn out saying of his name.

“Okay we’ll talk about it but I actually do need to put these things together so you can hand them off to your contact.”

“You think it’ll make a case?’

“From what I hear no, unless they can get someone in Adam’s group to roll then it’s just bad stuff that sort of points to him.”

“Why do I think I’m not going to like hearing about any of this?”

“You won’t, I didn’t.”

“Great…just great.”

He nods but there’s a frown there.

“You going to be able to do this?”

“Tomorrow Angel. Brook’s pretty messed up tonight.”

“I noticed, what happened?”

“Something to do with your new song, it seemed to hit her then.”

“Should I go talk to her?”

He smiles and looks upstairs. “No, I mean it’s Brooklyn we kind of have this together thing…no offense.”

I raise my hands. “No, no I actually get that. Rayne and I are actually getting there since the fight.”

“Good, you two deserve it.”

I look at him and tilt my head.

“I go to your school Angel, people still talk.”

I shrug. “What are they saying?”

“It’s mostly talking about how you were treated; no one want’s to be JP’ed.”

“Great, nice to be so popular.”

“Actually you…Jason sort of was kind of popular with the geek crowd.”

“I wasn’t actually popular anywhere. It’s like being a dead artist. I’m popular since I’m gone.”

“Okay there is that.”

“And Adam’s?”

“Running his court like a lazy lion, mostly everyone’s scared on him or they have stuff that has to do with him. It makes sense really with what I’ve seen and heard hinted at school and stuff.”

“Oh?”

“There’s a lot of very odd dating going on there.”

“Okay…?”

“With a lot of Adam’s harem-slash-entourage.”

“Oh like he’s telling them?”

“Or worse.”

“I…” Okay I know he’s an asshole, a violent sociopath but running a sex trade thing? No…No I’ve lived with him and his bullshit and violence for years.

“Actually I can see worse.”

Mike nods. “It very well could be. But I’ll have to check my tapes and stuff to see if I scored any more information.”

“You can do that tomorrow?”

“Oh yeah your school has shit for security.”

“I know otherwise someone might actually stop Adam and his bunch from being their asshat selves.”

“I can get them easy enough.”

“Okay, I’ll go over with them with you.”

He nods and I think for a few moments. “Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you see Carmen Wilson around?”

“Yeah she’s one of Adam’s cardies.”

“I know but she’s been to some of my shows and was even around when Rayne and I were busking once.”

“Okay…”

“She’s tipped us pretty heavy. Like a hundred dollars heavy once.”

“Why?”

“Maybe you should ask her?”

“And if she’s working for Adam?”

“Yeah…honestly I just have this feeling.”

“A feeling?”

I look at him and shrug with my hands in my pockets. “Yeah, kind of like women’s intuition.”

He raises an eyebrow and I shoot him a look. He has the smarts or whatever to actually look sort of embarrassed. “Sorry Angel.”

“It’s okay I’m still wondering if anything like that could apply to me. But…Carmen is one of the first card-girls and I don’t know…Adam’s a supreme piece of trash y’know and if I had to endure his shit for that long I might actually hate him enough to do something like little digs…use his money against him.”

“And supporting you is…”

“The better off we are the less Adam can lean on us and be the using douche that he is. And I’m Jase’s cousin that’s not exactly a secret or the fact that Adam had dad put him in his place at Lucky’s and he’s banned from there.”

He chews on that for awhile. “Okay…I’ll give her a look and feel her out and see if she looks like she might not exactly be under his thumb or if she’s trying to be a plant.”

“Just be careful, it’s still Adam and he’s not going to play nice when it comes to you Mike. He knows he can’t beat you in a straight up fight so he’s going to fight dirty. He hasn’t forgotten a single slight that you’ve done him.”

“I know and as much a narcissist as he is they stuff I have done’s like ten times worse in his own head.”

“Yeah exactly.” I give him a hug and he hugs me back and even kisses me on the cheek.

“I’m going to go up and see to Brooklyn okay?”

“Yes totally…if there’s anything that I can do just knock on our door.”

“Our….?”

“Rayne’s moving in with me.”

“You two ready for that?”

“Working on it.” I smile and shrug. It’s the truth we’ve done stuff, we’re doing stuff and trying things buy right now honestly she and I as much as we’re in love we’re still a work in progress.

Mike heads upstairs and I check on stuff with the computers and Dad’s watching me. I’m loading the stuff from tonight and I look at him. “You okay Dad?”

“You’re asking me that?”

I smile and nod. “Actually yeah.”

“No…I’m scared for you honey. This is getting to be serious shit.”

“I know but right now we have some advantages.”

“Like?”

“Adam see’s me and us as girls, we’re beneath him and we’re not really a threat.”

“No…okay there’s that but it makes you prime prey.”

“I know.”

“You’re not scared?”

“Sort of…more for you guys and the girls than me.”

“Angel…”

“Dad…I’ve taken his abuse before.”

“I’m not worried about him so much as the bikers, they’re not playing by the rules.”

“Adam changes the rules, he’s a Marshal that’s what they do.”

“Well it’s going to get bad, you don’t buck the club rulings.”

Billy’s in the doorway. “Unless the chapter voted on it.”

I look at him quizzically.

“The local club, if they can make serious cash around here then they’ll change their minds and vote the action in.”

“But Mike?”

“I nephewed him in but I’m not local anymore, they’d rescind it to make a deal.”

“So…?” I ask him.

“All bets are off, you’re all fair game maybe.”

“Maybe?” Dad asks.

“Right now Davey and I through a beating on them and a shit-scare.”

I look at him. “But there’s just two of you?”

“Yeah but I’ve my own charter home and if it get’s real they’re thinking I might call in my crew.”

Dad… “And what would that be?”

“We’d call them out over hooking up and laying the honor of the club in front of junior.”

I look at him. “Billy?”

“We’d fight, it’d be fast and bloody and depending on how far it’d go we might bring other chapters in and burn the cut.”

“Burn the cut?”

Billy fingers his black leather vest. “Our colors, each chapter and biker club has them and when you burn a cut totally it’s like a scorched earth thing. It dies, that’d mean Spokes would be no more…ever.”

Dad’s shaking his head. He knows other members of Spokes, it’s been the biker gang around here ever since there ever was one. “And no one want’s that.”

“Which is why they’re really weighing their options. See Mike is still part of this because these guys are the guys him and Mitch arrested for dealing. Well not the actual two they’re doing serious money in Kingston but the rest…these guys are the one’s caught up in the arrests. The fact they can get a piece of them both is really enticing.”

I look at Billy. “Even if they’re RCMP?”

“Yeah even…and even if it blows back there’ll be a guy that’ll fall on his sword and take all the heat.”

“But you guys told Mike stuff.”

“Yeah and that’s cause I nephew him in, it’s his business.”

Davey looks pointedly at me. “And yours is yours.”

I nod.

This, this I get.

They can’t by the code say shit to me. It’s ratting, and Mike well he’s like a prospect so they can tell him. But they can’t by the code know that he will tell me. They can think they know but unless they actually know then it doesn’t cross the center line.

“Got it guys.”

They nod and Billy comes in and leans down and kisses my cheek.

“We got this.”

I nod.

So do I guys…I’m not going to just sit on my hands.

Dad get’s up and he hugs me really tight and so does Uncle Mitch and I walk them to the door and we share more hugs and I watch them leave and pull off.

Sigh…wow I feel like I’m thirty right about now and I close the door and lock up and head back to the living room and start to edit and put some stuff up.

Wow…my *Mother’s Song* Where it went out live streaming is on a few other peoples You Tube’s and Facebook’s of fans and being shared to us before I have it actually up.

And the after show stuff, the phone call and stuff with *Oncology* is doing the same and It sounds kind of moneyish but…we do have the donation to the cancer society set up through I-tunes as a percentage so I comment, let them know that and where they can get the download of the song at.

Rayne settles in behind me all freshly showered and she starts to rub and kiss my neck.

“Intense night.”

“More than, there was…there is more.”

I lean back into her breasts and her body heat and her fingers.

“Biker stuff?”

“Yeah…”

“I figured with the guys having those rides tonight.”

“It’s getting serious again.”

“Like before with Mike?”

“That and more, there’s more bikers and Mike’s not protected anymore.”

“What do we do?”

I lean into her and she wraps her arms around me. I sigh…. “I make a distraction for them and Adam.”

“What…Angel that’s dangerous.”

“It’s all dangerous from this point out Rayne.”

“Why’s it got to be you? Why can’t they handle it?”

“They can…I just need them to look the other way.”

“How? What can we do that they’ll give a shit about.”

“Jason.”

Rayne turns me around to look me in the eyes. “Angel…”

“Let’s go to bed and I’ll tell you there.”

She stares at me and she bites her lip and nods. I get up and pull her to her feet and take her buy the hands up to our room.

I’m tired and if we’re going to talk this out, I want to do it holding her.