Jem…Chapter 181

*Before…

“Oh yeah she’s Helena Price and her family owns like from what I know a lot of stuff like south of the border but she’s not the usual girls that he goes with she’s one of those approved to breed with ones.”

“Oh…Well okay so not local.”

Carmen shakes her head. “Nope, but her being here means Adam’s pretty confident that he’s not going to jail.”

“Yeah figured that out so he’s likely here to secure your side of what you’ll say and what you know.”

She swallows. “Yeah.”

I rub her back. “We’ll get through this, we will.”

I head out and Dad steps up beside her to take over and there’s cheers as we come out on stage and date or not Adam’s staring at me…staring at me a lot.

And what the heck…he’s one of the one’s cheering and whistling as I come up to the mic stand.

*And Now…

He literally has his fingers in his mouth doing the cheering three like whistle blasts and the sound seems to annoy his date because she does this wince from the sound followed by a less than pleased look.

I take a breath and try to ignore them as much as I can and wave at everybody and bounce on my feet as we’re warming up and I say. “Hey how are y’all doing tonight?”

There’s some whistles and cheers.

“Are the drinks okay!”

More cheers.

“And the food’s slammin right!?”

Lots more cheers from the crowd and the bar and wait staff are waving at everyone.

Brooklyn and Raven start playing *Voodoo Child* By Jimi Hendrix as a warm up and the crowd starts to move and grove to the instruments and the girls are really showing their chops.

“Y’know what we have here’s pretty cool, mid-week jams and a tapas bar and we’re literally the only place that’s got this going on right now outside of Toronto! Here! Us! Harper’s Point!”

I tip the mic stand at the crowd and I say. “Pointers!?”

And they’re picking up on my mood and the energy and the crowd yells. “ROCK!”

And I yell back. “Pointers!”

And they yell back. “ROCK!”

And I yell back one more time. “Pointers!”

“Rock!”

And that’s when we switch over the tunes from the back and forth instrumental warm up of *Voodoo child* to the incredibly well known opening and at soon as the first three seconds are playing with the guitars and the drums they’re clap-clap-stomping.

And I groove into the mic with both hands.

“I saw him there dancin by the record machine…”
“I knew he musta been about seventeen…”
“The beat was going strong…”
“Playin my favorite song…”

“And I could tell it wouldn’t be long…”
“Till he was with me…”

And the girls come in with… “Yeah me!”

“And I could tell it wouldn’t be long…”
“Till he was with me…”

And the girls come in with me. “Singin…!”

And it’s me but it’s like literally all of the girls in the place as it just explodes with.

“I LOVE ROCK ‘N ROLL!”
“SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKEBOX BABY!”
“I LOVE ROCK ‘N ROLL!”
“SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN AN’ DANCE WITH ME!”

I even do the “YEAAAH!” rocker yell that’s in a lot of the videos of Joan Jett doing this song.

And they’re with me the entire way dancing and bopping and clapping and yelling as I’m doing what’s one of the definite old school girl anthems.

And I dance in one place a few seconds as I whip myself up into doing. *What’s Up* By Four-Non-Blondes.

One of Pink’s favorite songs and songwriters mine as well.

Linda Perry’s an honest to god genius.

And I take us from that to *Forever and Always* By Starlight Butterfly but our more rocker girl/Heart version of the song and then we do *Keep the Faith* By Starlight Butterfly and we go from that into *Rock Your Little Heart Out.* By AC/DC and then *AC/DC* The song not the band that’s done By Joan Jett and The Blackhearts.

Now firmly back into the realm of chick rock we slip into doing. *Don’t Wanna* By Starlight Butterfly and then that actually has a vibe that leads to *Can’t Stop* By The Red Hot Chili Peppers and then *Who’d Ever Think* By Starlight Butterfly.

I like some of their songs actually but this one is a good switch hitter for guy and girl singers and I like the challenge of doing the almost chant/rap kind of way that it’s done so it’s kind of fun and a good way to exercise my technical vocal ability too.

The Raven takes over with *You Outta Know* By Alanis Morrisette and *Price Tag* By Jesse J and while it’s usually me doing that she so has the chops to do it too.

And that’s ten which takes us in just over an hour.

Rayne actually talks into the mic this time. “Alright we’re taking a break it’s intermission time and a perfect time to grab some of the great food and have a few shots before we’re back for you to shake off the week and hump day party!”

We are cheered as we leave the stage and now I’m keeping an eye out as best as I can and I see Adam moving our way and Billy and Davey get in his way and he raises his hands and is saying something to them and Billy comes over to me.

“He says he’s here to talk to San Diego.”

“That’s not her name.”

Billy blushes. “Sorry that’s what Davey and I call her.”

“Oh, okay as long as she’s cool with it then.”

I turn to go see Carmen but she’s there and she looks at me. “It’s okay Angel, it’s out there it’s not like he’s going to do something in public.”

Billy shakes his head. “Not with us around, Davey has a hate on for this jackass.”

I watch her go out and I want to go out there with her a lot and Molly looks the same too and I can’t see Mike anywhere either.

I’m trying my best to read lips even though I really can’t and it’s just frustrating me and I see Adam give her an envelope and she is reading it and she says something and then she’s walking back here.

*And… Carmen.

Scared, I’ve been scared all day really despite how cool Angel’s been and Molly’s been. Everything has been falling apart in Marshall Land and Adam’s not a good human being he’s a pimp and he’s a dirtbag as far as I’m concerned.

And all day has been building to this.

Helena’s at the bar drinking and there’s some of his asshole buddies and what I’m assuming is some of her crowd and they’re all older than high school aged and able to drink and they are and they’re scarfing down stuff here too in short order.

Actually Justin brought over some stuff for Adam to eat and he’s eating it in front of Davey like he wasn’t the least bit scared of him or Billy.

He actually looks like he’s in a good mood too with his eyes dancing and he’s smiling.

I walk up to him and he’s looking me over. “Carmen, you look different, you’ve put on some weight.”

“Well I don’t live at home anymore so mom doesn’t control what I eat anymore.”

“And the hair is interesting too.”

“I’m growing it out and I’ve stopped using all the chemicals and straighteners.”

“Well all sorts of changes then.”

I look at him and he looks at me and I cross my arms under my breasts and stare at him with maximum bitchface.

He smiles and eats another meatball off of his skewer.

Asshole.
“Well you wanted to talk to me.”

“I did, you’re out.”

“What?”

“You’re out, you’re done.”

“What why?”

“Because I’m done.”

“Really, expecting prison?”

“Hardly and the most I’d do is minimum security at best and then it’d still be a country club.”

“Pretty sure of yourself.”

“You’re that only one that can talk Carmen and even you have no clue as to everything that has been going on in my life.”

“Oh…such as?”

“Such as the stuff I told you about my dad and family it’s true. Sure I used it to get sympathy but then again in my family I didn’t really have a choice.”

I look at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Dad ran the shots Carmen; he ran the shots with everything that I’ve ever done.”

“Really what about the thing with Jason?”

“Done.”

“Done? I never had a choice in going after Jason Powers. I really didn’t not since we fought like in elementary school and he kicked my ass. Dad wouldn’t let it go, I mean we were kids most of us outgrown that petty bullshit.”

“You really expect me to believe that?”

He finishes eating. “No I don’t which is why I brought your card contract and that it’s free and clear and cancelled.”

He takes out this envelope and a paper and passes it to me.

It’s cleaned out.
Done, paid in full.

I look at him. “The province could have cleared me of that debt.”

He nods. “They could but that would bring everything out in the open.”

I stare at him. “The other girls I couldn’t help and they’re going to testify and Dad’s going away for a long time but you I could help, I got ahold of your contract and paid it off because we were sort of close once.”

I’m staring at him again and he looks…he looks different…something has changed.

“You expect me to believe that all of this was your Dad?”

“You honestly think that it was all me? I’m a minor Carmen I’m seventeen and I’ve never been free in my life. Look at your own mom for fucks sake and tell me that you don’t know what it’s like to be controlled all your life.”

I…

Dammit.

“So what now?”

He shrugs. “Likely a lot more stuff with the cops. I’m likely going to go through a lot of shit but hey I’m done, I’m done and I’m out. Hell you never know I might sign a rapper and use the street credits.”

“Its credit Adam not credits and don’t go there just keep to what you’re doing and Sucks On A Thornbush.”

He chuckles at that. “Okay that’s a good one.”

“So for real we’re done?”

“Done, let’s both walk away.”

“And Powers?”

“Doesn’t matter I don’t care I don’t have to worry about dad freaking out anymore that I haven’t taken care of the problem.”

“And Angel?”

“What about her?”

“That shit at Lucky’s.”

He frowns and looks down. “Not my favorite moment but I don’t think she’ll take my apology.”

I look at him. “Hell if I know, Angel’s good at forgiving people that she shouldn’t.”

He looks her way and I move in front of him. “But I really, really doubt it Adam. No one likes you, no one trusts you.”

He sighs. “I know, I know all I can do is to try my best with everything Carmen. I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do now that I’m free.”

I frown. “Well as long as we are done then we are done…right?”

He sighs and he looks tired for a minute. “Right.”

I turn and head back and he calls after me. “For what it’s worth Carmen I’m sorry, I’m sorry that you ever got caught up in my family and all its shit.”

“It’s not worth a damned thing Adam it’s not worth a fucking thing.”

I catch his reflection in one of the windows and see him walk away and back to Helena who looks like she’s asking him what’s going on.

I’m clutching the envelope in my fist all the way back to where Angel and the girls are.

*And…Angel

I look at Carmen as she comes back and she’s shaking and she’s got the letter fisted in her hand and Molly comes back with me and Mike’s back at the table she and he use for the cameras and the computers and he’s eating.

Molly walks her to a chair and we gather around her….well except for Molly who stands behind her and wraps her arms over her shoulders.

I sit in front of her. “What’d he have to say?”

“Adam said that we’re done. He paid off what I owed and snuck out the file apparently so I don’t get contacted by the cops.”

Rayne says. “Won’t there be a computer record?”

Carmen shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not I don’t know?” she looks upwards at Molly.

Molly shakes her head. “I’ve no clue either, Adam might have erased it but who knows what the cops will find on their servers even if they can get at them.”

I look at her. “You mean they can’t?”

She shrugs. “That’ll depend on the Crown and the lawyers; computer and business information is a whole realm of things that I don’t know about. I mean there could be a whole lot of layers to get at these things and the cops might be relying on the hard print files that they got.”

I lean back and let out a long sigh. “So you’re free unless you talk?”

Carmen nods. “Done, and all the sorted past and hooking for him…and as he told me his dad is done.”

Brooklyn says. “So even Adam is saying that this was his dad?”

Carmen nods. “The way Adam tells it he had to do all this stuff because his old man made him including the whole vendetta against your cousin.”

I blink a few times. “His dad did not make him torture Jason.”

She shrugs. “By the way he says that’s exactly what went down. He said that he never wanted to mess with Jason like that and that his dad made his life a living hell until he made Jason suffer and stuff.”

I frown. “I’ve seen the way he gets; I’m pretty damned sure that he was after Jason.”

Carmen’s looking at her hands. “That’s the thing Angel you have a good family, I know what it’s like to be controlled by a parent.”

I…

She continues. “He said he was sorry for what happened at Lucky’s.”

I frown some more. “Yeah well that wasn’t him acting on his dad’s wishes.”

She looks at her hands again. “I was there though Angel, I was there not at Lucky’s but where my mother, my folks pushed and pushed and when I was part of the mob back then I wasn’t a good person I was one of the mob and I wanted to hurt others as much as I was hurting.”

I’m gnawing at my lip. “I still don’t trust him; I don’t the whole thing just feels like Adam’s playing us like he did those other girls.”

She takes a drink that Molly passes her and has some. “I don’t either, I told him as much that we’re done like totally done. He even tried to apologize to me for all of it and everything.”

I look at her and sigh. “Are you really free? Like out from under?”

She nods. “As far as I can tell yeah.”

I look at her. “So now what do you want to do? I mean you could testify and give that file up you have there.”

She’s shaking her head. “I’m sorry Angel, I’m sorry I don’t know. He said he’s not the one that did all of this and that it’s his father. He said he’d…”

Brooklyn says. “He’d get off. As shit stands now he’d get off because of his age and first offense and all the evidence against his father.”

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose.

As it stands now, now that’s the thing isn’t it.

You ever have the start of an idea of feeling that gives your stomach flips?

I need to think, I need to talk to “Uncle Bobby.”

And everyone’s looking at me.

I take a breath.

“Okay…for right now we keep on keeping on. Nothing’s changed even though things might have changed.”

Carmen looks at me. “Are you going to tell your cousin?”

I nod. “I know a person that can get him word. I doubt he’ll come back though, not until things really are done and that includes Adam.”

She nods. “I wouldn’t either.”

I look up at the clock. “Well…looks like we’re nearly out of time for intermission. We need to get back out there and play.”

Rayne leans down over me and she is holding me like Molly’s holding Carmen. “The show must go on huh?”

I nod. “Yeppers, and let’s give them a good one.”

I reach my hands up to her and she pulls me up to my feet and out of the chair and I zoom off for my much needed pee break as the others had all of theirs and I clean up some and get ready and with Carmen back in action and doing our make-up and tweaking our hair.

I give her a really big tight hug and head out with the girls and we start right in without even an intro talk as they’ve been waiting for us and we open with the girls playing our version of *Whole Lotta Love.* By Led Zeppelin.

The drums then the guitar and for a few minutes I’m just clapping over my head with the beat line as people are getting the song and I pull off my band tee revealing me in my corset shirt and there’s cheers and I toss the shirt into the crowd and the I step into the mic stand and take it with both hands and girl croon into the mic.

Definitely going for the feel and sound of like Chrissie Hynde.

We switch from that into more guitar by Brook, bass with Raven and I’m rock dancing as we’re building up into the song working the crowd up even more as we break into *Rock Your Little Heart Out* By AC/DC and then I go from that into a femme sung version of *I Want You To Want Me* By Cheap Trick but not a slowed femme version like I’ve heard but still high energy and then some actual Chrissie Hynde with *Boots of Chinese Plastic.*

Then some great rocking *Sweet Emotion* By Aerosmith and that’s a good walk into us doing *Keep the Faith* again and then a harder version of *Everything* and *Please Don’t Go* all By Starlight Butterfly and we really, really need more hard rock songs to fill in for all the covers we do during times like this because we loop if we go longer and want to have our own stuff represented. Then we go into *Drops of Jupiter* By Train and that’s actually taken us to time again with longer songs.

Nine songs and some of them are fairly long it builds to the second hour pretty quickly. I step up to the mic stand and

“Hey we’re going to come back after another break and play some stuff that you can chill and dance to.”

We head back and I’m keeping an eye out for Adam who’s still here but he’s with his or I think this Helena’s crew or entourage and he’s eating and texting. I do see Justin there and he’s with Marley who was dating Adam and just might be another one of the a few of the others like Carmen was only well…Marley was not a nice person in my opinion from school and she does come from the same area as Adam and Justin and the other well to do kids. I don’t know who Lucas is dating but she seems very blonde and very giggle prone and she’s very good looking in that either incredibly naturally gifted or surgically boosted way.

Helena must mean something because Adam does break from texting to talk to her and he’s not really paying attention to the girl Lucas is with which most boys would.

I’m going to have to watch her because she looks pretty polished but she has that sort of just…I don’t know. Something about her gets my spider-girl senses tingling.

Part of me is a little mad because they’re here and having a good time.

I mean I’m like the others and part of me really wishes that he’d be put behind bars and not out and having a good time and socializing.

I bite, chew and swallow it back as it looks like they’re not looking to cause trouble now and they’re really not looking my way at all.

I head back and head for the bathroom with the other girls and we’re sweaty and things from playing the harder stuff tonight and Raven looks at me.

“You okay I saw you looking again.”

“I’m okay but I just don’t trust him and he’s got the left and right nut with him.”

Kimmie asks as she’s sink washing her hair…well wetting it down and then towel drying it to cool off. “Left and right nut?”

“Jordan and Lucas, pretty much Adam’s right and left testicles.”

Kimmie snerks at that and I can’t help but grin.

Brooklyn says. “Kinda matches my Siamese assholes.”

We kind of laugh at that and we head back out to the backstage area and Carmen’s with Molly and there’s food there and Molly passes me a smoothie?

I take a sip. “Oh…this is good.”

She beams. “I figured something different and soothing on the voice so I actually made it before we even left and just chucked in the freezer so it’s like thawed now. Some yogurt and lemon juice and some honey it’s pretty basic.”

I’m still sucking on it and nodding but I give her a fist bump and I sit down and there stuff there from tonight’s menu all set up on a tray surrounded by this big basket of deep fried potato wedges.

Skin on potato wedges with rosemary friend in with them that sort of seasons them but not too strongly and flaked salt and lots of fresh ground black pepper and some other things but a medium golden brown so the potato has enough browned taste and umph to handle the seasoning.

And salty but not too salty just enough to make you drink more.

Then there’s chicken tenders but they’re friend in panko breadcrumbs and there’s this drizzle of sauce that’s tart, really tart and then really hot and there’s honey there too but just, just enough to taste it and it’s not cutting the heat and I’m glad for the smoothie because I’m coughing and fanning my mouth after eating it.

It’s good though, that crazy fire and crunch with the chicken it’s good.

Then there’s mini-quiche with olives, lots of olives which I’m okay with but Rayne’s the only one that really likes those.

And then there’s a section of bluebill fillet that’s double wrapped in its skin and there’s like herbs and something else tangy and creamy but it’s been fried so the skin is all crispy and there’s a sort of lemony small dollop of I think what they call chutney over it.

There’s some sort of seasoned rice ball that has all these things in it and some sort of spice or herb I’ve never had but it’s really good.

And there’s spinach? Well greens at least and cheese stuffed little pastry triangles that are glazed but it’s savory as heck with salt and pepper and dill, I liked those a lot.

It’s all good and I can really see why people keep coming back as the menu keeps shifting from night to night here when we’re playing.

It’s really high end stuff but it’s new and that’s winning lots of folks over.

And like I said before and not to bash on Toronto but it’s something like this that’s not there.

We eat and then another refresher session in the make-up chair withy Carmen and another hair fix even Kimmie who gets her wet hair given the professional wet hair look and we head back out to the stage and I take up my guitar and start playing with Brooklyn and we start playing for Raven who steps up to the mic and Mike lowers our lights so we’re doing spotlight on the mic stand lighting and Raven steps up and she’s in her corset top now too and she does the bangle and bracelet shake as she takes the mic and the stand and tilts her head to the side doing that long haired side fall and she sways back and forth with our guitars and she starts to sing and she’s letting her French accent show a lot more because it’s a good pairing to the German accent of The Scorpions and she starts singing. *Still Loving You.*

Time, it needs time…
To win back your love again.

I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love…
Can bring back your love someday…!

I will be there, I will be there.

I'll fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again

I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love…
Can break down the wall someday…!

I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love

Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again

I'm loving you…!

Ballads, ballad covers, pop songs this is what we’re strongest at and Still Loving You as sung by Raven is this sweet and deeply sultry slowed down version of it that is stunning when Rayne sung it too me just over the phone when she wanted to do it and here with her dressed like that, under the lights and in the groove to sing.

She’s stunning and phenomenal.

And the song is great too and with great lyrics and soft tones as she’s singing it as well as great guitar and drums the lights of phones start popping up as well as some lighters too.

Then she goes from that into her rendition of *Washed Away* By Starlight Butterfly and then she keeps signing as I shift from guitar to the keyboards and I play on them in piano mode and Raven stays with the mic and still does that soft sexy crooning singing and covers. *Right Here Waiting for You* By Richard Marx.

People are swaying together and couples are out and slow dancing on the dance floor together and we shift from her singing to me singing as she comes off the mic and I stay behind the keyboards but use the mic there and I start playing the piano and start singing *Eternal Flame* By The Bangles.

And I go from that into *Carousel* By Starlight Butterfly and then after than *Tingle* by Starlight Butterfly.

Then I keep playing as the lights switch and it’s on Brooklyn who just rocks back and forth on her feet and has her head tilted back and she’s not playing but just sort of hanging onto her guitar and she starts to sing in this almost poor girl gospel.

And she’s singing *Stand By Me* By Ben E. King.

When the night has come…

And the land is dark…

And the moon... is... the only... light we'll see.

No I won't be afraid... no I won't be afraid…! (Long held rising pitch)

Just as long as you stand.. stand by me.

So darlin'..! Darlin…! (She’s belting it out now.)

Stand by me, oh stand by me (Me and the girls)
Oh stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon..
Should tumble and fall.

Or the mountains should... crumble to the sea.

I won't cry..! I won't cry..! (Again she’s belting it out.)

No I won't shed a tear…

Just as long…. as you stand... stand by me…

And darlin'..! Darlin'..! (She’s belting it out again.)
Stand by me..! Oh stand by me..! (All of us from this point.)

Oh stand now by me... stand by me...stand by me... yeah…

And darlin'... darlin'... stand by me... oh stand by me…

Oh, stand now by me... stand by me... stand by me... yeah…

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me! (Brooklyn’s last power line.)

Oh now now stand by me! (All of us)
Oh stand by me... stand by me...
Oh stand by me...stand by me…

Oh stand by…..me…. (Brooklyn doing the long fade out note.)

There are genuine times when my girls can leave me breathless.

After everything that Brook has damned well been through and she plays like she does and she sings like she does this sweet hurt soulful mix of Christina Aguilera and Bonnie Rait.

I’m crying and I don’t care and Brooklyn rocks back and forth on her heels again holding her guitar and taking a few breaths before she starts to play the intro tunes to *Billy Holiday* (By Starlight Butterfly) as Raven starts singing again and I’m playing keyboards still.

I thought I was going to be the hero.
When I found you there all alone.
So alone …
Lonely and cold.
But it was you that picked me up when I had fallen.
Turned my grey skies into sunshine … and I remember …
Oh I remember thinking, blue, blue eyes and that smile …
When do Angels wear that much make-up …
Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you.
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday.
I took you in but you gave me shelter.
You taught me that I wouldn’t be broken forever.
You make it better …
You made it better …
You made me believe in love again … !
Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you.
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday …
When I’m with you I feel safe now …
Oh so safe now … !
No more crying in the shadows …
No more cutting, no more shame …
No, no, no … !
Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you …
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday …
You are my candle.
You are my light.
You are a love song.
You’re my flame …
Oh … sweet, sweet Angel …
You’re my Billie Holiday …

I take my own breath and look over at Raven and I’m beaming a smile at her and i’m still staring at her as my fingers start playing then singing *Never Enough* By Starlight Butterfly.

I think about us all the days …
I daydream about all the stuff that I want to say …
I roll over in the morning into your embrace.
And it’s far too short, and there’s the day to face …
I dream about us while doing all those other things.
I smile wistfully … at your phone voice … do you know I do that …
We sneak our little talks and we’re just us.
But I love that, and I want more.
(Chorus.) I just found you like yesterday …
I never thought these blues could go away …
You’re my love song on the radio.
I want more … oh I want forever.
But even forever … Just is never enough.
I see you in the glass at the corner store.
A quart of milk and some eggs then I’m headed home.
My lonesome ache … too long a day.
But thinking about you helps me find my way.
(Chorus)
We turn down the lights and it’s finally us.
Burned out, stressed out, you fell asleep on the couch …
Waking you up with a kiss just to go to bed.
And as bad as it is, it’s still pretty great …
And I want more …
And I want more …
(Chorus x2)

I go from that into doing *Tingle* By Starlight Butterfly.

And that’s perfect to us to go into *Destiny.* By Starlight Butterfly.

Then we stop for a few seconds and the lights go to the drums and Roxy’s standing up on the drum platform and Raven and Brook are doing really light touch guitar and I’m on the keyboards and she looks amazing too as she has the wet hair and her band tee is stuck to her and she’s got this etherial Japanese punk-drummer thing in spades right down to her moogle knit beanie and she starts singing. *True Colors* By Cyndi Lauper.

There’s a girl that yells out from the darkness. “I love you Roxy!”

She smiles so big at everyone and she sits down and she starts playing the intro into *Invisible* By Starlight Butterfly.

I start in with the keyboard next before I start to sing….

Day after day … .it’s always the same.
Waking up cold … on a bright sunny day …
Breakfast’s cold coffee and three cigarettes …
Why do I even bother …?
No one will notice …
(Chorus)
Because I’m Invisible …
Why can’t anyone see me …
Because I’m Invisible …
Why can’t anyone hear me …?
I’ve been screaming and shouting but nobody cares …
Because I’m Invisible …
I’m Invisible … … And I’m fading away …
And the shower can’t wash away the pain … ..
Another day … of not this again …
And the soap’s not what’s making me cry …
I close my eyes to the razor’s lullaby …
Why should I bother …?
Will anyone notice …?
Will anyone miss me …?
(Chorus again.)
And is the knife my only friend …?
And will these pills take me to my end …?
And will anything be there at the end of the line …?
Or like everything else is it a big waste of time?
Why should I bother …?
When Nobody loves me …
When Nobody sees me …
(Chorus twice more.)

I look out at everyone and we’re a little over the time actually and I stay there but start playing along with nodding to Brook and she starts too.

“Thanks for coming out tonight everyone, I hope you had a good time. I’m sorry we didn’t get out to talk and sign stuff earlier tonight but sometimes stuff catches up to us all.”

I stop and we play ourselves out to *One for the money, Two for the show.* By Trooper.

Yeah normally I go out and go down but with the meeting with Adam and Carmen it was playing it safe and after a few more notes i get up and head down and off to stage with the girls playing us out.

I’m going to not let Adam keep me from my end of show stuff no matter how big his entourage is.

I take a breath and walk to everyone in the crowd heading to our merchandise table.