Jem…Chapter 76 I’ll play like Panagaris

 

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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 76
 

*Brooklyn…………

The second night’s gig was actually really awesome. I mean the whole thing isn’t getting old at all in fact it’s like the gig’s we’ve got now are getting to the point where we’re just starting to feel it like a good fit.

Jem/Angel is so much better at this whole manager thing than Summer ever was. She always had this “Me” thing going on even then it was like she was the whole all about me and “I’m the talent.” rocker chick thing going on.

Cunt, she soooo can’t hold a candle to Angel.

And then there’s her dad who is completely awesome really and he’s so shown me the way that family is supposed to be. I can so see where Angel gets so much of the way she believes things should be from.

Honestly, I miss her mom and have only heard people talk about the woman but if she was the woman that Angel wants to be like and the kind of Mom that had Angel turn out to be the awesome sister that she is then yeah…even if it’s just the idea of her…I think that I miss her too….

It’s not like my own mom was any good.

Okay it wasn’t as bad as some people get when I was a little kid….it wasn’t but as soon as I started to grow up and “Develop” things changed and both my brothers and my old man liked to put hands on when they were high or drunk.

Yeah hands on and if they could’ve dick in…

I fought them off everytime when it came to that stuff…well actually my best line of defense sexually was get them wasted enough to be limp-dicked. But that didn’t matter to the old man. He was kinda limp dicked most of the time anyway from all the booze and pills and drugs. Those little blue pills cut into his party money and thankfully he never got that into his list of vices.

No he liked to get hammered and pound the hell out of mom…mind you she was higher than hell half the time too and she’d actually start the fights some of the time. But when he wasn’t satisfied after kicking her ass I was the family alternate.

Yeah taking off was a no brainer.

Long story short I took off to Toronto and kind of hit the streets until I met Kim and we hit it off and then things went south with her cousin and stuff and her parents got involved and for the first time in my like someone stuck up for me and we made a deal with her folks that she’d go back to school and stuff. Well Kim made the deal as long as I got to go with her to school and to get us both emancipated. Her dad picked the school which was sort of putting Kim out of their way but in a town that I knew.

Which is right back to Harpers Point. I took the deal to get emancipated from my family and the free schooling and stuff but really her family was almost as bad as mine. They were just rich douchebags. They basically threw Kim away for not being their version of the perfect daughter.

We even played at being lesbians too, it kept the guys away from me and it sort of gave us this edgy leave us alone thing too at school and it was actually what sort of led us into meeting Rayne and Summer.

Then well all the stuff with Summer happened…

Effing skank…

Point is there really hasn’t been anyone in my life that’s changed so much of my life since meeting Angel.

She really takes care of us and she gives a shit and she’s really smart and never talks down to you and she’s really brave even if she doesn’t think she is.

I’ll admit I think before Mike I might have sort of been crushing. I mean I’m still kind of scared of guys, a lot of guys are exactly the kind of assholes that I’ve experienced them to be and there’s only been a few exceptions in my life and all of them are recent.

But Jase being Angel and being a girl most of the time, well all of the time since they took up being Jem just was sort of hot and hit all those non threatening notes for me.

Now…now I really see Angel and see the whole transgendered thing, heck it’s so like some kind of hidden repressed nature thing because she’s so good at it and honestly she’s the girliest out of the four of us. I’d have said Kim but actually Kim has more this geeky-cute-girl streak in her that’s close but just not as girls as Ange.

And so much has happened and changed…

We finish the gig and get paid and I still get a thrill out of that and the tips too are a hell of a nice bonus too and yeah the other night I sort of gave some cash out that I coulda used but the guy was really happy about getting the tips he did get and he has a wife and a bunch of kids.

My own home life sorta sucked enough to know that stable parents can mean a huge difference to kids growing up.

My life would have been so different if my folks did that instead of feeding their own interests and addictions…so if my few bucks started a few smiles and some happy family stuff for someone else…shit money well friggin spent.

We pack up to go and I’m looking at my money and the fact that I actually have money for a change and that’s not counting the whole online money and stuff but just my pays and my tips…heck I haven’t really spent that much of any of my checks really.

So biting my lips I look at Kim and Mike. “You guys actually mind if we stop at Wal-Mart and we can go shopping and get a few things?”

Kim shakes her head. “Nope, I need a few things too and we really haven’t done a whole lot of shopping really, Wally world’s okay.”

Mike slips in and wraps his arms around me. “Sure, I’d actually like to go shopping with you for things.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’d like to see the kinds of stuff that you’d buy and be interested in so I can buy you presents sometime.”

I blush and lean into him and he tightens his arms around me. I really like when Mike does that…there’s…there’s a difference between him and other guys. Mike protects girls…he has ever since…

That thing back with the dealers…he lost a friend, a girl friend who went to a party and she took the wrong stuff…or bad stuff and she died on him.

I know there’s more than that to it but I’m not pushing it…he’ll tell me when he can get the rest of it out.

I’m actually really good at know when not to push.

“You don’t have to get me present’s Mike.”

He rests his head or well his lips on my collar bone sort of kissing me there which I’ve never really had a guy do before him and it just feels nice. He murmurs against my skin. “Well…we could always treat it like we’re shopping for stuff for our own place.”

Blink…blink…what’d he just say…?

“Uh…our…our place?”

I turn my head to look at him and he moves his head enough so we’re like really close face to face and he bites his lower lip in this sweet sexy sort of shy way that makes my heart roll over with its paws in the air and purr…

Well not literally but he kinda makes me want to do that sometimes.

“Well I was just sort of thinking about it…like when we go to university.”

“But what if I don’t get in? What if we go to different schools?”

“Well…I’m pretty sure you’re going to get into college, you’re definitely smart enough to.”

Okay that makes me seriously blush and I feel this flush inside that’s just…it really means something so deep actually having someone like Mike actually say stuff like that, actually believe in me.

Believe in….me…?

I kiss him a good one for that.

“But what about you? I mean what are you going to do about university?”

He smiles at me. “Well I can go pretty much anywhere or apply anywhere you’re going Brook, most place are close to a school that has law enforcement and policing.”

“You’re going to be a police officer? Or a Mountie?”

“Heck no but you still need it to run private security and investigation kind of stuff.”

“Oh…well it’s kind of what you do right?”

“Yeah and I like the work plus I can do some freelance stuff for law enforcement.”

“They do that?”

“All the time and usually there’s no problem finding a 9 to 5 job either.”

“Oh?”

“Store security.”

“Huh?”

“Bigger stores and malls usually hire a plainclothes guy as part of anti-theft and shoplifting. And they’re always looking for new people since often the guys that do it are only there for a few years until they get a bigger job.”

“Oh that’s good then?”

“Yeah it’s a pretty flexible job market actually.”

We kiss again and head out to the vehicles and I’m kind of happy and humming but as happy as I am and I really am happy now I’m a little worried for Kim. I mean there’s me and Mike and there’s Angel and Rayne and Kim’s kinda left out of the whole relationship thing.

I look over at her while we’re driving. “Hey?”

She’s been looking in her purse and she looks up at me. “Huh?”

“You okay?”

“Yup…wait…why, don’t I look okay?”

“Sure you look fine, well you look like you but that we can’t help.”

“Hey!...” She hauls off and punches me in the leg charlie-horsing me.

“Ow! Cunt!” Never let a little Asian drummer girl hit you…her arms are all frigging power and her hands are all boney knuckle.

I hit her back in her arm and she uses her free hands to block my fist from punching her in the shoulder and of course it’s Kim so she goes. “Hwaaaa….”

I let it go and exhale. “Will you chill? I’m trying to be serious okay.”

“Okay.” She stops and she’s giving me her big wide open as she can get them eyes and the innocent look.

I roll my eyes but smile, it’s Kim you either go along for the ride or she’ll send you screaming out of the room eventually.

Honestly she’s like living with an anime character.

Or Ronnie James Dio trapped in the body of a young Japanese drummer girl.

I look at her and she blinks at me some more…fine I look at the road and keep driving but ask.

“I wanted to know if you’re okay?”

“Yeah….but you’re gonna have to explain why you’re asking Brook?”

“I was just worried that with me and Mike going on and angel and Rayne going on that you’re feeling left out.”

“Oh…”

She gets a little quiet at that and she’s staring at the floor mats.

“Kim?”

“Huh? Oh…yeah I’m okay…I mean it’s not exactly like I’ve really been looking for a boyfriend right?”

“Yeah…I say but still there’s not looking and then there’s having everyone else around you hooked up.”

She looks over at me. “Honestly I haven’t been that bothered by it, not much anyhow.”

“You sure?”

“Hey between school and the band I haven’t really had the time for a relationship. And y’know even if I did he’d have to be like Mike and be like involved in the band right?”

I look at her then nod. “I’m not sure if Mike and I would be as tight as we are really without him helping us out and stuff either it’s not like when summer was with us and we were sort of just fucking around.”

“Yeah, Angel has us working at home sort of with the online stuff, doing videos and we’re working four nights out of the week with paying gig’s.”

Okay Kim’s smiling again.

We pull into Wal-mart and so does Mike and we head in together and get some carts and we head off shopping it’s kind of nice actually doing this as late as it is. There’s just something off yet cool about shopping in the middle of the night.

Kim takes off with her cart running and then hitching a coasting ride on her cart. I lose sight of her pretty quick but Mike and I both hear her do this. “Whoo-hoo! Pocky! Score!”

He looks at me and I smile and kiss him lightly. “Their some Japanese cookie stick.”

“Oh…okay.”

We head off into the store and me I’m in search of some stuff for me. I really don’t have much of anything that’s new and that’s new and mine.

I get some underwear, yes here of all places there’s a couple of good brands here sort of and they do carry the utility brands here too and some t-shirt bras they’re okay yeah I like the nicer stuff too but I really, really need to replace some of the stuff that I use from day to day. They have that here at a pretty cheap price too.

But those and a new bathrobe and towels nice fluffy terrycloth ones and some slippers and there’s the really cheap stuff like these kits with brushes and combs and all the stuff I need for my hair….like bobby pins. It sounds weird right but I got a thingy of like two hundred for like a buck and change but all my life I’ve only had a few dozen and those were the ones I got from friends.

Two cheap but fluffy comforters for my bed, two new bedding sets…me…me finally actually being able to sleep in new sheets for the first time in my life! I know it’s lame to get excited about stuff like this or to actually feel like I’m rich but I do.

And no I’m not actually spending a huge pile of cash. I’m being pretty thrifty and cheap with some of these things but it’s still me…having things.

Mike’s getting things too, some for him I guess and some for me…us…he buys two new nice big pillows for the bed and a really nice Martha Stewart brand bedding set with a really nice thread count since he does sleep over some times… that actually makes me smile and kiss him a lot and it really does sort of have that shopping for our stuff feel to it.

There’s also stuff that I get that is not just for me too. I get some snacks and groceries with stuff like those can kits of fried rice and jello pudding and some canned shrimp stuff we never had or my parents wouldn’t buy. There was a lot they wouldn’t buy….there was a lot they bought that just…

I’m never going to eat processed chicken hot dogs ever again and boxed mac and cheese…Spam.

I shiver at that memory…

“Brook?” Mike asks.

“Spam.”

“What about it?”

“Dad…I was nine and we had this whole case of it and I was so sick of eating it so I spoke up.”

“Brook, you don’t have to…”

“He force fed me the entire can…every time I was gonna puke he slapped his hand over my mouth till I swallowed my puke again.”

Mike pulls me close. “I really, really hate your family.”

I nod and turn and put my face into his shoulder. I’m really trying not to cry, to be a little stronger and be able to stand up more. I clench my fingers in his shirt and breathe in Mike’s smell.

Dad…my brothers smelled like fish but with sweat, unshoweredness and the reek of smokes from real smokes and the ashy reek of smokes rolled with cigarette butts and the smell of booze…and that burnt cough medicine-sugar-metal scent that’s the scent of meth.

Mike smells like a guy, so there’s tat but it’s clean and showered with hints of his body wash…something citrusy…deodorant…shampoo and just.

Guys in all of my experienced smelled different but Mike’s different. I know the fact we’re lovers does seriously change the way I see him from the other guys I’ve been with, but honestly…he’s the first real relationship I’ve been in too.

He murmurs into my ear. “We’re so not inviting them to the wedding. Besides I’m not sure Angel would know how to make crystal meth and rotgut icing.”

I know he’s joking from the tone and it is funny enough to make me laugh, okay it’s a sad watery laugh but still it’s a laugh through the pain which is still a first for me.

I hit him lightly and he moves me so he can look at me and kisses me there in the store all sweetly and long and deep.

For the first time I can remember it moves my leg up off the floor bent at the knee a little. I’m warm and safe and loved…Who knew that leg bit was a real thing?

We meet back up with Kim who has her own cart full of stuff and as much as me she has this stuff she wasn’t allowed to have as a kid. Totally different reasons but with Kim it’s all the stuff that wasn’t dignified.

Yeah, she has a lot of Japanese stereotype stuff. I see DVD’s and a couple of videogames and snacks…gross stuff like dried wasabi peas and ramen as well as shrimp chips and these nori crackers and just a whole mess of junk food.

And of course a flat of Redbull cans.

We head off and she’s already bouncing in the seat all the way home way more than likely charged up on Redbull and sugar. It doesn’t take too long before we’re there and unloaded and Mike helps with that and I strip my bed to change the sheets to my new bedding but I slip downstairs to wash it first.

I end up kissing with Mike until he heads home with the Dads. It would be nice to have him stay overnight but we’d end up making love and honestly after the gig and stuff added onto that.

I would have definitely skipped school.

And school’s important to me.

I’m going to graduate, and I’ll be the only one of my family with a high school diploma and I’m actually going to try to go and take something after that…if I can get into a college great but if I don’t…there’s community college too and I’m thinking if I keep with the music that with sound boards and mixing stuff I’d actually go for being an electrician.

We kiss a lot and there’s some touching too, we’re sort of passed or we just don’t really grope each other, only in bed really but just to kiss with Mike’s hands just resting on my hips or my waist while his thumbs rub and do these delicious things by just these light touches.

Way more intimate.

I even hold hands with him all the way out to his car and then head inside and hang out a little bit until my bedding’s dry and then I make my bed and get cleaned up and slip into bed in new sheets and stuff and snuggle into my comforter and falling asleep.

I was having this really good dream where I was singing in a little place with a stage and stuff and playing *Guitar Town* By Steve Earl when my dream guitaring is broken up by the alarm and Kimmie up already or still up singing along with the song of one of her animes…god is it bad that I know it’s Naruto and it’s that one where they’re doing that dance number intro that reminds me of Baliwood dancing.

I slip out of bed and peak in her room and yeah that’s the one…she’s already showered and is dancing along with it while doing her make up. I think she’s been up all night by the frenetic way she’s going.

Yeah…I head to get the bathroom and shower and I hear Rayne and Angel getting hot and heavy through their wall. All the more proof to me really now that Angel’s a girl for real, there’s no way that a guy can make those sounds like that when they’re that “Busy” there’s just no way that that’s happening.

I smile though because they had some issues with stuff in being together at first and they seem to have gotten past them. I’ve done the girl on girl thing when I was in Toronto. It was me more or less experimenting and thinking that because of my past that girls were a better option for me.

Not even Bi, I mean I did go all the way with them and it was okay…but it really didn’t have that rightness…that zing that actually being attracted to someone brings.

No zapp, no spark…

Rayne and Angel are definitely sparking.

I shower and get out pretty fast I need the extra time with my hair it’s a mess usually with all this curly wave in it that’s a pain in the ass because it is usually a battle between me and my knots and then fighting to get it into some kind of shape to look decent.

Then it’s getting dressed which is actually not too bad uniforms definitely have an advantage of not having to go through all of the hassle of trying to find all sorts of different looks. I know some girls are all into the dress up thing but me I kind of like not having to stress about stuff like that.

I like just regular clothes and a few really nice things for like going out and my stuff for gigs but I’ll never really be one of those clothes horse types.

So it’s the uniform and I’ve got my own version of it. We all do it’s sort of allowed within certain bounds they don’t want you looking like a slut and stuff but some self expression in the outfits is allowed.

Mine is a bit shorter of a skirt just a bit more than a mini-skirt and knee high socks, some girls do those or leggings or stockings but I’m good with the socks but I wear the schools logoed field hockey socks which are a match to our blazers and pretty heavy so they feel like leg warmers. My only other concession is I wear a guy’s tie. I found one that matches.

I head down and for the first time in quite awhile Angel doesn’t have stuff ready for breakfast. I’ve been getting spoiled really but things have changed too. Usually I used to skip breakfast but since Angel’s moved in I’m getting used to it.

There’s more than enough stuff in the fridge though so I Tupperware some leftovers for me and Kim and I take a couple of apples and just dice them and toss them in the microwave to cook while I make a quick pot of oatmeal. I toss some cinnamon in first because Angel says heat wakes spices then the dry oats to toast them a second or too for the same reason and then apple juice since I’m making apple cinnamon oatmeal. Once I’m done that the apples are cooked and soft and hot I add them together and make some toast and a pot of coffee.

I just have a bit of milk on mine, no sugar. Cinnamon actually helps stabilize blood sugar and cravings for sugar I read online somewhere. Yes there’s carbs in the oatmeal but you actually need carbs and stuff. I just watch my sugar intake I’m not Kim, I can’t take all that sweet and I’m not like some of the girls at school and just not eat anything.

Kim comes down and we eat and I quickly do up the bowls and the pot before we take off to school. She puts so much brown sugar on hers though I can smell it from five feet away.

She’s writing on some notebook as we drive to school and it’s for once not her homework…actually again since Angel has moved in she has been kinda pushing us to get our homework done and out of the way so we can do other things. My marks and Kim’s are going up. Me from just doing more and kind of knuckling down more and Kim from getting stuff finished. Kim’s wicked smart as stereotypical as that is for Asians just she’s always been scattered and ADHKim. The focus is definitely helping her that way.

Classes are classes Math, Office…(Typing, shorthand, computer spreadsheets…) History before morning break and I meet Kim at the school cafeteria for coffee and I get a text from Angel.

[Hey.]

[Hey, What’s up moany girl.]

[*Blushing* Just got the papers done.]

[Papers?]

[You’re musical papers, The Canadian Guild of Musicians, The Canadian Songwriter Association. We’re all paid up, we’re official.]

My breath stops in my throat and I tear up. [Official?]

[Official, you’re a working, listed, paid musician.]

[I am? For real?]

[Yeah, For Real you’ve even got a songwriting credit for Raise Your Fist.]

[Angel, I, I don’t know what to do, say?]

[Just enjoy it Brook, it’s real and no one can take it from you.]

[Thank You!!! God Angel Thank You!!!]

[Later gotta go other appointments!]

[Love You!]

[Love You too honey.]

We stop texting and it hits me really hard. Me, scrape off you shoe me has something…something they can’t steal, they can’t pawn and something that say’s I’m not a nobody anymore.

I’m crying, I’m crying because I never thought this would happen…and it’s such a huge thing for me.

I see Kim crying too and she smiles this huge Kim only light up the world smile and we’re hugging and sobbing and making a mess out of each other but I don’t care.

Neither of us care.