Jem…Chapter 81

Chapter 81

 

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Author's Note: Picture used with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.

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Chapter 81
 

*Summer…………

I wake up kinda tired since it was kinda hard to sleep with Hannah in the same bed and me and not doing anything with her. I mean anything not even a snuggle. Given I’m pretty physical with my affections and I like to have a warm body beside me and not getting a screw in…really one of the reasons to keep Muzz around is for shagging as he calls it.

I like a warm body and I like sex.

And trying to be little miss descent really didn’t sit well with me that way in that horny and my bed is lonely way. I could really use another three or four hours of sleep but someone has woken me up with three of my several weaknesses.

Music…someone’s playing a guitar and vaguely singing it in the main part of the house so I can’t quite make it out and then the other two.

Really rich nice smelling deep coffee.

And bacon.

Hey you want to make billions? Make an alarm clock that starts the sounds and scents of frying bacon and then a coffee machine before the sound of rattling cutlery goes off as the actual alarm.

I’d be like soooo take my money non over something like that.

I get up and bang around my room hair in my face and still not awake, functioning but not awake and I make my way to the bathroom and take a pee.

I jerk my head back from the near return to sleep at the sound of a giggle. I open my eyes and Hannah’s there in the bathroom and she takes a haul off a joint and passes it too me. It’s a little odd mostly because she’s kind of a granola type of lesbian and she’s pretty skinny and small so she sort of looks like she’s a seriously lot younger than she is.

Or says she is.

“Thanks…. I kinda needed a kick start this morning.”

“Yeah, she grins at me. I’d never have guessed. You did s sleep snort while peeing Summer.”

“Did not, I’d remember doing that.”

“Did too and don’t worry because it was cute.”

I can’t help but to frown. “I don’t do cute.”

She leans over and takes the joint from me and takes a long hit herself and she smiles. “You were still cute.”

The she leans outside the bathroom and passes me my Tim’s travel mug. “Here, breakfast’s all made and downstairs okay. I’m going to go jam and stuff.”

I take a sip and it doesn’t suck.

I think she actually skipped out of here though.

And she took the joint with her.

Well I’m not sure if her smoking pot’s a good or a bad thing. Good because she’s a user and I can use that. Bad if she’s done a lot of it and she’s pretty much used to it and the life.

I drink my coffee and take a shower. I need to, I’ll admit I’m kinda a shower whore and I take my time in there and I need it to wake me up and yeah sometimes like this morning it’s to rub one or too out and relieve my frustrations.

I feel human again and actually functional by the time I get downstairs to the kitchen common area and the others are there sort of pigging out and she made bacon and scrambled eggs and there’s biscuits?

“Hey, where’d all of this come from?”

Muzz looks over at me mouth full and his plate covered with food but also like tomatoes and sausages and mushrooms and canned beans and he’s got this “Stuff” all over it in this acrid vinegar and god knows what else smell.

“Oi went an got it, I was lookin for something t’knosh when l’bit there comes down an starts making a pot of Joe an she say’s”

Hannah breaks in complete with accent. “Oi says look here laddybuck ifa yer want’s some breakfast toodle yer arse down t’the store and buy me a few odds and bobs of something and I’ll do you up a fry up proper there.”

I’m blinking. “What?”

Muzz is smiling. “She made me a right proper breakfast with the trimmings and stuff from home. I thinks we’ll keep her Sumz.”

I flip him the bird. “It looks disgusting.”

It really kind of does; the other stuff not so bad but whatever he’d got on his plate looks like London barfed on it.

I get another coffee. “So you’re getting along better then?”

Muzz nods and mumbles something not quite intelligible through the half pound of vile looking whatever the heck a Fry up is he’s got his thumb up though so I guess he’s better with it.

Figures, guys are like dogs when they’re not humping your leg they’re eating or wanting to eat.

That being said I try one of her biscuits which aren’t half bad…well better than I’d end up making. I’m kinda frowning at there being nothing but those cheap mini packets of majorine to put on it. We have nothing in the house.

I look over to Hannah who’s watching me and playing with a journal looking book with hand drawn sheet music in it and she’s playing with her pen. “Yeah, you’re out of everything.”

“Everything?”

“I had to get Muzz to get what we’re eating now.”

“So no accent now?”

“I was just having fun, and it’s hardy an accent it’s more like really bad north American TV English but it broke the ice.”

“Good, he’s kinda sometimes difficult.”

“Yeah guys are and….” She’s frowning and it’s a pretty dark one. You can almost see the damage someone’s done to her…likely some guy’s done to her. She’s even flipped a few pages and she’s writing lyrics.

Right on…okay.

Next.

“Okay…I guess I really need to just break down and use the new cards. I look over to Hannah. “Hey I’m so not the cook and you seem to dig it a bit you want to come with me and go shopping?”

And…I take out the credit card Adam gave me and I slide it over the counter to you in this gesture of I trust you. But being cool about it.

She stops it with her fingers and looks up at me with this “for real?” look.

I nod. “No time like the present huh? Then we can come back here and get to work and stuff and not have to worry about food and stuff.”

There’s some nods and Hannah tears out a sheet from the back of her book. “Okay guys want list!”

Some stuff’s pretty typical like chips and pop and stuff and hamburger and steaks and stuff and Hannah’s writing all of it down in some kind of shorthand. Hmm…I hope her songs and stuff’s not in that because that’ll make things harder.

I’m definitely going to have to find a way into her panties for sure. I’m like a lespire once I can sink my mouth onto a piece of pussy I’m pretty much able to get them to do whatever I want.

Yes…I’m that good of a lay.

We get dressed and I go with my tight faded jeans and my two inch heeled sued ankle boots and a sexy bra to go with my low cut tee-shirt so I can show off serious cleave and stun the guys that will be watching me. Well chicks too but all that matters is that I’m smoking.

Hannah she’s actually sexy cute in this pair of yoga pants and a oversized sweater that she has belted off so it’s sort of doing the skirt thing while being pulled tight enough to show off her small breasts. She’s got these stretchy looking athletic shoes on that look like ballet flats that are actually comfy looking and kinda sporty. She’s got killer hair and she’s smartly letting it out and loose.

I grab my purse and she has this really shitty looking old beat up one and we gout to the car and we head off. I head to the new mall since it has a Cost co. and a Super Store and all the other nice new stuff that migrated here from other parts of town so it could be all together where the action is.

“Sky’s the limit, it’s barely broken in and I’ve never done the grocery thing with it so we might as well go a little nuts with it.”

“Cost co. So we get all the big stuff first and don’t have to cram it in over everything else.”

“I never really thought of that but it makes sense.” Honestly I didn’t I generally don’t bother with stuff like that but I drive us there anyway.

I sign in and stuff buying a year’s membership and then we both grab carts and we go shopping.

Okay…I should’ve thought of this a whole lot sooner.

They do a whole lot here more that I thought I kinda had the impression of the old yellow brand No-Name-Bulk-Barn kind of place. Still some stuff looks pricey and other stuff I’m pretty sure are good deals.

Hannah’s already getting stuff. Cases of pop for cheap and bagels? Okay I’ve never really eaten them much. I get sausages in these huge packs we can break down with freezer bags, Muzz is always getting them so I figure we’ll just have a lot of them on hand.

Hannah with two cases of Mr. Noodles and one of Kraft Diner and we kinda go from there. Never really though too much about stuff like this say like those big bags of frozen veggies but Hannah kind of shows me how you can mix and match them together to come up with different stuff.

So lots of frozen veggies…and big bags of rice and pasta.

Okay I like pasta.

I’m a carnivore and I get steaks, okay not cheap but also not bad prices when you get six really big steaks to a pack for like thirty bucks. Even I know that’s a good deal between five and six some dollars each.

We actually get a lot of the stuff we wanted just right there it just kind of seemed a bit pointless to really go to the other grocery places until we’re done the rest of the shopping.

Hannah has a thing too for weird shit. Like Kimchi and Bonito flakes? And Capers?

“What the heck are Capers?”

“Their pickled buds for the caper berry bush.”

“Okay what are they for?”

“Oh lot’s of stuff but they are like sooo good with fish.”

“I’m not a fan of fish really.”

“Not even tuna?”

“I don’t mind a tuna fish sandwich once in awhile.”

“There ya go they’re awesome in tuna fish.”

“Okay so how so you know all this stuff about food and junk.”

“I lived on the streets a year in Montreal, you can get work in a lot of the kitchens there as a bus girl or a dishwasher.”

“Oh…sorry.”

“Naw hey it’s cook I actually loved Montreal.”

“So why’d you leave?”

“I’m not french and if you’re not french then you’re not going to really get a music gig that easily.”

“In Montreal? I thought they’d be cooler than that.”

“Hell no, they’re very particular about the cultural stuff they support.”

“Good to know.”

“Oh they’ll hire outsiders for like big shows as like extra acts but it’ll be a high francophone ratio unless it’s jazz.”

“Jazz?”

“Yep jazz and blues has a cultural pass because they have a need to be super cool and be with it but rock…not so much they prefer their native sons and daughters.”

“Well maybe here’ll be different?” I try to sound earnest and hopeful. “I mean we’re working and we’re going to be recording and stuff so it’s a perfect time for you and me to have met really.”

“I’d like that but are you sure?”

“Yeah…look…” I slump my shoulders a bit and give her a semi shyish look. “I’ve learned a lot since the ex messed me up and stuff. I…I can sort of tell that you’re not like her.”

She blushes and gives me this still hurting but open and sweet look. “No…I’ve been fucked over a lot Summer, I’d never…ever…do that to a friend.”

I look down and chew my lip a little and then she’s hugging me. I picture Adam and the things he’s made me do and I let it get to me a little…I shiver a bit and sniffle.

“Summer…Summer it’s okay…”

“Is it? I…I…I just keep wondering what is it about me that’s so broken…?”

And then she leans over and lifts my chin and stares at me with those big sweet idiot puppy dog eyes and she gently kisses me.

Score.

I go with it little by little until I pull away look around because we’re in the Cost Co. parking lot and there’s a few people looking. I actually don’t care but she’s kissing me well then I can go with the being seduced side of this even if she doesn’t mean to.

Actually I can do that and the seducing too.

Which is why I’m packing the things we got now into the cars and she’s passing them to me. And I’m doing the whole bashful sort of things…the little looks…then look away…bite my lip a little…tuck my hair away.

People do this to other people all the time I’m just more planned about it everyone uses someone for something all the goddamned time.

Everyone.

We get into the car and we head over to the big mall and we head inside. It’s mostly just shopping and getting stuff we can use as well as stuff for myself and Hannah.

Bath and Body Works, some of the other places like that we stop at Forever 21 and The Gap and Old Navy and we do all those little trendy stores even if it’s us just looking.

We’re piling up the bill but I honestly don’t care as far as I’m concerned Adam’s getting the bill for all of this even though a free expense card is kind of one of those too good to be true things.

And I get some more jewelry while I’m there too. Just little bit’s at a time. Stuff that I can pawn when I need too.

And there’s a little trick that you can get them to put a few extra bucks on the credit cards as cash at the register and that’ll go into my running stash.

And Hannah well she actually complains and she seems embarrassed when I’m getting her things too and yet deep in there in her eyes there’s that little shine of maybe…just maybe likes her and is willing to pamper her.

Hell yes I am and if she’s got the juice I think she does writing and stuff it’ll be another really good score…make some money get my name out there then the rest will fall into place and I can say goodbye to this shitty town and this effing province even.

We’re looking in Victoria Secrets when I see her and she see’s me and we pass by and we don’t speak…we don’t say a word to each other. I don’t exist and neither does she.

“Hey Summer? That woman she sort of looked like you.” Hannah asks.

“She doesn’t different colored hair.”

“But..”

I turn and look at Hannah. “Just let it go okay…?”

She looks at me and this time I don’t need to think of anything to be upset…I’m actually trying to hold the shakes back if anything.

She takes one look and me and she takes me by the hand, “Okay, we’re done let’s go home.”

“I’m okay.” I’m not…it’s been two years since I’ve seen her and it’s like that just everytime that I see her it’s neither of us giving the other the least bit of notice…then it’s just there…all of it and it’s never gone away it’s just still all there and she’s still her same old unfeeling cunt that she always was and it starts to hurt and hurt and hurt just from seeing her.

Like a slow building PTSD freak out.

And there’s nothing that I can do about any of what she did because she made it look like my fault.

Then threw me away.

Why the hell am I even in this town still? Because I want her to know that I’m a success when I leave and she can fucking choke on it.

“Summer…”

“Summer…light…”

“Summer red light!”

I snap out of it when Hannah unbuckles from her seat and slides over and steps on the brakes pretty hard and she’s looking at me as several fast moving cars speed by. I would’ve driven us right into the traffic.

Goddammit I can’t stop shaking.

Hannah takes my face in her hands and she kisses me and starts to climb over me. “Here get over I’ll drive.”

(Sniffle-sob.) “’Kay…”

I…

………………………………………………………. I wake up feeling bad, really hung over and I think what had happened was Hannah drove us home while I just…I just lost my shit.

Seeing my mother does that.

Why do I hate her? Why does she hate me?

It wasn’t the first time that I’ve been whore’d out. Adam’s just one more time only it’s me being in control. No…my first time was when right after my dad…… died my mom shacked us up with a new guy. A guy with money, lot’s of it really and while not like Adam’s family they traveled in the same circles. And mom was used to that kind of life with dad and after he died we went broke pretty quickly.

But turns out the new guy wasn’t as interested in mom as he was in me and she made sure she had her marriage and she had her money and that he had me in exchange.

She watched…most of the times that old bastard had me she watched.

Then he died and she got it all and threw me away into that private school in one of the dorms and she promptly forgot about me there.

And it wasn’t too hard to figure out right there and then that people are fucking worthless and that everyone uses everyone.

And no matter how much distance I think I get it all comes flooding back whenever I see her.

I wish I was strong enough that it didn’t.

I’m getting more and more awake and sicker and sicker feeling and I just get to the bathroom to heave my guts out for awhile…

Hannah and the others come in to check up on me. Muzz rolls me a joint and I sort of smoke it.

It makes my lungs hurt though….i can dimly remember them getting me out of the car after we got home and then Muzz getting me baked enough to calm down enough that I started to drink. And drink a lot.

Hence the hangover from hell.

I get myself to my feet after awhile and take a shower…I need a shower I smell like vomit and weed and feel pretty grotty. Someone cleaned off my make up though and I’ve been in worse shape after a bender and I’m in my ugly sweats to so someone undressed me then redressed me.

That’s the first time that that’s happened.

I head downstairs and they’re all there and the all look at me like to ask if I’m alright and yet they don’t say anything. I just…last time this happened they found out that I am better off just being left alone without any questions or being bothered.

Then again everyone here’s really pretty busted.

My stomach is undecided if I’m hungry or sick still but I smell stuff cooking and I head for the kitchen where Hannah is at and she’s writing more in her note book and with sheet music actually out and she’s writing or has been writing on that too.

I look at her. “Morning…”

She nods. “Lunchish actually but whatever works.”

She seems a little tense?

“Did I do something wrong?” I really don’t remember last night at all.

“No, just wasn’t expecting last night really. It was a really shitty night.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, not a big deal it was just sucked to see you like that.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She shoves back from the table and she goes to the stove and pours me a cup of tea and she gets me some cookies?

I look at her.

“Earl grey black it’s good for when you feel like shit from being hung over and ginger snaps.”

“Tea and cookies.”

“Trust me my father was a world class fucking drunk and I know a ton of things good for a hangover.”

There’s a bit of me dredging up something bad in her past by being hammered that bad last night.

“Sorry sometimes…” She places her fingers on my lips.

“Don’t I’m not better Summer, see me when I have my freak outs or when I have a seizure.”

“Uhm…okay…thanks for this.”

“You’re welcome now go and sit and sip and just chill out while I finish things here and supper too.”

“Supper?”

“Yeah I’m making stew.”

“Stew?” okay this is screwed up but I’ve never actually had stew other than this Irish slop that Muzz eats right from the can.

“Yes, it’s something that’ll last and I can do other stuff while it’s cooking.”

“You don’t have to cook.”

“I do if I want to eat.”

“Okay, okay…”

I head off for the table we use for the kitchen and pull another chair over to put my feet up on. The tea tastes weird and I’m not used to the cookies either but it’s not too bad and I sip and just sit there and let things settle.

Hannah is over by the stove and she’s chopping stuff to put into the stew that I’ve never seen before and there’s even pots of stuff cooking…like green stuff.

“So….?” She sort of asks.

“So….?”

“So are you going to call her?”

“Who…?” I’m not calling her, never.

“Rayne.”

What the fuck….?

“Huh?” I look at her. “Why would I call her?”

“Because you were curled up and crying for her in your sleep.”

Oh what? Fuck…

“Not going to happen.”

“You miss her?”

“No…her and I are done.”

“She must have meant something you were crying pretty badly there.”

“Well I was pretty fucked up…just…just don’t read anything into it okay…please?”

“Okay…” She’s giving me this compassionate look and a sort of…

“No… Hannah it’s not okay, not after what she did….and…”

“And?”

“And thanks for taking care of me last night…that was you wasn’t it?”

“Yes it was and you’re welcome.”

I duck my head and blush…it’s not hard to get that going given how exposed I was to her last night and I sip my funky tasting tea and watch her cook.

Okay it actually is just like cooking and it smells really good. Even the greens in the other pot are smelling good.

I just watch her and veg until I go and get my guitar and start playing around until she slips me the sheet music.

“What’s this?”

“New song for tonight’s dance.”

“Tonight’s dance?”

“Uhm yeah it’s Friday night Muzz said you have the gig with the school?”

“Yeah…okay are you sure that you want to play with us?”

“Yes I’m sure but y’know you might want to change some stuff up.”

“Why?”

“Because you play mostly old rocker stuff and that’s cool but it’s a teen dance.”

“And?”

“And most teenagers, most girls which are the focus of the dances aren’t into that so much.”

“I don’t do cheesy crap like Jem.”

“Hey Muzz showed me them while you were sleeping they know their crowd and their slipping their tracks into the mix of covers. You got to keep them dancing and moving.”

“Okay so what do you think we should be playing and covering?”

“Well how about we figure that out?”

……………………………………….Feeling a lot better and actually pretty full we’re getting set up on stage and the kids are coming in and milling around and talking and stuff and I’m adjusting my skirt and checking out how I look and we wait until it get’s pretty full for the usual crowd here and I’m still not too sure about the clothes but I guess Hannah is right we’re playing a dance and not a club or a concert.

So we’re trying something new.

I’m in a red camisole top and a skirt and the skirt’s not my usual my usual is a leather mini deal or I do the jeans thing or my leather pants but this is still short and stuff but I’m wearing knitwear black thing high stockings to go with it and a studded choker…okay that’s me and the fingerless gloves too but there’s these dollar store rose tattoo’s that you rub on all of us like decorations and I’m in nice ankle suede boots.

It’s sort of preppy-goth?

Muzz has the biggest change with him now sporting a shaved head and being clean shaved too. I didn’t think he’d do it but it’s sort of a kind of Flea (From the Red hot Chili Peppers.) look but a bit of British skin head too and that seemed to mollify him some.

He’s got some Brit flag stuff on like that sleeveless hoody he likes but thick but cheap leather wrist bands and faded and ripped jeans and old tennis shoes and Hannah drew a armband on his pick arm that said the Ramones on it and proclaimed him. “Kinda trainspotting.” Whatever the hell that was.

The same went for the others except her and she’s actually in this sort of black ruffled loli styled goth dress and has her hair in a top knot and she’s wearing just old mary janes for shoes and it actually looks good on her with her taking up a guitar.

Hell we even actually practiced too a bit getting stuff down.

The curtain comes up and we just go right into it from the start…get a tune out there before we intro ourselves.

Fun, edgy, and still sort of us we open and I start singing right off.

“Somebody once told me…”
“The world is gonna roll me…”
“I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.”

“She was looking kinda dumb, with her finger and her thumb…”
“In the shape of a L on her forehead…”

I do the L for loser and grin at the kids who actually looked surprised at this instead of the harder stuff we usually open with and there’s some happy kind of that’s the jam kind of like smiles going up and they’re pulling each other out on the dance floor already.

I launch into the rest of *All Star* By Smash Mouth and they’re having a good time and honestly this, this is pretty boss.

We go right from that into a new cover for us and it’s a really good tune. I mean I’d actually listen to this and stuff. Hannah’s a lot younger that I am and she knows all this teenaged band stuff. But yeah… I’m having a good time singing. *I am a Teenaged Dirtbag* By Wheatus.

I stop and let out a girl “Whoooo!” yell and the others are whistling in the band and Gary’s banging on the drums.

“Hey guys I know that this is really different but we’ve been planning a fresh reboot of just what we’re doing and what we’re about and we hope that you will still dig out tunes and love our covers and stuff!”

I do the devil horns to them all before going back to the mic. “And as you can see we got a brand new member to Kisses and Thorns and this is Hannah and just so you know she’s way cooler that that Disney chick and Molly Cirrus can kiss our ass’s…” I give another girly “Whooo!” Cheer and Hannah does a little curtsey and she starts the intro to the next song that we going into singing out into the crowd clear and microphoneless in that long notes of the song and I hit that main vocals and she hit’s the guitar as we crank out *Day after Day* By the Violent Femmes.

Oh the faculty is not pleased and they’re heading sort of our way and Adam head’s off the principal who does a stand down and he might be a fucker…likely both of them but I mean Adam…but he’s nodding along to the tunes.

I signal a switch around in the order and I point out as I’m singing the faculty moving or when they were moving to cut us off from singing this and the kids see them which lines us up in my opinion to play. *High School Never Ends.* By The Dollyrots and yeah I picked it as a fuck you to Angel…little whore fucking Jem….

Then we get right into it playing. *Brace for Impact.* By Kisses and Thorns.

*Bad reputation.* The Joan Jett version.

*Sweet Child of Mine.* By Guns and Roses.

*Sand Castles* By Kisses and Thorns.

*Bittersweet Symphony* By The Verve and we’re doing a much better version of it with Hannah and her violin added to it.

*Patience* By Guns and roses is a good follow up into that as a slow song but I do the whistling part and we mix it with violin from Hannah and she backs me up with the “I need you’s” and we’re sort of dueting it as much as this should be my show it’s kinda nice to have the back up vocals there rounding out the song.

We break after that for intermission and we water up and grab some pops when Adam and his little entourage shows up.

“So…new look and new band member since when did this happen and why didn’t you consult with me about this Summer.”

He’s looking Hannah over like she’s a piece of meat and she’s staring back and she crosses her arms and she’s holding the bow of her violin like a sword or something and his mouth twitches a little like he’s stifling a laugh.

I step forward sort of between them. Not that I really care but she’s mine, not his. “Problem?”

“No not at all I actually approve of all of it but when she’s serious get her over to the studio and we’ll get her signed.”

“Yeah she and I’ll talk about it.”

He smiles at me like he’s still the boss and well god too more than likely. “Fine, I’m patient. Well we’re going to go and enjoy the rest of the dance. Keep up the good work”

He leaves and Hannah is frowning but she waits until he leaves. “Gawd what a douche-bag.”

I nod. “The douche-bag paying the bills so.”

She nods. “Doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

We get back out onto the stage and we open up with. Her putting some more violin into the intro to *Kiss from a Rose.* By Seal and it’s a nice twist to things now and we go from that one into.

*Love is Rayne.* By Kisses and Thorns and I’m really trying to get some of the crap out with this. I am not happy that Rayne’s still somewhere in my head someplace. I don’t want her there.

*Come Together* By The Beatles is next and that leads to.

*Every Rose has Its Thorn* By Poison and we slide from that one into.

*Possession.* By Sarah McLaughlin and that leads to…

*Fidelity* By Kisses and Thorns and that one always goes over well.

“Hey we’ve got a brand new song tonight and I hope you all enjoy it as it’s the last song of the evening.”

*Sunshine* By Kisses and Thorns.

“I breathe out and it’s ashes…”
“It’s all falling down…”
“The day’s of wild wonder…”
“No where to be found.”

“I dance in the cold streets…”
“I’m livin in the rain…”
“I guess it don’t matter…”
“The said I don’t matter.”

(Chorus.)
“Then something broke… when you found me.”
“Out there in the cold streets.”
“It was like you were daylight.”
“It was like you were sunshine….”

“Had to grow up too quickly.”
“I had to make my own way.”
“I thought I would be lost.”
“That I’d be lost forever.”
“Be this broken forever….”

(Chorus.) this time sung by Hannah.

“I was different…”
“And it wasn’t okay.”
“I was shunned and I was beaten…”
“I cried and I cut deep.”
“I was told I was worthless….”
“They said I was worthless…”

(Chorus.) With my vocals.

“Can I ask you why?”
“Do I dare ask why me?”
“Why was I made this way?”
“I was left and abandoned…”
“Why wasn’t I worth it…?”

(Chorus.) With lyric mods and Hannah doing the vocals.

“Then something broke…The day that I found you.”
“Out there in the cold streets.”
“It was like you were daylight…..”
“It was like you were sunshine…”

We actually get a fair amount of cheers and whistles tonight compared to the few and the clapping and I’m kind of wrung out from the dance and then this whole thing and the practicing and I know that Hannah has some shit with the lyrics going on but it was playing and bouncing around in my head too ever since I sang it back at the house.

It’s a pretty simple clean up and that’s good because I’m beat from the hangover today and Hannah looks like her taking care of me has done a number on her too and it’s a long assed haul to pack up and get home and unpack.

We actually sort of hugs as a band and they others are hyped and talking about how things went and Hannah and I stay up a bit talking about that but I feel my head nodding and I go over and slip my arm into hers.

“I’m beat, you feel like sharing my bed again tonight?”

“I’d like that…” She bites her lip and damn me if she doesn’t look sexy in that dress and stuff. She’s excited by what I’m sure is her first really serious gig even if it’s a high school Friday night dance.

I lean over and kiss her on the lips lightly and she kisses me back and I lead her upstairs no longer arm in arm but our fingers interlaced.

*Adam…………

Summer’s been busy not that I mind really she can’t write songs for shit and I really don’t care if she’s bedding the girl. Though she looks like she might be young enough to be a minor.

That could be useful.

I meant what I said, I want her under contract but I’m not in a hurry about it. Let summer worm her way in and get the girl seriously invested.

Hmm…she might even be a viable alternative to Summer too if I do need to get rid of the whore.

And she’d be bound to be tight even though she was giving me the whole you’re a male and I hate you look. I love breaking a lezzie in…just so sweet when I get then fucked over and cornered to have to do what I say even though it disgusts them.

Actually that shiver or revulsion as I do…yeah that’s actually a little sweet.

It’s waiting and planning now…get the drugs going and use them as party favors at the house but also as a supply to the bikers as a peace treaty. I’ve arranged for their family I was threatening to get out and they might be scared of these other bikers out there at the little bastard Jason’s place but the ones here now and their family well they’re still bikers too and criminals and they were in for drug charges.

I aim to get them a steady supply and then when things are all lined up I can clear house with them and him…then there will be no Mike or anyone one else in my way…and…and all those funerals should drag Jason out of the rocks he’s been hiding under.

*Angel/Jem…………

It’s brunchish? When I wake up needing to use the powder room and it’s a weird and quiet Saturday morning. It’s actually about quarter to twelve and there’s a note saying with a frowny face that Brooklyn and Kim are off serving detention.

I smile just picturing them being all sleep deprived and punchie and Kimmie vibrating from all the Redbull she’d have drank. Brook…I have this image of her being sort of like Ally Sheedy in the breakfast club but with her red hair.

It’s kind of funny that she’s actually way more like Judd nelson’s character though. And I’m humming the end song for the movie as I take a pee and go and get a drink.

It’s funny because I love those movies and I used to identify with Judd or Christian Slater in like “Pump up the Volume.” But you know now? Now I’m kind feeling a whole lot more like Molly Ringwald.

I stop and look at my non-starter boobs. (Snerk) “Well that fits we’ve pretty much got the same bra size.”

I burst out laughing and choke a little at just the thought of Kim feeling me up and telling Brook. “Look Fred, she’s gotten her boobies.”

I really do love all those movies.

I get a bottle of water for Rayne too and I get back to my room…our room and I just can’t help but to watch her sleep and I get a pad and pen and my guitar and sit there in my vanity chair and watch her and write.

Her eyes open as I sit down after awhile just in my camisole and panties and my hair still a sort of mess and I start to play my guitar and sing… *Carousel* to her.

“Hey there pretty girl…”
“Don’t be sad….”
“You won’t be alone tonight…”
“C’mon and take my hand.”

“Hey little girl, tonight baby don't be blue.”
“See those pretty lights along the way, those pretty lights they’re meant for you…”
“C’mon and take my arm…”
“You're not out there on your own..”
“Let’s step on the carousel lover.”
“And kiss until it’s all gone…”

(Instrumental.)

“I’ll show the world’s better now, that things can be better now.”

“I know the world’s let you down and it broke your heart.”
“But tonight's the night for a brand new start.”
“Come with me on our carousel.”
“We'll leave the world behind…”
“We'll go walking through this circus baby.”
“Just let me make everything alright.”

“Meet me out by all the bright lights.”
“Meet me down by the shore.”
“We can dance in the carnival lights…”
“Let me fall in love with you again…”
“As we kiss on the carousel.”

“Little pretty sweet blackbird…”

“C’mon take my hand…”

“Let’s look towards our future lover…”

“And leave the past behind…”

“Our love’s like a carousel….”

(Instrumental.)

“Meet me out by all the bright lights.”
“Meet me down by the shore.”
“We can dance in the carnival lights…”
“Let me fall in love with you again…”
“As we kiss on the carousel.”