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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 112
 

Jem… Chapter 112 Thankfully

Chapter 112

*Max…………

It’s been…

Well it’s been unexpected.

And unexpectedly good for a change too.

Not that it’s all bad I mean I’d never say Janey’s a bad thing but Sue getting pregnant and us being so young and everything with that…unexpected.

I could say there’s been a lot of stuff that could fit or equal as unexpected being bad but sometimes that’s just not true.

It was unexpected just how much that I’d fall head over heels for my daughter.

And meeting Kim was sooo unexpected.

I’ve seen her online and on You Tube with her band and Janey loves Starlight Butterfly.

She was just looking for butterflies anyway or something online and she found them.

And I guess even as young as she is seeing an all-girl band is kind of a powerful thing.

And I look for stuff for that.

I’m pretty aware or try to be about the stuff that women go through. I’ve had to take a long hard look at a lot of the stuff that was just guy talk and other things because…well we might make jokes and we might say and do things that in our side of things aren’t that bad but girls…women.

It’s different a lot different because a cheap laugh can just be a lot of shaming bull.

It always makes me wonder what had happen to Sue, just what had stuck inside of her and sort of just metastasized.

I want better for my daughter.

So it’s work for me to keep us both…well us and my mom.

It’s kind of always been me and Mom so that’s not new but it’s always been pretty rough.

But adding Janey made things so much different and complex and harder.

I know Mom’s got her heart in her throat sometimes seeing history repeat itself in our family like it has and I know she wanted me to finish school and go to college and have a normal life and stuff.

But Janey.

My baby girl y’know…

Meeting Kim though has been.

It’s been awesome really. I mean she comes across as this flighty high strung girl but once you get to know her she’s got a lot more depth there and stuff.

We’ve had two…three dates if you call me going to see her play and then me going to her school with the cupcakes.

I can’t believe how happy that made her.

I can’t really believe how cool it felt to make her that happy.

…………………………..Last night was amazing and it was one of my lucky nights that Mom was cool enough to look after Janey after she got off her work so I could go out.

I have to pay that back somehow.

I mean serious she’s had her own social life on hold for like too long.

Anyways I had gotten to The Amsterdam and I got my hand stamped. They do that so you don’t get served if you’re a minor and it’s UV stuff so you can was it off but if they think you’re underage they have a mini flashlight that it still shows up with. You need like alcohol or something to get rid of it and stuff, plus they can still check ID’s.

I got to see them play and doing all those cool covers and stuff. For a girl band they cover a lot of “male” music and they have some really great choices too.

I sort of locked eyes with Kim early on and it felt a little foolish but I kind of crowd danced some.

Okay it was embarrassing as shit but I know that Kim seen me because she smiled for me.

Okay at me but it still made me feel like it was for me.

And then the band came out with her at their break and did stuff with Mike and Molly? And the others and we all ate together and stuff. It was cool.

And yeah it was really cool that Kim was like the first one out too.

Then there was getting to sit on stage.

Okay, it was waaay out of the way and it was like behind Kim’s drum set but that was a really great view.

And power…I mean there’s like all sorts of girls and stuff and Kim’s like super short and she’s kinda skinny too but watching her play, and move…it wasn’t like sexy and slinky stuff either but girl…girl strong and female drummer strong.

And okay I’ll be the first one to admit her outfit looked smoking to and she’s damned pretty too but she’s more than that.

Sue and I we sort of grew up together, she was right out of Bishop street trailer courts just like me and besides her I had dated a few girls but they…and I know this sounds screwy and even bad but they weren’t like Kim, no one’s has been anything like Kim.

Not that I’ve ever met so far.

So it was a really good night even if I was out with then past closing and stuff helping out and way past my bedtime.

No…I actually don’t have a curfew because I live alone.

Mom’s just down the street but to get all the benefits that I can for Janey and stuff I had to be living alone and stuff. But part time student and part time shift work plus what extra shifts I can get and being a single dad I usually have little time for sleep and stuff so I usually make the most of it.

Mom…mom ended up staying the night and I crashed on the couch.

Only to be woken up with Janey with an Eggo waffle in hand still frozen bonking me on the head over and over.

“Daddie was Weggos.”

“Legos? They’re a little chewy.”

“Daddie!” My eyes snap open…Janey can hit the volume really high and really loud.

And on the couch I’m at ear level.

I reach out and grab her and she squeals and I pick her up and she’s laughing and giggling.

“Da…Supagerl time!”

I get up and I spin her and drop her on the couch and then she rolls over and I grip her shirt pretty good and pick her up so she’s facing down but I hold her up and run around the living room with her and she’s making giggles in between her squeals and her whooshes.

She actually says whoosh.

Yes.

I’m a geek, a nerd and I’m raising a little one.

Yes, I’m letting my little girl play super heroines.

I go twice around the world that’s the living room then the kitchenette and then down the hall to my room and back before stopping at the kitchenette again and setting her down in her booster chair and clicking her safety belt.

“Legos it is.”

“Weggos!” She yells it like a victory cheer.

“Juice?”

“Aye sir!”

Oh and she likes Fairy Tail especially Happy the flying cat.

I go and get some juice and I mix it together, some frozen o.j. and some carrot juice. Okay it’s mostly orange but I’m sneaking in the carrot and have been since she was drinking juice and stuff and I put it in her safety cup and I take out the Eggos.

One of these days I have to get a waffle iron and make them instead of the non-brand ones.

But there’s a lot of one of these days.

Mom’s here too I know that because she didn’t wake me which she does before she goes and I start with coffee too.

I am a coffee snob.

Not a snob but after drinking it for years and having lots of bad coffee at work I’ve switched to better.

I like it strong so I have Jamaican Blue mountain coffee beans in the freezer and I take out a cup full of them and put them in the grinder and let it go and then I run a pot full of water through the machine to just have it cleaned out and rinsed.

It does actually help.

Then it’s my coffee water which is my filtered water from the fridge. I have a Brita filter pitcher and I use it for my coffee and for Janey.

Town water is okay but the trailer court is old and she’s my daughter so…I’m being a little more conscious of stuff.

I try not to buy pop too much and stuff either but I’m not an overboard parent because half of what she will eat is kind of garbage anyways.

I honestly don’t think that I can eat a chicken hot dog again in my life…and a few other things.

I get the coffee going and I get her Eggos going and I get mine too. I take some eggs from the fridge…we do have lots of eggs one of Janey’s friends her folks have a farm just outside town and laying hens and they sell free range eggs for about two fifty a dozen which is like sixty cents cheaper than the store.

I make some scrambled eggs and mine are just a kiss of cream in the eggs and beaten really well but I separate the eggs first. I whip the whites and fold them together it’s actually something I seen done on TV once in a movie of all things and they make really nice and fluffy eggs…a pinch of sugar in the yolks and a smaller pinch of salt too and it seems to make a difference.

I fry up five slices of bacon and that gets the oil for the pan for the eggs and Janey gets a slice with her Eggos and I set down the bottle of grape jelly.

Don’t ask me why but the kid she doesn’t like anything else on them.

Mine I cover in peanut butter and eat like a slice of toast and I plate the scrambled eggs when they’re done and make some actual toast for mom and coffee and I walk it down to my room.

She’s just waking up after Janey’s flight and she gives me a sleepy smile and I set the food on the bed and she takes the coffee reverently in both hands and sips at it slowly.

“Thanks Max you didn’t have too.”

“You’re welcome and I was making it anyway, but it’s a thank you.”

She smiles and just sips the coffee. We’re kind of beyond the back and forth think of not having too’s and all that stuff.

I head out and eat with Janey and then we’re doing clean up and mom comes out and gets another coffee and goes outside for her “Walk.”

She smokes, and she is actually decent enough not to in my house or in front of Janey.

I’m not going to give her shit over smoking either yeah it’s bad but it’s one of the less shitty things she could do as people and single mom’s go.

I take Janey to brush her teeth another thing that I try to really get going for her since it helps to get the habit going and then it’s stuff for the day.

It’s Sunday so we’re not doing pre-school and stuff but we’ve other stuff to do.

Laundry…which is fun…I try to make it fun and we trash the beds and pull off all the sheets and stuff…I have click-flooring in my trailer, it’s the faux hardwood stuff and I put it in myself last year but it’s slippery and slidy.

And we get it all in the basket and she hops in it and I have one of the sheets and I pull her down the hall.

“Yay! I winnin da bobsled!”

I try to have her dream, lots of dreams.

“That’s right! Why!”

“’Cause I’m Awesome!”

Yeah it’s the song that SLB covers and I’m playing it on my computer with the speakers playing pretty loud and she’s doing the I’m a little kid and I don’t care if I’m cool dancing and rocking out and stuff and that’s cool with me.

It’s a fun song.

And Janey is the only girl in her class that can do the rock devil horns.

And the live long and prosper.

She dances and we only stop after it’s played out and we do up the wash.

Separating is a good colors game.

Then it’s stuff that she can learn.

How to use the gel packs of detergent. Yep they don’t spill so she can do that and push the right buttons too. I know she’s young but I want her to know how to do stuff, and it’s never too early to do stuff with them.

With them.

Man…

Some of the other parents I see when I do get to pick up Janey from pre-school.

Most of them are older than me but…

Do stuff with your kids dammit.

Sorry it’s something that ticks me off.

We get that all going and we go and sit down in the living room and we take out her Leapfrog book toys and I put up some SLB stuff on their You Tube page and we start to sort of play.

Some play and learning and then some videos and we kind of do it that way. TV and shows are sort of a treat and a break in doing stuff for her. I got the Leapfrog play and learn stuff for free and I use it to sort of keep her going and stuff I even have some of the French stuff and some Sesame street and some of the Blues Clues and Dora stuff.

She’s really smart and I want her to get as much out of it as I can.

I’m drawing out her times twos when I get a bee-doop from my phone.

It’s Kim texting me.

[Hey you what r u doing?]

[Lessons with the kiddo watching you on You Tube.]

[Me?]

[Yeah U.]

[*Blush*]

[U r Q-t when U blush.]

[TY (Smiley cat sticker)]

[LoL YW what R U doing?]

[Cooking and baking with Angel we’re doing turkey day together and stuff.]

[And stuffing.]

[Yes and that but so much other stuff too.]

[Sounds good.]

[Yup, learning lots.]

[We’re doing ours tonight too.]

[What are you having?]

[Take out.]

[What for Turkey day?]

[Janey doesn’t really like stuff like turkey that much remember so Mom and I are getting a bucket of KFC and she’s getting some chicken nuggets. It’s more of a treat than a cop out.]

[I can score you some leftovers.]

[Done! I mean if it’s not too much trouble.]

*Kim…………

I set down the phone and sigh.

Max.

And Max is just…

He was actually pretty excited over the prospect of leftovers.

And we talked, well texted and stuff and then we talked because he needed his hands free to help his daughter with her homework?

Y’know I can’t remember when I had to learn my times tables?

And there are all these little things that I’m picking up about him too.

The father thing…I think he’s so determined over what had happened with her that he’s making up for things.

And he’s there.

And to me that’s just wow…mine aren’t, even when I lived there they weren’t really there. We were a collective instead of a family really.

But as far as meeting a guy, a guy that’s into me he’s so different too.

Honestly most of the guys that I’ve known have been all about sex and some were all like thugs or just kinda self-centered jerky boys.

But Max…I mean he was out there dancing and stuff but he was looking at me while he was out there so it was like he was dancing for me.

That was kind of cool.

Sigh…

Part of me wishes things were further along with us and that we could do like today together and stuff but we’re still getting to know each other.

I’ve never been slow on the whole hook up thing really before either…and I don’t want to be that Kimmie.

I don’t want to be daddy issues Kimmie and needing attention because I never really got it at home.

Sigh…

Hey at least I know that’s stuff that is part of me being messed up.

I take a big breath and let it out and then tale a big inhale of the cooking smells and get up and take stuff out of the ovens and stir some of the stuff in the crock pots.

I am having fun though.

I’m learning stuff that honestly I never gave a damn about in school because I never really got it and now I even have like reasons to get it. I wanna be able to help like I’m doing now, I wanna be able to get good enough to cook some real Japanese food. Not like sushi and stuff but the real everyday at home stuff.

This stuff was like nonexistent home. We weren’t Asian unless it got us ahead.

Catering and meals put together because we were like expected to.

And Angel and Remy and stuff it’s all changed.

After Summer we were like broken and even with Summer we were kind of just eating crap like out from take-out and easy stuff and it was kind of like home only less frigid.

Yeah living with Summer was still less shitty than living home.

But it wasn’t family.

Jase…Angel was family so fast because yeah we were and are hiding her and stuff but she stepped right in and she started to help from the start of things and she’s worked her butt off to make things great…not just better but great.

I’m really a drummer, a paid drummer and I’ve written a song and it’s actually out there and I have a say in stuff including the play lists and just.

Family.

Like with Remy…and the way he had just stepped up and even though I do have family and stuff and…and…he’s just there and he just actually loves us.

To have that and know that he means it when almost everyone else in your life has just been sort of mouthing it.

It means a lot.

I sit down and get a pen and one of those yellow note pads laying around and just sort of start doodling and then writing…

*Bring the Rain.*

You look at me with those sad eyes….
Those dry eyes, those too much eyes.

You look at me with that sad face.
So much heartache….

I see you there looking lonely…
So lost and lonely…

Why are we all so lonely…?

But I’ll never give up.
I’ll never stay down.
I give it my all and bring things….
Around…………. (long Angel note here)

(Chorus.) And I’ll Bring the Rain….!

I’ll look to the sky…
I’ll open my heart…
I’ll take all our pain and…
Wash us both off…!

Ohhh…ohh…!

And I’ll Bring the Rain……!

People say that I’m foolish.
Chasing day dreams, chasing rainbows.

But we can’t live without dreaming.
Without caring….Understanding….

I want to show you it’s not all bad….
It’s not all sad…

I want to kiss you and say it’s okay know.
Just come and hold you…I just want to show you….
That we’ll never give up!
That we will never stay down!
We’ll hang onto our dreams and bring things…
Around……….! (Another long Angel note.)

Chorus X2

……………………Oh…oh wow I was just…and it just sort of came flowing out of me and stuff and it’s….

“It’s good.”

I Eeep and look over my shoulder and Angel’s there with this little dish and she’s sampling the chili. Okay I’m like tiny-bi and she looks heartbreak sexy like that with no make-up and bed head blowing on the spoon.

Rayne…you’re a lucky girl.

“It is?”

“Yeah I think it’s great, it’s right up there with I Believe.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, so what are we going to do about the sheet music?”

I grin as she spoon feeds me some of the chili…and start to draw off lines for notes on the next page.

*Brooklyn…………

It’s amazing….

There’s times when you never ever think that things will change the ways that they have.

I mean I thought a lot of stuff about life and stuff…I knew how shitty things could be.

My old my, he was a drunk and a druggie working only so far as his next pogie claim then doing something to get laid off…usually something that he might get disability for. Never did but he tried.

Drank all the time…did drugs and sold them too…Then he got fired for streaking stuff from the fish plant and he took a nosedive.

Willingly…and that’s when he started drug dealing big time.

Making meth and other stuff.

That’s what I grew up with.

It’s not a family you want to be a girl in…when you’re little it’s okay ’cause you’re little. And dad teaching you how to cook Meth or raise plants in little egg cartons was cool. You were his little girl.

Then you start hitting puberty and suddenly you’re not.

You’re mini-mom…slave, fetcher, split ass, whore…they always say you’re a whore.

I never slept around until after Derek…dad went to jail for a year and not two weeks after mom got a boyfriend…someone to feed her drug habit.

My brothers too…they were okay because he got them high too.

Then he came in my room one time and…

I lasted two months before I left…got out and ran away the first time.

Then Derek was gone and dad was back by the time the cops found me and hauled me back.

The rest well everyone knows the rest…

But…But nothing’s the same at all.

Angel and her dad…

Our dad?

Definitely our Remy.

Mitch…the decent stand up uncle guy we never had either…that stand up uncle guy with a gun.

Then Mike.

Mike…

Mike who was good enough a guy he got past my defenses.

The guy that let me beat him up as I was learning stuff to defend myself out in the garage.

The guy that’s putting himself on the line.

Again.

The guy that has me touching myself in the shower…as everyone’s doing the after show stuff and the cooking stuff.

I can’t help it…I mean me and guys and men…I’d be a lesbian if you’d go by trauma…but I just…I like men…at lest sexually…but Mike.

He’s that guy.

He’s one of those guys…the tough, smart, strong, decent guys from stories and movies.

He’s strong…those ideals, those arms and hands…holding me and touching me….

I can’t help but to mimic the way that feels…his touch…get lost in the feelings, the touch and the rhythm of how he dips his fingers inside me.

Me…Mike…we’ve done this…in the shower…washing, soapy suds and gently touches and him sliding f..ff..fingers inside…I have to hang onto the shower fixtures as we move…

He moves, dances like Banderas, like Swayze…salsaing with me and I’m…I’m so Shakira…Shakira…

I cry out and shake…the water rinsing me off and I pant…let the shower rinse off my sweat.

I breathe and miss him need him…That strength his touch, his hardness all the stuff than comes after the deep touch.

Then…Then I get out and dry my air and towel off and slip into his room and get the bed made…and then he’s there.

Here…

And I meet him half way and we kiss…he’s inhaling me and smelling my scent.

He slides down taking my towel off and he kisses…tender, loving and…and amazing safe, loving and protective kisses.

Sexy kisses as he gets to this part and tastes me…Oh…!

I pull his shirt off as he lifts his arms and I throw it too the floor then run my fingers though his hair as he tastes and I Shakira, Shakira against him…

I get the first joyful cry out and grip harder and he picks me up and carries me to his bed…our bed actually more and more.

Mike…runs…he fights…like a real trained fighter…he’s in amazing shape…no, no guy ever…so hot…hard…so strong…but loved…loved and held.

…………………………..The best part about this…is now.

Mike and I are finally done and it’s after the panting and the slow cooling down but really intimate kisses….

He moves us…he does…and he pulls his workout towel from his bag by the bed and slips it in between…then he uses it on the spot and he moves me so I’m not…then his arms pull me so close and tight with the sheets and we spoon…snuggling so, so close.

I drift away exhausted…but safe and smiling with his heart beating against me and him smelling my hair and the sleep muffled.

“I love you.”

*Molly…………

I’m so not sure of what to think these days.

I’m kind of waiting for the bubble to break.

It’s sort of the theme of my life.

Angel…

I’ve never met someone like her.

Kinda aptly named really.

The stuff she does, the job and chance she’s given me…and the other job too.

With the band.

I set my bags of stuff down and I’m doing that inside yay-sigh of relief at the two big stackable washers and dryers here in the laundry room.

Then Carmen comes in behind me with bags from the van.

I shoot her a look and she’s shaking her head but smiling.

“What?”

“They’re your friends.”

“Who?”

“Angel and them.”

“Uhm…I guess…I suppose.” I’m not sure why I’m sort of nervous about that other than I don’t make friends easily.

“Well it’s pretty clear.” Then she started unload detergent…three different kinds like even the one for dark clothes, stuff for stains and fabric softener…

“What..? Why?”

Carmen shrugged. “Likely because you’re broke and they wanted you to have enough.”

(Sniffle.) “But…”

Carmen nods and sits on the love seat taking out her phone. “I know there’s some stuff with me ad Angel but really…I’m an utter cunt…I have no idea why they’d even bother with me like they do…”

I nod sort of watching her texting and frowning.

She’s frowning in that bad way…y’know when you do it and it’s something bad and you don’t know the hurts creeping up on your face.

Goddamn it I know that too well…

Short, heavier than some girls with a whole goth thing. I mean I was got as a teen, it was just easier to deal with the hurt and being fucked up.

A mom that had pretty much always seen my as weighing her down…then her endless stream of boyfriends all assholes in one way or another.

And three were overly friendly.

I told her just once when I was twelve and she screamed at me, called me a liar and beat me with her shoe. Leather three inch heals hurt when swung from the toe end. She left marks.

And I never mentioned the other two times.

And when you’re fourteen and just starting to get that you’re a lesbian.

It leaves damage.

And other kids, kids like well…Carmen…they smell it on you, they use it.

Fifteen I ran away from home and mom never even sent anyone after me.

By sixteen she knew where I was and she sent me a letter telling me that I was kicked out of the house.

“……….I don’t want some little lesbian wrecking my life and leeching off of me anymore, you’re sixteen…Don’t come back…..”

Two group homes later and school and dealing with cutting and sleeping around as a lesbian fresh thing… partying trying to self medicate left me with a mouthful of pills and cheap vodka.

I got clean and out of rehab and had to start over…welfare in a rooming house then getting a bunch of jobs…shitty ones too…one with a lot of asshole guys.

I’ve never really got to where I’ve seen guys as someone that…that were decent.

Not like Mike or Mister Powers and people like Mike’s dad and those serious biker dudes and even Jake and Mr. Walker.

All around Angel…

Angel…

I think I want to be her when I grow up.

Her and Raven who yeah I think is stunningly beautiful and amazing and stuff…it’s also messed up that she’s even more so…and everything.

Smart, talented, skinny, beautiful and with my longest fan girl crush.

And supporting her… Raven’s never sang that much before…never put it all out there.

I look at the laundry, the stuff she bought and take my tip money out of my pocket and look at it, look at the check…band pay…two days of gigs and tips and real money in hand.

And not doing stuff that sucks, with people that make my skin crawl.

So she’s supporting me too…al this, the website and other stuff…Jake’s mentioned me doing his and Josie too.

I put the money and stuff back and stare down the hall towards the sounds of the others.

(Sniffle.) “It’s the first Thanksgiving I think I’ve ever had that I had something to be thankful for.”

*Carmen…………

I stare at my phone.

I mean sometimes you just want.

I texted home.

………………………………. [Mom?]

[Carmen. How are things.]

[I’m staying with friends.]

[That’s nice, how long?]

[I don’t know. How long can I?]

[As long as you want.]

[Okay, Love you.]

[Have fun.]

And that was that…no concern, no where are you or who are they or where have you been?

My mom…she’s just.

As long as I’m pretty and popular and stuff…as long as I reflect well on her and dad she doesn’t really care what I do, I’m free, and all my freedom makes me more popular.

(Sniffle.)

In stereo?

I look at Molly.

(Sniffle.) “Good, honestly seeing that place you need in you need a break.”

She looks at me and she went for the urge to tell me off and stepped on it.

She and I are pretty much polar opposites.

Molly’s a heavy, curvy, goth or ex-goth white girls and I’m Brazilian-Canadian my mom’s an ex-model my dad’s a broker. She’s trailer park born and raised and I’m country club.

Even if I’ve never met her before she’d be hostile.

She just nods and sniffles and starts to separate her stuff.

I wipe at my own eyes.

She looks at me.

I see the questions.

“What’s wrong.” She…I think she mouth-edited.

“Family shit.”

“Ouch…”

I look at her.

“Yeah as long as everything’s just so it’s all good.”

“Just so?”

“As long as I’m pretty and popular and make her and dad look good I can do whatever.”

“How’s that work if you’re not there?”

“I don’t have to be, they’re progressive.” I do air quotes.

She looks at me like she doesn’t get it.

“I’m a society kid…we’re not rich but mom wants to fit in, so I’m one of the many ways she gets to.”

“That’s as fucked up as mine.”

“Yours?”

“My mother, she booted me out even after I took off. She valued her boyfriends over me.”

Her voice is dripping with hurt.

“Some guys are assholes.”

“Some guys are child molesters.”

I look at her…shit tones of pain…that feeling you’ll never get free of, not really. I…

“I get that.”

Molly looks at me it’s a little skeptical.

“Some guys are Johns….”

“What?”

I hunch and pull my knees up on the love seat. “I wanted it, wanted the money and popularity and all of the stuff mom wanted. Fuck I wanted to lord it over her. And Adam Marshal was there.”

“What’d he do?”

“Gave me enough rope to hand myself.”

“Rope?”

“Credit cards, unlimited money at first all ending up with me owing him. Then having to earn it off.”

“You could’ve gone to the cops.”

“They own the cops.”

She nods looking at me. “You’re folks?”

“I couldn’t he has videos, pictures, me doing stuff…there’d be scandal it’d wreck them and then he’d used that to kill dad’s business.”

She comes over and sits beside me.

“What changed?”

(Sniffle-whine.) “I’m tired Molly, I’m so tired of feeling….”

(Molly-sniffles.) “Dirty?”

I nod.

“And Angel’s helping you?”

I nod.

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…and they’re protecting me….”

She looks at me and she reaches out and moves some of my hair, then she wipes tears away from my face.

No one’s.

No one’s ever touched me kindly like that.

“We’re.”

(Sniffle.) “We’re?”

“We’re protecting you.”

My lip is doing this really ugly stupid tremble thing and she’s staring at me. And then she gives me this shy sweet smile and…and people don’t look at me that way.

I’m rich and pretty and I…I live the charmed life right? Why would I need comfort…why would I need someone to give a fuck?

“Carmen…?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah?”

“I…I know it hurts, that it doesn’t go away…but if it’s okay…I…I think your broken’s pretty beautiful.”

I…

My breath caught.

I’m crying harder and she leans in…I know she’s gay…and I’ve never…but I want to too…I meet her half way and we both end up kissing.

And…it’s not like those guys…those men…it’s soft and sweet and we’re touching and…and I…I think I’m feeling something.

And it doesn’t hurt.

I start to kiss back more but I…the sobs start coming and I can’t stop them and I can’t stop the shakes.

And…

And Molly doesn't get disgusted, she doesn’t get mad she leans back to her corner of the loveseat and she pulls me into her laps and her arms.

I totally lose it full-on ugly latino bawling.

*Angel…………

Rayne fell asleep while we had gotten sooo comfortable and I slip out of her arms and go and check on things.

Molly and Carmen are curled up together and they’re intertwined and sleeping and something happened there.

I get a flannel blanket from the linen closet and a dryer sheet and carefully put it in the dryer on hot for a few minutes. When it’s warm and smelling awesome. Both of them open wrecked make-up eyes and I tuck them in.

“Go back to sleep, It’s cool.” I kiss both of them on the cheeks and they’re both blushing and looking shy but still sleepy and they go back to sleep. Carmen almost burying herself into Molly.

I’m really quiet but I get the first loads in and I slip out.

Dad’s outside with uncle Mitch building something with cinder blocks and stuff.

And they’re into the beers and having fun.

I’m pretty sure of where Mike and Brooklyn are at. (Grins)

Thankfully I can rub my eyes and yawn at will since I’m not wearing make up.

I need more coffee.

I check in on the turkey. I get the baster and suck up some juices and inject it into the bird a few times. It’s smelling good but no where near done yet and I head in through the door to the kitchen and Kimmie’s still up and she’s writing and singing to herself.

I smile and go to test some of the things and don’t interrupt her groove.

*Remy…………

Mitch goes for a couple more beers and I look over the fire pit and then look and see Angel doing stuff for the turkey and I just can’t help but smile.

There’s kids all over, the house smells great and it’s.

It’s home again.

I kind of hug myself and roll my wedding band under my thumb.

“Thank you honey, I’ll take care of them all. I promise.”