Jem…Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Really we should’ve not have stayed the night again with it being Sunday and with raven having to get to work and Brooklyn and the girls having to get ready and for school. We shouldn’t have stayed up really, really late with Dad and ate more and watched the movie with him even it was really cool and actually something that they raved about while we were getting ready for bed.

I’m removing my make-up when Raven comes up behind me and she rubs my shoulders and massages my neck. “You okay Angel…?”

“Huh…what?...yeah…why? aren’t you?”

“Actually a little freaked out about not being freaked out?”

“Uhm…”

“I thought that it’d have freaked me out more our being together…and that it changed stuff too much.”

“I was scared too. I’m glad that it hasn’t changed things…..has it?”

“Maybe…for the better I think but I’m still nervous.”

“Summer…”

“Yeah, but more the effects of Summer…It’s just I’ve been treating getting emotionally involved in anything like walking headlong into traffic.”

“Uh huh well you’ve done that one already.”

“Yeah…..”

There’s some silence then she leans down and kisses my shoulder and it gives me this shivery feeling…I’ve never had any kind of any thing like this and getting kissed on the shoulder while getting massaged…wow. And she says just quietly but loud in my heart. “Thank you.”

“I had to.”

I turn to look at her and I just kind of lose myself staring into her or her staring into me and she smiles and walks backward to the bed and pulls me with her by my fingers. We slip into bed and we snuggle up together. I mean it’s not all that sexual or super romantic even with Kimmie and Brook in the bed with us but it’s…its just nice.

My nose wakes me up as I smell the scents of breakfast and I open my eyes and Raven’s there for me this time with a mug of coffee and I’m the last one up? It’s getting to be light out about six in the morning or close to it. Yeah…four hours of sleep…everything from yesterday and last night…I really want to stay in bed.

(Moan…) “Ughhh…already!?”

“Yes, already c’mon your Dad’s grilling breakfast.”

(Huge tired sigh.) “…………………….”

There’s the sound of a sip and then Raven kisses me lightly on my lips and they’re really warm and she tastes like coffee and lipstick….just wow.

I inhale long and slow while and after she did that and open my eyes and blink at her a bit. “Okay…I’m definitely up now.”

“Good, C’mon.”

I get up and follow her into the bathroom and start getting ready together and she’s already had her shower but she reached in and she washes my back…she did a little of my sides and my bottom too. I blushed and moved a bit because of being a mix of well still sort of self conscious and ticklish both.

Then I just get quickly sorted and dressed and head downstairs with her and us sharing the mug of coffee the whole time. I notice her smiling off and on a bit and that has me smiling off and on a bit but blushing too. But every once in a while I’ll get a bit of a longer look from her and I turn taking the mug and her hand for my sip of coffee as we hit the dining room.

“What?”

“Even without make-up you still look like you.”

“Uhm…who else would I look like if I wasn’t me?”

She gives me this look and it takes a minute. “Oh…”

She tilts her head and takes a sip-turn from the mug. “Yeah…oh.” And she nods after that to like emphasize the point.

“So should I butch up or something?”

“Noooo!...hell…no…I like you as is.”

I smile at that. “Good…”

“Good?”

“Yeah good.” I smile and pull her over to a chair by mine and I give her a light kiss on the lips.

I sit and smile at the smells. Dad used to do this when mom was around, grilling breakfast.

Now he doesn’t grill all of the stuff like the bacon it goes into a baking pan and it gets mostly cooked in that. It you just put regular bacon on the grill it’ll just burn and make a mess. Dad cooks it first then it’s on the grill just long enough to mark it and he toasts the toast on the grill and it’s thick slices of my homemade bread buttered first the grilled and it takes like that toast that you had back when you went camping. He did some sausages too and there are eggs three ways, fried, scrambled and poached. Dad makes a really great poached egg and it’s not something that a lot of kids I ever knew ate but I do.

Actually I take a slice of toast, put some tomato slices on it then some grilled bacon and then a poached egg and I add some black pepper. There’s nothing like squishing the egg and have the yolk come out over all of the rest of the stuff. It’s really messy but if you like eggs it’s really good.

I’m the only one having the poached egg. Kimmie is staring at it with undisguised eeew on her face and actually so is Raven. She’s eating though not as much as I’d like to see her eat but then again we had pie pretty late.

I’m still kinda full and I’ll have a really light lunch but this is Dad cooking like he used to when Mom was alive and I really missed the taste of this stuff.

Brooklyn and Mike are the last to the table and both are sweaty and flushed. I raise an eyebrow looking at her. She blushes in that way that only red heads can and shakes her head. “No…….it’s not like that. We went for a run…and then Mike was showing me a few moves.”

“Uh huh I bet he was.”

Kimmie is giggling. “He was he was showing her some Tae Kwon Ooooh Mikey.” She makes a kissy face at Mike and flutters her eyes at him and he stares at her and looks at Brooklyn. “I’m not cheating on you.” As he’s building a toast and everything sandwich.

She blinks surprised and we all are kind of huh? Then he takes one of the sausages and shoves it in Kimmie’s mouth say’s. “There…don’t be jealous.”

Raven spit takes her second cup of coffee.

Brooklyn cracks up. “Okay, I think I can honestly say I’m likely the first girl in the world that didn’t mind her boyfriend slipping another girl the sausage.”

We all crack up at that and Mike kisses Brook lightly and said something I didn’t catch and she blushes and he leaves headed for the garage and she get’s this dreamy look on her face and even sighs.

Kimmie’s eating the sausage like she’s literally biting into something else.

Okay is it weird that Dad and Mitch seem all guy cringy about it and I’m not?

Raven looks at Brook and smiles. “So…what he say that made your morning.”

“He said that he liked me calling him my boyfriend…”

She gives me this look like thank you and she bites her lip and smiles and says kind of quietly like she’s afraid to ruin it. “I’ve got a boyfriend…”

Kimmie. “Mmmm and his sausage is some juicy.”

We laugh and Brook blushes as she’s laughing because as funny as it is oh yeah she so went there. Hell it’s girls talking about guys and their parts…I’ve been finding just being around the girls and other women that sometimes they are just as parts graphic as guys are. Unless they’re lesbians and then still I think it’s a cultural gender thing because they’re still pretty good at it too.

I’m not sure about how we talk about women that we’re attracted too yet though. Somehow I’m pretty sure that we’re not all macho-fem about it.

Or too…girly? I think getting took poetic all the time is just as bad and stuff.

I’m so going to have to really get a clue really about all of this.

We eat and then its packing stuff up and Dad and Mitch are awesome at helping us. I mean there’s food and there’s clothes and laundry plus all our gear and our band stuff and Dad gives us all great big hugs and stuff before we head off.

Brooklyn and Kimmie are driving together in her car and Raven and I get in the Starlight Butterfly van and I pop in a CD I had burned for if I ever had a set of my own wheels.

It’s still really early and we have that sunshine and steam off the water thing going on and there’s just some light traffic as *Magic Carpet Ride* by Steppenwolf starts up and I crank the volume.

I love this song, it there was a song that was meant for driving this is likely the best tune for it.

We actually have fun driving home and we’re pretty quick about getting things just out of the vehicles and into the house. I’m home so I can take care of putting everything away. Its controlled havoc as the girls all are rushing to get changed and I make sure that there’s stuff that we took from Dad’s there for them in the way of turkey sandwiches and what not.

They give me this look and hug me as they head out the door and Raven get’s to the end of the top of the front step before turning around and giving me a kiss. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I smile at her and there’s a few minutes of eye contact before she runs to the van and actually peels out of the yard so she’s not late.

And here I am leaning on the doorframe having watched everyone go….sigh.

Okay…before I set stuff back up or put things away I go and make a coffee and I sit out on the front step and just do nothing. I just sit there and take in the morning and everything that’s been happening and just sit, just breathe and let it be.

You know the world kind of takes on a whole new look and stuff when you just take like a half an hour to just be.

I get up and I go and get the stuff I want for cleaning and I give everything another go over it still needs it only not just dusting and sweeping but mopping and washing down the walls. If you just do it you can really clean a lot of stuff really fast and if you’re just in old clothes and don’t care about how dirty and sweaty you’re going to get then not only do you get a lot done but.

Okay time for some Angel/Jem time. I lock the place down and I get my cosmetics and stuff and I redo my Nair hair removal in the shower and I really take my time and get everywhere…I’m actually glad that I’ve never really had more that soft downy face fuzz but that goes too, I shape and pluck my brows a little and even down there…ow…sting, sting, sting. The hardest part wasn’t the embarrassing stuff but sort of cleaning up the hairs around my neck and making sure my back was done.

I really do my hair touching up the color again but also just using this highlighter comby thing to add some grey to my bleached out mop. Yeah I’m adding just a little bit of grey in to mix with the rest of my bleached out blonde white before I refresh the light pink.

I’m more than happy with this sort of hidden sheen in it that kind of has that satin like look to it sort of…more like kissed by it.

Then…

Sinking into a nice hot bubble bath and having everything done and put away is just awesome. I pour in some bubblegum scented bubble bath and make a chai-spiced tea and I just soak in the bath letting myself recover from the Nair experience and then it’s skin so soft baby lotion and some baby powder and air dry myself and let everything absorb as I paint my nails and doe my toenails too.

Am I going overboard? am I in over my head? Am I really this much of a girl?

Don’t care, don’t care and doesn’t matter.

I’m starting to get that I can only be the person that I am in the minute really and that’s Angel. I can’t change the past and who knows what’s going to happen in the future so I’m just letting go.

So…I’m Angel and I have a girlfriend and I am a girlfriend or at least that’s how this is working so…I want to be pretty.

And if you are feeling like a girl when you’re felling like a girl and you don’t really doubt those feelings…that they’re really what you’re feeling doesn’t that make you a girl?

What?

I’m the lead singer in an all girl rock band I’m going to be all EMO and philosophical and stuff about everything.

Heh…I just thought of something and go and write it down in my songbook.

“I feel like a girl, my best friends are girls and when I’m kissed I’m the one being kissed. I go around and around about myself identity in my head so much I’m like and OCD kid with a rubics cube…and when I put it that way…Oh yeah…I’m a girl.”

I smile at that and I get my things for writing together and I go and make another tea and then get dressed. I’m home so just faded jeans that were mom’s and a tee-shirt but I’m wearing my some of my nice underwear under it and my inserts and I feel…actually I feel like me.

I’m just as comfortable like this really as I’ve ever been and that’s pretty cool actually and I start to play. First it’s just to get my head into the right headspace but then it’s just to play some stuff for me.

I play a few different things but I get really into trying to sing an Angel voiced version of one of my favourite tunes. *Time after Time* By Cyndi Lauper.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion--
Is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after--

Sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand unwinds

[Chorus:]
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows--you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time--

[Chorus:]

You said go slow--
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds--

[Chorus:]

Time after time...
Time after time...
Time after time...
Time after time...

I smile as I finish playing and I start putting on some heavier more rock and roll based tracks to listen to and get the computers going so I can watch our feeds and stuff. In the evenings we’re a lot more locally busy but we still have a good number of people checking us out here and there likely the older college aged kids where they have more time to check things out that our high-school or junior high fans.

We have a surprising amount of fans in that age range in the UK and Germany but also in Japan too. The video of Roxy doing her thing on drums first thing in the morning is getting serious Asian hits.

I answer a few things and talk to a few people then I get down to writing. I’m going for a rock and roll styles tune with a girl band sort of sound that’s a sort of a girl version of Bon Jovi’s style.

I know it’s not really making sense because the styles are different really but I sort of can really see that soft sound build up into that rock sound that they have down so well.

*Fortune Favors the Bold.* By Starlight Butterfly.

“Oh we danced around for hours…”
“Wanting us so bad.”
“Both aware of the dangers…”
“Both of us so scared.”

“But you changed it…”
“You changed it all.”
“You stepped forward…”
“And you broke my fall……………….”

“You made my heart sing…”
“You made me cry.”
“And I never thought that I’d be worth it…”
“Until I seen your eyes…!”

“And you said…”

“Not only fortune…………..”
“Favors the bold.”
“So when you love them…”
“They gotta be told…!”
“Oh life’s not perfect…!”
“And neither am I….”
“But I’ll love you…until I die…”

“And I say…”

“Not only fortune……..”
“Favors the bold….”
“And not all that glitters….”
“Is made of gold….”
“So when you love them…”
“They gotta be told…!”
“And I know I’ll love you….”
“Until the end of time…”

“So listen cause…”

“Not only fortune…”
“Favors the bold…”
“Sometimes you gotta listen…”
“To see what love shows….”
“And when you know that you love them…”
“They gotta be told…!”
“Because love is just priceless!”
“Because love it just priceless!”
“And fortune…”
“Favors the bold……”

This actually turned out a lot better than I thought and I’m so seeing this alternating between me and Raven and then with this last bit we sing it as a duet to each other.

Oh…oh okay wow I’m just picturing it and her and me together doing that and the feeling and that chemistry on stage when we do our thing together and I’m…happy, bouncy, excited…just.

Wow.

I go through it a whole bunch more times to get the sound right as I sing it and then work out the sheet music and I’m doing that as the girls come home. And it’s just really cool that they drop the books and grab their instruments and their sheets and the very first thing that we do is start to jam and rock out the new tune.

We get it out twice and we’re just playing the music on the third run through when raven had come in and she plugs in her guitar and she follows the sheets and reads the words and that first bit with The fortune favoring the bold like just how I pictured it and she steps right into the part and she sings…she sings it to me…

Then I sing back to her…then…

Oh god yeah…this is what music is…this is what I’ve always felt out there…

She steps up to me when we’re done and she gives me a soft kiss…I kiss her back, she inhales and smiles…”You smell great…”

“Really…thanks… how was work?”

“Boring, with salt and pepperings of stupid and annoying…how was your day…?”

“Housework, making myself pretty for when my girlfriend came home…”

“It worked…you wanna talk about our days over making dinner?”

I smile at Raven. “Actually yeah that’d be good.”

It’s actually even better than it sounded because we talked and talked and she told me about her day and I told her about the stuff I did and how much my getting smooth had stung and we laughed and she told stories about some of the stuff that has happened at Hell-mart and it was just.

Mom and Dad did stuff like this…we were having a good time without being all over each other and yet when we moved to do something close to each other there were these little touches.

They really do make everything…the little things.

Sigh.