Jem…Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

Oh…

Oh…I’m actually shaking and I need to sit down and catch my breath. Mike, Mike had just about kissed me and then he made that joke so he could like take off because he had stuff to do but was it because he had stuff to do or did he make me? Does he know, or is he one of those guys that likes to toy with a girl or was it the thing going on between me and Raven that’s so a thing but not a thing and…

Oh God did I really want him to kiss me?

I close my eyes and try to take some deep breaths and get myself centered and wham! It’s right there just as hard as Raven’s intensity…the way he looked at me, the way he was holding me and the way that he came closer and I wanted that. It felt fucking good to be wanted…but if he doesn’t know…and we did…then he did know.

And if it went all sideways and he didn’t like me anymore or worse…if Mike became like Adam and the others…

It hurts and I just barely know him.

I drink some more of the iced water I brought then head to the backstage bathroom to pee and then fix the whole pink raccoon thing.

The damage is that bad I’m torn between leaving it on so that I’m still in stage make up or cleaning it all away. I decide to keep it on just to keep things separate a little between Jem and Angel.

I head back to the lounge area and get shoved by Skummer as her and her guys leave with their stuff through the side fire exit. “Fuck you too.” she doesn’t stop at all leaving with the whole full tilt girl mad on complete with tears. She does shout though. “Fuck you! You skinny little whore, watch your back bitch because I’ll be there and I’m going to take you down.”

“You’d know all about being behind someone you backstabbing cow, oh and taking me down? I bet you’re pretty skilled at going down too.”

She only speeds up faster but I do get nasty looks from her band mates except for Muzzle who looks at me in this way that makes me want to have a bath…with rock salt and hydrogen peroxide just in case.

“Ooooh cat fight that’s hot….meow…”

That voice, that fucking voice sends chills down my spine and my stomach do flip-flops and not in a good way.

Adams voice and he’s right behind me. And my first instinct is to flinch in response to the attack that usually comes.

I turn to look at him and did it a little too quickly and I stumble and fall and Adam…Adam catches me….he gives me that Adam Marshall I am the fucking shit bow down and serve me smile.

“Falling for me already I see.”

His hand starts to slide down my side and then he’s cupping my butt in his hand!

I feel…

Ewwwww…..

Then his face is in front of mine and he….I push off of him and slap him and try to fight all my instincts to haul off and guy hit him and I cry out.

“Leggo!, get your dam hands off of me!”

My hand connects with a sort of slap sort of palm strike to his face and the side of his nose which is still pretty tender.

“Fucking cunt!”

He drops/tosses me to the ground and goes to belt me one and I’d forgot all about who was here and who was around and…

Dad!

He’s there with a bunch of people and he grabs Adam by the back of his fancy jacket and he doesn’t just haul him away from me but he yanks him right off of his feet and with this really angry snarl tosses him seven or so feet away on the floor.

Adam gets up and sputters and yells. “Who?! What?!, Do you know who the fuck I am?...You…what the fuck are you doing here?”

Dad glares at him. “Seeing as she really didn’t want you touching her I think I’m following in my son’s footsteps you little shit.”

“Yeah well its bullshit she came onto me.”

“Which is why she was screaming and slapping you.”

“Bitch likes it rough.”

“Well there’s people that seen you in action.”

Adam gets up and looks at the few people that came to help me out. He even fucking smiles and dusts himself off. “Nobody seen anything Powers, nothing…I mean anyone that seen anything…might just get all sorts of bad luck by spreading lies about one of the Marshall family.”

The crowd started to back off, leave as the girls and some of the staff came over. Charlie asks. “What the hell happened?”

Adam looks at him all smug and stuff. “Nothing just a misunderstanding and stuff, Jem here’s involved with a really bad element and you shouldn’t have her or that band of hers playing her anymore.”

Charlie looks at him. “You’re one of the marshal kids right?”

“Adam Marshall actually.”

“Get the fuck out you’re banned for life.”

“What?! You can’t do that!”

“It’s my place, mine land included and I don’t give a flying fuck about you or your family you won’t be the first Marshall asshole I’ve kicked out of here. Ask your Uncles and your Daddy.”

Adam paces a few times and stalks out through the same fire door that Skummer left through. He turns and looks at me and at Dad. “You’re not going to get away with laying hands on me Powers…you won’t and you…(me)…you’re not worth the bother you little fucking cunt but tell your boyfriend he’s not going to get away with his shit either…you got that…got it…” he’s backing away and his entourage is following him and the little bitch he’s got for his girlfriend is staring daggers at me like all of this is my fault.

Yeah…

As soon as they’re well away from us my legs give and the girls catch me and I start to cry.

And swear, actually there’s a lot of swearing and I’m actually not really acting I’m having a sort of girl meltdown including when just it building up that this was Adam fucking doing it again. So screaming at the fire doors even though they’re closed and throwing my shoes at them too.

I’m being held by all three of the girls and sitting on the floor for I don’t know how long really before Dad come over and kneels down and hugs me. “Close one huh?”

“Yeah, fucking bastard’s never going to change.” (long sniffle.)

“Well there’s stuff Mike’s been doing that’s been really getting on his goat and making him look super bad at school.”

“Really?” (sniffle.)

“Yeah he’s said that he’s getting mad enough he’ll start making mistakes sooner or later. What Mike’s got planned?” he has a napkin from one of the tables and passes it to me. “Here, blow.”

I blow my nose looking at him sheepishly.

He pulls me into a hug. He kisses my forehead. “Its okay, Angel…its okay, not matter what.”

I didn’t even have to voice the fact that I was worried/scared of the way that he’d see me like this and everything but Dad’s just Dad and it just doesn’t matter.

I’ll tell you it makes a huge difference.

He hugs me and he hugs Brooklyn and then Kim and Raven before getting up. “I’m going to head out girls, just might be a good idea to stick close to home tonight just in case Adam and his little bastards decide to try to get even with some old fashioned vandalism or something.”

There’s some more hugs all around and he leaves with mikes dad and I’m leaning on Brooklyn when Charlie comes up to us. “Are you alright?” He asks me.

“Yeah, no all of the in between.”

“Look I’m sorry if I’d have seen him coming over like that and stuff I would’ve been over to stop him myself.”

“It’s okay…uhm…Mr. Powers came to my rescue. I’m sorry about getting you in trouble with the Marshal family.”

“Oh, I’ve been in shit with them before. I grew up with those assholes and I’m used to their headgames.”

“And you survived?”

“They’re like any bully girls if they even get it their heads that them strutting their stuff and everything might cost them they usually back off. I’m not worried about this little jerk off.”

“But, they can make your life hell.”

“Yeah and If I keep fighting them it gets to cost them too much time and energy in the end.”

“But they…”

He sighs loudly. “I was younger and it was the little shit’s uncle. He got kicked out and he tried everything he could to make running this place impossible. I snapped and lost it and beat the living hell out of him and ended up going to prison for aggravated assault for it.”

“So you won?”

“No, I lost. I lost time from my life from it but the only thing that I did get from it was the fact that I made sure that he knew that I would or rather could do it again. Guys like that don’t usually live it the real world and all the cash in the world couldn’t help him recover from broken bones faster than anyone else.”

“Adam needs to get beat like that.” I sigh.

“No, trust me…even if they can’t reach out and mess with you on the inside Prison is hell, it’s no place for any of you to get involved with.”

“I know…it’s just I’m so tired of shit like this…”

It’s really more than just tired of shit like this it’s me really just being so sick to the bone tired of this. Of Adam getting away with things like this and causing this kind of shit and this kind of drama and getting really nothing done to him out of it.

You know just one of those moments where it just hurts…like life itself just decided to stand on your spine.

I feel sick from it all.

“Angel?..............Angel?”

“Hmmn?” I have this kind of zoned out feeling like time got away from me. Raven’s looking at me and the lights are all turned off? She looks concerned. “Hey, time to go home.”

I look around and everything of ours is gone.

“I zoned out huh? Sorry, I should’ve helped.”

“No, you’re entitled to after tonight.” She extends her hand and I take it and she pulls me to my feet.

“It’s just…”

“I know.”

Raven wraps her jacket around me and she leads me out to the car and I try not to just get swamped by the whole thing. Adam pulling this shit, the fight and getting hit by summer and him with his hands all over me and me not being able to really fight him back or blow my cover and him knowing it’s me.

We get home and I’m just sort of on auto-pilot and I know I should be editing stuff and doing things but…

You ever just feel too heavy but like on the inside? Like the thought of doing anything, even thinking almost hurts just because of the effort?

I just head to the bathroom upstairs and strip off everything, everything and shower…and I can still feel his hands on me and fingers digging into me and I keep showering and showering until I hear a knock on the bathroom door. It sort of knocks me out of it and I’m suddenly shaking and shivering in the ice cold water.

“Ange?” It’s Kimmie.

“I’m okay…I’ll be right out…”

I get out and dry off and slip into my robe and head out into the hall. The girls are looking at me. “Angel…are you okay?” Kim asks again.

“No, she’s not Brooklyn says and there’s this look there in here eyes that mirrors me just a little because I know she’s…she’s been through more hell than me and the thought of what kind of pain’s there behind her eyes is choking me up and making me hurt and I try to fake it out with a smile but it’s as shaky as I am and I walk past them.

“I’ll be okay, i…I just need to sleep…okay girls.”

I head into my room without waiting for a reply and slip into my bed and try and pull the covers over me enough to shut out the world, shut it out just get away from all of it because it hurts out there…it just hurts out there.

I drift off into this scene of Mom’s accident, the funeral, me there and sick, Adam and the years of getting hurt, beaten, harassed and more and more getting made into the social outcast…shunned, hated by people who might have been my friends if hating me hadn’t been the trend. Pushed, shoved, slapped, spit on, hated for no other reason than the most popular of the most popular hated me.

Angel…this life, the girls, my friends, Summer…just such an utter fucking bitch…Raine nearly getting run down she was that upset…The van…tonight, getting slapped and hit and Adam!, Him touching me, gripping hard enough to leave finger bruises…not being able to fight him back…the people there backing off, backing away because of him and what his family could do to them….

I feel a hand touch my side and I cry out twitch jump! It’s Brooklyn, she hugs me slipping into bed with me and I look at her and it’s just…

Those first few choking sobs hurt, the pain is so big it hurts getting out then there’s this flood of old pain, abuse and hopelessness mixed with tonight and just feeling so powerless.

I hold onto her and she holds me as I lose it and scream cry…that I want to die crying that comes out from somewhere under your heart and behind your lungs like the core of you is screaming…like your soul’s crying in pain.

I’m still crying when Kim and Raven come in and they all sit in my bed their backs against the wall together and me curled up across their laps crying while all three of them are there….consoling me, crying with me and for me.

It’s…

…………………………..
…………………………..
…………………………...

Then…

Then Raven starts to sing for me.

“Spend all your time waiting for that second chance…”
“For the break that will make it ok”
“There's always some reason to feel…not good enough?”
“And it's hard at the end of the day”
“I need some distraction, oh beautiful release”
“Memories seep from my veins…”
“They may be empty and weightless, and maybe”
“I'll find some peace tonight…”

That’s when Kimmie and Brooklyn add their voices to Raven’s in this soulful matched notes that raise the hairs on my arms and it’s just…it’s for me and it makes me sob because it’s for me…

“In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here……”
“From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear…”
“You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie…”
“You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here…”

Raven picks up the song again but the girls are singing like angels in the background of it with those just light vocal tones….it’s all just…

“So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn”
“There's vultures and thieves at your back….”
“The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies”
“That you make up for all that you lack”
“It don't make no difference, escaping one last time…”
“It's easier to believe”
“In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness…”
“That brings me to my knees”

Then all three of them slip into the chorus and I can almost feel like the light inhere isn’t from the candles that the girls had lit but from just their voices.

“In the arms of an Angel, far away from here….”
“From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear…”
“You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie….”
“In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here….”

It’s more than special, it’s them being there like no one else ever has and they all get it and the song and being with me and the way that they sing it for me tells me that they know me…

They know me more than anyone else ever has…

They don’t just speak to me like this.

They are keeping me safe.

They are holding my heart and my soul.

And I drift away…Not alone anymore.