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Author's Note: Picture with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.
 
Chapter 72
 
 
It takes me a minute or too to get Adam out of my head. Well he’s not out of my head but I’m putting him in the mental files that I’ve labeled evil misogynistic slimy douche bag.

Rayne pulls me back. “C’mon more work.”

I glance at the door and watch Davey and Billy head outside and they look all business both slipping through the people leaving like hunters through the brush. My cousin Jenna sure knows some scary people.

Dad hangs around and Uncle Mitch went for a “smoke” out back and we start tearing down and Mike has shammies with him so we can wipe off the gear. I’m eventually presented with our tip box by Kimmie and I find myself sitting down at one of the bigger tables with Mr. Walker.

He’s doing his stuff for the staff’s tips and I’m doing ours and I notice one of the waitresses winding power cords up and Mike is bussing some of the dishes as we’re all sharing not just the tips together here but all of the end of the night stuff.

One of the kitchen guys sets down a plate of the tapis leftovers and a pot of tea for us.

Mr. Walker pours for both of us. “Milk, cream, sugar?”

“Oh just a little milk please sir.” He nods and pours saying. “This, this shared work and tips is why I recommend you to some of the people in town.”

Really? “Thank you it’s actually pretty important for me that the band has a good name. A reputation for being hard to work with can really do some damage to a band.”

“I also like that you’re thinking ahead too like that.”

“Well sir honestly when I get to work with you I really try and listen and pick things up.”

“Thank you that’s actually a big compliment Angel.”

“You’re welcome.”

This is something that I actually like too. I like working with the people that hire us and I like feeling like I’m a professional. Working with Mr. Walker is getting to be like working with a colleague and that’s a heady feeling getting some actual earned respect and it’s carrying over to the girls. Rayne she’s already there but Kimmie tones things down a bit and Brooklyn watches herself here too. We don’t go all stick up the butt but we actually do try and act a bit more mature here.

It’s mostly bills this time mostly fives as the lion’s share of the change for the tips has gone to the servers. There’s the odd ten here and there and a few twenties and three new ones like the ones from Carmen before. It might not have been her but she was here tonight.

Our share of the tips is actually pretty decent. And with the twenties and the others including two fifties that are way too much and I think honestly by looking at the footage might be Jenna’s guys tipping heavy while they’re here Starlight Butterfly brought in three hundred and eighty dollars. Then add in four hundred from the staff’s tips and that’s seven hundred and eighty dollars and then we break it all back up by the four servers the two counter staff and the four in the kitchen and us is split…fourteen ways making it. Wait no add in Mike too it would be…fifty two dollars each.

Mr. Walker and I give out the tips to our people and the servers and stuff are still good but iffy about it but the kitchen crew who usually get’s nothing are thrilled.

And I think I am actually seeing looks of relief on two of them. Times can be pretty tight even with a job and you get an extra fifty bucks that can mean a lot.

Even Mr. Walker is happy at the turn of things and the reactions of the staff. The girls, my girls I mean are happy too. I look over and see Billy looking at me.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah the little asshole left he didn’t even look like causing shit was on his mind.”

“Good, him being here was bad enough.”

He’s still looking at me.

“What?”

“You and Jenna, I swear you Powers women are cut from the same cloth.”

“Huh?”

“She sort of does the same thing too where she’s from but she and Taylor have these water jugs set out for a whole bunch of different charities.”

“That sounds pretty cool.”

“Well you sharing out that much in tips cut you five by close to twenty bucks each but not only are you pooling it together but you included all the staff.”

“Hey, people came here to have a good time and they eat all the little snack stuff and well someone prepares it and take good care of the customers from behind the scenes. Putting on a show’s more than just showing up and doing a gig. Or at least I think so it’s about the whole thing, having a good time all the way around.”

“Yeah…You’re a Powers woman for sure.”

I blush but step up and hug him. “Thanks…I mean it thanks Billy it actually means a lot to hear that.”

Davey coughs. “Yeah that’s why the powers girls are trans-girls.”

I stare at him. “What!?”

He eats one of the leftover bits of the bar snacks. “Because if you girls could have kids the world would never be the same.”

I hit him in the arm. “Asshole.” He smiles a little, it was a friendly asshole remark…and…wow he really has this sweet boy smile when he does crack it. He’s more than just dangerous physically he’s dangerous romantically too. Dangerous and a smile like that and being a stand up guy? Yeah, I’m not sure there’d be many straight girls not interested in Davey.

And there again I’m actually seeing a guy through female eyes. No, I don’t want to sleep with him but I can definitely get “It” a whole lot more now and I’m not so freaked out by the thought either.

We load up and we’re actually careful leaving. I swear that Billy and Davey are actually doing the whole body guarding thing and after gassing up the van we head home. If we do that for work we can put it on our card as a business expense.

All of the guys even help us unload and don’t stick around for more than a cup of coffee. Well Mike stays and we set up the computers and stuff and we get the show from tonight linked up and edited. And while we’re doing that we’re talking about better cameras and doing more live feeds and stuff from the shows and posting the stuff to our sites. And then it’s website ideas and designs and getting from our show clothes to just our normal stuff and talking to some of the fans.

As a bonus Brooklyn had actually used her camera phone to actually record some stuff about the after show tear down and the sharing of the tips and me working with Mr. Walker with a breadstick in my mouth like chewing on it while my hands are busy.

She even picked up on the two that looked relieved and one of them said that she’d actually afford some groceries and to get some real pet food for her cats rather than just what she could afford and the fry cook? He said. “This, this is milk for the week and a prescription my kid had for her earache that’s paid. This helps a lot; you girls are really awesome for it too. Other people, other people wouldn’t bother.”

I’m blushing as she says. “It was pretty much all Angel’s idea.” Then I’m staring over at her as she’s blushing because. “Hey…” she says to him on the screen.

“Yeah?”

“How, many kids you have?”

“Two.”

She passes him a twenty from her own tips. “Here dad…get something for mom.”

“You don’t have to do this miss…”

“Two kids and a wife and she’s with then while you’re here doing what a twelve?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah…get a movie, get some ice cream just take this and do something for the two of you.”

“But…”

“No, trust me I got out of a home where the parents never…it’ll be good for the kids.”

“………”

“And its Brooklyn not miss.”

Then she left and we’re so teasing her and there’s a pretty strong response from the people online. Actually a huge response…there’s a whole lot of people out there that have been through that too. That parents too busy and maybe too broke to spend some money on themselves or each other.

We seriously hug her and Mike…Mike looks like he just fell for her all over again. I text dad since he’s still up more than likely and feed him the link to this….

About five minutes later we see.

Remy Powers: [So, so proud of you Brooklyn, Love you DAD.]

How can you just not cry at that? I’m in tears and Brooklyn is too and she actually does that whole shaky hand thing touching the screen and I swear we’re all a crying mess including everyone that’s watching her right now.

Kimmie does the whole sniffles and gets up. “Oh god I need chocolate.”

We actually take that as our point to say goodbye to our fans for the night and Rayne and I dig out some of the junk and we make some hot chocolate still cry a bit but its all good and happy tears too.

It’s close to one by the time we all head to bed and yeah Mike stays the night.

Me I’m in my room with Rayne and we’re just taking turns massaging each other for awhile before we snuggle down into bed. I really wasn’t planning on sleeping with her tonight I still sort of want us to take things slow at least on some kind of level but right now after tonight I think we’re both way wanting the snuggle I love you factor.

Kimmie wakes up the house with Tom Sawyer again and Rayne and I kiss each other good morning and we head downstairs to Mike in the Kitchen making the coffee and Brooklyn wearing his shirt from last night and she’s making toast.

We all hug and we start into our day and the routine and its Rayne and I again at the last of it taking our time to have a coffee together out on the front steps before she has to go off to work.

Sigh…it’s really kind of lonely when they’re gone like the house is sort of left in a vacuum.

Housework…yeah that actually helps and I do the dishes what few there are and gather the laundry and do that too and find Brook’s bedding was put into the wash. I hang it outside on the line actually thankful that I didn’t have to uhm…well I’m pretty sure why they did the sheets.

I hang out some other stuff too and the front doorbell rings while I’m there. I head to see who it is and it’s the Fed-Ex guy. I sign for a parcel addressed to me from….oh it’s from my RCMP guy.

I open it and there’s papers for me and an appointment marked off in the hospital there for me to go and see a specialist concerning my cover issues and my medical needs in the specialty clinic there at nine AM next Monday. There’s even a letter that says that I’ve nearly done my Real Life Test and that this Therapist Dr. Huntley has given the go ahead with the next steps for transition and my Carry letter. He must have pulled some strings for this and looked at my medical files too because there’s mention of my cancer and everything only listed under my new name.

“Wow…I guess that I am officially Angel now.” And that kind of feels good.

I re-read everything and the other stuff is wavers and stuff for them with me doing this but what it means is that he got a hold of a doctor to see about my transgender issues there and where it’s a specialty clinic it’s where they send the specialists to the smaller hospitals and stuff so people don’t have to travel from say here to Toronto.

I did the same kind of inpatient clinic stuff once I got home from the big stuff in Toronto with my cancer with the visiting oncologist.

I’m…I think I might be on my way.

And I re-read them a third time.

It does say what I’m reading, I mean it’s not like I’m showing up for the appointment and will be getting some sex change there and then but.

Yeah…tests and maybe hormones and getting myself on my way.

I do think that if this guy knows that this is a secure RCMP thing that maybe he can find me someone to talk to. I’m happy don’t get me wrong and even excited too because I really do know that this is me.

But… me being Jason for most of my life and finding all of these things about myself has me thinking that I could use maybe a professional opinion on things. Despite all my angst about being Jason vs Angel I want to find something like balance or closure between me and him.

Guilt maybe but Jason deserved better than to be just dropped?

Wow, I wonder if other transgendered people sound or feel just as schizophrenic talking like this about themselves like first person and third person like we’re the person we were changed and yet strangers too.

But…

This is a huge step forward.

So I set the papers back in the envelope and set it on the coffee table and start to “Snoopy Dance.” Yes the Buffy thing like the peanuts character and not the orange dimwit from the Jersey Shore.

Riding that feeling I get my computer out and I go to one of my playlists and get stuff to dust and scrub but it’s rocking out and having fun with the tunes cranked and celebrating actually. And yes you can have fun doing housework while rocking out.

My house cleaning happy playlist.

*I can see clearly now* By Jimmy Cliff.

*Walking on Sunshine* By Katrina and the waves.

*Could you be loved.* By Bob Marley…under rated and thought really to be a black reggae thing but really just he was so damned talented.

*How Bizarre* By OMC … another really under rated tune actually.

*Because I’m Awesome.* By the Dollyrots.

*Hollerback Girl* By Gwen Stephani….Yeah there’s something fun about sliding on wet soapy floors like a stage trick and using the mop as my fake mic stand. I might be geeky as hell too trying to dance and being street but it’s fun as hell.

I really go over the place not that it’s needs much but I think it’s a throwback from mom that I like our place clean and neat and smelling good. But by the time I’m done I’m sweaty a bit and it’s still early so I first go and look through the freezers and find some cut up chicken and set it out to thaw in the sink in some warm water. You don’t want to use hot because the chicken fats will actually sort of poach and the skin and you get this kind of eww texture when you cook your chicken.

I peel some potatoes and set them to soak and get the other stuff like paper towels and a roaster and spices as well as a can of apple juice.

That all set up I head to the bathroom and I run myself a bubble bath. I settle in for a nice long soak and then a scrub going through different things in my head. I’m starting to get to like taking a long bath and once I’m really warm and have dozed some I take my time and do the self spa thing.

Make sure I get all my stray hairs then wash my hair and condition it and even take my time and just trim the split ends just a bit and do the long condition hot oil VO-5 treatment too while that’s doing it’s thing I open a facial mask. We have some because I bought them. They’re these neat little packets at most drug stores and usually just one use but they’re only around a dollar or so. I do the face mask and peel thing and take some of my conditioner for my hair with keratin in it and rub it into my nails and cuticles after getting off my nail polish.

I read that if you use that stuff on your nails it makes them stronger like it does for your hair. So I do that and let it work and then I clean the bathroom while I’m all Femistry set ugly.

After that it’s washing every thing out and combing my hair out and I even do all those old fashioned strokes you know front, back, and side to side for like a hundred times to like make it all soft and stuff. I peel the stuff off my face and after some baby lotion skin so soft on the rest of me I get into a cute set of bra and panties but some old clothes and head back downstairs.

I feel pretty and I feel girly and I like the feeling. It’s like Mr. Unhappy down below isn’t even that much a bother. I love feeling soft and smooth and silky. Also cleaner…they was a scary surprising amount of gunk that came out of my skin with the peel.

I head back into the kitchen and rubber glove up to keep my hands clean and well it’s chicken and I break the chicken up and put it in a bowl tossing on a good amount of salt. Then I get a pen and a pad of paper and sit on the floor in the living room and I start making my list.

The fees for the songwriters guild.

The monthly fees or for those for all of us.

The fee’s for the Canadian Musician’s guild and the after fees.

Insurance for both the band and health insurance for us. Yes we live in Canada but we might travel and a prescription plan will be good to have too.

Looking at joining the town chamber of commerce as a member. A band is a business.

Website design, find a good design and check the Compu-college downtown.

Advertising space for the site.

Tourism link to the site.

Charity donation links to our band site. I have a long list that I want to do for those and I sort of want to have us speak a band blurb commercial for each of these causes.

Look at getting Tee-shirts made and printed here in town.

Look at getting band shots taken and prints made for fans here in town.

Savings account for the band.

X-mas account for the band. I want to throw and I know it’s a long shot but I want to throw a concert maybe at X-mas time for our fans sometime with us paying the bill.

Get an account set up in town at one of the music supply stores.

Do some on site commercials for some of our suppliers in town and our venues.

Talk to Tourism Canada and Ontario to see how and if the band scene with the clubs and stuff brings in any people as tourists just to see the band.

I think that’s about it and I get online and talk to our guy at the bank. Well I send him and e-mail and by the time I have the salt washed off the chicken he gets back to me. I soak the chicken in the apple juice. See the salt and being frozen pulls a lot of water from the chicken and now the apple juice will soak back into the chicken. It’s my own version of brining a chicken but it adds that hint of sweet into the meat and here’s also where I add some rosemary too and some black crushed peppercorns.

It adds to the flavor and I learned this stuff on the cooking channel. It sounds like more work than it is…really.

Well like I said we talk and some of this stuff is doable and he even knows some people like for the shirts and he said he’ll help me look at the government stuff and it might not be a bad idea to get a sort of tourism band club tour site up if they don’t have one already and we could link it to the Starlight Butterfly sight and more things. The chamber of commerce application isn’t a big deal and we just need to apply and get a signature of a current member of the CoC to sign the papers and he can do that himself on behalf of the bank.

Some of the other stuff like the charity accounts are stuff he’ll set up once we get our website up and running and he also say s that we should talk to each charity about our public service commercials for each and see if they’ll sign off on the production time of each as a charitable donation by the band for tax purposes.

I also want to set up accounts so start saving for my education which he says he can start too for me. I’d do more but I really want to talk to the girls about stuff like their education stuff before going into all of that stuff.

That all done I set up and appointment for me and Rayne to come in and do all of these things and I text her.

[Hey Beautiful U bzy?]

[Nope, slow afternoon U?]

[Busy, did hse-wrk, and talked to bank guy we have appointment tomorrow at 11 AM to get things done for the band accounts.]

[Cool…U didn’t have to do hse-wrk.]

[Yep was celebrating.]

[Celebrating?]

[Got my appointment with gender doc in Red Pines Memorial on Monday.]

[That was fast.]

[Cover issues, I really think they want this to work.]

[Me 2.]

[Yeah, need a drive.]

[kk, I’ll clear it with the boss.]

[Maybe we can go do other band stuff 2 tomorrow?]

[kk, like?]

[Talk to website guys, got addy for Tee-shirts and photos maybe we can do that and check other venues or at least drop in and see.]

[Yes, definitely want to spend day with you.]

[Yayness!]

[Luv U say that.]

[Luv U.]

[Luv U 2 <3]

[Yayness!]

[LoL! XD got2 go bk to work, KISSES!]

[Mwah, KISSES!]

She goes off line and I smile and hug myself and I go online for a bit checking the places in town that does do live music and the other spots that we might want to check out in town like the music stores and stuff. I make a list of those and add it to the lists and then check out our stuff online.

Oh holy Yayness…they’ve blown up and sort of gone nuts. I mean we’re moderately bust some times but the video with Brooklyn and the guy from the kitchen and stuff is…it’s got over two thousand hits on it since we went to bed and the other stuff like how we did tear down and shared stuff and all of that was all getting these huge responses and there was tons of comments to us about us especially since us crying over how awesome Brook had been last night and the thing with dad and his post…it was all online.

There’s messages too tons of them and some of them are letters…there’s like thirty four of them for Brooklyn from fans that are like letter sized posts. I look at a few and this struck home with people and not just teenagers either but some of the parents that watch us with their kids that are our fans watched it and they’re sounding out too.

And there’s the responses about dad…there must be close to two hundred comments of how cool he was and how so many of them want to have, wish they had a dad like him.

I’m crying because…because he’s my dad and I’ve…I’m so proud of him.

I have to get up and leave and go to the kitchen before they all move me into a complete glomphy mess. It takes a few minutes to get cooled off but I’m still really happy, happy and proud.

And making apple sweetened southern fried chicken for supper.

We deserve this…I really do think that with all the crap we’ve been through that we deserve this but also I’m really, really thankful too. I’m not really a church or god person. Not that I’m against it just I wasn’t raised with a lot of church stuff so it’s not really something that I think about that much but…

I take a minute and take a deep breath and just thank them. It, the universe life. Just because it feels right.

I take a minute or two once the chicken is double battered and in the fryer and the close my eyes.

Singing is kind of like how I pray so…One of the newer songs from one of my all time favorite artists finds it’s way out. *Guardian* By Alanis Morisette.

And I sing…
You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain
You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Now no more smiling mid crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian
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These lyrics are not available for printing.
You, you who has smiled when you’re in pain
You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Now no more smiling mid crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian…”