Jem…Chapter 85

Chapter 85

 

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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 85
 

I’m thinking that the best thing about the whole after the gig is this. I’m just slowly coming to with Rayne’s arms around me and we’re sort of intertwined together and I’m almost kitten like feeling that perfect combination of that way that she smells and the warmth of her body.

I love this very much just being here in her arms and the lazy afternoon sun coming in through the window which is just open enough that we’ve got that kiss of fresh fall air coming in.

I could just stay here forever but something seriously good is drifting in throughout the house. “Mmm…okay me not cooking all the time smells god from here.”

I feel Rayne stretch. “I can agree with that, you work too hard hon.”

Hon…that makes me smile, I like being someone’s hon.

“I just don’t like not doing stuff.”

“That could be OCD y’know.” Oh…Rayne starts running her fingertips through my hair her fingertips just touching my scalp just right.

“I’ve got some of that most likely.”

“Just a bit, you like to get in there.”

“You mean micromanage.”

“You are the band manager.”

“I love how you’re so sweet to me.”

“Angel…I’m just thankful.”

“Thankful?”

“There’s not a lot of girls like you Angel, not anywhere.”

I lift off her and the bed and look at her biting my lip. “Even with….”

“Yes even with…maybe because of?”

“Because of?”

“Maybe? You weren’t raised in the crazy emo-strangeness that girls can be sometimes.”

I’m blinking at her. “You know that I would’ve.”

“No…trust me it’s a good thing Ange, you’re still one of the nicest and girliest girls I know with out the baggage and the bullshit we all see to get.”

“Some people might call that real life experience Rayne.”

“Yes but it’s something you don’t need angel you’re amazing just the way you are.”

She kisses me and she cups and holds my face really gently and between the kissing she’s looking at me with this sweet soft way that makes me feel girly and wanted and pretty. I like it a lot since pretty is still a way of feeling that I’m getting used to.

I lean into the kissing and I kiss her back too with that yay happy giddy sort of feeling that you get when you’re all snuggly in bed with the girl that you love.

Oh good kissing is so…it’s kind of like biting into a peach. It’s velvety and soft and she tastes sort of juicy and sweet and…okay I start to giggle.

“What are you giggling about?” Rayne asks smiling in her voice.

“Fruit.”

“Oranges?” She says smiling raising an eyebrow.

“Peaches.”

“Peaches?” She sounds surprised.

“Mmm…Peaches.” I lean forward kissing her again and tasting her lips but I reach up and under the little shirt she was wearing and I cup her breasts in a sliding touch and run her nipples in that groove of my between my middle and ring fingers.

She bites her lip and does that sexy inhale through her nose and arches her back up with a sexy little semi moan sound. I smile and feel myself stirring and getting excited but it’s sort of different you know its more girl excited I guess than getting a stiffy in that guy way…I mean it’s getting stiff it just doesn’t feel like a guy kind of way.

I’m so new to this whole transgendered thing I mean can your not girl part feel in your head like that itty bitty part should feel? And I have no way of actually knowing what that would feel like.

And as much as this stuff is flickering through my mind I’m still enjoying this and I can’t help but to smile as Rayne raises her arms up letting me pull her shirt up and off.

And I really can’t help myself from the silly grin that’s on my face. I lean her back and kiss her again and take both her breasts in my hands as much as I can and gently cup and cradle and rub them…caress them and make her moan around my mouth as we make out and she squirms in that sexy girly slinky way.

I move down to take a nipple in my mouth…it’s so erotic really the taste of skin the feel of her and the way that you can feel the change in them as the nerves react and the blood flows to those areas and the way her nipples change.

Do men really, really get just how sexual breasts are?

I was going to ask myself it I did either when she sit’s up and pushes me back and her hand reaches to my chest and cups me pushing up the flesh of my not there breast to these budding ones and her lips touch mine and she makes soft oral love to my nipples making me shiver and wriggle and moan softly.

If I get on hormones and start getting real breasts she just might kill me doing this.

We start trading doing this back and forth and touching each other fingertips tracing over skin and touching hair and tracing curves and touching ears and kissing long and slow and deeply over and over again.

My hand slips to her panties and inside.

Her hand slips to my panties but outside and the way that space between my ring and middle finger played with the little peak of her nipples hers slides over the length of my bit and down and up until I feel her touch ad the satin of my panties caressing the underside of my…hood? Is that what it should be?

And we each have a free hand and we’re still kissing and suckling on each other and panting…moaning into each other…there’s that flush to our skins, the changes in scent and the flutter of eyes as we’re actually trying to hold on as long as we can and…and…and…

We both kiss and I’m squeezing her breast not hard but squeezing it still the same and trapping her nipple there again and kissing with our tongues dancing together in that french kissing things she does to me and her free hand has my breast being pushed into shape kneaded over and over gently but each time it’s ending with her fingers giving this sexy gentle tug on my hard so effing hard nipples.

And we shiver and shake and fall over that sweet rise together.

We fall over on our sides shivering with Yay and passion and excitement and we just sort of slip our arms around each others waists to gently hold each other and soak up the sunshine and go back to kissing but it’s that slow savored I love you kissing in the afternoon sunshine and that fresh little breeze.

Sigh.

We just stayed there awhile like that just sinking into the moment. Life’s too short to not try and just pull times like this into you y’know? I’ve definitely learned that with stuff with mom and when I was sick and even this stuff with Adam.

I know that maybe I sort of sound like old inside and stuff but I’ve had to grow up pretty fast.

Though honestly times like this with Rayne and just having this little bit of happy make it worth it.

I hate to admit this but it was the smells that got me up someone was making something really yummy in my kitchen and as much as I want to taste it I want to know who’s cooking and what smells so good.

“I’m getting up, I have to know what’s going on downstairs and I really need to get cleaned up too.”

“Save the planet?” Rayne says sweet and suggestively.

“Definitely.”

It’s kissing and more touching and just us being us in the shower and there is something just really personal about washing each other. Not even getting to the sexual and erotic stuff of it but there’s something addictive about having someone there to wash your back and then having their fingers through your hair.

I’m going to do this when the weather is warmer for Rayne on the back deck in the sunshine. I have this image of that like in late spring and early summer and clothes on our clothesline and her leaning back in a chair and I sort of do this spa thing and wash her hair with a basin and a pitcher or water and kissing and…

“Oh…Angel…are you..?”

“Sorry sexy day dream.”

“Really of what?’

“You?”

“Okay but what?”

“Nope that’s going to be a surprise.”

“Hey! No fair!”

She starts to tickle me and she tries to get me to talk but I’m not going to tell her no matter how much she makes me squeal and laugh. Then it’s more fun just getting dried off and then sort of dressed before heading down stairs.

I’m in bare feet and yoga pants with my Steelheads jersey on and I’m letting my hair air dry and just being Sunday afternoon lazy I slip into the kitchen to see Mike there cooking.

Brooklyn’s there with him and their doing the couple thing and he looks cute with the muscled guy in the jeans and black t-shirt but he’s got a bandanna on while he’s cooking and an matching apron both of them in red.

“Mike? You’re cooking? I didn’t know that you could with stuff at the house.”

“I can sort of cook, actually I’m making ribs in your oven.”

“Ribs? Ribs are good, I like ribs.” And that’s understating it really I think ribs are one of my top favorite things in the world.

“Good because these are my first sort of all day kind of attempt at them.”

“Oh, so what are you doing to them?”

“I went home and got them and while I was there I tossed them on the BBQ for a half an hour with a few wood chips and now I’ve got them in two trays. One bunch is sort of my take on barbequed with a tomato based sauce and the other one I’m doing sort of Asian.”

“Asian?’

“Well I brushed them with some sesame oil and then some brown sugar with some of this five spice powder on them and let them cook for an hour then I added a big can of chunk pineapple and some diced fine onion and added a bottle of honey garlic sparerib sauce and I’m just letting it cook down.”

“Oh…sounds yummy and the BBQ?’

“My secret.”

“Fair enough.”

“I could use some help with some sides.”

“Like?”

“Salad and coleslaw?”

I look at the others and they’re nodding Brook’s doing homework and Kim’s out in the living room on the computer and Rayne passes me a mug of coffee which tastes really good after last night and everything.

I help make the salad, well Rayne and I do digging things out of the fridge and it’s using some stuff up too.

A garden salad with romaine and iceberg cut into ribbons with some sliced cucumbers and radishes and the last tomato and a half diced up and we make coleslaw with the savoy cabbage cut really fine and I use our veggie peeler to render the rest of the cucumber and some carrots into long thing strips and some bean sprouts we had left over and I make a dressing with some plain yogurt and some apple cider vinegar a bit of sugar and a big handful of Kim’s wasabi peas that I grind to powder in the food processor.

Okay that’s a little bit nummy…I set that aside so the moisture can work into the dried peas and the wasabi powder in them and will serve it up just before eating.

Actually by the time that we’re done that we’re all ready to eat and we take the food all out to the living room and we clear off both big coffee tables from the computer stuff after we show it off to the people on line saying. “Time for the band meal and movies, later guys!”

We cue up the DVD’s for the laptops and we sit and we pig out to watching the Muppet Show Season one on disc and while we don’t know some of the people on as guests we know most of them in some way or another and mostly it doesn’t matter because some stuff is just so funny.

And the food…like I said I love ribs and the asian ones are amazing really good but Mike’s BBQ ones are…I get molasses in there and garlic and I think caramelized onion but that’s about it and Mike’s still not talking about what he used to make the sauce.

It’s that good I ate way too much and had sauce all over my fingers and face which had the extremely awesome benefit of Rayne sucking on my fingers and kissing me clean.

At one point Mike was laughing. “Okay do you girls think that the Warbler guy from the band at Jabba’s palace was them ripping off of the guy from Manam manam?”

I’m the only one who got that right off that bat and the more that I think about it the more that I’m giggling.

And that led to all this random internets stuff to listen and watch like Dr. Teeth and Muppet enter Sandman and Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody and just silly random stuff that each of us knows from our own online experiences…it’s just, it’s just what the doctor ordered.

I look at them all. “Thanks guys.”

Brook’s blinking innocently. “For what?”

“For keeping me distracted, with the appointment tomorrow.”

I get hugged and while it’s not too late I head off to bed with Rayne for some extra long comforting cuddles.

Between being tired and the being way too full sleepies and Rayne snuggled into me I fell asleep pretty quickly.

***

The alarm clock wakes me up really early and Rayne and I shower and I’m getting paranoid clean and a bit freaked out too.

“What do I wear to something like this?”

“Dress comfortable hon you don’t know what’s going to get done and we might be waiting there a long time.”

“Should I wear my boobs?”

“Definitely one they’re cover and two it’s who you are.”

“Right sorry.”

“Angel relax, okay it’s going to be fine.”

“I’m just nervous what if he says no or that there’s something wrong?”

“We’ll cross those bridges when we come to them.”

I’ll admit Rayne is the one that’s pretty much keeping me sane right now and I think it’s a good thing that I was only allowed water after midnight for the lab stuff I guess. If I had coffee with my nerves right now I’d likely work myself into a stroke and if I ate anything I’d be supremely sick too.

With her suggestions I go with a light loose skirt and a pink t-shirt and some flats. I’m saved by the drive down to Red Pines and Rayne cranking up the stereo which has me listening to tunes and eventually we hit one I really like enough to sing along with them and well once I’m kind of started listening to that and singing I go from one song to another on the playlists and yeah singing along with her too and the scenery is nice too with the road we’re taking following the lakeside and that’s always nice.

Actually getting out of Harper’s Point is nice too since it really doesn’t happen a whole lot really.

Red Pines is nice and it’s a smaller town one of those lumber and mining towns from way back and there’s a mill that’s still running here and the town’s about maybe eight or ten thousand but really nice or just that it’s new to me.

“I’ve only ever driven past here with dad a few times we’ve never really stopped in here before. It’s nice here.”

There’s a few places that even look like possible gig spots and it’s only about a forty minute drive from here to home.

And then we’re at the hospital.

It’s a little anti-climatic since I’m being seen at the “specialty clinic.” And Dr. Vatter won’t be in until ten and it’s only a quarter to eight but apparently he’s left requests for my case and first off is getting my lab work done.

Rayne comes with me and it’s really nice but she got a little pale when she’s watching them taking my blood.

“You okay? I didn’t think the sight of blood bothered you?”

“I…it doesn’t but are you okay…it’s…it’s rushing into those tubey things really fast.”

“I’m okay but they are taking a lot of samples.” It’s been a long time but I remember what a full panel looks like, they’re looking at everything. Probably due to my previous medical history.

“Yeah…uhm I’m…”

I lean up from the phlebotomy chair and kiss her. “Go, go get a coffee.” I look at the lab tech. I can have something once we’re done here right?”

“After urine and stool sure.”

Ick…oh lovely.

But she didn’t mention sperm and they’re calling me Angel so I think they don’t know or are being really discreet.

I’m just pretty sure from they casual eye contact that they don’t know that I’m not a girl like them.

The blood samples aren’t too bad even though it still is kind of sucky and I’m going to bruise really badly too where they’ve stuck me. I always have bruised really badly even back then as a kid.

The urine sample wasn’t too bad to do. They give you privacy for that kind of stuff but the stool sample was just…and the fact that they smear it on a card.

That’ll put you off toast and peanut butter for awhile.

I’m sitting out in the waiting area again when Rayne comes back in from Tim’s. She had to go out for it since the hospital here isn’t big enough for there to be things in the lobby besides the gift shop.

It smells really amazing when she gives me my coffee and she has a thing of Timbits and two Egg-McMuffins from McD’s. I’m actually hungry at this point that it tastes okay though usually I’m not someone who likes a processed cheese slice on anything and the rest is…but I do like English muffins so that’s okay then.

Rayne’s looking at me and tales the McMuffin away. “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.”

“Yes I do you paid good money for that and I’m not that fussy.” I take it back. From her and take a bite.

Mmmew…Processed cheese…

She laughs at the expression that must be there on my face. “You really don’t like those huh?”

“I like mine.”

“The way you cook they’d be awesome Angel. These are fast and convenient.”

“Fast and convenient isn’t always a good thing.”

“Okay so for future reference what would be good?”

“Bagel with butter or cream cheese just not poppy seed.” The best thing about this McMuffin? They’re chinsey small thus easily endured. But eww…way too salty with the ham and the fake cheese.

The Timbits are way better since some of them are still warm. My one big complaint for Tim’s they had the powdered sugar covered filled jellies and there was a lemon curd out of them that was really good. They got rid of that flavor back when I was a kid, I still miss it though. It was a really good doughnut. Next though and my fave is the sour cream glazed doughnut or rather the Timbits. I’m kind of eating most of the ones in the box. Fortunately there’s not that many and I’m picky with the rest of them.

It’s a long wait though, past the eating and coffee and the lab stuff it’s an hour then they come and tell me that I need to go for x-rays. That kills another hour for a full set of those between getting them done and waiting in the department.

And at least after that I’m directed to the “specialty clinic.” This time to wait to be seen. That’s another hour and then finally a ward clerk or someone comes out to get me.

“Ms. Benton, Dr. Vetter will see you now.”

“Oh good, can uhm my girlfriend come with me?’

“Your witness is already there waiting Ms. Benton I’m afraid not.”

My witness?

I get up and kiss Rayne. “Ange I’ll be right out here it’s okay.”

“Alright hopefully I won’t be too long.”

She kisses me back and we do that until several people cough at us including the woman with my chart I’m assuming on the clip board.

I follow her into an exam room and I think I see my x-rays up on the screen. Apparently it’s all computer files and flat screens now. I see Corporal Bobby Fraser there my handler waiting in the room with a large double double and there’s a doctor with him there and he nods to me as I come in and he’s taking my chart from the ward clerk woman.

He sort of looks like Stanley Tucci when he played that German doctor in the Captain American movie. He’s German or something as he’s looking at my charts and stuff and going. “Uhm-hmmm, Intervesting, interesting, ya…ya…”

He looks over to Bobby. “Ya you, you should go wait out zere while I do ze exam.”

“I should be here because it’s official.”

“No, you are a man and this would not be comfortable for ze young lady ya?”

It takes a minute before I realize he’s looking at me.

“Uhm…maybe just for the exam part Corporal?’
He nods. “Good point there I’ll just be outside though.”

The doctor nods and starts shooing him out. “Ja, ja you kin talk to her after we do ze examination.”

Corporal Fraser leaves and the doctor passes me a paper smock. “Here you change into that and please remove ze boobies.”

I’m blushing but he already knows the score of things with me and I see my real medical records there or copies of them in a RCMP folder. He sits and he’s looking over both nodding to himself and scratching his scruff and looking things over and he’s checking that against the labs and stuff.

I’m changed when he get’s up and he comes over and he starts with checking my heart and my blood pressure.

“Lower ze gown I is going to check your boobies.”

“I don’t have any.”

“I am checking ze boobies nonezeless.”

I think I’ll have that voice in my head the rest of the day saying ze boobies. Maybe I’ll write a song for that. I snerk at the thought of that right up until he’s touching me and probing and stuff with the rubber gloves on. And lots of nodding and saying things like Ya.

“You put feet in stirrups yes?”

“Uhm I don’t have.”

“I has to examine ze sac.”

“Excuse me?’

“I vould like to examine your sac, please get in ze stirrups.”

It’s scary and really embarrassing getting up and into those things and even more so when he switches out the gloves and it feeling and probing but it hurts too. I winch.

“Aaah…zis hurts and is uncomfortable yes.”

“Uhm…yes.”

“Zis is a new pain?”

“Uhm yes sort of?”

“Ya, you have the testy up in the hole.”

“What? Excuse me?”

“You have one testy, it is a really small and not so much a testy that a big grape testy and your testy has been move since there is only ze one and it has moved into your hole.”

“My hole…?”

“Ya, ya you have a hole like a cavity there, well here…” He presses in and it hurts and he didn’t press a lot.

“Ow!...ow was that?”

“Yes your testy is zere, this happen from accident?’

“Accident?”

“It take some force to have go there, not much but some if you in accident or a fight it might have happen then or you tuck sac and dinky ven you put on tight panties?”

“Uhm…both…”

“Ya either could do when the testy is small like a grape. This is not a good thing and can cause problems I fix. Miss Johnston please come here ya!”

He pulls the sheet over my lower parts. “Here you cover up.”

She comes in and he orders some stuff which turns out to be two little pills that they have me take and ten minutes later I’m feeling them kicking in and very happy and floppy and loopy which is good since the next thing was a needle for a local…it still hurt and I’m still embarrassed that it even happened but I can feel the difference now that it’s free.

“Oh that’s a relief I thought the cancer was back and had moved down there or something.”

“No, no you are still in remission zere was no signs of the cancer. But you need to be put of hormones.”

“That quick?”

“Not quick at all? I see you and ze picture from the police and I had a good guess of what things to run before you come here and after the tests I am sure that theese is ze best course for you to become ze you lady.”

“But I thought there’d be more to it?”

“No, no you need hormones just for your body. You are a paisey.”

“A what?”

“You a Paisey.”

“Uhm what’s a paisey?”

“P.A.I.S. eet is vere you do not use the man hormones right you body is just like a young teen girls is ya?”

“Ya…I guess…?” Dang it he got me doing it.

“Your body does not use the hormones right and in zat you do not produce then in enough measure to be a strapping big boy. But you do not make ze female hormone enough to be more of a girl but enough that you are who you are not only more so since you only haves the only little grape testy.”

“Oh…so…”

“You feel like ze girl because you cannot feel quite as ze boy and this works well with your being transgender.”

“So it caused me to want to be a girl?’

“No, no that eez totally different a thing and it might have been a small factor in theese but no eet is just vy things vill be easier.”

“Easier? Okay so…I’m transgender and my body hasn’t ever been a guy?”

“Yes on trans but no, you body is boy or is naturally trying to be but without much of both things your gendervolkenwagon ees stuck in neutral most of the time.”

“So I could go on male hormones?”

“Ya, but do you want to become strapping man?’

“Uhm…no…”

“Ya that would be a big waste you very pretty girl.”

“So you’re saying that you’ll put me on female hormones?”

“Ya it’s what you want and you need to have something in your system you have poor blood pressure and weight and body density.”

“I’ve always bee sort of thin and skinny.”

“Ja, now we know why besides the fight with the cancer.”

“Oh…okay, then what about breast implants.”

“Vat about them?”

“I’d like to not have to wear the fake ones any more.”

He’s nodding and letting Corporal Fraser back in. “You can geet dressed now but no panties.”

“No panties.”

“No, those are too tight you need looser panties.”

“Uhm…okay…” I’m still too looped to argue much and I pull the bed curtain and get dressed as he’s calling for something from his ward clerk/aid person. It sounds like another shot.

“I vill say Ms. Benson that am not in favor of the fake boobies not when you are still going to grown and change so much.”

The Corporal is looking at me. I look at him. Honestly I still want them even though I have no idea where I stand with things.

He looks at Dr. Vetter. “She needs then for her protective custody detail thinks could happen between now and her growing hers out that would put her in a bad situation.

The Dr. does that hold his chin thing. “Hokay, I say she get ze small ones, an A cup size she would heal faster with smaller boobies and then they would get bigger as they develop.”

Corporal Fraser looks at me.

I’m nodding. “Works for me…I’m too small for enormous boobs.”

“Okay Dr. Can you schedule something soon?”

“Eet’s not my specialty but yes I will do this for ze police.” He’s filling a needle with stuff from a vial.

“What’s that?”

“Is shot for next patient.”

“Oh I thought that you were going to give me a hormone shot.”

“Vy? No, no we don’t do that I geeve you za prescription for what you need and you take according to instructions yes?”

“Yes, okay.” Okay I just thought like in the stories you get the shot.

“And I giving you ze patches since there are less complications to zem that ze pills.”

“Oh okay that’d be good.”

He writes out several scripts for me and Corporal Fraser passes me a card.

“What’s this?’

“You prescription drug card. It’s clean and even if they look at it it’s not part of the RCMP health care plan.”

“Oh good.”

“Are you okay you’re a little spacey?”

“Oh I was having pain down there for awhile and turns out that my single was stuffed someplace it shouldn’t be.”

He makes a face. “Ouch, but isn’t that not good for the whole transgender thing?”

“Well I’m not sure, I mean I’m not really good with the whole wrong stuff down there but I’m sort of getting things better like as to why after this. But as for the whole being transgendered I’m sort of making things to deal up as I go along.”

“Okay just if things start getting crazy and stuff like you need to talk or something I’m sure I can find a therapist that we can get you appointments with.”

“Uhm…not now…maybe after everything but not know it’d just make things more complicated.”

“Okay, any news on the Adam front.”

“No not much but I got some pretty strong tips the other night from a girl in his court and that might be an in if she shows at other gigs.”

“That’s the one with the credit card thing.”

“Yeah, worth looking into.”

“We are but without warrants some of these credit card companies are really uncooperative, it’ll take time to trace things.”

“I’ll talk to Mike to see if he’s scored anything new to on his end.”

“Good hopefully that’ll pan out too.”

We shake hands and I get my prescriptions and the notes for when and how to take them and I carefully make my way outside and Rayne’s looking at me confused.

“Angel are you okay?”

“Yeah just stuff was tangled and untangling it hurt.”

Rayne tilts her head at me confused.

“I need to get some looser fitting panties while we’re filling my scripts.”

“Okay…oh…oh…ow…that must have hurt was it twisted? Did I do it?”

“No, it wasn’t twisted but shoved someplace and stuck there.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Scared…I thought it was….”

“Oh the cancer coming back?”

“Yeah…”

She hugs me and it really helps since the drugs are still in my system and while not blasted like I was I’m sort of floppy feeling inside and tiredish which is sort of making me emotional and I’m leaning on her until whoever was after me had gone in and we hear as the door is being closed.

“So you have ze earring through you’re winkie and you thought zis vas a good idea ya?”

We get out past the doors of the specialty clinic before we burst out laughing. Part of me feels sorry for him given the fact I know there’s a needle in his future. But it’s still funny.

We laugh all the way to the lobby and Rayne slips her arm in mine. “C’mon beautiful lets get your scripts filled and then get your period panties.”

“Period panties?’

“Yep, totally what your doctor ordered.”

I’m blushing like crazy as she opens the door for me but I’m really kind of exited too. I’m so close to getting started now. Of getting to be me…Angel.

What will it be like?

Will I be ready for this?