This last year or two has been really trying and I haven't really been here much, for that and anyone that might have been reading my story... I truly am sorry. I know most, if not all of us, have their own personal demons that they constantly have to deal with, I know that I'm not special in that regard. For a long time I had thought that I had finally gotten them beaten into submission, while not truly gone they for the most part were pretty quiet for a few years after I started my transition. I had gotten a bit too care free I guess.
I know its been six months since my last chapter ( To whoever was following my story, I deeply apologize for that), but I finally was able to start writing again this morning. The last six months had been so overwhelming, my writing and even just my laptop had to be put on the backburner. This morning marked only the third time I even booted my laptop up since my last update in January... I didn't realize it had been that long I had been so busy.
I'm just curious if any of you all deal with this kind of issue. I've been fighting off and on getting my muse to cooperate for awhile. I actually had a four day weekend thanks to work being slow and MLK day today. I thought oh my god I have four days to write, I can get a good portion of what's left to Alternative written out... One might think that, I mean I thought I could... When I first started posting stories I made myself a promise that I wouldn't actually start writing another story while I'm in the middle of writing another...
I think most of you knew about the court issue I had to deal with two weeks ago from my last blog. First off I wanted to thank everyone who had commented... I wanted to respond to each of you, but my time was extremely limited in the days before we had to appear. We made the trip safely and after spending eight and a half hours at the courthouse ironing everything out, I can say at least I’m not in jail, no matter how badly my ex was trying to get me there. The end result was much better than it could have gone, but not as good as I had hoped. At least I can live with the decision...
I haven't really mentioned this to many people, as I didn't like thinking about it... Although trying not to think about something just seems to make one think about it more... I just figured I'd let you all know what I'm facing next week, and honestly I'm pretty worried. I thought I'd share, any positive vibes can't hurt right now...
Just wanted to share a few videos from my open mic last week. I've been trying to get decent recordings, but the background noise is usually too much. While my middle was talking, you can still hear me playing. Figured y'all would get a kick out of these. On top of doing occasional stand-up this is my other love besides writing.
Just wanted to share something funny that happened to me early this morning, now I will admit at the time I was not amused in the least, but afterwards... It’s pretty funny.
My exciting adventure that happened this morning... At 3 flipping AM... Taz, the cat, decided that he desperately wanted to get up on the counter in the bathroom... We leave the toilet lid up and the seat down...
So... This conversation happened with my eighteen year old earlier... I was discussing my current story that I’m writing and with me writing a teen romance type story who better to bounce my ideas off of than a teen... I was telling her about a future scene that I am planning and once I was finished she actually shivered and went, ‘awwwww’... Then she fussed, “Dang it Dad! (I’m still dad to them, thats okay with me) That gave me chill bumps!!! Now I need to shave my legs again, I hate you!!!” By the way, her ‘hating’ me was said with her laughing while rubbing the bumps on her legs...
I got back into the clinic yesterday after a phone conversation the other day with the new administrator. He was NOT happy with the way I was treated. While she was ‘following’ his guide lines, barely, she screwed up with how fast she dropped my Spiro... She dropped it to 125MG a day from 250MG... While he said he didn’t see any major effects to my health from it being that high from my prior records, he didn’t like the amount I was taking.
First of I need to say, I started my HRT and transition five years ago and the last time that I’ve felt any aspect of my dysphoria was almost three years ago... I was doing extremely well... A couple of weeks ago the clinic I use swapped doctors, and my new doctor... UGH!!!
I just wanted to share...Especially after the last six years since I ‘came out’ and started my transition. For over two years I had almost no contact with my children, but after a long fight I regained custody of my two oldest... Starting with my oldest two and a half years ago, then my middle last year... They both had been struggling with a parent who was never there (Not me I wasn’t allowed to be there), and had basically been raising themselves. They both moved down here with me struggling to maintain a 2.4 and 2.1 GPA...
First off I do need to say this, I attend an amazingly accepting church here in the Tampa Bay region, and have been for five years. When I first started my transition I had been struggling really hard, not just gaining acceptance, but also of accepting myself... The Unity I found was my turning point, and in many ways probably saved my life... I even have been singing in the choir now for over 4 years, even if the best I can do is tenor, curse you puberty for making me a natural deep bass!!! (Hah). We actually performed this last Sunday and after the service this happened...
I know how every single one of us rarely have enough time in the day to get what needs to be done. I know most of you all have heard the term, 'burning the candle at both ends' but lately it feels like I've a candle in each hand and both of the ends are burning... I've been pretty open about my job (aircraft mechanic), and that I have two of my daughters with me now. The job along along with single parenting duties were taxing enough, giving me very little time to write. Now it seems that my wonderful daughters have gotten me roped into yet more...
I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to keep the story going but after a month+ I just cant. I’m going to let the story stand where it is, on a positive note. I originally had a lot more I wanted to write, but after getting to care about the characters I just cant finish it... My muse just refused to cooperate anymore... I might return to it in the future, but honestly right now I don’t know... So for now it stands as it is.
Just yesterday in an attempt to write something, trying to get over the writers block I was having trying to get my new story started I started my autobiography... Many friends have over the last few years been begging me to write my story, to which I never intended to every try. Yesterday though when I was just going to toy around with it, something happened... Words just flew out of me, along with a lot of emotions, and in a half hour of typing my autobiography was started...
I've been kind of MIA for the past month or so, haven't had time to do hardly anything but work, take care of my oldest daughter and prepare for my custody hearing last week. As I had mentioned in a previous blog, I was divorced three years ago from a 15 year marriage with three daughters. Due to my circumstances (transitioning and court being held in Mississippi) my life has been hell. Quite literally hell.. On the initial separation my ex had gotten angry, extremely angry and for almost two years I had almost no contact with my daughters.
This is so frustrating and not sure what I should do... I'm so close to wrapping up Robbie's Revelation (The 1st book at least), I have 3 maybe 4 chapters left to where I want to end the Revelation part at.. Now my time is already limited severely for writing, so what's my muse decide to do?!? She starts throwing a completely new story around in my head and it's distracting me from finishing Revelation...
Trying to get her to focus on the story I want to write right now would be harder than herding cats..
I just thought I'd share this. Now I've been singing and playing guitar around my area for the past year but tonight I decided to try something different. I decided to try my hand at stand up, because in my transition there has been some funny instances happen. While I'm not nervous singing and playing guitar at all anymore, tonight I was terrified, I honestly was nervous enough I forgot about 5 minutes of material I had planned but everyone thought it was hilarious anyway. I hope you all get a good giggle at this, I figure it never hurts to share a bit of laughter.
I just found out earlier today that one of the greatest men I have ever known passed away. Technically he was my Step-Dad, but honestly he was so, so much more to me than that. He was the man that stepped in and stepped up to being my 2nd Dad after my own passed away when I was 7. He was the one that taught me to be the kind of person I wanted to be. Someone who stands up for what they believe, to stand up and support your friends and family. The person that taught me to always do the right thing, not just when people are watching, but especially when people aren't.
I've had several people over the past few months ask and comment about my story. As I've said before I've never tried writing a story before and other than some emotionally charged pieces I've shared on social media I still don't consider myself a writer, or at least a good one. Maybe its because I'm my own worst critic, who knows. I still don't see it and might not ever. As I'm wrapping up the first part of Robbie/Rebecca's journey I wanted to share the motivation, or the reasoning I felt this story was worth someone as untalented as myself to share.
I admit it I feel like one at times, I was working on my next chapter and while I was taking a break I thought I'd check to see if there was any feedback from any of my stories. I notice then that my first 5 offerings had all passed over 100 Kudos each and I got all excited. I admit I am a very new author, so any positive feedback has me all sorts of happy... It doesn't take much at times, I know this.
Last Friday night I was talking with my Daughter and her plans to go to her Junior/Senior Prom at the end of the school year. She isn't dating and was wanting to take her best friend, who is a freshman, as her "date". Her friend I guess you could say for all practical purposes is my niece, her parents have become part of my "chosen" family since my real family mostly abandoned me once I started my transition.
In between writing chapters right now I was rereading some of my old stuff, and thought this would be worth sharing here. This was one, that a few years ago that earned me speaking to several different support groups in my immediate area. While I wasn't writing fiction back then, I was more of an emotional writer. When I would end up with an emotional high, either good or bad, I would usually write everything out to get it off my chest. 95% of the time when I would write it all out it would end up deleted since writing it out did what I needed it to do.
I just wanted to let those who were following my story, and some who were upset for the break, what was going on. i didn't want to say anything before hand, maybe I was afraid to jinx anything or maybe I was just afraid to mention it who knows. They psyche is pretty twisted on the best of days.
I just wanted to drop a note introducing myself, I looked for somewhere to put it linking it to my author page and couldn't find a place for it. It might be just my unfamiliarity being new here, or it might be a function I can't access from my Ipad. I have my oldest two daughters here with me now for thanksgiving week, so getting access to my Computer is slim to none, so I'm using what I have available. Heehee. Anyway as I said I am new here and wanted to introduce myself.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
