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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 109
 

Jem…Chapter 109

Chapter 109

*Before…
“It sucks…but you hate it as much as we hate it but keeping that hate going…who does that help? It doesn’t…it hurts, it give me personally a headache and a clenched jaw and makes my stomach hurt…I’d rather sing or play or cook if I have that much energy.”
Carmen looks up and me pulling away and she’s sniffling and wiping at her eyes. “You mean it? You don’t hate me?”
I smile and give her my best wry smile. “I’m not so much into hate.”
She sniffles and I smile and take my thumbs and wipe at her eyes and her running mascara and make these really big messy huge raccoon eyes and she’s sort of sniffling and she’s looking at me and it starts to click in just how much a mess I’m making on purpose and she snuffles and starts to laugh.
“I’ve got some stuff to do you wanna come and help out in the kitchen?”
(Long wet-sniffle.) “Can I wash my face first?”
And that sort of all breaks the tension and stuff and gets everyone else laughing.
I just can’t do it; I just can’t be full of the hurt, the hate…
I take out my phone. “As long as I can have a picture first.”
Carmen squeals and covers herself and starts running for the stairs and I’m after her.
Oh I’m so getting at least a picture.

*And Now…

It’s really…

I don’t know, I mean I was pretty lonely growing up and everything and I was sick on top of that so the few friends I sort of really had to play with and stuff were other sick kids when I was in the hospital.

So running around and chasing someone with a phone over something that’s just kind of normal and teenager is pretty strange and it’s pretty wonderful.

You ever have those moments too where you get this flash of time just stopping a second and you can almost look around?

Carmen’s smile and that look on her face, well actually written all over her that this is one of those things, times she thought she lost.

Rayne’s big huge smile so full of all that hearth that she has tried to hide from people under all her Goth and punk stuff.

Mike and Brooklyn together in the living room all snuggled up and behind the computers.

Molly sort of the same and right now sort of the gothic version of Thelma for our Scoobies.

And Kimmie with her oversized headphones on air drumming away until she’d caught up in the chase that’s going on and everything we chase and snap pictures with Carmen fun-screaming all the way to the downstairs bathroom.

We all can’t help but to be all smiles and laughs afterwards and I can’t help but to lean on the stair railing and look through the pictures and feel good. They’re all kinds of terrible but they’re real and they’re candid and in them I can see Carmen before the damage that’s been done.

It’s a good feeling to see that, to know that it’s there and that she just might have a chance to come back from that like we all have had.

Hey…Adam?

You better watch out.

Damaged people are dangerous y’know.

We know that we can survive.

I don’t know, maybe it’s seeing these pictures, maybe just this feeling that I have that fighting this fight, that fighting against Adam’s not impossible and that things can get better.

Are getting better.

I slide my camera into my pocket and head into the kitchen smiling.

I met the girls and found love and a life and my music.

I found out what’s wrong with me. I mean really what the deal was past the cancer and everything and how hard it might have been for people to connect with me when I wasn’t really being me.

I have a career okay we’re still pretty new and we’re still really raw but it’s real.

I have Rayne, a girlfriend and friend and lover and confidante.

I have family, and friends.

And now things with Carmen and helping her and getting evidence and stuff…

And Thanksgiving…with all of this there’s a lot to be thankful for.

It’s actually getting me in a mood, a sort of good mood to do stuff and get things ready and just too look forward.

But being thankful since Thanksgiving is on my mind and all…

I start drumming on the counter as I get things out and move and sway….

“My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all…”
“the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all…”

“And even if I could it'd all be grey”
“but your pictures on my wall….”
“it reminds me, that it's not so bad”
“it's not so bad…”

“I drank too much last night, And I’ve got bills to pay.”
“My head just feels in pain, I missed the bus and there'll be hell today…”

“I'm late for work again…”
“and even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the”
“day….hey…”

“And then you call me…. and it's not so bad”
“It's not so bad…”

“And….”

(I’m right in that sorta zone and I hit some more power as I hit that opening note.)

“I… want to thank You, for giving me the best day of my life…”
“Oh just to be with You, is having the best day of my life…”

The rest is just kinda me just humming along and keeping the son going in snippets because I’m distracted as I getting stuff together and actually I’ve forgotten some of the words.

So…right getting a start on things.

Wow, I’m not used to this afternoon is the morning thing.

But it’s still kind of cool.

Well some of the baking will be first and so will getting some things done for the meal itself. Dad has the bird defrosting over home so I need some dressing.

Now my dressing is a family thing sort of and that means it’s down from Eastern Canada. The difference? Summer-Savory or just savory to some folks but we…they use it more there than what a lot of people up here do with sage.

I do use sage too in mine though and I get some butter in a pan melting and I start taking some of the homemade bread from the other day and cut it up into chunks. In goes some fresh sage into the butter after I give it a rough chop and I let it cook just a little, you just want to see it start to fry in the butter and sizzle then take it out. Sage is strong and like too much rosemary it takes a little soapy when you go too far.

Then the bread goes in and I toss it and let the bread get all toasted. You want a good toast on the bread because you want to know that it’s there. Mom went the extra mile and she used to save all the bread heels for like a week before something like this because of that texture thing.
While I’m going got it tossing I add salt and pepper because I want that ingrained into the flavor of the buttery herby bread and then I turn down the heat and I start getting out the vegetables that I’m going to use and zip lock bags and stuff and paper towels.

If you peel the veg that you’re going to use ahead of time and get it ready to cook and wash them off and wrap them in damp paper towel and seal them in a Ziploc bag or a container they won’t dry out and they won’t go grey and they won’t go brown on you. But they’ll only stay that good for like twelve hours or so. And mine by that time will be cooking over at dad’s by then. It’ll let us veg and zone out for most of tomorrow.

Carmen comes in with Rayne and Rayne goes for the coffee and she makes one for me while she’s at it.

You got to love when your S.O. can sort of just feel that and you don’t even have to ask. She comes over and she sets it close by and she kisses me. Coffee kisses are really very good.

“Dido?” She asks as she breaks the kiss.

“Mmm…yeah it just sort of fit the whole Thanksgiving day thing.”

“You do her really well; maybe we should do some in the set for the Monday gig at The Pine Tree?”

“We could, it’d fit with the mood since we’re kind of doing live dinner music.”

“It sounds like you’ve got ideas already?”

“I have a few, I’ve always wanted to do something like this and maybe even unplugged.”

“Unplugged would be good but I don’t have an acoustic bass.”

“We’ll get one sometime, as well as a bunch of other stuff too once we get stuff done up more.”

“Done up more?”

“I was thinking that we get permission from the landlord and we fix up the garage which we don’t use and we make an office out of it that way we have a serious set up for us and stuff.”

“Not a rehearsal space?”

“No, I want that inside because we do so much online with the fans and stuff.”

Carmen nods. “That’s true you do and you guys are kind of addictive that way.”

I look at her. “We are?”

She gets a coffee for herself. “Yeah you pull off these life gigs with some real moments and stuff and the you can watch some real life stuff with the after shows and the fans and then they can follow things on Facebook or on You tube and sometimes you’ll respond there. You don’t get that with other bands and stuff.”

We’re both looking at her.

She blushes. “What…I watch you guys all the time…like ever since the whole thing with Summer and Rayne sang “One hand in my pocket.” And I saw you tow just well shit, being you two together.”

Rayne’s doing that hug and hold me from behind. “So that’s why you were giving out all that tip money?”

She nods and is still blushy. “Yeah but I heard stuff like how Angel shot Adam down and stuff and that he was like all obsessed with you and stuff which is why he hired summer’s band and stuff.”

“All of that over me…” That’s, that’s kinda ick feeling.

“You turned him down or something at Lucky’s? No one, no woman says no to Adam…not ever.”

“So he’s out to get me?”

“Kinda, and you’re Jason’s cousin and he hates Jason with a passion because Jason…Jason wasn’t popular, most of us were shitty to him because Adam was and it was just easier most of the time to go with the flow and let the rich kids like Adam have his way…Jason never did…no matter how much people shit on him he still never caved.”

I’m shivering a little. I mean it makes me sound a whole lot different that it felt.

“You sound like you like him?” Rayne asks.

“I don’t know him, almost no one did really. I was one of the ones that did stuff and I hate that about me now that I know more and stuff but looking at things now, after all the other stuff and what I’ve done because of Adam…yeah…I mean I gave, others gave, but he didn’t…that takes some balls.”

Okay…as much as this is sort of right on the edge of triggering I snicker a little and Rayne doesn’t laugh by pressing her lips to my collar bone.

I take a breath that gets a little bigger as Rayne lips kiss me there.

“Well maybe everything will straighten out once Adam’s finally dealt with.”

“Maybe…” Carmen bites her lip looking scared still and unsure of herself. I reach over and take her wrist and then slip her fingers into mine lacing them and look her in the eyes.

“No, will…You’re with us now and we will get through this, all of us.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because honestly Carmen there is good in the world and evil like Adam’s only really survives when people are too scared to do anything.”

She gives me these almost teary and shaky smile. “Really…?”

“Really…promise.” I let go of her hand and offer her my pinky.

She laughs. “Oh my gawd what is with you guys you know Jason’s dad does that too!?”

“I know, got it from him. That stuff still means something to some people y’know.”

She blushes and she hooks fingers with me and leaks out a few more tears bleeding off some more poison from inside herself.

(Sniffle) “You need some help?”

“Sure do you don’t mind?”

“No I don’t I was actually good at Home Ec. And stuff back when I cared and stuff.”

“Cool there’s a lot of prep to do yet.” I grin and Rayne’s detaching herself from me. “And that’s my cue to go into the other room and hang out there and veg.”

I grin. “You go do that and let me know when we’re going to start rehearsal there’s a couple of songs I want to try.”

“You always do…” She kisses me again and slips into the living room and I just happy sigh and watch her.

Carmen chuckles a bit. “Man that’s cool.”

“What is?”

“You two in a real deal relationship and stuff you seem so with it.”

I head over to the flour bin. “It takes a lot of work actually and we’ve been through a lot in a short time really too. It’s one of these scary things because of the stuff we’ve been through and everything…I just don’t want us to hit a wall or hit like relationship burn out and stuff.”

“Really? You two seem so good together.”

“We are just I’m in that place where I’m the new woman in Rayne’s life and we happened pretty fast and she’s my first for well...everything so I’m nervous, even scared sometimes.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

Carmen laughs. “Yeah you seemed a little too together it’s nice to see you’re human too.”

I grin actually. “Oh I’m definitely human. And just as screwed up as everyone else.”

She nods and she still sort of gives me that look that girls give each other when we sort of just measure ourselves to another person and stuff but she lets it go. “So what’s next?”

“Pie dough, I figured we’d make a lot up and it can rest and chill overnight and we can roll it out and everything tomorrow.”

“Okay, good idea.”

We get started on that with the tape down and the waxed paper for easy clean up and I figure enough crust for a dozen pies will do all the pies and I want to make some tarts too and I let her get at it since she really does know what she’s doing and I go looking for stuff for the pie that will take the longest and that’s the minced-meat pie.

Minced-meat is a lot of things but I’m going with what I know and stiff so it’s actually minced meat in this case hamburger/ground beef and I get it cooking and stuff in a pot. I want it browned really well and even crusty a little and the next thing I go and get in a jar of mom’s preserves that dad dropped off from the big care package and get a bottle of green tomato chow. Some people call it chow or chow-chow but essentially it’s a green tomato pickle but a sweet one that’s kind of like a really basic chutney without any nuts.
I get it and some oranges from the fridge. Now I should be using like candied citrus peel and stuff since it’s like part of the mince and all that but the oranges should do the trick really. Once the hamburger is sizzling in the pan I add the whole bottle of chow-chow to it and then a lot of black pepper and give it a really good stir. Then I take four of the oranges and put them through the food processor and turn them into pulp peeling and all…hmm I’m actually sort of doing this on the fly so I add that into the pot to get it cooking and to get all the pectin’s out of the peel and then add a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar and a couple of table spoons of molasses.

I’m mostly just going by smell and it smells now like minced-meat or pretty close to it and I get out a whole package of raisins and dump those in since minced-meat every time that I’ve had it has had raisins in it and then just a little bit of powdered ginger and cinnamon and all-spice.

It really smells like the real deal now and it’s starting to look like it too. I give it another five minutes before I take it off the heat and just cover it. The raisins will soak up a lot of that liquid as all the flavors marry together and stuff.

I do a big inhale because the kitchen smells like it and to me that’s a very holiday smell. We’d only have this at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It’s pretty much all chopping and storing veggies after that for all the stuff and wrapping the pie crusts in cellophane and putting them into the fridge and the things for the stuffing and then we’re kind of done.

I start supper while we’re there and Carmen and I just whip up a big pot of macaroni with fried hamburger and then add in two cans of tomatoes and a couple of cans of tomato soup and cut up some fresh bread and have butter for it and we both head into the living room where everyone’s at.

“Supper’s ready.”

Y’know you’d have thought that I’d starved them all day and stuff at the rate they all drop everything and head to the kitchen.

Except Molly who looks at me and I grin at her. “You’re staying?”

“I won’t wear out my welcome?”

“Never, you’re part of the band.”

Kimmie gives her a shove towards the kitchen. “Yeah, and band is family.”

I can’t help but hug myself and smile because of that and I watch then all doing their thing and getting something to eat and yeah…just yeah.

I follow them into the kitchen. “And…”

The rest except for Carmen and Molly chime in and say. “Family is everything.”

(Inside-sniffle.) Yeah…