Jem…Chapter 30 Part 1
Chapter 30
I watch Mike walk away and honestly I’m in a dazed kind of shock. He kissed me and there was this so different a feeling than anything that I could have ever described in my life.
But it was soft yet strong, short yet time seemed to slow down and it was so, so very intense. I could feel his stubble something I’ve never been able to grow. And there was the smell of him or rather the scent of a guy and I’ll admit that strong earthy musk mixed with aftershave and coffee from him drinking it before he kissed me and the lingering scents of the garage.
It was nice and it wrapped itself into my senses like Mike’s fingers did when they slipped through my hair just a little and it felt good.
It felt good to be wanted like that and to feel that gentle respect from him even if I…no maybe because I know he’s a dangerous person.
But it’s so much of a lie too.
He thinks I’m my Step-sister of half sister. My or rather Jason’s. He’s reacting to me like I’m a girl that he likes and I’m not that person. I’ll really never be that girl that he’s built me up in his head as being.
Honestly that’s enough to make me cry but I don’t.
I can’t, I just have to deal and find a way to not have Mike and me go there because it could turn out really badly.
Or...
God just fucking shoot me now.
FML.
I take another drink of coffee and I go in and switch stuff out of the oven and I put in the other things and set the timer and my watch and head back outside to where I was sitting and pick my guitar back up and just play. Nothing in particular but run myself through chords and tunes and melodies that I’ve learned or just played with getting good and lost in the music.
Mike, Raven…the way that I’m trapped between them and it just feels like I’m trapped almost as much as Jason was in the shit in his life now with the shit that’s happening to me now.
I really never wanted this, any of this I just wanted to live my life, Jason’s life but I just got shoved between a rock and a hard place and thought that I had found a way out but instead I’m here.
Cooking, cleaning, not really minding either that much and wearing a dress that I like while still actually being a guy enough that the best girl I have ever met in my life can’t be with me because she’s a lesbian and then finding out that I’m seriously attracted to a guy that don’t know I’m a guy and he’s likely the best guy that I’ve ever known in my life and it’s equally impossible and I’m trapped here in hiding because of this rich sociopath and his demented but way too influential family.
Screwed…
I make the oven trip twice more and just run myself through all sorts of guitar tricks actually trying to get better and push myself and when my fingers start to hurt and to burn I stop but go and get my keyboard form the back porch where Raven is at and she’s got her head in several piles of papers with scribbles of both lyrics and sheet music and the laptop going with her looking at our sites and watching something on You tube.
She’s got her dark rimmed glasses on and her hair loose and she’s seriously into it.
I get my own notepad just one of those big yellow notepads and I head to the kitchen and instead of more coffee. I make myself a pot of Earl Grey Tea and I slice a lemon and toss it in sugar and then half goes in the pot and then the teas bags and then the rest and while the kettle is boiling I muddle they a bit with a wooden spoon. This is my own thing, it’s likely not proper but the sugar gets the juices coming out of the lemon and the muddling (beating it) with the wooden spoon gets the oils out of the peeling. I don’t really care if they break the tea bags because I’ve drank loose leafed tea before.
I love the smell of this as the boiling water hits it and the bags didn’t break. I get myself some more bread and some peanut butter and eat it while I let it steep and set up my keyboard.
Once I’m done I put the rest of the stuff, the last of the baking at least into the oven and I sit done and try to get rid of the stress and stuff going on inside the way that I usually do.
I write.
*Everything…*
Oh it’s 5AM and there’s this haze coming from the streetlights…
Pre-morning twilight..
It’s 5AM and I’m looking at you in The Great Lakes fog, you’re so amazing…
You are stunning.
I can’t believe the luck I’ve had.
When we found each other, crying out on the sands…
Of the lakeshore…Broken….
We though we were so broken.
I thought no one would understand.
But you were there and I was there and…
We fell, inside each others eyes…
(Chorus)
Oh Darling, oh my beautiful…
It’s when I touch you, it’s going to be alright.
Everything’s alright.
Oh Darling! You are so beautiful…
And when I kiss you, oh when you kiss me…
It’s our first time….it’s everything…
And all we did was go out to eat.
Kiss hold hands and walked the streets.
Until morning, until sunrise.
By the lakeside.
(Chorus)
Oh we’ve been out all night.
Just like the day we met.
And nothings changed and there’s no regrets.
Because it was perfect, oh god this is perfect.
(Chorus)
(Chorus)
It takes me a little longer to play it out and work out the rough spots and picture things in my head with the sheet music and for each of the girls but it turns out kind of nice with this almost updated Joni Mitchell kind of wistfully romantic kind of sound that be good to listen too or even dance too.
It took enough time and I go inside and set the table and get the dressing and other things for the Supper in the top over and then take the turkey out of the oven. I’m rewarded by a blast of steam from everything being sealed in ant the bird is really cooked but it’s steamed cooked mostly so it’s really moist.
I baste it with some of the pan liquids and take just a bit of them out and in a bowl I add just a bit of cornstarch and water then use a basting brush to coat the bird in the mixture that tastes like the turkey gravy should but it goes on like a mop they use on BBQ. This was something Mom had picked up from some girl she went to college with see this stuff in the oven makes the coating for the turkey skin and will actually keep the bird from drying out while it’s in to get browned.
I have another tea and after all of that my head’s a lot clearer. I slip into the office and call out to the garage. Brooklyn answers. “Hello Powerhouse garage?”
“Hey its angel could you let everyone know that supper will be ready in about forty minutes?”
“Sure, y’know when the wind blows right we can kind of smell it over here.”
“Yeah, it was like that when Mom was here cooking too.”
“Hey sorry I’m not helping and stuff it’s just…”
“It’s okay Brooklyn it’s cool besides you’re not just getting to spend some time around some decent guys but you’re kind of prepping Dad to get used to living with a bunch of girls being around.”
“Still he’s you’re Dad.”
“Yeah and as he’d tell you too. Sometimes being a Dad doesn’t stop with your own kids.”
“Yeah he’s already said that…he’s a really good guy…I didn’t know that there were guys out there that were like him.”
“Hey…”
“Sorry, sorry…but you’re that kind of guy and girl…uhm person too…everything that you’ve done, doing…I mean who dives into traffic to save a friend without thinking for their own safety.”
“Brooke…”
“Okay, I’ll stop…Jason…”
“Uhm can you do me one more favor?”
“Sure hon name it.”
“Can you get Mike on the phone?”
……………………………………
“Hey, you wanted me?”
“I’ve at least thought about it Mike but not for this.”
“Okay… (Chuckle) fair enough what do you need?”
“I need you to just think about something for me?”
“Sure what?”
“Mike…I’m Not my sister…”
“Huh……………………………………….oh…..”
“Yeah…….”
“Oh………….”
“You said that already.”
“Yeah…shock…it’s you look….”
“Yeah…..”
“And I kissed you….”
“Yeah…that’s why I’m letting you know…it’s not fair with you here to help me and you being a stand up guy and everything.”
“Oh…uhm…thanks….?”
“Mike…?”
“Uhm yeah?”
“It was still a really good kiss….”
“Are you?”
“Never though about it at all until you showed up in town…”
“Really…?”
“Yeah…listen I’ve got to go and do things to my bird so I’ll see you at supper.”
“Uhm…a….”
I hang up shaking a little but feeling lighter about it all inside. Oh and yes the whole bit about my bird was to tease him even if I do have to baste and mop the turkey some more.
I know I’m being a bad girl but I honestly don’t think that Mike’s the kind of guy to flip completely out about things and yet he was thrown by what I told him and even admitted to so…I just couldn’t help myself.
I feel actually a lot better now that the truth is out there and we can be sort of ourselves around each other at least around here at the house. Oh and the phone, it’s the line from the office in the house to the garage office and it’s not connected to the outside lines. So both conversations were private.
The rest of the time goes really quickly between getting things set out on the table and getting the garnishing stuff on the platter for the turkey. I just take some dressing and use it in the middle, the turkey will sit on that and stay put on the platter for Dad to carve.
Next is just me taking some slices of bread and dipping them in the fat from the liquids off the turkey and frying the bread in that until it’s all lovely and crispy and brown then some of the best looking cooked carrots from the roaster, some lettuce leave and just sort of arrange it all out then set carefully the turkey on the platter.
Even I’ll have to say it looks great with this really nice thick brown-gold skin on it that’s like really flavored like roast turkey but looks like that great skin you get from like Chinese crispy duck.
The gravy is the last thing that I make and I use paper towel to sop up the floating greasy bits then I put all the veggies, the apple from inside with the herbs into the food processor them blend them into mush them mix it back into the liquids. I let it get to a boil on the stove top then strain it all into a bowl. Then it’s some butter in the roaster, some flour until it gets browned in the butter and a dash of creamer it’s really kind of french or something but the cream is just there well as cream but to keep the browned flour from burning until I add the juiced from the bowl stirring with a whisk and all that roasted turkey/apple/veg/herb flavors mix with that nutty toasted flour and cream and butter…
Hey…
I’m Canadian…. Gravy is literally in our blood.
Everyone’s in finally and showered and I’ve got the whole dining room table spread out and even the insert put in and the good dishes and china out because they haven’t been use since Mom had died and there were people over at the house and everything so it’s all really nice and it’s not the holidays it’s just one of those every once in a while big family Sunday dinners.
The look on all of their faces and everything is so worth it. And there’s this look too though on Mike’s face when he looks over at me like he’s thinking a lot of heavy stuff over and when he’s not looking at me though he’s sharing a look between him and Brooklyn?
Comments
wow
well everything on the table (ha ha) Angel is still stuck between a Raven and A Mike place. it is great that She was able to let him know how thing stood though. great chapter ( or is that 1/2 chapter), thanks
Yep it's all out there:)
When you come to think of it there's always some drama at big family dinners:) Still stuck but maybe a little less stuck.
*Hugs and Howls.*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
FML Indeed...
Ummm... wow. Angel told Mike the truth. wow. I never expected that so soon after the kiss. ummm... have I said wow? It was the right thing to do really I guess before it built up into something beyond the something that they share. Last chapter was a significant moment in the Raven - Angel relationship with Raven more or less hinting that there could be a future for them in the right circumstances (though to be honest love should never be conditional) and then this chapter we have the continuation of the significant moment in the Mike - Angel relationship with Angel revealing the truth about herself. Mike didn't completely lose it so maybe.... maybe there could be a future for them? Could. Yayness abounds! :-) That must have been one heck of a kiss... wow.
I loved the Bailey Summers original song. It really felt like it summed up where Angel is in her relationships (and I say her because frankly Jase has no relationships, they all involve Angel).
Mike will obviously need time to process all this news but I'm hopeful that he's a stand-up guy and... hey wait a darn minute now... wtf is this sharing a look between him and Brooklyn thing?!?! He... She... but... but... Angel and Mike y'know sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G stuff... and... but we like Mike as y'know like like him, so he can't with anyone else... ummm... when I said 'we' I of course meant Angel likes Mike. Obviously. *sniffle*
Great this is only part 1 and I'm already I'm sniffling and kinda stunned and feeling a little angry like I've been jilted... *frustrated growl*
PS. Mental note to self, must buy more tissues for part 2.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Angel saw telling Mike as the best way
to get out from at least some of the pressure with Mike nor knowing and everything and who knows I mean he could be her beard it's like kissing him wasn't all ...that bad...and they could...
WTF? He's looking at Brooklyn? Why?
Dammit I'll have to write in why in the next part.
*Great Big Hugs!*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Wow!
Two new songs, Mike let in on the secret, and the outline possibility of romance building between Mike and Brooklyn.
Although this has added extra complexity for Mike's relationships, it's made life a little less complicated for Angel!Jase. There's no longer any need to 'hide' when at his parents' place (apart from perhaps in the presence of Mike's dad - unless he's let into the secret at some point in time), while if Mike and Brooklyn hook up, then that's one relationship sorted out. They can tease and flirt, but both know it can't go any further.
As for Angel!Jase's relationship with Rayne, just take it a day at a time. Perhaps establish a minimum relationship level (like the BFF previously suggested), and develop it further while remaining inside each other's comfort zone. After all, even if Jase did decide to transition, it would likely be a minimum of a year (probably more like two or three) before surgeons would be willing to reconfigure the anatomy 'down below'. So far, they've only known each other for a month or two - with two songwriters on board and numerous gigs booked, Starlight Butterfly aren't going to fade from the local scene any time soon; added onto which there's the mutual 'togetherness' of the current band members, plus their unofficial adoption of Jade's dad as a substitute father figure for themselves; oh, not to mention Mike...
So barring any major incidents (or a band member falling in love with someone who wants her to move away from town / the band), it seems likely Jase and the girls will be sticking together for the next few years, so there's probably no hurry to make a decision over his long-term future - and the status quo is likely to remain even if / when the Adam situation is finally wrapped up (a process that may require him to wear his old clothes again to testify as a witness in court - given the power of his family it will be very convenient to apparently disappear off the face of the planet once outside the courtroom).
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Angel and Rayne
It really comes down to Rayne. How aggressively lesbian is she?
She obviously loves Angel the person, but has some issues with her body. I can relate. I'm definitely not attracted to men, though it wouldn't be difficult for me to date a t-girl who passes well.
Can Rayne and Angel get together physically when Angel has the breast forms on? What if Angel gets HRT? She already looks like a girl, so HRT would give her her own breasts, softer skin, smoother curves, and the like. Would that one last detail still turn Rayne off? Even Rayne probably doesn't know right now. Maybe she should go to youporn and check out some female/shemale videos and see if they do anything for her.
If Angel does decide to go for HRT, she ought to store away a few sperm samples for the future.
Rayne/Raven is a large part of the equation and
there is a lot of "Ifs" with how much she'd be able to handle on the T-girl scale. Plus while on his mind now Angel/Jase isn't even close to the transition desicion.
Thanks for reading Ray:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Thanks Mittfh:)
You've a really good grasp of the whole situation and what might happen and what could happen and even should happen. You're like the band fan that knows all about the band a good chunk about the business and some psychology too.
Great Comment, I'm always honored.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I'm so glad the secret is
I'm so glad the secret is finally out. This way Mike can decide what he thinks about it, without making Jem/Angel feel like they're deceiving him the whole time.
I hope Angels friends think about how to help him. He's really between a rock and a hard place and could use some support.
I really liked this chapter, but I don't really understand why you split it in two parts.
Thank you for writing this awesome story, I can't wait for the next chapter,
*hugs*
Beyogi
The split
It may be because Bailey's written the rest of the chapter, but figured that this would make a suitable break point because we'd all want to discuss Angel revealing The Secretâ„¢ to Mike.
It's almost certainly nothing to do with word count, as we've had chapters as small as 1,000 words (Adam's POV), several mid-sized 2,000 worders, and even 4,000+ worders within the last half dozen or so.
-oOo-
Meanwhile, on the Starlight Butterfly front, they're certainly not short of material - every couple of chapters or so they're rehearsing a new cover, and between them Rayne and Angel!Jase have written at least half a dozen songs since Angel!Jase moved in. Add on their innovative use of social media, the very public spat between SB and K&T, not to mention Angel's rant about Adam (mentioning no names, of course) should certainly help keep their gigs packed.
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Thank you both:)
I'm really glad that you liked it and yes I did break it off with there being a good place for my readers to have lots to say about Angel Telling Mike. Plus Part two will be at least What happens in the garage after the call.
Besides why should Hunter have the only multi-part chapters?
*Big Hugs For Beyogi and Mittfh*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Interesting Chapter
As others have said it seems Mike is already starting to move on from his crush. It is best to do it sooner than later. Surely he is still in shock.
It is in Angel/Jason's character to do this though so I am not really surprised.
The romantic among us might want to believe that love should be unconditional but reality of course is that we set all sorts of conditions. Even between parent and child. Parents have been known to release their children to be wards of the state under some really rare circumstances.
Unless something changes this story will not end with Angel/Jason having a relationship. We are dealing with pretty hard rocks in this rock and hard place. From a writer's viewpoint, I think it is the equivalent of writing into a corner.
As to Angel's future? It really depends on how s/he feels about crossliving and finding out if being like this for a really extended time is right for him/her. AND when in Jason space again, whether being Angel matters to him.
The last issue that another commentator has already mentioned is that all this transition stuff takes at least a year until surgery and who knows if Raven is willing to wait that long.
Kim
Interesting comments Kim:)
First even if Angel took the chance and started to transition there is the time frame and Raven's human she might not be able to wait that long. I love the term "Crossliving" and haven't heard it used a whole lot and I think it should be used more. Now Brooklyn and Mike exchanging looks. I do find it amazing that people are assuming the start of Mike hopping from on like to another.
And writing/painting your self in a corner is no biggie as long as you can walk on walls.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
coming out to MIke
We'll just have to see how Mike deals with this. I feel so strongly for Angel/Jason - I honestly cant see how (s)he's going to solve this issue, but I trust the author to have an ace up his sleeve...
I almost forgot, that song - awesome. Thank you for sharing it.
Thanks Dorothy:)
I'll admit that things are complicated but who's life isn't? I want those bits in here as well because the drama goes so well with the feel and the music. Kinda like the TV show *Instant Star*
It'll all work out:)
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...A Proud Supported of Team Dorothy.
Bailey Summers
Oh, Yeah!
From my perspective, this really seems to be coming out right! Mike now knows the truth, because Angel was honest with him. So she gets credit for not deceiving him. And perhaps Mike and Brooklyn can establish a relationship, they would be a good fit for each other.
That allows Angel and Raven more time to work out how they feel about each other. I really feel that if Jason decided to go the full female route that Raven would stand beside Angel to love and support her. Another posibility is Raven accepting Angel as a girl with something extra. This would preserve their options if later in their lives Raven gets bitten by the Mommy Bug. Whatever they decide I think being together now would be a case of familiarity bringing comfort and closeness, which would allow the mental adjustments on both sides.
Angel and Raven, light and dark. There's a certain poetic "rightness" in the two of them coming together as one.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Okay first...the "Oh Yeah." was rocking cool:)
I so had the image of a brunette in concert clothes doing that devil horns thing as she screamed it. Forty seconds later I pictured the big red pitcher coming through the brick wall. Which made me flashback to when Scoobie doo and Fat Albert were on TV and they weren't re-runs:) Then Randy Macho-man Savage
There's a little flash of Bailey's brain in action. It's Like Max Headroom is running the show in here. Or The Warner kids.
Anyway like the others you're really right in your comments about how Mike'd be good for Brooklyn and just some of the stuff that could be part of the equation with Angel and Raven.
I'd like to think that Angel being truthful with Mike given the situation will say something about Angel to Raven.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Mike's got it bad for Angel,
Mike's got it bad for Angel, it's obvious he's thinking that regardless of what he's just been told he still wants to be with Angel, boy/girl doesnt matter.
Angel might think putting Mike in the know will free her from her burden but I have a feeling that rock n hard place are gonna be even more intense. I wish Angel could see it, she screams female her looks, body manner and in the person she is, yet she still thinks she can be a man after all is said and done.
I think Angel, Rayne and Mike need to realise a flap of skin does not a man make. Jason despite his denial is and has been Angel for a long time, if not always, the saying "Methinks the lady doth protest too much" really hits the last nail in the coffin. Jason and the flap of skin is a mask used for Angel to hide behind.
From the very get go Angel has been a very REAL character, the character of Jason has never been more than a mention here or there. Also everything of Jason is Angel if that makes sense.
That's what I see anyway, looking forward to whats next.
Big Hugs
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Mike, Angel, Rayne
A threesome would be interesting. Could Rayne handle it?
The question is, does she dislike men because of earlier traumas, or is she simply naturally not attracted to the male form?
Mike/Angel/Raven threesome?
Not likely, Not ever.
Raven couldn't get past Mike.
And Angel/Jason would never do or suggest something like that. To them it'd be a definite way to obliterate both relationships.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Things are definitely hard but at least Angel/Jase can...
fight their way through the rocky hard spots without having to worry about the whole keeping it from Mike thing anymore. Has it changed the relationship dynamics yes, how?
??? Shrugs, Next part maybe.
And the flap of skin bit.
Mike likely won't see that being like that, Jason certainly won't but Raven...she might be the one that could think that way mostly because she doesn't have the required part empathy.
Jason's not really Transgendered.
Or Pretty Sure he's not.
*Great Big Angel HUGS*
Bailey.
The Godfather;)
Bailey Summers
Jason:dark / Angel:happiness
.
.
The girl in me. She's always there, and she'd cheerfully
volunteer to explain a few things to Angel.
The problem is that we only
The problem is that we only know the worst time of Jasons life. We know he had cancer and we know how badly he was bullied. We don't know anything really about the light sides of his life. We know Angel in control of her life, while we only know Jason brutally victimized. But with that information I can't conclude that Angel is Jasons real self. If I'm climbing around within a vulcano, I might want to wear a heat protection suit, but that doesn't mean I want to wear it all my life.
I see it this way, Angel is Jasons suit that protects him from the heat of his toxic environment. He prefers being Angel to burning, but that doesn't mean he really is Angel.
Truth to be told, I wish he could be both Angel an Jason. Angel seems to be a nice persona, but I think Jason should also have a chance to live freely.
Well Said
I agree Jason's life except for the bad parts are a mystery to us. On the other hand, as Angel she is forbidden from expressing Jason at all. It is also true that Angel has bloomed with the friendship of the girls. I think I can see the strong person that is both Jason and Angel. Raven and Angel's attraction seems so powerful and yet there is such problems to overcome. I must admit I'm in the romance camp although I can't see how it might happen if Raven is a confirmed lesbian. If Bi there is a chance, but if not I don't know. I honestly can't see Angel giving up the Jason part of themselves.
I do think Mike is still an open question. With that said him and Brooklyn would be a good match I think. She really needs to see that there are good guys out there.
Wonderful story Bailey!
hugs
Grover
All three of you made this a really great comment section:)
I'm with Beyogi or rather Jason would be in the whole analogy thing with the exceptions of the love and relationship aspects of things. Jason does feel that he has a lot to offer people. Angel though so seems to have such a different life than his has been so there's a huge attraction to that but it's still sort of a lie.
I Love the optimism that Grover has shown as well in sort of being the middle voice between Lora who's pulling for Angel who has won over so many people the Angel life is kind of obvious and Beyogi's Jason's/Devils advocate opinion.
I'll tell you three this.
All three of you sparked ideas for this story from these comments:)
Thank You so much!!!
*Great Big HUGS!!!*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Angel/Jason
One thing that should keep Angel around at least part time is the band itself. Keeping it all a secret would be the hardest part, but it's a challenge that lots of cross dressers face.
I like the 'second self' concept. It allows all parts of a person's personality to be expressed.
True, but it's not just the fact that Angel has a good life now
in her own way with the band and sort of living her/his dream but it's also the fact that they feel the girls need her. And that's more of a driving force than the band and the music. I like the second self concept too, someone might have to tell them about that. Angel/Jase is actually quite open spiritually even if they don't know it yet.
*More Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Yummy! Bailey
Forget the sex, Eat!
(FML - Forgive my language??)
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
No rush on the sex. It's 30 chapters+ and not much yet:)
Enjoy the chapters to come.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
It's a good
thing I usually eat before reading this excellent story lol!
Vivien
Tapped phones
I was worried until i read about the private line but i cant help but be concerned about if the line truly is private. Jeremy isn't at home 24/7