Jem-4

Chapter 4

Dad’s got this I’m not totally awake yet thing going on and well…well he’s certainly awake now. In fact he freezes and it staring and then he looks me up and down and I’m starting to get scared and nervous. “Dad?.........Daddy?”

He blinks and extends his hand and I offer mine and he shakes it like I’m a young lady.
“You’d better come inside…”

“Jem.”

“Jem? Like in Jem and The Holograms?”

“How’d you?”

“Come on in and we’ll talk Jem it’ll be safer that way.”

“Yeah the police aren’t here yet.”

“No, not yet but let’s not push our luck.”

“No kidding, watching a house…east duty they’re likely just waiting for the doughnuts the come out of the fire.”

He smirks and he opens the door to invite me in and its home but it’s a little strange to be here dressed like this. Dad leads me into the kitchen and he looks me over again. I duck my head.

“Dad…..”

He cuts me off. “That’s quite a disguise, the girl’s idea?”

“No, mine….” I’m staring at the floor shamefaced. I mean I’m not that much of the big strong kid he’s always wanted.

“Your’s?”

“Yeah.”

“Is this something that you’ve been doing for awhile? You spend a lot of time in your Mother’s room.”

“No! I mean….I mean no dad I’m not like that?”

“Oh well it wouldn’t be a problem if it was.”

“What are you?”

“No but you’re my kid, and that means I love you. That’s absolutely unconditional.”

“Oh Dad.” I’m giving him a hug and he hugs me back before I realize and blush and pull away but he pulls me in and hugs me again. “Dad…”

“Dad nothing Jem, you’re looking like this I get to hug you. I stopped getting to hug Jase when he started to become a teenager and it became uncool. “

“You’re taking advantage of the situation.”

“Shamelessly.” He says with a smile as he pulls the kitchen chair out for me. I sit but that took me off balance.

“Uhm…thanks?”

“You’re going to have to work on that.” He gets two coffees and sits with me.

“Y...Yeah, you’re taking this awfully well?”

“I’m waiting to hear your side of things.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Okay, well I needed a way of hiding myself and the three girls I’m with are in a band and the lead singer quit on them moving onto some other band and leaving them in the lurch with them having gig’s to play. So I thought…”

“You thought you’d cross-dress and become the new lead singer?”

“I knew it you are freaked and pissed.” I’m looking at him and his hand is over his face and he’s shaking...crying, no laughing…?

“Dad?”

“Oh God, that is so something that your mother would have done.”

“Huh?”

“I met your mom when she was in a big fight with her boyfriend. He was a stockcar racer and he had broken his leg doing something stupid and instead of forfeit she dressed in his racing suit and helmet and went out racing as him.”

“So he got pissed off that she won?”

“Oh no Stephanie didn’t win she totalled the car, it’s just she got it in her head to do something and she’d do it. Your mom had a huge heart and she was fearless. She’d loved that you’re doing this.”

“She would?”

“Yeah she’d love the fact that you’re getting to play in a band which has always been one of your dreams and that you’re sticking up for your friends.”

“But I’m dressed and hiding as a girl?”

“That wouldn’t matter to her anymore than its matter to me.”

“So you’re good with this?”

“I didn’t think you’d look like this, but yeah.”

“Like Mom?”

“Yeah, like some of her pictures from junior and senior high.”

“Okay, well Adam and his bunch won’t see Jase with me like this?”

“No, that’s for certain….Look I’ve talked to the principal and some of the faculty and it’s boiling down to your word against Adam and his friends. Even the town cops are going with what they’ve been told. If they find you… you might get jail time out of this, you’re not a little kid and I don’t trust his family not to be able to influence a judge.

I’ve sent a letter off to a friend in the RCMP and they might be able to help out some.”

“So I’m screwed?”

“Yes, no, maybe…” he’s looking at me.

“Dad…………..?”

“I want to talk to a few friends but I want you to stay out of school until I can get you some I.D. okay?”

“I…I…okay, but that might be awhile, how are you going to get me ID’s?”

“I fix heavy trucks for a living Jem, I know fella’s who owe me favors for repairs that I’ve let slide.”

“Yeah, I know you do.” I kind of crossed my arms under my boobs at that. Dad’s a soft touch; sometimes he works himself too hard for free.

“Yes, and listen to me. I know truckers and these guys are worn to the bone and don’t get to see their friends or family or their kids and it’s a thankless shitty job sometimes. I did it myself for a few years. I let repair bills sit or slide because these guys can’t afford it and I get it back in favors.”

“You mean stuff of the back of the truck Dad.”

“Still.”

“You still work too hard Dad.”

“It’s my thing Jem…it’s how…it’s how I cope.” He’s never said anything like that to me before and I’m not sure what the heck to say or do so I get up and go over and hug him.

“Dad…?”

“It’s just you’re so much like you’re Mom you know, right down to the worrying.”

“Thanks Daddy.” I just stay there like that a bit on his lap hugging him. He’s right, I have done thing in years and just like the crying this sort of feels like being Jem’s giving me a free pass.

“I miss her Dad………..” I lose it, it doesn’t even creep up on me it swamps me like it hasn’t for years, actually I haven’t cried like this since Mom died. And Dad’s crying too.
“I know Honey, I know…I miss her so much…she was my best friend…it’s. I miss your Mom so much……..

We’re like that for awhile. I’m not sure how long but both of our coffees are cold. Dad looks at me and I get up off his lap and blush, I’ve never really let it out and this other stuff too that’s been going on in my life.

“You need to fix your make up.” He’s smiling and then just the fact that I’m in a situation that has me with wrecked make up gets us both laughing.

“Darn it I don’t have anything of my own here.”

“That’s okay you can use some of your mom’s stuff.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“No, besides if anything she’d want you to have her things in this situation.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, she’d like that it’s not being tossed out and I just can’t give it away…”

“Okay, but what are we going to do about Jason?”

“Jason ran away.”

“Huh?”

“Look it happens with kids all the time, kids take off and head to someplace like Toronto to disappear and stuff. We can say that’s what happened?”

“But how can we prove it?”

“Best we can do is leave a note, they can use your handwriting and stuff from school to compare it too.”

“Okay but won’t they be looking for me there?”

“No, right now they’re coming at you over an assault charge. The Toronto cops won’t be bothered to look for you unless you come up on their radar for something else your name will be put up for an outstanding warrant.”

“But I’ll have a police record.”

“For now, but once I hear from a few people and see about getting things looked at with Adam and his bunch. We’ll get evidence that’ll put him away, then we can come forward with you and there’s likely others he’s done this too as well. They’ll likely testify against him once there’s a real case there that he can’t weasel out of.”

“Okay, you sure about this?”

“It’s the best option right now.”

“When did you get to be so sneaky Dad?”

“Not telling, it might give you ideas.”

“Okay…”

I look at him. “So how are we going to explain me and everything? I don’t want to leave you high and dry.”

“I don’t know, any ideas?”

“I brought you the letter from Jason?”

“That’ll work, the fact Jase is so into music and stuff you knew him?”

“Yeah, the girls can back me on that….I think.”

“You’re going to need a name other than Jem if the police talk to you.”

“Oh yeah, and they’ll want I.D. right?”

“Yeah, look you start the letter and I’ll make a few calls and you can start getting your Mom’s stuff ready too. Put some of Jason’s things in the boxes so it looks like he/you were here and that you took some of your things.”

“Okay.” I head up the stairs and I grab some of my clothes and stuff and my I-pod and my laptop and the stuff for it and I open some of the boxes of Mom’s things and hide then under the clothes. I reapply my make up and everything with some of the un-opened stuff that she had and I sit down at her dresser and start to write a long letter to Dad.

I never meant for it to turn out the way that it did but once I had started writing to Dad about everything that had happened it all started to come out and there was a lot of the shit that I’d been going through at school coming out in that letter and some of it honestly became a rant. I called it quits when it got to seven pages long and my hand started to cramp up.

I carefully move downstairs and I think that I was there a while because dad’s outside talking to the cops and I get an envelope and make it look like it’s been used and set it on the kitchen table, check myself in the mirror and pray that the cops don’t check my ID.

I step out on the front porch. Cough. “Um Mr. Powers? I…I...are you sure that we can have this stuff?”

“Yeah, you and you’re friends are living on your own and Stephanie would want you girls to have these things so they don’t go to waste.”

The cop looks me over, stares at my head. “Who’s this?”

Dad looks at him. “A friend of my son’s, she came over with a letter he left for me.”

The cop looks at me. “Where is he?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure, he left last night hitchhiking. I think he said he’s try Toronto because it’s better than here.”

“When was that?” He doesn’t look impressed with me.

“I dunno like about three?” I toss my hair a little bit.

“You have a name miss?”

“Angel…Angel Benton.”

“Can I see some I.D.?”

“Nope, sorry I’m still waiting on them to show up in the mail.”

“Pardon me?”

“I was at the bus station in Toronto on my way here and I had my purse stolen, I’m still waiting on getting everything replaced.”

The cop’s looking at me and he’s checking me out and then he’s really checking me out which makes me a little creeped out because he’s a forty something guy. I take a step back and frown at him and cross my arms over myself defensively, or I hope that’s how it looks. He blinks and frowns back. “That’s too bad, so how do you know Jason Powers?”

“Online, we’re both into music and he knew a band that was looking for a new lead singer and I headed here.”

“Here?”

“Hey, rock and roll’s not limited to the cities y’know”

“Your band got a name?”

“Yeah, Starlight Butterfly…cool ain’t it.”

The cop rolls his eyes at me like I’m just some dippy girl; I think that’s a good thing. He looks at my dad. “You said you got a letter from your boy?”

“Yeah, it’s inside.”

“I’m going to need it.”

“You’re going to need a photocopy.”

“Wadda ya mean by that?” The cop looks pissed, like he wasn’t expecting Dad to say that.

“I mean I’m keeping the original, just in case.”

“In case of what?” The cop actually steps forward a bit getting up close to Dad.

“Things happen right. I kind of know who’s the police chiefs biggest contributor is.”

“What exactly are you saying?” He’s in my Dad’s face and part of me wants to do something but Dad just stands his ground and doesn’t even look all that mad or stuff and the cop’s really crowding him.

“You know exactly what I’m saying.” Dad stares at him almost like he was looking right through him.

“I could arrest you for withholding evidence Powers.”

“Yeah you try that; my lawyer will have a few things to say about that as will the News, and the RCMP.”

He looks flustered and glares at my Dad and he says. “Don’t go anywhere.” He starts to leave. Dad looks at me. “Angel, can you go in the house and dial the number for the RCMP please?”

“Uhm okay?” I start heading inside, but the cop stops. “Okay, fine you can keep the originals Jesus Powers you don’t gotta start world war three over it. A photo-copy will be fine.”

“Alright come on inside. Angel don’t bother calling the Mounties okay. You think you can take the boxes of stuff down to the truck? I’m going to be busy with the officer for awhile.”

“Uhm yeah sure.”

The cop looks at him then at me. “Boxes of stuff?”

Dad gives him this look, its way more Dad aggressive, angry than I’ve seen and his voice is quiet. “My late wife’s things. I thought they could finally use a new home with some of Jason’s friends.”

“Oh…shit, sorry I forgot.” The cop actually looks embarrassed and a bit sheepish.

Dad’s talking as he takes the letter off the kitchen table and takes the cop to the office. “Yeah well it’s something I can’t forget, add in the fact Jase’s been a sick kid and now this bullshit with that little fucker.”

“Mr. Powers, there’s witnesses that say your son….”

“We both know that’s fucking bullshit, you know the shit that little fucker’s gotten away with, I know he’s done shit you guys hate but hey you’re just doing your jobs right?”

I don’t get the rest of Dad cutting loose on the cop as I load up Mom’s stuff into the back of the truck. I know there’s more either in the attic or the basement she had put away into storage herself. This is just her stuff she had used everyday.

I’m on like my seventh box when I see the cop leave with a whole handful of sheets and go across the street to his car and he’s on his cell-phone and he looks like he’s a mix of agitated and upset like… like he’s kind of ashamed of himself.

Dad…wow, I never seen him like that before. I think that he really cut into the cop and made him feel like shit. Dad’s sort of right too, Adam’s family is one of the families that owns a shit-ton of stuff here in town. I didn’t know about them stuffing their money into the pockets of the police chief but it makes sense. But the cop was sort of right too, Adam had played the system and he pretty much set me up for this. What we need is proof that Adam is the piece of shit that he really is and get him up on charges like Dad said.

I watch the cop pull away and he’s shooting Dad another look this time I’m not sure what it is. It kind of looks like he’s pissed at Dad all over again. He even took off a little fast when he left, not squealing the tires but he was gunning the engine.

I watch him go and dad comes over with the rest of the boxes of Mom’s stuff. “Here let’s get you out of here and back to the girls place.”

“Okay, Dad what was going on with the cop? Why was he acting like that?”

“He was trying to goad me into hitting him so he could arrest me for assault?”

“Why?”

“Well first because he really wanted to for me getting in his face and he knows he couldn’t take that letter without a warrant. But if I had hit him they would have come in here and turned things upside down looking for you. As it is I’ll bet you he’s already on his way to get a warrant to search the house and to get the original letter.”

“Are you going to let them have it?”

“No, I’m going to drop it off at my lawyer’s after I drop you off at the girl’s house.”

I get into the truck after Dad opens the passenger door for me and makes sure that I get in alright and that’s all kinds of weird for me but it adds to the whole me being a girl thing and he gets in and drives me to Raven’s house and he helps me unload the boxes onto the doorstep.

He looks the house over. “Not bad but it could use some work.”

“Yeah, and trust me Dad, that whole girls being cleaner than guys thing’s kind of a myth, the place needs some serious TLC.”

“Well, you had to learn how to do all that stuff early we both had to or else we’d be swimming in our own trash at home. Here….” He hands me an envelope.

“What’s this?”

“Money. You’re going to need to pull your own weight here with the girls and you’re going to need to buy things. I can’t get you any more so that’s going to have to last you until you.”

“Dad…”

“No, you take it; I’m going to be busy at the shop and stuff. I don’t think it’ll be a good idea for us to be seen together for awhile.”

“Yeah…I hate this.”

“I hate it too kiddo but we’ll get through this.”

“But why? Why me? Why us?”

“Jem. Look life’s not easy, sometimes things happen that we hate and sometimes things happen that we’ve got to deal with.”

“But I could just turn myself in; make a plea for a lesser sentence.”

“Hell no, you let Adam get away with this and you’ll regret it the rest of your life. He won’t stop there either; he’ll keep doing this as long as he can get away with it.”

“So we’re going to stop him?”

“Yeah, we are.”

“Us?”

“Yes Jem us, if we’re not going to do it because of what he’s already done to you then when’s it going to stop?”

“’Kay Dad, I’m in this for the long haul.”

“That’s my girl.” He say’s it smiling at me.

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.” He just called me his girl. Kind of embarrassing and kind of not. Not like I was looking for him to call me that but it’s a little funny that he’s calling me that. Hence the long stretched out Dad and the eye roll.

“Look I’ve got the address and when the I.D.’s come to me I’ll mail them to you okay?”

“Sure Dad. Just be careful and don’t work too hard.”

“Actually me working hard will give them a whole lot of nothing to watch okay. Call me from a payphone every now and then okay?”

“Yeah, okay Dad.”

“Love You Kiddo, no matter what.”

“Love you too Dad.”

He hugs me and I hug him back and I watch him leave. I look in the envelope and it’s full of money, there must be a couple of thousand in here. He must have cleaned out the safe in the office….that’s a lot of money. But he’s right. He’s right. I guess it starts here.

I use the key that Raven had given me and I get the boxes of stuff inside and then up to the hall outside of what was Summer’s room. I look around the house and there’s not a lot of stuff here that I need to clean the place up with. I put my money in a safe place but take six hundred out and I call a cab to take me up to the East Point Mall.

I go shopping. No not that kind of shopping. I go to Sears first and buy myself some bedding sets and some pillows and some stuff I think I’m going to need to be a girl…I buy an entire kit package of make up and I get some more bra’s in the size of the one that I’m wearing and panties too. I actually like the look of the Triumph stuff and the Elle stuff but I buy some cheaper stuff too. I get a big comforter and get all that stuff bagged and held for me at customer service and then I go shopping for other stuff.

I hit the Superstore and I start getting groceries. First it’s some stuff to clean with, and then there’s stuff just for the house like toilet paper and paper towels and stuff then there’s some real food, stuff to cook with and I’m not sure of who likes what so I buy potatoes and fries, meat…I go with lot’s of chicken but I buy hamburger too and stuff to last like Kraft diner and hamburger helper but bread and bagels and peanut butter and cheese whiz and cream cheese dips and all that kind of stuff. I buy some seasonings too just the cheapo stuff in the plastic jars but it’s better than nothing sometimes.

I’m nearly broke by the time I’m done shopping and I’ve got three shopping carts counting the one I went and picked up at Sears and the cabbie has to call the guy they have with the taxi van to fit it all in.

I get that stuff into the house with his help and I pay him a twenty, the cab was only twelve but he was really cool with carrying in all this stuff.

I look at the clock surprisingly it’s only ten after twelve so that’ll give me lots of time. Then the first thing I do is clean the oven and the stove with one my secret weapons.

Gunk…yeah, that jelly stuff mechanics use to clean grease and stuff off of themselves well if you put it on stuff like a grooty stove and oven and let it just sit then it cleans the stuff off with just a swipe of paper towel.

I change the vacuum bag out and I use some of that shake out carpet cleaner, freshener and I vacuum the house starting with my room and I get a little OCD in the whole cleaning thing as I crank out the tunes. Hard rock is really great to do housework to, it amps me up and I get a lot done. I get changed first and I start cleaning listening to AC/DC, Motorhead a bit of Judas Priest, Alice Cooper and Iron Maiden as I get into the housework zone.

Bra, panties and inserts still on because I’m staying in character I go through one of the boxes and get dressed in a pair of Mom’s Root’s track pants and a paint stained halter top and a bandanna tying my hair back.

And I use some of the stuff I know about cleaning and stuff and cheat…You Can use a Swiffer spray and wash to do the walls…and the ceilings. Just like you can use the car polish Nu-finish to really make the appliances look really good and Armor-All for the interior of the car does a much better job on the stuff like the stereo and the TV casing and I even clean the video games and stuff.

I use vinegar and water to rinse wash the oven after it’s de-gunked and then I throw on some supper as I put the groceries away. I just take a whole chicken and rub it down with a beaten egg them I cover it with dried thyme and sage and salt and pepper then junk up two apples and stuff those inside of it and put it into a tin roaster pan since we don’t have a real one and I toss in some potatoes and some carrots I tossed with a bit of the same herbs and a bit of cooking oil and pour some water in the bottom of the pan.

I look at the clock and it’s about quarter to three so I hold off on my room until the girls get home and I make a pitcher of iced tea and sit on the floor my back to the couch and my laptop on the coffee table and I pull the keyboard over to me and kill the music on the stereo.

I’m just losing myself in writing something new. It’s just that with everything going on and stuff I need to get it out somehow.

Washed away….

“It’s a difficult world…”
“But it’s the same as it’s… always been.”
“It’s a difficult life…”
“But it’s the same as it’s…always been.”

“It’s raining outside today…”
“Someday’s the sun’s out….but it still feels the same.”
“I love you... I miss you...why did you go away…?”
“And why couldn’t you see the tears… that ran down my face.”

Chorus: “Oh I try to be strong…!”
“I try to hang on!”
“But I lost my grip today…”
“And I got Washed Away…”
“By waves of pain.”

“It’s a difficult world…”
“And I wish this wasn’t true…”
“It’s a difficult life…”
“And I wish that this wasn‘t true”

Chorus:

“And you know that it feels…all the same.”
“Grey skies and a grey life…it’s become my everyday.”
“Is heartbreak forever? It certainly feels that way…”
“And I’ll never get over the day…that you just walked away…”

“I love you…”
“I miss you …”
“I’d do anything to hold you…
“One last time…”

Chorus:

I really don’t know why I’m writing these sad EMO songs all the time but this was just there and sort of poured out of me like I was banishing all the angst that had built up with dad and the cop and writing that letter that was me just pouring out all the hell that I had been through in school.

I look up and Raven and Brooklynn and Roxy are standing there at the edge of the hall and the living room. I see them sort of looking around but Raven’s hugging herself a little bit, looking at me and I can see tears and mascara running down her face. She stares at me and turns away and she leaves hurrying up the stairs with a sob….