Jem...Chapter 198

*Before…

We’re pretty late by the time we’re done and we’re walking folks out that stayed with Danny and Kate with us and they’re getting a lot of praise and folks talking to them because they got to be in a video, that they kept the rides open and all the stuff to help with the videos.

And like literal icing on the cake was Danny giving out free shirts and tickets for tomorrow but Kate treating everyone to all the popcorn that was left from concessions and cones of her candy apple ice cream.

Okay it’s like literally better in the cone because she had them dipped in the red candy stuff up at the top of the cone and it’s just really good.

We do handshakes and selfies and hugs and make sure everyone that stayed to help was done by right. A lot of them are the out of towners and a lot of them came because they were fans.

It’s four thirty in the morning when we get home.

We don’t mess around either it’s dropping our things off and really quick showers and then we crash hard and fast.

I think it was quarter past five when Rayne and I fell asleep.

*And Now…

We sleep like logs and when my alarm goes off we’re slow moving out of bed and I can smell food. It’s sunday so the fair things are open later and are going to close earlier too so we’ll get more sleep later tonight.

I roll out of bed and slip into yoga pants and a close by tee-shirt which is Rayne’s and it’s way big on me but it smells like her which has me doing the sleepy walk to the bathroom and I’m holding like the neck of it and smelling her smell all the way to the bathroom.

I’m a girl wearing her girl’s shirt and it’s making me really, really happy.

I wet and brush out my hair to at least something manageable while I take my hormones and things and then brush my teeth and wash my face and feel somewhat awake and human.

I head down and I can smell french toast cooking and pancakes and I can hear Kimmie and Max but I also hear Darlene too in the house as well as Janey and I slowly make my way inside where the four of them are in combinations of cooking and sitting and watching.

The coffee smells really good too once i open the kitchen door and that first waft of coffee breeze greets me.

Kim looks like she and Max spent the night together again.

It’s kind of nice too with the house full.

And yeah really the house is very full.

I can’t help but to think that Mom would have loved this though.

I walk into the kitchen and double hug Kimmie and Max since they’re sitting that close together and Darlene is looking sort of tired but at the same time she’s kind of in that blissed out coffee time things and she has a plate with little bits of something and syrup in front of her.

“Morning everyone.” I say going to the stove and just taking a look at things and then a coffee.

There’s a round of “Morning Angel.”

And I smile and take that first sip and sigh.

Darlene smiles at me. “I hope you don’t mind us stopping over?”

“Not at all, Kim and Max are dating and stuff what extends to him extends to you too.”

She looks at me and then at Kim who is making more pancakes and sets down a stack of more and then some ones that are like toonie sized for janey but there’s like maybe a dozen of them and there’s sliced up rings of banana in them too.

It’s so cute the look on her little face as she has that really wanting them look on her face. “Elvis’s!” she chuckles.

I can smell peanut butter as Kim pours out this melty peanut butter sauce.

“Elvis’s?” I ask.

Max says. “The last time Kimmie was over she introduced Janey to Lilo and Stitch and that sort of went to the music from the movie and them more Elvis.”

I’m nodding actually sort of following Kimmie and Janey logic. “Which lead to Elvis pancakes.”

He nods. “And with the peanut butter which she loves anyway and everything in that and bananas too I’m more than good with it.”

“Bananas are good. There’s songs with bananas in them.”

Darlene smiles. “As long as it’s not Hollaback girl, that’s one of my jams but it’s not for little ears.”

We share a laugh and I get a plate and help myself.

Oh this is kind of nice not being the only one doing this for a change.

I mean not like I mind or will ever mind but yeah a break like this on a Sunday is good.

Two pancakes with regular maple syrup and one with Kimmie’s peanut sauce.

That’s actually really frigging good….creamer in it maybe...brown sugar for sure and something else but it’s actually pretty good. I wouldn’t want it all the time but yeah as something different it’s just really good.

“Kim, this is really good.”

Janey nods with her mouthful doing that whole bobble headed thing.

Rayne joins us coming in and she gets a coffee and she steals some bacon as Kimmie takes it out of the sheet tray from the oven. And she sits beside me with her coffee and she looks over my plate and I cut some pancake and fold it over on the fork and feed her as she feeds me some of her bacon.

Darlene is really cool with this and she just smiles and she steals a mini-pancake with peanut sauce on it and some banana.

“Kimberly if you get time I could go for the Elvis.”

Which led to us explaining that to Rayne and we both order a plate.

Kim even seems to be okay with Darlene using Kimberley though there was a look between Max and his mom.

Molly and Carmen are down next and they’re both in that cute, sleepy disheveled need coffee mode and Brooklyn too and Mike...well Mike apparently went for a jog and came in with all three of them giving him this look of your rotten.

Though the way he looks all sweaty and in those cycling shorts and the guy tank with all those muscles is definitely nice.

I mean it’s Mike, him and me had this very kinda sorta almost.

And he’s kissed me before so I can definitely kind of sort of appreciate him.

But not as much as Brooklyn is doing.

Actually that’s sort of interesting seeing a girl sort of devour a guy with her eyes. I’m not used to seeing it like up close and not like school used to be when they’d check out but not check someone out.

We have a big communal breakfast some waking up faster than others but Kim’s right on top of it all and she’s not letting it get to be too much. I offered to help but she said. “Hey no, relax fearless leader I have this.”

“You sure?”

She nods with a big smile on her face. “Absolutely this in like kryptonite to how I grew up remember I love this.”

And from the look on Darlene’s face she doesn’t know all of that yet.

Molly has her tablet and she is smiling and reading.

I ask. “Something good?”

“The reviews...they’re really good guys, we made the papers and blogs again and so did K and T but lots of mentions for the fair and everything.”

I end up reading things as it gets passed around and there’s a lot of folks talking about the good things this year but how last night was like the rock festival that Harper’s Point never got here for years.

There’s talk about us...SLB and how we fed folks treats and showed off a hidden gem in the community with Go-Gos bakery and that we actually were shooting videos, actual music and rock videos in Harper’s Point.

And that was just one blog.

I love the way people responded in these to us but not just to us as all of this got people in the mood for a Fair.

Some older gentleman in the Harper’s Point Almanac which has it’s own online thing now talking about the fair and Danny and Kate and us actually working not just with them but pushing “A revival of a dying breed, a treasure that might get lost.” Then more about *Fisherboy* and The Chapel Street Shelter work but not just about us but the fair too this year and all these other things going on and really good things and he’s asking folks on the site’s mailing list to go and come in, spend some time and support something very much worth supporting this year.

We featured really well but there’s such great buzz coming out of this with the rock, with all the other bands and even Kisses and Thorns who have stepped up with their new songs too and five different blogs broke down their top picks and we’re in everyone one of them and we’re in the top five.

And there’s an add out for Halloween at The Cat an LGBT+ Boogey night and there’s going to be a gated pre-event with Sawyer’s Funrides have a Queer Carnivale.

“Actual rides and tunes and fun with your person without the hate.”

That was actually written on the Ad and Signed by Danny & Kate.

Molly showed me where the Ad was on other LGBT+ sites and going through the community.

“I hope it draws a crowd.”

Molly actually is beaming. “Oh...oh I’d have walked on broken glass to get here to go to something that’s safe and for us.”

I ask Molly “We have notes for this?” who does this flipping through screens to our E-mail stuff and we sign the papers when we get there this morning.

The money the base money looks big but it’s just covering fuel and wages the if any money will be made it’ll be from concessions and rides. And we only get a piece of that if they make money.

But...but...We signed them to a job that might not make big money but it is a job.

Which is a win in the win column for Starlight Entertainment and Music that we can out on our books.

I’m kind of just as happy about that.

And that’s the sort of cue for us to get ready and head out and we get to take our time with that and the booth is up and running already with Josie there but Kate’s there too.

She had things ready there and then to sign and we do that and we get to work with fans actually waiting for us from other places and some of last night’s crowd.

She sticks around too to help sell shirts and our other things too and it’s plenty fun with all of us joking around and talking with people and playing and taking pictures and giving lessons.

Roxy Moogle is still a big draw for folks with her own fans but yeah the asian rocker, the asian drummer...here.

And Rayne and Brooklyn has people that are there to learn or talk guitar.

Tammy shows up from Go-Go’s with treats and the some. She looks at me. “I made more stuff on us Angel seriously we’re full out with orders and things thanks to this.”

“Hey that’s awesome, Like I said Crystal bragged you up so we should return the favor.”

“Definitely we’re going to plug her pretty seriously but speaking of favors….?”

“Oh?”

“Yeah we don’t have a booth here and we’re getting such good business from being linked to you girls we were wondering if we could…”

“Sure…” Tammy hugs me and we set up a space to sell her goodies and she has a girl called Nikki there with a cash box and the same setup as we do with the plug in smartphone card reader.

Hey more the merrier and pay it forward right?

We end up adding to that in fact as Ace from the comic book place hits us up to help one of his artist friends who does caricature picture posters and we get him to not just do that but actually posters of us and of the fans of them as comic styled rock stars in that sort of Jem and The Holograms style from the TV cartoon.

There’s this busy little knot of us all the way to when we go and play for the day crowd.

That’s actually packed with a lot of the family types this time and older folks like really packed and there’s been a lot of Sunday styled folk mixed in and bluegrass as well as some country playing here and we’re dressed down for the day crowd but we actually get some applause from this whole other kind of crowd as we take the stage and we start playing.

We open with *Roadhouse Blues* By Jeff Healy and then we do *Maggie May* By Rod Stewart and then we do *Keep the Faith* By Starlight Butterfly but a slowed down version and thenwe back that with *Carousel* By Starlight Butterfly as well.

People are enjoying it and we do *Queen of hearts* By Juice Newton and then we keep with the faster choices and as a fun surprise that Brooklyn had suggested we do *Jolene* as done by Dolly Parton...I loved the idea of that and you know there’s some really kick booty guitar playing in that too.

It’s super fun too and this crowd loves it some clapping and some up and sway dancing to it.

And the harmonies too...I love, love, love all of us singing this kind of thing together.

Then we do a country esque version of *I Believe* By Starlight Butterfly.

Then what they were waiting for was *Fisherboy* By Starlight Butterfly.

He gets up too early…
Makes a coffee, checks the sky.
His loved ones are all tucked in…
An if he’s lucky it’s not a sad, sad goodbye.

He makes it to the water…
He gears up and braves the cold.
His Father did this and so do his brothers…
He’s just a poor fisherboy.

(Chorus) He can dance just like an Angel…
When the deck’s heavin to an fro.
He’s as strong as they come hauling traps an those nets.
He’s as warm as the engines below!

Y’know it’s a damned hard living.
Not everyone can do it or does.
But someone’s got to put...the food on the table.
An it’s all that his family has done.

(Chorus x2)

Those great lakes they can be feisty.
True inner seas that be true.
And he’s gone everyday just to scrape up some pay.
So his kids might not ever have too.

(Chorus)

And wow for a brand new song there was really good applause and people following along and singing the chorus.

It’s our last song and we did mostly covers but they still liked what we performed.

And that’s with a crowd that’s definitely not our usual audience.

“Thanks everyone for coming and listening to us play, we’re going to head off now but I just wanted to say that we’re donating all the online purchases of Fisherboy on Itunes to donate to Family Anchors it’s a darned good charity folks...fishing’s hard and it’s dangerous sometimes to be out on the waters.”

There’s a lot of applause and we head off stage and take a break from the booth too so we can enjoy the Fair too. There’s a good bit of folks that do still come and talk to us after that and there’s a few bloggers.

We do get out of there after a half an hour then head off to enjoy things. That’s a mix of things from playing a few games and going on a few rides and Rayne and I sharing some cotton candy plus seeing some more of the booths for the charities and Rayne surprising her boss by showing up for a bit at the Wal Mart booth. (She had the day off from boothing.)

Brooklyn and Mike went off to do their own things and Molly was dragging Carmen around to what looked like some techie booths. Kimmie actually went to hang with Darlene and Janey and we caught up with them as we watched the Harper’s Point Kings and Queens of hearts pull for the town in the tugs of wars.

It was really easy to find them because while everyone was cheering and screaming as our women pulled we could hear Kimmie screaming above everyone. “HARD!!! HURRY HARD!!!”

And in case other folks don’t know that’s for curling.

Janey joins her in screaming it all over again.

It’s really cute.

Rayne looks at me and I look at her and then we’re all exchanging glances and then grins and we all scream with Kimmie and Janey. “HARD!!! HURRY HARD!!!”

And it actually works as we get the crowd doing it and then we’re cheering the men’s team.

Everyone is into it, us and the crowd and Janey looks like she might explode from all the stimulation.

Then we all head out to get something to eat at the concessions and we all gather together at the tables and we’re getting a mix of things.

I love Fair food, It’s usually really bad for you but some of it’s actually pretty awesome and worth it. I’m liking the corn on the cob stand that you can get it in all of these international flavors. I like Carmen’s choice with the lime mayo and pepper and the white crumbly cheese on it.

And there’s the standards like onion rings and things but I’m way more of a potato skins with chili and nacho cheese girl and it’s actually pretty good with someone getting a large order of like something and it’s usually enough for everyone to have a taste.

Then we’re back to the booth and doing all of that until we’re getting close to the Sunday night show which is earlier and it ends earlier and We’re on up after Kisses & Thorns who rocks their usual playlists plus the new songs they have.

We left early and we got dressed, really dressed in dresses and we definitely got looks from folks that were backstage and from Summer and Hannah who gave us a smile and and a thumbs up and I think I seen K&T actually go out into the crowd to watch.

I step up to the mic.

“Hi everyone, thanks for the great turn out tonight. We kind of decided as a band that we wanted to play to our softer stuff tonight and so that we can maybe use the fact that this the last night of the Fall Fair’s big weekend and maybe see if we can’t raise some funds for charity.”

“Now it’d be wrong here to pick or choose from everything here that has been trying to raise money so we invited them all. You’ll see them they’ll be moving through the crowd and they’ll have water bottles that have their Charities on them and they all have SLB purple shirts and bandanas on.”

“Give what you can only...good faith...no pressure folks...Please just listen and enjoy things everyone.”

“We’re going to start with a new song and that’s sort of fitting for right now i think.”

“This is...A little good.”

I’m singing this in a soft sort of jazz voice and the lights on the stage dim down to soft sort of spotlights.

*A Little Good.* By Starlight Butterfly.

I needed a little good today…
I needed to hear life’s not all about pain.
I need some sunshine…
Some happy, happy thing…
Oh I needed a little good today.

I need a little hope today…
Just one little word to guide my way.
I need a little heartfelt…
Some hopeful, hopeful thing…
I need a little hope today.

I need a little good today…
Just some sweet little happy thing.
I need and little honey breeze…
Some blissful buzzy thing.
I need a little good today….

I need a little strength today…
Just a little help to lift my weight today.
I need a little helping hand…
Some Carry me Carrie.
I need a strength today.

I needed a little good today…
I needed to hear life’s not all about pain.
I need some sunshine…
Some happy, happy thing…
Oh I needed a little good today.

I need a little heart today…
I need to lend someone my strength.
I need to be their helping hand…
Give back to another what I was passed.
I need a little heart today…

I needed a little good today…
I needed to hear life’s not all about pain.
I need some sunshine…
Some happy, happy thing…
Oh I needed a little good today.

There’s a lot of whistles and clapping and I see phones are up and I go from that into us playing. *Washed Away* By Starlight Butterfly.

It’s a difficult world …
But it’s the same as it’s … always been.
It’s a difficult life …
But it’s the same as it’s … always been.
It’s raining outside today …
Some days the sun’s out … .but it still feels the same.
I love you... I miss you...why did you go away …?
And why couldn’t you see the tears … that ran down my face.
Chorus: Oh I try to be strong …!
I try to hang on!
But I lost my grip today …
And I got Washed Away …
By waves of pain.
It’s a difficult world …
And I wish this wasn’t true …
It’s a difficult life …
And I wish that this wasn‘t true
Chorus:
And you know that it feels … all the same.
Grey skies and a grey life … it’s become my every day.
Is heartbreak forever? It certainly feels that way …
And I’ll never get over the day … that you just walked away …
I love you …
I miss you …
I’d do anything to hold you …
One last time …
Chorus:

People, are swaying and the fans of the band actually started to softly sing along with us and more phones are up and we go from that to *Nothing but a Child.* By Steve Earle.

Then we transition from that to *Tears in Heaven* By Eric Clapton.

And then *I will follow you into the dark.* By Deathcab for Cutie a good tune actually very romantigoth and Molly loves that we’re playing it. And then just because it goes so very well with the goth fans we do have we do *Invisible* By Starlight Butterfly.

Day after day … .it’s always the same.
Waking up cold … on a bright sunny day …
Breakfast’s cold coffee and three cigarettes …
Why do I even bother …?
No one will notice …
Chorus
Because I’m Invisible …
Why can’t anyone see me …
Because I’m Invisible …
Why can’t anyone hear me …?
I’ve been screaming and shouting but nobody cares …
Because I’m Invisible …
I’m Invisible … … And I’m fading away …
And the shower can’t wash away the pain … ..
Another day … of not this again …
And the soap’s not what’s making me cry …
I close my eyes to the razor’s lullaby …
Why should I bother …?
Will anyone notice …?
Will anyone miss me …?
Chorus again.
And is the knife my only friend …?
And will these pills take me to my end …?
And will anything be there at the end of the line …?
Or like everything else is it a big waste of time?
Why should I bother …?
When Nobody loves me …
When Nobody sees me …
Chorus twice more.

Then Rayne takes over and she does this sort of deep, sexy, broken kind of voiced version of *Patience* By Guns and Roses that sounds so very much like Amy Winehouse was doing it as a cover.

I wonder how Summer will feel about her singing something that they used to cover together?

I move to the keyboard and Rayne keeps going but there are people screaming and crying as I’m starting the notes for. *Arms of the Angels* By Sarah Mclaughlin.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance …
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel … not good enough?
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins …
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight …
In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here … …
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear …
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie …
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here …
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back …
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time …
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness …
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of an Angel, far away from here …
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear …
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie …
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here …

Then she goes from that into *Billie Holiday.*

I thought I was going to be the hero.
When I found you there all alone.
So alone …
Lonely and cold.

But it was you that picked me up when I had fallen.
Turned my grey skies into sunshine … and I remember …
Oh I remember thinking, blue, blue eyes and that smile …
When do Angels wear that much make-up …

Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you.
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday.

I took you in but you gave me shelter.
You taught me that I wouldn’t be broken forever.
You make it better …
You made it better …
You made me believe in love again … !

Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you.
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday …

When I’m with you I feel safe now …
Oh so safe now … !
No more crying in the shadows …
No more cutting, no more shame …
No, no, no … !
Oh come here a little closer.
Just let me wrap my arms around you …
So I can say … so I can say …
You’re my Billie Holiday …
You are my candle.
You are my light.
You are a love song.
You’re my flame …
Oh … sweet, sweet Angel …
You’re my Billy Holiday …

Now, now it’s the thing that Rayne and I have been working on, the thing that’s actually hard to sing because of the feelings and not the difficulty.

“This is it everyone, last song of the night and it’s something that Raven and I thought would be very special.”

Brooklyn comes from the side of backstage and she brings a stool for Raven before going back to her guitar and Raven smoothes her dress and sits legs together and her heels hooking into the bottom rung of the stool and she starts to sing part of *Oncology* From Starlight Butterfly and the phone lights go up and the lighters too.

Let me sit close to you to say goodbye …
Don’t mind the tears here in my eyes …
Because they’re not sad tears …
Because I love you …
I’ll love you forever …
(Chorus)
Let’s savor the times we had together!
Savor those words we pledged forever!
We both still have love, we still have love!
It can’t take that! It can’t touch that!

Then I start in sitting behind the keyboard after she did the first verse and chorus and I start in but not to join her with Oncology but instead I start singing *Love of My Life* By Queen.

It’s this piano like sad counterpoint to Oncology that’s a really sort of sad and heartbreaking in a good way thing.

Love of my life you've hurt me...
You've broken my heart and now you leave me...
Love of my life can't you see.
Bring it back, bring it back.
Don't take it away from me...
Because you don't know.
What it means to me…

There’s an instant visceral reaction from the crowd that chokes me up and even from up here I can see and hear people crying...more lights fill the dark out there in the crowd.

Then it’s Raven again singing counterpoint and back to Oncology again.
Let me sing to you a lullaby.
It’s one last song, it’s one last try …
To see that light, to see that smile …
Baby I need this.
I hate all this suffering …
(Chorus)

And then it’s me again with….and now there’s people singing along with it.

Love of my life don't leave me.
You've taken my love you now desert me...
Love of my life can't you see.
Bring it back, bring it back.
Don't take it away from me.
Because you don't know....
What it means to me...

Raven’s crying a little, I’m crying a little and so are a whole lot of people as she takes up her end again and there’s a little sad warble and a catch in her voice as she starts again….our fans the ones that know our songs are singing along with her too.

Oh close your eyes and rest your head.
On the cool steel of that hospital bed …
You look too tired yet so serene …
You can let go …
Let our tears flow …

Let’s talk together one on one …
About all the things we’ve seen and done …
And all those good things … those great big little things.
Before it became …
Before our life with cancer …
(Chorus)

And now I’m back and singing…

You will remember.
When this is blown over...
And everything's all by the way...
When I grow older.
I will be there at your side to remind you.
How I still love you, I still love you...
Back hurry back….. (There’s sobs out from the crowd.)
Please bring it back home to me...
Because you don't know.
What it means to me….

Then we’re back to Raven...

(Chorus)

Then me singing just the end line.

Love of my life….

Then Raven with the very last verse.

Hey; We’re not over, we’re not done …
There’s one more shot, there’s one more try …
Because I’ll see you, forever after … forever after …
In that sunshine …
I’ll be there …
Just wait for me …

I finish us off with a long and soft drawn out.

Love of my life……………….

And I play the keyboard notes out with the fading last bit of instrumental.

The lights on us dim to almost dark there’s a swaying sea of hands and phones and lighters... there’s silence as the music faded out and there’s sobs out there in the dark.

People slowly start clapping and clapping and clapping...and I think that we’re all crying on stage and off.