You know how you can tell you have a long way to go in your healing journey?

When it's 2 AM, and you're holding on to a teddy bear and crying.

That was me last night.

I was triggered by a story that featured an idea I call "the magician's force". Basically, it's where you give someone the illusion of choice, but you've rigged the outcome beforehand.

I believe my abuser used something like that with me.

And so I cried for the seven year old child who fell into the hands of such a creature ...

Ah, well. Must carry on, regardless.

So, for a very long time I have been too holy to drink, like ever.

Innocently I was on my way up to KFC to get my fat fix and I spied a little hole in the wall Italian Resurante. So, deciding that some culture could help cure my depression, I stopped and went in there. So, I had Pollo with mushroom sauce and pasta. YUM !!!! In a weak moment I had a pint of IPA beeer or ale or waht hever.

So, now I need to aks the qurestion. Can I posseblyt be intoxicated on a mere pint? Serouisly?

Oh, I gots soem tiramisu too, thinkin it mite sobr be up.

Thanks everybody for the thumbs up and the comments, both private and public. I really consider everything you say in terms of both my writing and my life. It's wonderful to know that there are so many interested and supportive friends out there. Please stay in touch.

I really do not worry or wonder much about number of reads on stories I post here and elsewhere, but if the data is easily available, like it is here, I do check it out sometimes.

Looking at the numbers once in a while here in the last year, I've noticed that my two stories' readership is (in my eyes) amazing, and the reads per day can be insane; sometimes none, regularly one or two, sometimes almost a dozen (whaaaat!?) reads in a day. Holy s*&t !!!

I've not been talking about it here, but I've been very sick the last couple of days, and ended up taking today off work to try and recover.

Hopefully, this is just a tummy bug, and I'll be right as rain in no time ..

Well as they say, 'all good things must come to an end' and for me today, it did... well sort of..

I have a bit a problem.

I am kinda blocked on Mercy, to the point I'm willing to ask for suggestions if anybody has one.

But that doesn't mean I'm blocked for story ideas.

I have started what I hope will be a funny take on Alice in Wonderland.

I am noodling an idea called "Help! My girlfriend is a unicorn!"

I even have a Jaci and Dottie story peculating,

So its a strange problem, that I'm blocked on the one story I really want to get back to writing ...

Ah, well.

So after putting Broken Phoenix on the back burner for a while I felt like I needed a new story to post on this site.

Well I'm going a bit out of my comfort zone with this story and this is why I need your guys help.

Just to put things into perspective I'm writing this based on another story on this site but The original character this story is based off is like 6 years older than the character in the story I plan to write.

Reading about an accident locally where a little boy was run over while riding his bike and dragged under the car. It reminded me of a story about a little boy that was run over by an elderly neighbor. He's in bad shape but docs have to wait for his parents to return from England to get permission to basically perform SRS on the boy. The parents are caught up in the 9/11 aftermath with no flights being allowed in or out of the country. But it seems our little boy has some ideas of his own!

Anybody?

I had talked about video games availability in the previous blog post but THIS is about the Humble Bundle. Humble Bundle is a site that sells video games, DRM and DRM-free, with you being able to donate most if not all of the proceeds to charity.
My question is this...Big Closet is 501c3 right? Is there a possibility I can encourage them to have Big Closet as a donation option? Erin, Piper? Do I need to pressure Humble Bundle to give this as an option?
Humble Bundle has great sales at times and I'd love to see BC get my donation whenever I buy a game from them.

As one of likely many gamers here I must rant. I've seen what the market has become for old vintage games and the costs for some systems and I'm sick and fucking tired of it.

One of the parts of adulting I'm trying to learn is how to make mistakes.

Now that probably sounds confusing, so let me explain.

For most of my life, any mistake I made became huge, an example of my general unworthiness. I would beat myself up, add the mistake to a list of mistakes that I kept reminding myself of, and generally act like I was in a really bad tragedy.

But adults dont act like that.

Once again I've noted a couple of frequent grammatical errors in stories and thought I should try to help folks avoid them.

First off we have the "[person] and [pronoun]" construct.

For example "Shelly and I went to the store" or "The boys threw something at Shelly and me".

Note that the [person] always goes first. But getting that backwards is a minor error. More common (and jarring) is using the wrong form of the pronoun. In the above examples, that would be: "Me and Shelly went to the store" or "The boys threw something at Shelly and I".

I had a family reunion this weekend that i had intended to ignore, due to 3+ hours travel each way and while i'm 10 years post op my family has generally been very chilly towards me in the past.

I had an older cousin and then one sister put pressure on me via my wife to get me to go, and then was offered a place to sleep overnight as a lady who lives on the same property as I came with me, her mums house was less than a mile from the venue.

My friend has studied makeup and hairdressing. (woohoo personal stylist, she's an awesome friend & person)

so one thing i see a lot of is stories where 'being turned into a stripper' is used as a punishment. But apparently it's not all bad. Here is an AMA from a former stripper. It'd be interesting to see a 'turned into a stripper' punishment story where the whole thing back fired now that i think about it....

http://www.knowable.com/a/what-is-it-like-to-work-naked-this...

Just published my entry in the Christmas contest!

I hope people like it!

Very busy 2 weeks I had. My parents' friend just acquired 27 properties, so heasked me if I wanted some business (I mow lawns, clean pools and landscape), so I was busy. One of the property is a 10 unit motel. Hope this weekend, I'll have a few new chapters up.

Today was my last day of regular employment. After 4 1/2 years with a very good company, I retired today.
I left school in '69 aged 15 and apart from 3 years as student I've been working ever since.
I am officially retired although it will be two years before I get my state pension.

I hope to be able to spend at least a bit more time writing.

Samantha

got home from montreal an hour ago.

apparently I bounced back from the operation unusually fast.
no major pain.
some bruising, swelling and tenderness, but only to be expected.

time to do the final dilation for the day though.

have fun. ( I will be, doctor's orders to masturbate 4 times a day for months on end. ;) ).

As I kinda fell into the "poor me" trap, let's rectify that by me posting my gratitude list.

My job - it isn't glamorous, but it gives me enough to keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

My family - they all may not agree with my transition, but they all love me.

my church - it means so much to have them in my corner.

My friends, both off line and online. You guys are awesome.

None of those I'm pleased to say, but two twelve hour days have pretty well wiped me out and I can't settle down to write this evening. Hopefully will finish earlier tomorrow and have enough energy to scribble.

Angharad

As you all probably know I am currently writing What Milsy Did, but along with that there are of course many other projects on the back burner, not all of which are Anmar related. In addition I have to balance writing with Real Life, Health and my recently increased family. (I'm off on Friday to help my son build two wardrobes to replace the temporary ones that the Twins have destroyed.)

Although Somewhere Else Entirely seems like a good story - good enough that I see people reading it every single day - as the author I am aware of many shortcomings and just plain goofs. Like most stories it evolved during the creation process and so various parts don't quite gel. It is my intention to slowly go through it from one end to the other correcting the worst of the problems.

I am finally posting Chapter 13 of Mother's Child. Family issues, illnesses, surgeries, work and a death in the family all helped to delay it.

Finally I got ready to publish this chapter a month or two ago and it had been so long, what with being ill and all since I had started it; I went back to the beginning and re-read everything from chapter 1. I discovered this chapter reallllly stank. I threw almost all of this chapter out and started over.

Here I hope is a worthy chapter. Enjoy, and let me know if you see problems and I will try to fix them.

Waterdog

I have a question what happen to stardust and Story portal

It's probably old news over there across the pond, but those who haven't been aware, ABC will feature an openly trans child in one of their series.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/37481561/modern-family...

Well, I got some provisional good news.

I was able to get a hold of the company that handles Walmart's benefits, and I was told that if I send the check back with a letter saying why I couldn't cash it, I should be able to get one issued in my male name.

I'm calling this "provisional" because honestly, at this point, I'm not going to count this particular chicken until it hatches, as it were, and I have the money in my bank account ...

the story about a 450 year old pirate I for got who wrote the story.

On Saturday my course begins and I'm going on on holiday the next day - clever planning that - c'est la vie. The thing is, I've invested quite a bit of money in the course, a degree in Environmental Science, which is going to keep me a bit busy for the next six years. I'm hoping I'll still be able to write some Bikesodes, but obviously nowhere near as many as you have had in the past. I'm still working part time and that has got very busy as well, so life isn't easy at present - and the dormouse stuff I do in real life is also quite busy.

Bookmarks are back on the My Accounts page, I don't seem to be able to make the link work from the front page. Sorry about that. Will look at it again later.

Hugs,
Erin

For the last few weeks I've been dealing with some crazy stuff. First I got into a car crash and was in a coma for 3 days from what I've been told. I've since recovered and am at home. Secondly, for those of you wondering where the hell is Broken Phoenix, i'll get to that later in the post.

Thirdly, I lost my great Grandma the day before my car wreck and even though I'm trying to put that behind me it's hard losing someone who was so close to you for most of your life.

Fourthly, I am getting married next May!

Now for the part that really irks me.

As you may have noticed, I've posted a couple of small stories the last couple of days.

That might make you wonder when more Mercy is coming, and I am afraid the answer is ... not for a bit.

See, I'm kinda blocked on Mercy at the moment, which is why I've turned to trying to clear off the table some other ideas, in the hopes that keeping my muse active will eventually help me with Mercy.

Huggles to all!

As Gwen put it, Where has our Kudos clicker thingie gone?

Sophie

ooops.

got Dr. Brassard on my case today, for doing to much.

I only had my backpack with lappy in it on my shoulder and he says that is over-exerting myself.

I think I managed to find a place beyond pain today.

My knee was really hurting, then suddenly, it stopped, and instead felt numb, like it had fallen asleep.

Then the muscles around my knee started sending out this message of pain, exhaustion, and finally, they went numb too.

Like I had so much pain, my nerves just ... shut down.

I am gonna assume that's probably not good ...

Hello folks,

after lots of work, sweating and swearing, very long nights and lots of coffee and brainfood consumed by me and Melanie_T I can proudly announce the irc chat is back online.

At the moment we're still running the old software, but we will update to a newer more secure version in the next days.
We will also setup a second webchat, so everyone else without an irc client can log in, should BCTS having issues.

After about one year after surgery for a sarcoma,and seven other surgeries I'm in a nursing home just north of Indianapolis. I am gradually getting better. I can sit up in bed and wheel chair and walk a little.

shalimar

Not really.
it only hurts when I try to sit.

bag 5 of saline solution. pitcher 6 of water and they still don't think I'm getting enough fluids. ( 4 cups of coffee, milk, apple juice as well. )

so sitting ( lying ) on the bed bored to tears. ( 25 minutes to load the my blog page here :\ )

not even allowed to walk on my own yet.

Hi all

Well first I have to tell you that there won't be an update on Sunday - I'm off to the mountains of Essex for my last cycling event of the season, the L'Etape London, 180km of well I doubt it'll be to bad unless it rains! Anyhow, as a result I won't be near a proper internet connection until next Wednesday when of course there will be a new chapter posted.

Got triggered at work again today, but at least I think I know what set me off this time.

I was kinda fragile anyway, but I think the trigger was the flash from the camera in the photo studio. Right after it happened, I honestly felt like throwing up, and it took me a while to get myself centered again.

I'm trying my best, but I hate being so fragile all the time ...

K. As some of you are aware. I had my "Orchi" procedure back at the end of march this year.

I have always threatened I was going to write a blog. I thought today would be a good day to try. My plan going forward is to use this space for just some general thoughts,

The following is a rant. I'm in a pretty sour mood...

Hi
There's anew chapter here, be prepared as we start a short cycle of hanky chapters.

More Wednesday

Mads

#Teens @thehopeline Never give up! U R NOT ALONE! 800.394.4673 or chat online at http://info.thehopeline.com/mobileapp

Ran into this on fb. The day after Alexis Arquette died, a former boyfriend of hers started hawking a sex tape to various media sources. The porn media mega site xHamster paid $25,000 for it, and after insuring there were no other copies out there, destroyed them. I'm never going to be doing business with them, but isn't it nice that there are people out there willing to do the right thing even when it costs them a large chunk of money?

Thank you, gentlemen.

http://www.edgemedianetwork.com/news///203824

Several news sources here in the UK are reporting that the first openly transgender soldier will serve on the front line thus becoming the first woman to do this (medics are already there and are fully trained soldiers)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-37391807

Saw an interesting article in the latest issue of "McCleans" about OCD and grief. Seems this mother noticed that her son's OCD started soon after the kid's grandfather died, and eventually got a lot better once he processed his grief.]

What do you guys think? Is there a link between OCD and grief?

Hi girls and guys,

while waiting for certain things to finish, I thought I give you a short update on the mainroom chat.

I've finally been able to get the base system running. That means, we can start copying and backup our previous system and starting to get the VMs running again. _if_ all goes well, we might be able to activate the mainroom chat again in the evening.

So please keep your fingers crossed.

Saphira

which sums up my life for the past 30 odd years.

Perhaps it will inspire one two to do the same.