Jem…Chapter 158

*Before…

It was sexy and soapy and gentle and earnest and there’s just this entirely amazing thing that happens when I see Rayne wet and accented with bubbles and is the light from the scented candles in the bath. And I love the way she makes me feel both sexually more and more as I’m changing and everything is just so alive and sensitive and in my heart as she stares at me with this look that’s just…well it makes me feel safe, loved, and so very much like I’m…Angel.

I mean when someone you love looks at you and shuts down those naggy little dysphoric bits in your head that’s amazing.

There’s something that’s just kind of amazing to with being in that whole glowy after lovemaking place and having someone wash your hair.

And it’s still dark too when we make our way back to our room and to bed. We can tackle the other stuff tomorrow…later tomorrow. Right now I just want to enjoy slipping into the fresh sheets and snuggling and nuzzling up to Rayne.

*And Now…

Goddess I love the way that Rayne smells in the morning and I love the way that she feels too. I’m just kind of in that dreamy almost awake zone and I can feel her pressed to me her breasts in my back and her arms around me as she’s spooning me.

That’s actually becoming the usual thing too, her holding me as we sleep.

I don’t mind at all either. One I’m actually smaller than she is all around and I’m a skinny-mini too as they say so I’m kind of cold some of the time.

Okay I was cold a lot but guys don’t complain about being chilly, they complain about minus stupid level of cold but just that whole being chilled thing it’s not like something that is in guy programming.

Her body heat is more than welcome and she sort of uses me almost like a body pillow thing. I think Kimmie has a Japanese name for it but I wasn’t really paying attention.

Part of me really doesn’t want to get up. I want to be selfish and lie in bed and nuzzle up with my girlfriend and just do nothing.

I roll over carefully so I’m facing her and I set my head on her shoulder and just breathe her in. she still smells like the bath foam from last night early this morning but there’s better than that too because it’s been a while and her natural smell has set back in and she just smells awesome.

It really makes my morning too being able to do this and to just have these sort of stolen moments with her or with me and her. It so helps all the stuff in my head settle down and it lets my brain just chill.

I stay like there until my brain percolates into actually being awake and then the first thing that happens is of course having to pee.

Seriously you start transition hormones you have to pee a lot more.

I get up and I do it carefully and I kiss Rayne really softly and gently and she kisses me back and she smiles. She doesn’t open her eyes but she smiles all the same and as I get up she’s sliding over and into my warm spot and she pulls my pillow into her arms to hug and nuzzle.

That’s actually incredibly sweet and I would stay and watch longer but nature wasn’t just calling the phone was set to vibrate and it was right next to my bladder.

I grab some clothes really fast and do a fast run down the hall in like that on the balls of your feet way that doesn’t make a whole lot of footfalls and I go in and sigh in relief as I get relief. I get cleaned up and brush my teeth and double panty up which is more than enough thankfully and get dressed into some baggy pink Root’s sweats and some fuzzy socks and one of my more broken in band tee shirts.

Then I comb out and brush my hair until it’s functional and I put it up and out of the way.

I pad downstairs and everyone’s still asleep and it’s not that early. I’m not like going without sleep I’ve had my solid six and that’s always been my usual. Besides I think the whole solid eight is kind of a myth really a lot of people with jobs and shift work and kids don’t have that whole solid eight and some would kill to have a solid six hours of sleep.

I’m alone for them moment and I relish it as I put through the first pot of coffee and then knead the risen bread dough and pan it up to let it proof. It’s actually good for bread to rise a long time yeast is incredibly tough stuff and it’ll keep working because it’s literally still eating and making gas. I actually take my time with even doing that so I’m not working the dough too much so it’ll be extra fluffy.

And I butter the bread pans and the roll pans with some real butter this time and get them all into the oven once I think they’re proofed. Then it’s coffee number two and putting some bacon on the stove and just let it go at a medium.

Then I get one of the laptops and start doing things online with the bills and things and I pay a big deposit on our oil bill which is nice to have a surplus than a balance due and it’s been one of the things that I’ve been chipping away at with our money and then it’s paying off the credit card again and they’ve raised the limit which is good since we might just need that and when I’m checking our online funds from our song sales we’re good.

The internet and the cable plus the site fees and even our phones have all been bundled and paid off apparently by Uncle Bobby and it looks like that’s going to be the case for a while at least until the investigation’s done and everything which is a big help actually. It’s another bill that we don’t have to deal with for some time.

Which actually leaves us pretty well off and There’s a few things that I want to talk to the others about paying off or buying but we should be able to do those things and still get a van if it’s not going to be too expensive.

I want to pay us some from the band funds we’re due. I want to put in another month’s rent which will give us a two month cushion. I want to get some office things and we really do need a bigger and better water heater for the house and I want to give Carmen and Molly a budget for what they need to do what they want for tech and wardrobe things.

I actually make a list of all of these things and print it off and then I flip the bacon and turn all of the bread. That’s rotating it in the oven so it all gets an equal amount of crust and browning and I go and use the downstairs bathroom and come back and I get the acoustic and I play a little and I write and read stuff on our site and it’s other parts and we have a whole lot of hits already and I can see the online store orders from here too and even our ITunes stuff.

The new song for Sunday’s gig is coming along well and I take a break from that and I just sort of play around and jam a little. Playing guitar gets inside you and not just in your heart but it’s like you kind of want the weight, the feeling of strings under your fingers and that vibration too.

Actually if you’re really into videogames and things like that it’s like that feeling when you have the controller in your hands, something that just feels right because you enjoy it.

I surf Youtube for a bit checking out a lot of older tunes and some of the stuff from like my dad’s eras and even before that because classic music and classic rock is actually pretty amazing and I end up listening to some of the bands that I have been always listening to in the end of it and I stop just long enough to eat a slice of bacon as I set the stuff I cooked to drain on some paper towel and I get another coffee and this one’s black and I start the second pot.

I sit and I take a sip and I start to play lightly and sing along to this really great old tune that I’ve played before but keep coming back to. *Everyday* By Buddy Holly.

I think that this will actually be a great little tune for the Fall Fair at some point and it just sort of hits happy notes for me.

I’m still playing when Rayne comes down and she’s doing the yawn and sniff and she motions for me to stay where I am and keep playing while she gets herself a coffee and then she takes out our bread knife and some peanut butter and carefully picks out a slice of bacon from the pan.

It’s this nice morning after sort of thing. It’s Saturday and it’s semi lazy and she just looks so content as she’s doing that smile with a soft chew and then a sip of her coffee and she sits and she looks at me and smiles.

Moves her shoulders a little as I’m keep playing and singing.

“Everyday…it’s a getting closer…”
“Going faster than a roller coaster.”
“Love like yours will surely come my way…”
“A hey, hey…”

It’s a good song, it’s also a good song for a girl to sing and cover. And it’s really so all kinds of perfect watching Rayne dance shimmy on the chair and actually get up and she dances right there in front of me while I’m playing and I’m singing to her.

It gets better when she takes the guitar from me and leans it against the counter and she moves to me and my chair and she straddles me and she slips her arms over my shoulders and she kisses me.

It’s such a really good thing and it’s erotic and beautiful and it’s such a great girlfriend moment.

It’s things like this, things like how this feels that really sinks into me and gives me the strength to deal with all of the rest of it.

Not that like I’m exhausted it’s just right now I’m actually feeling pretty darned strong and feeling strong for a change is actually pretty nice.

There’s some kissing over and over and there’s some touching too and Rayne’s leaning into me pressing her breasts into my sort of starters and it’s really pretty awesome. I so will be hopefully returning the favor.

But one of the things that I really just love and it’s not even remotely a sex thing is that Rayne’s hands are reaching up and she’s playing with my hair.

If I could purr I would it’s such a relaxing feeling having someone play with your hair.

And we actually do that until we can hear the patter of feet and the flush of the toilets and then there’s some more movement and I see Kimmie come downstairs her face washed and her hair wet and she’s already finishing one of those small cans of Redbull and she drops that into the blue bag and goes for a coffee and some bacon and she grins at us as she’s eating and walking over to the living room backwards.

“You guys are kayoot.”

Rayne smiles. “Thank you, but Angel’s the kayoot one.”

I can’t help it but I say. “Oh sexy girlfwend….”

Which gets us laughing and Kimmie pointing at me. “But that’s Chinese.”

That’s a joke y’know between us and the whole Sixteen Candles thing.

I’m smiling as she heads into the living room and Rayne moves to get more coffee as we can hear more feet and Then from the living room we hear the opening drums for *Tom Sawyer* By Rush.

It’s Kimmie’s signature go to drumming piece for mornings and her warming up and I’m getting out the bread and letting most of it cool on wire racks on top of the counter and one I take and I get the bread knife out and I start to cut into two of the loaves since as soon as the heel from the first loaf was cut Brooklyn was there from out of nowhere and she had the heel and she was slathering it with peanut butter while it’s literally still steaming.

I can’t even be mad because after everything she’s been through and we’ve all been through to see Brooklyn even just have a few moments of like a pure pleasure smile on her face is totes worth her nabbing as many heels off the bread as I can bake.

I cut some to eat right away and I cut the second loaf for French toast really thickly and Molly comes in with Carmen and they’re both smelling the air and Molly’s staring at me.

“You baked already?”

I grin. “Well I mixed it all and let it raise for us overnight.”

“But you just baked and did all those other things just a while ago.”

I smile and I pass her one of the heels.

She looks at me with big eyes. “Really?”

I point to the other loaves. “Yes really we have lots especially if the guys show up.”

She does the same thing as Brooklyn did with her heel of bread and she shares with Carmen who’s eating and smiling as she’s being fed while trying to pour herself a mug of coffee and it’s pretty cool to see both of them doing that.

And with everything that happened with the tagging of our place outside this really does help to make things seem better, feel better.

I start making French toast with the some of the slices of the new bread that I’m cutting really thick and making the egg and milk mixture with just a little cinnamon and I start getting that going as everyone starts to filter into the kitchen and we’re getting that whole family styled breakfast started and it’s this happy sort of post gig punchy and sugar topped with coffee time that just feels good.

Rayne is refilling one of the pitchers we use to fill the coffee perk and she motions me over and I’m not sure when they came but Rick and his Dad from Home Hardware are out there with some other folks on our front lawn and they have ladders and spray scrubbers and they’re power washing the tags off of our house.

It’s such a moment…My hand’s over my mouth and I’m getting teary eyed and I quickly take the pan off the heat for the French toast and I head out onto our step.

“Wow…you guys what are you doing here?”

Rick’s Dad looks at me and he smiles. “Sometimes Angel when you pay it forward enough it comes back around.”