*Hannah…

Everything has sort of been screwy and not with the whole Summer and Adam the First admitting to me that she was his granddaughter.

And one of the most effed up things is that I’m kinda in charge.

And I’m real too.

Like Adam the First is still running The company but I’m doing all the stuff now for the band.

But he got me my ID’s a renamed birth certificate Medicare card, Social Insurance Card and the works. And Hannah Pierce is now also an emancipated teen.

The first thing I did was go and get some more stuff for us. I took a cab and went to a couple of the computer places and one of the old music stores here in town and got things that we need.

A decent computer for me and her and another one for mixing with and some more sound equipment.

The computer is also for me looking stuff up.

Like Summer and Adam Two.

Adam Two divorce his first wife and in looking her up and at old photos before she had a shitload of work done she looked like Summer or Summer looks like her.

Well Summer is way less anorexic looking even in the old pictures of her mom.

I can’t tell if Adam Two is her father.

But her mother is Adam Three’s mother.

There’s enough court records to follow that they had a messy break-up with her and basically dropped her for someone younger.

Which obviously never took since Adam Two never remarried.

But he has had a string of relationships from things that I can figure out.

Adam two divorced her and fought her a lot. The court records don’t go over too many details though or not the ones that I could find.

Amanda that’s Summer’s Mother well she had a string of marriages that didn’t end so much in divorces than deaths.

If she was in a soap she’d be one of those black widows or something.

She’s much more like that Anna-Nicole person from like way back.

I mean there’s not a lot I can tell from the stuff that I can look up but that combined with the way that summer reacts to her and the shit that she said her mom did...I really don’t like her.

Actually I kind of hate the woman.

She’s the kind of woman that I’d never want to end up like.

Yeah that’s a trans thing.

There’s a lot of people that you kinda admire and mimic or want to be like. Even ache to be like. And it’s even more effed up when you get to meeting people that you want to be with and that that you kind of want to be.

It’s not a creeper thing.

It’s nothing like the stuff those fucking sociopathic cunts the TERFS say that it is.

It’s literally no different than any other girl wanting to be like someone because they’re cool or they come across a certain way that has you kinda impressed or even floored.

And yeah you can want to be like someone that much that there is the expression of wanting to be them.

But it’s a fucking expression.

And yeah you can have all of that going on and still want to be with them and you can be attracted to them.

Amanda Simpson is the last fucking person I’d combine either of those things with.

The rest of things so far has been going over all the stuff from Fall Fair and how we did there in terms of hits online and sales of things and exposure and I actually gather it all together and sort of package it up like a term paper and e-mail it to Adam.

And I work on things with our website getting some of that stuff we have done for Fall Fair done and up.

And I talk about The Halloween thing we’re doing for LGBT+ Women at The Cat some.

And I ask Adam the First about getting a link set up for our site were we can do podcasts.

That’s something that Starlight Butterfly is not currently doing.

And I ask for us to get a web page link for people to send in things like fan art and videos too.

I was doing all of that and making coffee in the perculator when Summer comes downstairs showered and looking awake and sober too.

Well she’s not a hard drinker but she doesn’t look high either.

She comes down and she actually comes right over and she gives me this long soft minty kiss.

I kiss her back because well yay right?

She looks me in the eyes without looking away. “Thanks for last night Hannah.”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s more than okay, it’s pretty big stuff.”

“Definitely you’re a fucking mess.”

She nods and she moves the kitchen chair and she straddles me and wraps her arms over my shoulders.

“I know I am...I really am and you deserve better than me and my bullshit.”

I wrap my arms around her waist to help hold her there. “I’m okay with the bullshit.”

“I’m not...you’ve been a life preserver for me a couple of times now. You kept me in one piece somehow and I will always love you for that.”

“Love me?”

She bites her lip and I can feel her tense up and then breathe through it.

“Yeah...I mean yes...love you...I think, I think that I might be in love with you Hannah.”

I’m blushing now too and my pulse is hammering away really fast now. I look her in the eyes and she is trying so hard to look at me back and not avoid eye contact. Yeah that’s a thing when you’ve been abused, it’s something I sometimes have a hard time doing especially around large and loud guys that are like my father.

“So what now?”

“Be my girlfriend...please?”

“Summer...I thought that we already were.”

She shakes her head. “I want it to mean more….I want it to be more than you and me in the band and you and me having sex and you and me living together….I want us to be something Hannah, I want something official…”

She’s shivering.

I mean you can literally tell how hard this is for her to open up like this, to trust me and to put herself out there like this.

And I’m a little scared too.

Summer is a mess.

And I’m not that much better.

I’m a trans girl that’s too off from home and have been on my own for a couple of years.

I’ve done stuff, stuff that I’m not proud of and I’ve survived stuff that well...fucking left scars inside and out.

I take a breath. “I want that too.”

Summer surges forward and she kisses me deeply and passionately and I kiss her back and we do that for a few good solid minutes.

Then she moves my hands and slides down off of my lap onto the floor and she’s kneeling and she takes a ring box out of her back pocket and her hands are shaking and I’m stunned.

I’m like happy stunned and I’m freaked out and happy crying and wiping at my eyes so that I can keep seeing clearly and she opens the box and there are two rose gold Claddagh rings there and she gives me this teary and scared and hopeful look.

“Hannah, I love you will you be my girlfriend.”

I sink off the chair to my knees sobbing because this is a big gesture and it’s so sweet and it’s really very, very cool and something more romantic than I ever thought would happen to me.

I kiss her. “Yes, yes...definitely yes.”

We kiss again and then we’re doing these happy sniffles and putting the rings on each others hands with a lots of sweet shaking.

We’re kissing again when the other come in to see what’s going on and I show them our rings. “Summer asked me to go out with her.”

Gary rolls his eyes. “You’ve been living here Hannah I don’t get the big deal.”

Tara’s looking at him. “Duh, They’re like exclusive now.”

He shrugs.

Dee’s looking at the ring. “Like huh, where’s the bling, Summer ya should have got her like a stone or like something.” and Tara’s nodding. “Sapphire or like something.”

Muzz looks the rings over and kisses each of us on the cheek. “Those me uneducated heathen darlin’s are Claddagh rings they’re like classic and true symbols of love and loyalty and friendship. I think it’s a grand thing fer the two of you.”

I smile hugely. “I think so too and thanks Muzz.”

He raises a beer he took from the fridge. “Here’s to ya both.”

Gary heads off saying. “We still doing Lucky’s tonight?”

“Yeppers.”

Summer kisses me and she is holding my hand. “We should practice and stuff. Adam’s gone and we’re sort of in charge of ourselves.”

The others look at her and there’s some nods and we head over to our practice stage and start gearing up and talking about what we want to play.

*Summer…

I did it.

I actually did it.

And I meant it too.

Hannah’s not like everyone else.

Mom showing up threw me into some serious PTSD shit and honestly no one ever in my life has been there in a good way when I crumble.

Just Hannah.

And everything that I thought that I might do, everything I thought that I was going to do to like score better music and songs and have fun with her while I was doing that went out the window when that happened.

I’m not a good person.

Whatever good in me went crying and screaming into the darkness when I was a fucking kid.

And I do not get why Hannah is here?

She has been through her own fucking hell from her old man and I’m reminded of that everytime I see her naked and I see her back when her fucking father whipped her bloody.

But she’s still a nice fucking person?

How can she still be a nice fucking person?

I mean I can get that she is stand up and stuff because at a certain point either shit breaks you or just stuff after that isn’t as scary as the stuff that you’ve been through.

But I went through what I went through and I’m not like her.

But fucking christ I want to be better.

She wants me to be better.

And I’ve been trying like hell to fight past my own shit and to trust her...trust her with me.

Trust her with us?

Yeah us.

It’s fucking Rayne and Angel’s fault.

I see them, I see them here and there and on their site and they are good together.

Angel’s so much better for her than I am.

And that really shows too.

I mean Rayne is looking so much better that it kinda fucking hurts.

And then it was making me hurt in this jealous way because someone caught Rayne when I had left her spiralling out of control.

And I really wanted that to be me.

I want that too.

I want to be better.

And when Hannah was there, when she got me home, when she held me and cared for me and loved me and took care of me there was this little glimmer there.

(Sniffle.) You ever seen that movie that neverending story?

The end where there’s that like little glimmer of hope and light there in the darkness that’s like real and true and pure and like this fresh start?

That’s what this felt like, it’s what this feels like.

That I’m in the place of that kid.

And that Hannah is that Empress girl sitting looking at it across from me.

(And yeah I so want that to be like a poster for us, like for the band too.)

So when Fall Fair was going on I saw this local guy that was selling jewelry.

And it was some pretty good stuff took nothing plated or anything like that and I see those kind of rings there.

And he’d sold a bunch of them so he explained them to me when I asked about them and I paid him to make me ours.

I’ve had them for like two days now.

And I finally asked her.

Actually got up the guts and the nerve to ask her for real and to actually mean it too.

It’s going to sound corny as fuck and stuff but right after, right after she said yes and we did that I felt different.

It wasn’t like huge but I felt different because there was more to me now than all that pain and stuff.

It felt all the way different as I picked up the guitar and plugged in and we started to play.

We go with the start and Dee ets up the sheets for Hannah to play and she comes in with her violin which really adds to the sound for this song and instead of just the usual I turn so I can see all of them as we play.

And I start singing to Hannah.

*Fidelity* By Kisses & Thorns and the Orig SLB….

I sit here smoking and close my eyes.
And dream and dream and dream …
About how I love you, about how I love you …
And can I tell you … .?
I’ve loved you so, so long but I’ve been just your friend.
And I hate, hate, hate … when you’re in pain.
I knew that they’d do that, that they’d break your heart …
Something so beautiful, something so magical …
I want to hold you …
I want to kiss you …
I want to tell you …

(Chorus) I will be your Fidelity … ..
I will guard your heart.
I will be your Fidelity …
I’ve loved you from the start.
Come to my arms.
Come to my heart.
I’ll keep you safe.
Oh … .I’ll make it … better … .
I will be your Fidelity … ..

You see tragic visions through your teardrops.
Shaky breathing … they broke your heart …
And you wake up crying all alone … .
Come to me … .
Oh come to me … .
(Chorus)
I know that little child inside your head …
Afraid to smile, laugh … .so full of dread.
I will be there …
I will be there …
(Chorus)
Let me pick you up I will be strong …
I’ll kiss it better while you’re in my arms.
Let me be that candle lit in the dark ...
Let me be your fire ... let me warm your heart.
(Chorus)
(Chorus)