Jem…Chapter 89

Chapter 89.

 

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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 88
 

*Summer…………

“I wanna love you, but I better not touch” Me singing… “don't touch” The girls.
“I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop”
“I wanna kiss you, but I want it too much” …“too much” The girls again.
“I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous poison….”

It’s actually the end of the song and yeah we’re doing a cover but we’re actually rehearsing and it’s coming together pretty good actually. And it’s a freaking Sunday morning too so who’d have thought that either.

No….we’re not church people.

Hanna’s really talented all around too musically but her violin oddly adds this more of a sort of credibility to our shit…..like depth or something. She’s worked out the notes to play it sorry of soft and dangerous sexy at the start of this and we’re actually opening though with this hiss-rattle idea of the stand whisk on the cymbals.

No I’ve no idea what drummers call it but they use this thing with stiff metal wires like a whisk kind of this to make this tickled effect from the cymbals. So there’s this snakey hiss drum thing going to violin and me slow singing the opening before we get into the rest of the song and then getting the girls to chime in like Alice’s band does but in that more all girl way.

It’s a cover but a whole different way of covering it.

We go from that into *Helter Skelter.* By The Beatles but I’m doing it the way that Dana Fuchs does it with her band like in that movie… Across the Universe.

I really like her stuff too it’s actually a singer that Rayne had introduced me to when we were together and she just stuck with me.

Hey the relationship was what it was and it even had some good points.

Actually it had a lot of good points to it.

Shit…

I hate it when I get this way.

I try to get Rayne out of my thoughts again and instead I focus on Hanna. She looks smoking today in that Loli way again it’s a look she can pull off and she thinks that pulling rehearsal in band gear is a good idea.

Actually again not a bad idea since it does give us a chance to go over our looks and make things a little tighter but also it does kind of put me into the mindset of doing more than just messing around.

She’s wearing these knit looking white leggings and a red tartan school girl shirt but she has this white ruffled top blouse number on with the ruffle sleeves and matching lace gloves and she’s got red accents to her make up and a black ribbon styled tie thing going on but she’s set that off with a black leather captains cap she had and black army boots.

Very dirty-Loli-biker-school girl….

I’ve sort of thought those looks were kinda cute and stuff but on her it really works with this almost brit hot thing going on even if she’s not and it fits with Muzz’s new look.

I can’t help but to watch her dance and move and those leggings keep going up and up to her short skirt and I really want to have her upstairs and on the bed with something slow and sexy playing while I kneel down between her little thighs.

Make love to those small perky breasts…..make her say my name, sing it and have her cum so hard her stomach rolls as she’s panting like a belly dancer.

Mmmm…

We finish off that last bit and we stop for the morning and we go and break things up and get changed and the guys are going over things with the gear maintenance wise and me I’m heading to get a shower.

Hanna follows behind me and I sway as I walk, she’s a little lesbian girl and we like watching a great ass just as much as the guys do. And if I’m not getting any yet I want her to ache for me.

Once we’re in my room I notice her doing that hungry bite her lip thing from one of my mirrors and yeah she’s watching me. Good, I want her to watch me. I turn on my stereo and set in one of my mixes that have some sweet tunes for the whole soft romantic stuff.

*Don’t know why.* By Norah Jones is the first song playing on there she’s a singer that’s honestly really sweet sounding and soft and breathily romantic.

Audio panty dampener really.

I slowly get undressed taking my time and the very first thing is I take the pins holding my hairstyle in place out so I get the whole hanging drape of hair effect going from now and then.

Hey it works for me, I don’t know how many girls that have sexy long hair that have made me want to brush it back and stuff from it falling in their face when they’re doing something.

The slow unzip of my skirt, the unbuttoning of my blouse but leaving it on open and then switching to sitting at my vanity and carefully and slowly taking off my thigh highs and then just sitting there my head back a little as I sing along with Norah and I unhook my bra.

Blouse or shirt just teasing my nipples and her vision as they get so hard and pointy from the shirt and the anticipation.

I think I can hear the change in her breathing. “I’m going to just relax here some Hanna if you want the shower first?”

“I’m…ah..uhm…okay…”

She’s getting some of her clothes and I’m looking at her doing the sorta sleepy relaxing lazy look and she’s looking at me, staring at me and my body. Licking her lips in that cute nervous way.

She heads to the bathroom but stops in the doorway. “Summer?”

“Yeah…”

“You really are beautiful.” She blushes some and she’s sort of hiding in the bathroom shyly using the doorway as cover.

“I’m…thanks…it’s nice to hear that from…from someone that might actually mean it more than what I usually get.”

She’s looking at me and stuff and then I get up and just sort of go to the bed and I’m trying for that lazy sort of glide and slink before slipping onto the bed and laying down and rolling my back away from the bathroom door.

Being hurt works.

Being damaged works.

She must have gone into the shower because I can hear the water going and I smile to myself a little.

Vulnerable is safe.

I actually let go a little and doze with the music mostly because it’s just good music and I’m so not used to being up this early on a Sunday.

It actually felt very weird to be up that early it sort of makes the day seem stretched out. Not in a bad way though it’s just that I’m so not used to this.

And…I haven’t have a drink or anything to smoke today yet which could be throwing me off. I actually don’t drink that much and I do smoke weed and stuff but I’ve been trying to cut back on that simply because.

Honestly I just am starting to get to the point where it’s pretty old.

I started partying hard to drown out everything really young and did a whole lot of stuff too with people to kind of drown out the things that I didn’t want done in a sea of sameness.

One of the reasons that I’m pushing this so hard…I want…I don’t know everything that I want but I want out of here someday and I don’t just mean Harper’s Point.

I’m woken by Hanna slipping into bed….I stay like I am and I feel her move a little and pull the comforter over me some and there’s this smell of her and soap as she gives me this lightest little kiss to my hair and whispers. “It’ll be okay Summer…” Then she moves off the bed and she’s there long enough to crack the window for a bit of fresh air while I sleep.

Just…just…why?

I hear her leave and….is she playing me?

She might be playing her own games too.

I hug the pillows because I’m kinda pissed about the whole thing….kinda…she just could actually be shy too…then there’s those scars she has.

I’m thinking all of the angles over when I guess I fell asleep for real.

I wake up and she’s there and I can smell food cooking again like real food. I roll over and look at her and she’s sitting on the floor with some pillows and using a few books as hard surfaces and she’s writing again and she’s also doing sheet music.

“Hey…” I say softly.

She looks up and she smiles. “Hey back.”

“You cooked again? I can’t believe that you cooked again.”

“Well we have to eat and I can’t believe that you all can’t cook.”

“Muzz does a few things.”

“Oh how about you?’

“Actually no…it’s never been a big thing for me.”

“Well I’ve been too poor before to live on just take out stuff and I’m still way too sick of fast food.”

“Yeah actually me too except like pizza which you can always change up and a few things but I don’t really do fast food places either.”

I sit up and look at her. “So what are we having?”

“Sausages and My mac and cheese.”

“Your mac and cheese?”

“Yep mine.”

“Okay so what’s so special about it?”

“It’s baked potato cornbread mac and cheese.”

“What……”

Hanna grins at me and gathers her stuff. “I should go and check it out too.”

“Okay…I’ll be down in a minute.”

Well okay it’s a half hour after me showering and I just throw on a sweat shirt and some yoga pants since I’m not really planning on going anywhere and I head down stairs. It’s off to see everyone here. We’re sort of tight sort of not but we’re still the kind of do your own thing bunch.

I can smell the sausages…and their cooked and then I think she put them into a pan with pasta sauce over them because they’re like all browned off and yet their sitting in this oven thickened pasta sauce and then there’s these…

Okay it’s the half potato skins of a baked potato and I can see they’re stuffed with mac and cheese and topped with this toasted crumble of cornbread? I love cornbread I’ve only had it a few times but everytime it was actually good.

There’s a small salad too which is good but the sausages don’t look that greasy somehow and I get some of that and I get a few of the potatoes and she made this big baking dish of them too.

Okay the look on the faces of the guys has me doing as they do. I take one of the skins and I shovel it and take a huge bite of it. The girls are eating dainty but you lose out on that sometimes, dainty doesn’t go for some of the best stuff like a good hot dog or corn on the cob.

Oh….oh sweet…There’s the crunch potato skin and then in the bottom mashed potato then this really saucy mac and cheese then more potato then one more bit of mac and cheese and topped with that corn cake crumb stuff on top.

I actually have to sit down as I’m chewing and god…the two different crunches and the cheese and the pasta but the whipped potato…

I look at her and I smile my mouth’s full so I just end up hugging her and we all sort of sit or stand around the kitchen counter and we make serious pigs out of ourselves.

She even did the dishes up except for the ones that we’re dirtying and I actually volunteer to do those up while the crew splits up to do whatever and Hanna stays and dries with me.

“That was good.” I say. I’m not lying it was and that was my real reaction.

“Good I’m glad that you liked it.”

“Another restaurant recipe?’

“No just something I came up with one place that I was staying at it was pretty much all we had in the house.”

“Oh, well it was really good.”

She smiles at me as she’s drying the dishes and I look at her and bite my lip. “Hanna?”

“Yeah?”

“I know we’re trying to sort of keep this kind of like friends but I like you y’know.”

“I..I like you too Summer…I do it’s just…”

“Will you go out with me to the movies tonight?”

I know she was going to say something else which is why I cut her off and asked her out. There is surprise written all over her face.

“Out to the show, like an actual sit down movie?”

“I’d like that, to take you out on a date if that’s okay?”

“Uhm…well sure I mean considering we’ve been sleeping together.” She giggles a bit at the end of that.

“I’m serious, I like you and I want to get to know you better and actually take you out on a date.”

She’s blinking at me and she looks teary eyed.

“Han….?”

“I’ve never actually been asked out on a date before….”

“Why not?”

“I dunno it was just easier to hook up.” She shrugs looking embarrassed.

“So….”

“Oh…yes, I’d love that.”

“Okay if we get ready we can be cleaned up and dressed and we can still make the early show.”

“Tonight!?”

“That’s what I said.”

She grins and she steps over and she kisses me on her tip toes and sort of pushes me into the counter so she can lean on me while she’s doing it. I kiss her back and do it softly and slowly I don’t want her to think that…let her take that lead.

She breaks the kiss and she tosses the dish towel onto the rest of the dishes that are drying and she pulls me upstairs with her.

We get changed and I do the shy getting dressed lingering thing while she’s still body shy about stuff but she gets dressed in jeans and a band t-shirt…our band and she looks good…those jeans hug her really well and show off her tight little body.

I know she’s way younger that I am but at the same time she’s not that young she’s just one of those sort of small pixie girls.

I’ve never actually been out with one before either. I’ll admit I like those really good looking girls with a nice waist and decent hip curves and a really nice rack.

First thing I thought about Rayne besides how talented she was is that she had amazing tits.

Hanna has these small little perky things that just beg for hungry lips though. She’s such a departure from my usual too it’s kind of neat she’s like seeing a gymnast or a figure skater girl.

Even I have to admit that female figure skaters and gymnasts are the shit really.

I actually go with a belly cut blouse with short sleeves and I’m showing lots of cleavage and I go with thigh highs again since it really seemed to be a thing for her this morning and heels with a small black mini-skirt.

We end up going to the theatre at the good mall making it there in time and I let her pick the movie which was GI-Joe?

I’m getting us drinks and popcorn, if there’s one weakness as junk food I have its theatre popcorn and we get some Smarties too and some drinks and we go looking for seats.

“GI-Joe? Really?”

“Yeah it’s just going to be a good popcorn movie with action and not a lot of too heavy stuff.”

“Okay, I don’t actually do movies much since there’s nothing really mainstream that I’m really interested in.”

“Action movies are good besides…”

“Besides?”

We sit and she looks me right in the eyes and she gives me this really, really long hard stare.

“I like GI-Joes as a little boy.”

I laugh.

Hanna’s not laughing.

I stop laughing and I look at her.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah…” She’s still looking at me but she’s down to this sort of unsure and quiet like whisper.

There’s a lot I could do and there’s a lot that I could say but I still want her for her talent and I’d still like to…oh…well there’s some interesting thoughts.

But aside from all that actually I don’t really care.

I lean over and give her another shy sort of shy kiss then break it. “Cool then you can explain who’s who and why right?”

She looks shocked. “Uhm…yeah…”

The movie starts up and I’m into my first half of a handful of popcorn. She asks. “You’re not mad or freaked out?’

“I told you I liked you, so at what point did you change from being you just because you told me that you have some physical stuff going on?”

“I…I…no one’s ever said that to me…”

“Look I’m not a great person and sexuality wise I’m all over the map so why the hell would I judge anyone?”

“That’s very cool…”

“Hanna?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we watch the movie?” I smile at her and I force feed her a mouthful of popcorn.

I see her eyes dance and there’s that sparkle.

Gotcha….

All in all I didn’t get the movie but it didn’t suck really hard. The girls were hot and not entirely useless in it either. But not really my thing. Hanna on the other hand is a geekette and not only was she thoroughly entertained she was fangirling about some of the stuff.

Okay it also had Channing Tatum in it and it might be cliché but hell yes.

After the show we drive around a little ending up at Dairy Queen for blizzard and we talk.

It’s not really surprising stuff she might be transgendered and she got her scars from her dad for being a girly-faggot but other than that bit of difference her story didn’t change a whole lot.

She ran away from home after he beat her badly and her mom wasn’t in the picture having left all of them when she was five and the step mom was a cunt and a fake churchy type and her older brother turned her away from his door for being herself and her sister was a dumb slut.

Oh I’m not judging but she’s not bright from what Hanna said she wasn’t good at school or cared that much for it and was good looking and had lots of guys so…and she showed me a picture of Melody.

Honestly she is smoking hot in the picture blonde, slim with a killer ass and a really nice rack and she’s definitely great looking. The few pics Hanna has though does tell the tale just from the expressions that she has on her face.

Dumb but not dumb enough to know that she’s quality ass and that she can a does use it to get everything that she wants.

I can see why she took off. Melody wouldn’t give two shits and now…as cute pixie hot as Hanna is she’d likely have turned on her.

I actually think I’m less of a bitch than those types simply because I have only limited uses for men.

Hanna is a lesbian and I’m not going to get into the whole thing that transgendered people and the lesbian thing. If you think or know you’re a chick enough to mess with your body and your life to be a girl then if you say that you like pussy then you probably like pussy.

Her legal given name is Bryce….I’d have changed it too even without changing genders. Shit that’s a you better be tough name.

It’s actually midnight by the time we get home and we get ready for bed and we crash and she’s still shy getting changed and actually I think that it might be the scars rather then her package.

Which must be tucked or something because it’s never showed, mind you I haven’t see her in just panties yet so.

I know her boobs are real because she doesn’t wear a bra under her nightshirt and she’s really nervous as we’re getting into bed.

I lay there awhile before sliding over to her and wrapping my arms around her and hugging her softly in bed.

She shivers. “Summer?”

“Mmmm?”

“You’re the first person I’ve been with like this who hasn’t freaked out on me and tossed me like garbage.”

“Mmm…yer nu garbage…” I’m only half faking being halfway to sleep.

“Why are you different?”

“I’m not I’m a les and I like you…you’re a girl right?”

(Tiny sniffle.) “Yeah……”

“M’kay….Han..?”

“Y..yes?”

“Crispy crunch blizzard is still better than Skor bar.”

She sniffles and giggles and I hug her tighter and press my boobs into her back and I actually drift off smiling.

Yeah…

Gotcha…

……………………………………………….Monday is well…Hanna is up and she’s dressed and we all have breakfast and stuff and we’re talking sets and stuff when Adam comes strolling in like he owns the place.

He doesn’t and Troy is about to tell him to get the fuck out when he and his teeny hooker de jour are holding up trays of baked stuff and Starbucks coffee.

I look at Adam.

“Morning so what’s the unexpected pleasure for.”

I take a coffee and smile at him cheerfully…I’m still remembering the butt-whiskey I served him up. That’ll always put a smile on my face.

He shoots a once over look at Hanna who is looking back at him and she very purposefully goes to our coffee perk and pours herself a coffee.

He looks at her and actually offers one.

“Sorry I don’t drink coffee.”

His eyes narrow, and so does hers.

“Guys…enough…” I get between them.

He blinks and sighs. Yeah we all know Adam’s a douchebag and he knows it too. He still shoots her a look though and she doesn’t know him…but then again how many times has she fucked a guy that was like him…she said she had…to keep a job, to have cash for rent or to just survive a few times.

We haven’t gone into specifics but…

I know he’s picturing her with pink hair.

I look at him and smile. “So….”

“I need you guys at the studio after lunch I’ve hired a sound crew and mix guys and we might as well get started on everything.”

“Already that was fast.”

“Please I’m a Marshal, I do things they get done. I don’t fuck around.”

“Neither do we, we were just going to get into rehearsal.”

He looks at his watch. “Good I’ll wait I want to see what’s what.”

I direct him and his girl to our couch and we go and change into our band stuff and that’s making him nod a bit and then we start to play.

………………………………………………..Okay…I’ll admit the studio is the shit for especially around here. Adam might be a rich boy scum of the earth asshole but he knows his business stuff.

The building is all dark grey metal siding and red brick and tinted windows with landscaped scrubs and stuff and outside there’s the sign for Blackjack Entertainment. and it’s Adam in a black suit looking all sharp and photoshopped with shades on and this whole artist made raging concert scene behind him.

Fucking ego maniac.

But there’s these two big screens in the front like those ones the put posters for movies at in the theatres only they’re TV flat screens and in both of them is us and there’s some stills that shuffle in between commercials calling Blackjack entertainment the very first real music studio in our very own Harpers Point.

And then it’s showing some of our shows done up like videos.

That’s kind of cool and there’s internet links for Facebook now and You Tube and Twitter and stuff too.

Okay, okay that’s all very cool and it shit that honestly I don’t know how to do but really should’ve figured out.

Inside matches the outside with tinted glass everything and the sound stage and booth and everything is really top notch. Adam actually hired someone good for our crew and he gave them total control over that part of things and that’s smart it made those guys happy and it made sure there’s no fuck ups because you get a real sound and mix crew with an unlimited budget and yeah…they’ll go all perfectionist on the thing.

I’m semi in love with stuff and there is brand new gear for us too to use in house…a literally armory of instruments really.

There’s another stroke to his ego there too because in the booth or well over top of it like an operating theatre is Adam’s office looking down at all of us from the other side of the room so he can see us and the booth guys and be like he’s god or something.

We rehearse there again and we run through sound checks and stuff with all our instruments and get the levels for us and for us alone playing and me singing and the others too and we start actually laying tracks.

We’re all legal for covers and stuff too and we even eat there lunch and we’re there late until six in the evening and we shut things down and we head home.

I drop Hanna off.

“You’re not coming in?”

“Naw, I’m too keyed up and I kind of want to think.”

“Uhm…okay we’re still okay? I know that I was trouble.”

“No, it’s cool Adam’s a fucking asshole.”

“But why even work with him?”

“Because, he’s the asshole that has the money in town and much more importantly he’s connected Han.”

“Is it that important?’

“If we make it big fuck yeah.”

“But he’ll have you under contract?”

“And if we’re big enough that won’t matter some heavy will buy our contract out or our’s will run out with him.”

“I really don’t like him.”

“Nobody likes Adam.”

“So you’re really not mad or freaked out?’

I lean over and I give her a kiss a light one. “We’re good.”

She bites her lip and walks backwards inside and she’s still goddamned cute even knowing her little issue.

I am driving just around town just really like I said just to get some air and to figure things out and to plan things out. No not just stuff with me and Hanna or me and Adam and stuff but what to actually do next.

I’m still in control of the band and it’s still my band so I kind of need to step up and find some gigs or think of some gigs.

Maybe…maybe even try and write a song?

God I suck at that stuff though, you actually need to be decent at English and stuff for that in a way. I’m talking real songs and not fucking Rianna repeating Umbrella a thousand effing times.

Ideally I’d like to be like a Canadian version of like Amy Winehouse.

I pull into Tims and get a coffee. Starbucks is fine but it’s…people see me everywhere and Starbucks actually says something versus being seen with a cup of Timmies.

I heard a familiar set of fingers on a bass at the end of the parking lot and it’s Rayne…alone and she’s playing *Serenity* By Godsmack…it’s one of her go to thinking a semi-in-a-funk songs.

I head over and she’s into it.

Shit…she’s looking really good too. I’ve been sort of avoiding anything to do with her since we all had that clash at Lucky’s that got us barred from there.

She’s lost weight, ten or fifiteen pounds actually and that’s on top of the weight that she had put on when we were together.

We were going nowhere fast…actually…going anywhere at all so yeah I bailed.

And it’s so strange to see her here and she’s also without the girls and her little pink shadow.

*** And Now…………………

I finish and I exhale closing my eyes and lean back and there’s some tears there and I just try and breathe.

“Long time no see Rainbow.”

I open my eyes and look and I see Summer there in jeans and sandals with some kind of belly shirt that shows off her middle and a really nice denim jacket.
“Summer?” Yes…I’m surprised…shocked actually and she’s alone….no band, no entourage… “What do you want?”

“You were playing Serenity.”

“I know.”

“What’s wrong…you only play that when shit’s gone wrong.”

I….

Why is she here? Why….. fuck why is she looking at me like that?

“Buy you a refill?”

“I…..”

Summer’s looking at me and she’s still…Well she’s always been hot, she’s actually one of those girls that you see coming out of those private schools where they all look like models. Well except Summer has great breasts and a rocking stomach and a great butt…like a model with just the right amount of meat on her.

Uncommonly good looking actually.

I never could get why she was with me until she broke us up and stabbed us in the back and me in the heart.

She’s actually wearing her kind and earnest look right now.

It hurts. It still hurts the way she made me love her, made this whole world for me and…..

Fuck, Merde, Abruti….

Yeah…I know, I know.

I look at her. She’s smiling her half smile, her smartass one.

“Swearing in french huh.”

“I…yeah.”

“So….?”

“So…..I mean so what the hell Summer? Why are you even here?”

“Just out for a drive and getting some coffee. I needed to think?”

“Think? I think the words you’re trying to remember are cauldron boil and cauldron bubble.”

“I deserve that.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Still…I’m a cunt, we both know that and I did what I did.”

“You broke our hearts.”

She shrugs. “Your own fault kinda.”

“My fault? Oh fucking no you’re not putting this shit on me anymore!” I get up and I put the guitar down and swing the door closed.

“I told you, I told you I was fucking broken. You’re the one that never listened.”

“That’s convenient bullshit!”

I’m pissed and yelling at her. She leans down and sets her coffee down on the ground and she digs through her purse for a smoke.

She’s lighting it and I shouldn’t it’s wrong but as she’s watching her flame and taking her first drag I step up and I punch her in the stomach.

She falls back and coughs hard choking on the smoke and looking at me. “Fuck! Why’d you!?”

I yell at her getting in her face.

“I loved you!, Loved you! And you go and you make me think I’m not broken either and then you fucking leave! Just up and fucking leave with our songs our tears and blisters and work!”

She yells back at me. “Yeah, I fucking did! You were so caught up in your family bullshit that I didn’t fucking matter anymore! You didn’t care about me as much as them! You left me fucking first!”

“My goddamned father died! The last thing we ever did, our last moments were him and I screaming at each other!”

“Fuck them, fuck all of them and fuck him!”

I slap her in the face and Summer grabs her coffee and throws it in mine. It’s hot and I scream a bit from shock a bit from rage…I’m lucky it wasn’t hot enough to burn me or scald but…bitch threw her coffee in my face!

Then she’s up on her feet and shoves me.

I shove her back.

“He was my father!, the only one I had and I wasn’t supposed to freak out!?”

“No! He was a bastard! He treated you like shit and then like a fuckin leper when you came out…I was there, you were supposed to be with me!”

“I was fucking heartbroken! I never left!”

“No!, No!?” She shoves me harder. “Drugs? And sleeping all the time and cutting!? You left me and you were still there!”

“You could’ve helped me for fucks sakes!”

“I…..”

She turns away from me and storms back over to where we were and scoops her cigarette off the ground. She takes a drag as I’m wiping coffee from my face. “I wasn’t going to sit there and watch you wreck my life Rayne.”

“No instead you bailed on me.”

“You left me first.” I’m actually a little surprised at the hate in that, the anger there.

“You could of stayed, you could’ve fought for me Summer, you didn’t you fucking bailed on me and you bailed on the girls. If you fucking care about someone you fucking fight for them.”

“Oh like you and Jem?”

“Angel, her name is Angel…and what the hell do you know about it?”

“Fucking please Rayne, I’m your ex. You’re here alone moping and dragging yourself down all over again….practice what you fucking preach okay whatever happened between you two why don’t you fight for it for a goddamned change instead of making the other poor fucker do all the work?”

“Fuck you Summer…go to hell.”

She takes a long drag and flicks the smoke at me and I bat it away with my hand ready to get into it with her again. Instead she exhales and she walks away towards this new looking car.

“You’re a fucking train wreck Rainbow, a real piece of fucking work you know that?” She’s not even looking at me as she’s flipping me the bird and gets in her car…yeah…she has a new car… “I dodged a real bullet when I broke up with you.”

She gets in and she guns the engine and she pulls out squealing the tires. As she leaves and pulling out at the turn of the parking lots driveway.

Yes…Yes I did lose it, My dad died and they didn’t even want me there…they blamed me. Said I killed him, that he died because I broke his heart.

Tell me a fifteen year old that could handle that well…

I walk back into the Tim Horton’s and I’m getting looks. I can well imagine that they watched the whole thing going down. It’s not like Skummer and I were subtle about the whole thing and we were screaming.

No one says anything though either, it’s late and this isn’t the main drag Tim’s this is the old one heading home towards the tracks and that part of town. They’ve seen worse, hell I think a few are smiling.

I order another large and black this time and I go into the bathroom and get washed up and try to get the coffee out of my shirt. At least my bra is black, it’s not going to show.

And yeah…I’m kind of having the hands shaking nerves hitting me after a fight thing and opened old wounds crying bit while I’m doing that.

“Fuck this.”

I just take my shirt and walk out in my bra and pay for my coffee at the counter and leave. I take the van and head home and the girls are up but neither are downstairs or online. I think they’re both upstairs which is fine by me right now.

I take my coffee to my room and get changed into my ugly sleep sweats and then go downstairs.

There’s so much stuff running through my head and in my heart…I sit in the dark and put on some DVD’s and get my note pads and sit there all night watching old movies and drinking coffee and writing things out…lyrics…a letter to myself…one to my dad…even now it really hurts me.

I pick up the phone and call.

It takes awhile.

“Mm…hello?”

“Remy?”

“Rayne?”

“Can we talk?”

“……yeah…okay I’m up.”

“Oh shit…It’s too late I shouldn’t have called.”

“No, you should always call.”

“I just…”

“You going to stay up?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

“Then I’ll be right over.”

“But Angel?”

“She’s crashed, you want me to get her?”

(Sniffle.) “N..No… It’s that but not that…”

“Okay, what?” God, oh god I can actually hear him getting dressed as we’re talking.

(Sniffle-sob.) “It’s my dad…I miss my dad…”

“I’ll be right there.”

(Sniffle.) “Okay….”

“Get the kettle on okay?”

(Sniffle.) “Okay…”

I get up and go to the kitchen and get the kettle on…god it’s like close to three in the morning.

“Rayne? What happened?”

“Summer?”

“Oh…well that kind of says something right there.”

(Sniffle.) “We ran into each other at Tim’s.” (Sniffle.)

“Not good she have barbed wire and bananas with her?”

(Sniffle-sob-laugh.) “No…it was just her…that was enough.”

“I can imagine, it got pretty bad huh?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah, I hit her.”

“Okay that was bad.”

“She threw her coffee in my face.”

“Dirty pool…you okay?”

“Yeah it wasn’t that hot.”

“Okay I meant like that but inside too.”

“No…Oh God I’m such a mess…I miss him y’know?” I start crying over the phone and it takes me a few minutes to get a hold of myself and get the phone back up. “The…the last things I said were….”

I hear a truck door close and I sad weepy girl shuffle to the door and open it up for him and he’s there cell phone to his ear ball cap to cover his bed head and track pants with bare feet in work boots and a ratty t-shirt and he’s such a sight…he’s here…he’s actually here and he stayed on the phone with me all the way over here…

“Remy…you didn’t have to….”

“Yeah I did, I told you girls, anything anytime no matter what.”

(Wet-wet-sniffle sobs.) “But me and Angel….”

He steps up and he hugs me hard and I lose it…It’s been that long and it’s been hard since…since my dad and I drifted apart…to get this right now…I’m bawling into his shirt and I can’t stop.

“You two will work things out, that hasn’t one thing to do with the promise I made you girls…”

He scoops me up like I’m nine and closes the door and carries me to the couch and holds me.

He even sings…to me in the dark…so much like…

*Red Robin.* (Clark Richard.)

she is just a baby
she’s my little girl
she looks like her mommy
sporting little curls
she’s got lots to learn
though she is sure to know
that I’ll quietly spot her
anywhere she goes

now our little lady’s out with daddy for the day
she fought the yawns but couldn’t stay awake
as I place her in the car
she’s out like a light
cause she knows I’ll get her home all right

she went from the backseat
to hands at ten and two
college came too quickly
her leaving feels too soon
Now I swore I’d be strong but
These are happy tears
Cause I get even prouder
With every passing year

now her weekends will be full of hanging with her friends
but someone needs a call before nights end
she knows I’ll toss and turn
no chance I’ll sleep tonight
til I know she’s made it home all right

if time could only give me
a moment to reflect
to smile on all that has been
to treasure what is left
though I won’t always be here
this you surely know
that I’ll quietly spot you
anywhere you go

and when we are apart remember it is not the end
you know enough to know we’ll meet again
I’ll be waiting by the gate
standing just inside

til I know you’ve made it home all right
til I know you’ve made it home all right

Let’s go home.