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without being in torment, can I still write?

I am scared I might be done as a writer.

See, almost all of my writing came out of the struggles I have had with PTSD and my gender.

Now, I have just had the biggest success in dealing with my gender issues by getting my name legally changed, and I'm scared that without that struggle my muse has nothing to feed on anymore.

Do I need to be tormented to write?

And what do I do if my muse doesnt come back?

Sighs ... I could use some huggles ...

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'AMAZING TRANSFORMATION COMICS

Avoiding 'AMAZING TRANSFORMATION COMICS site.

I recently (Tonight) ordered some material from 'AMAZING TRANSFORMATION COMICS but they did not deliver. They took my money but did not allow me to download the product. My advice to BC top shelfers is to avoid this site, it seems to be a rip off.

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Awakening the Dragon: Knights of Death

The Civil War is in full swing and Maiha Nakatoma has her hands full. A cowardly act of violence will have far reach consequences and change the face of the war. One so vile that not even the Gods would dream of the Hell Spawned Demon it releases. A legend of nightmares from the past returns and a blade that has remain sheathed for centuries is drawn. Not even the Temple of Holy Light and Cardinal Richelieu could ever have dreamed of Awakening this Dragon from its long slumber.
Awakening the dragon Finale.jpg

Now available on amazon

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what to do?

It occurred to me yesterday that part of the reason people find bereavement so difficult is down to a lack of knowledge. Over the last couple of weeks we've come into contact with various agencies and I have to say they've all made things as easy as possible. However it's been a bit of a game of join the dots - take this, go there, ring this number - oh i'm not complaining but at times its not helped having to wait to see people because you need paper A to get paper B to get result C.

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Hatbox Story Contributions Needed

This is different. :)

We're getting ready to launch a new and somewhat improved Hatbox as a repository of premium stories donated to us. For that, we'd like to have some new stories. I'm working on a couple myself. If you're interested in contributing stories to be read first as Hatbox Premiums, you can contact me or Cat Lochley via PM. Stories made available to Hatbox subscribers can later be published to BigCloset (for free) or DopplerPress (to earn royalties).

Hugs,
Erin and Cat

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World Hacking site

I don't know how many of you know about this site, but since I'm in the Cyber-security. I find this site interesting to say the least. It shows real time hacking or cyber attacks and where they originate from and who is doing what. Check it out for yourself.
http://map.norsecorp.com/#/

Don't worry its a safe site to visit.
Also if you want to try your hands at hacking something. This place is a safe place to use as well.
https://www.hackthissite.org/

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I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter Chapter 12: Faze

Four chapters remain with the next one entitled "Faze", taken from the same song.
The last

"Faze"

She's lying on her bed
Alone in the dark
Remembers what's said
Staring at the marks
She's into deep
Crying herself to sleep
There's not much I can do
She's too far away

She needs some space
And sometime to think
I hope it's a faze
She's so out of place
And it's all thanks to you

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Footprints in the SeaVol. 3

Just when I thought I could take a couple of days off, Amazon have made Footprints in the Sea, Vol.3 The Enchanted Island live.
I wasn't expecting it until Wednesday. Now I'll have to get back to Volume 4 and cancel my plans for two evenings down the pub and do a proofing of the next chapter of Volume 3 and post that.

Thank you to all the people who gave me kudos and responded to my previous blog, I will be contacting you via PM later this week.

Next week I might go south and attend Charlotte's wedding.

Bye for now,
Love,
Frances.

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another hurdle

I was expecting today to be tough but it's not been too bad. Registering Mum's death was straightforward enough, the finality of that act is only just sinking in.

But that has allowed us to sort out her finances, the banks have been really helpful, even the phone company sorted things in just a few minutes.

I spent a couple of hours last night writing my contribution to Thursday's service - that brought the tears back big style. I'm not up to reading it myself, I'm not a masochist, but I feel better that I'm making a contribution.

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Chapter titles

"I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter" takes its title form the song "Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews
The chapter titles are from "Aselin Debison's album "Homeward Bound" (with the exception of "Stupid Things). No real reason, except that

Paper Airplane
Lie a Little
Too Far to Drive
Karen Anne
Can't We Just Dance
Learning to Fly
Wanderlust
Stupid Things
Crying Shoulder
Had To Grow Up
Close to You--Newly posted...but still not complete.
Queen of Sorrow
Old Man Down
Homeward Bound

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Misdirection! :-D

sigh.

While I continue to struggle with advancing the three open tales I have on BCTS, I decided to stall for time and try to make a case that I was not in fact deceased.... (perhaps, at worst brain-dead ....or suffering from dormant muse syndrome) by posting something entirely different.

The good news is that it is self contained and should leave no reader with a case of "And then....?" syndrome.

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Footprints in the Sea Volume 3

My first blog entry on Top Hat.

I have posted the first chapter of Volume 3 of Footprints in the Sea on here and the full Volume will be on Amazon Kindle later in the week. I won't be posting the entire work here but I will post further sample chapters in sequence, probably as far as chapter 6.
I have continued the chapter numbers from where volume 2 ended which means chapter 1 of Vol 3 appears as Chapter 46.

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What's normal?

So here I am, ten days after my world was turned inside out.

I'm still getting infuriated by my leg, still getting weepy for no apparent reason, still.......Yes, things are getting better, tomorrow should sort out most of the financial stuff and then its just getting through Thursday. I'm expecting to be a mess on Thursday in front of the relatives but sod 'em, we need to move on and if that means a good blub so be it.

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Welcome to M.Y.T.H. school

Starting soon, Bonnie and Melody will be joining a group of teenage magical creatures at a brand new school:

The magical youth training house AKA: M.Y.T.H. School.

Mundanes who go near will see the school name as the Micheal Yosef Tomas-Howe alternative school

And I am opening the school up to other authors. If you have an idea for a magical creature story that could be set in the school, please let me know!

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Cherry Moone

Cherry Moone is a story I have been working on since 1996...and no...it's still incomplete.

The story is about a family that lives on the outside of town and life. It is based on life at my former high school and a lot of the dialouge (the car trip to school in chapter one, for example) is almost verbatim.

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BC Credit for Amazon Purchases

I followed the Amazon.com link and I think I lost the BC referral (tag=dopplerpress-20 in the URL) as soon as I left the "Books" section of Amazon. It stayed missing if I clicked "Best Sellers" and then clicked "Books" again. Does that mean that BC gets no commission if I search out a teapot (for instance) even though I entered via the link from BC?

Sara

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Posting issues

Thought I would post to let everyone know why the final chapters of Enchanted Valley: Sentinel has not been posted yet.

At work we have switched over to our summer hours, which does give me a 3 day weekend all summer long, but also leaves me with no time during the 4 day work week for anything writing related.

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Life imitates art

UK boy students are literally "skirting the rules" as they wear skirts to school.

In protest against the "no shorts" policy in their school's dress code, 5 boys took it upon themselves to skirt the rules and appear in class wearing skirts borrowed from girls at the school. After being sent to isolation (detention in the US) for their legs being too hairy, they shaved their legs for the next go-around.

Next day, there were 50.

One hundred more are expected to follow suit, er, skirt, tomorrow as temperatures soar.

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Ten Years of Bike

In terms of longevity, it seems my series on the trials and tribulations and occasional triumph of Cathy Watts, other wise known as Lady Cameron or the Dormouse Lady, has become something of a feature on BC, which I think readers only give kudos or make comments out of sympathy for the poor deluded author and her two cats - the fact that she talks to them (the cats--who else?) demonstrates beyond doubt that she's either barmy or a witch or even a barmy witch. In real life she's neither, or so deluded she doesn't notice.

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Had a huge victory last week.

I've been kind of MIA for the past month or so, haven't had time to do hardly anything but work, take care of my oldest daughter and prepare for my custody hearing last week. As I had mentioned in a previous blog, I was divorced three years ago from a 15 year marriage with three daughters. Due to my circumstances (transitioning and court being held in Mississippi) my life has been hell. Quite literally hell.. On the initial separation my ex had gotten angry, extremely angry and for almost two years I had almost no contact with my daughters.

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Apologies for lack of output

I have to apologise to those of you who read my works. There's been a lot going on recently and I haven't ben producing as much as I would wish to. Partly this is real-life distractions, like the Evil Twin grand-daughters (tm), household matters, a short-notice holiday (vacation) in Cornwall and, of course, it is just too hot!

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Interrupt normality?

Some of you think I interrupt normality. I'm not so sure in view of the following quote from
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2017/jun/22/teenage-bo...

"One boy told Devon Live he had been told on Wednesday the skirt was too short and his legs too hairy."

Don't worry, I'll keep trying to interrupt normality even when faced by hard competition :)

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The River is backed up

It's been another gap between chapters in the River saga. I see that some of my fans are getting worried. You can relax. There is one chapter half written, and I hope to finish it this weekend. On Wednesday next week I will officially be a retired person, and can focus on my story. River will try to get back to a weekly schedule, and I have a couple other stories on my hard disk that might be completed as singles or short chapters.

Sorry for not getting anything out to you for a while, but real life has been throwing up obstacles.

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Looking for Story

Long before I joined BC officially, I read a story that I've been longing to read again.

From what I remember of the story as a whole, the main character is a kid in either Middle or High School and is without his mother who "left" a few years earlier but it is found out later in the story that the abusive father had killed the mother and dumped the body in the septic system. I think at one point in the story the main character changes gender albeit I don't remember exactly how.

I hope that's enough for you guys to pinpoint which story this is.

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Everything -- including the Kitchen Sink

My life has gone through many recent changes.

I sold another business and am now semi-retired which has dropped my income by two-thirds -- at least until I can get more consulting work.

We bought an old house (1906) and are doing extensive remodeling.

Although I have limited current resources for contributing money to BC, I am buying quite a lot of remodeling supplies on Amazon and using the link you provided. Yesterday's purchases included the kitchen sink! Hopefully, since our purchases are adding up to a large total, BC will receive a nice commission.

Jill

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Unaccounted Gains & Eve

The first two books in the Unaccounted Gains series are still available on Kindle (at a reduced price) whilst work continues on a new book.
https://www.amazon.com/Shiraz/e/B01M3YQLWV/ref=sr_ntt_srch_l...

There's one more chapter of Eve to come and that concludes Book 1 (properly this time!). There may be a Book 2 - but I have other priorities right now!

Shiraz

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I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter Chapter 10: Had to Grow Up

Sorry, work and life has kept me from writing lately.

Chapter 10 takes its title from the song "Had to Grow Up" from the album "Life" by Aselin Debison,

While technically the song's lyrics have nothing to do with the story...if I could find a way to write lyrics based on the storyline...I think it would work.

Story note: Some parts of the the story are true...such as the part about the truck parked in the country...that did happen and we never did find the screw that was removed from the brake light casing.

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Sorry for the sudden disappearance

In March I suddenly became very ill. Chained to my recliner, unable to move for 5 weeks. Taking Oxy-codine for the pain for 5 weeks and then T3s and Prednizone for another three weeks. Many Dr. appointments, tests and scans later, they still don't know what caused my illness. Unfortunately ALL of my writing ceased and now my time is spent catching up with RL.
Ideas and adventures will hopefully be flowing and posting soon.

Again sorry for the sudden disappearance.

A.A.

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another hurdle cleared

So today things have moved on some. We've arranged the funeral, a week Thursday so a fortnight after her passing. It's a big weight off, oh it still needs paying for and getting through but there will be a few days before we have more to do.

Managing to get a grip most of the time, just got to hold things together for dad. Having a timetable helps.

Who knows I might even feel like writing again afterwards.

Anyhow, i'll be back tomorrow

Mads

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Feeling Flackey because I am

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not going to be around that much.

It is summer vacation, and my kids are demanding my full attention. I don't have that much time to review what I'm writing or spend time on the BC site these days. I think I'm going to return to writing another series in the fall.

In the meantime, I am going to be spending time with my family. Traveling around. Getting into trouble. Watching my kids get into trouble. And generally finding bail money. ;-)

I will continue to do solos.Just don't know how often.

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Turned around again

I haven't been around much lately, major health issues. So it seems like every time I log on something has changed. It was really a mess this last time and it took a lot of backing and forthing to get things looking halfway normal. Somewhere along the line the righthand column that lists all the other author's work has dissappeared. You know, when you are reading an author's story it will have the rest of that author's work listed on the righthand column. Gone. I also seem to have acquired a perm. link to Laura's Playground that I'd like to get rid of.

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Another entry in my Noise universe is coming.

Just wanted to give people who liked the start of my Noise universe that I had another idea come to me for a character. This may or may not be a one-off, I'm vacillating on whether he will end up substantially weaved in or not. He fits in perfectly with the spirits concept though this will definitely be intense.
I've got the ending mapped out, now I guess I just need to think backwards.

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Eve

I was going through my files today and came across a folder I clearly hadn't looked in for a few years. I have six unpublished chapters which I will put together as a single story, it won't be a Book 2 but more of a conclusion to the existing book.

Tammy, meanwhile, is taking a break while I think about some new stories.

Shiraz

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Looking for a story

So I'm looking for a story and can't find it with what I think are applying tags. The story is about a guy who's going home for christmas but gets stuck in a blizzard. At the same time he saves a little girl's life, but angers some kind of spirit who thought she was doing "her" a kindness. The little girl turns out to be a transboy. So the spirit makes the older guy pay for interfering by giving his manhood to the kid.

Hope someone here remembers that one.

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Men, I honour

So easy
To give in
To hate.

In letting
Anger rule me
Against all men.

Given
Most of my abusers/bullies
Were born
Of this gender.

And yet
Tomorrow is
Father's Day.

As I honour
My opa* and dad.

Two men
Who's love
Have helped me.

And shoulders
I have cried
Upon.

Willing to do
Almost anything
To protect me.

Whose deaths
Have marked
Transitional moments
In my life.

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A gripe about English language usage.

I am getting very frustrated at the lack of spell checking on this site, (and others).
Do people not proof read and spell check before posting?

Lately in many of the stories I read I see the wrong word used or major spelling errors.
Now I am aware that not all people were brought up using the English language. But why not have a native English speaker go over the stories before submission?

I seldom see punctuation errors, which is good.

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Wind of Change, last of the Elemental series now available on Amazon

WIND OF CHANGE

The third in the series 'Elemental'.
Actually, for those who know me, there might be further books in the series if demand is there.

Having put three novels up in a week, I am going to take a well-earned rest, and finish Torc 2!

Tanya

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Thank You

To everyone who have offered their condolences and support over the last day.

A whole day, I'm sure it will get better but not quickly.

Mum was heading towards 80 in October, she has had health issues for 20 years however this was totally unexpected. A heart attack due to clots on her lungs - they fought for 4 hours but in the end there was nothing more to do.

She died without ever regaining consciousness @ 1.30 after a final heart failure.

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No words :(

Today has been very emotional for me. I lost a very close friend to Cancer and I was at her bedside when she passed. We did so much together that I don't think I'll ever find another friend like her. My emotions are in shambles to the point where it's taking everything I have not to bawl my eyes out. I was her Maid of honor at her wedding and it was a glorius night. She kept me going through everything that ever happened to me and I'll never get to repay her now that she's gone. This is all becoming so much that I don't know what to do.

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Daily Silliness

1) You know, it's often said that almost EVERYTHING tastes like chicken. If that's truly the case, one has to wonder: Just WHAT does chicken taste like? I mean, you could say it tasted like itself, but that's a poor point of reference, in my opinion, to have something defined recursively like that.

2) Mathematical Proof that Women Are Evil:

OK, most people know that to acquire a good woman takes both time and money. In other words, woman is a PRODUCT of time and money, or mathematically:

WOMAN = TIME x MONEY.

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DopplerPress and Amazon Purchases Support BigCloset

If you buy anything from Amazon via a link here at BCTS, we make a small commission. And especially on DopplerPress books for which we get between 11% and 74% of the purchase price. But all purchases made at Amazon, of anything from ant paste to zymurgy tablets, in the 90 minutes after clicking on a link here, pay us between 2% and 10% (average about 4%) of the purchase price. It's all good. :)

So here's some links to some of our recent books:

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Elemental Book 2 - Earth & Fire...now available on Amazon Kindle.

Earth & Fire is now available on Amazon. It is book 2 in the series of three, and Book 3 will be up by the weekend - hopefully. For those that are waiting for me to finish other series... Torc 2 will not be long and neither will the last in the William Knox series.

The paperback won't be long. They were put up at the same time, but never seem to finish reviewing at the same time.

Things can only get worse, so read as much as you can now!

:)

Tanya

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A joke...

Once upon a time, a mason decided to build himself a house. He set about buying the bricks, the mortar, and all the necessities he thought he would need, then set to work.

The mason toiled night and day on his manse, making sure everything was just right. Finally, after over a month, his dream home was finished and ready for him to move in to.

As he was cleaning up from the construction, he happened to see a lone brick just hiding in the grass. Being meticulous, he thought he had purchased just enough bricks to finish the house, and was surprised to find one left over.

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3rd chapter of "The Seven Deadlies". Apologies

I want to apologize for not having the 3rd chapter of "The Seven Deadlies" out in a prompt manner for those of you who are reading and really enjoy it. I'm one of those who is still in a bit of a snit missing a certain author's stories though hers have been a long, LONG time ago so I can empathize. Just know I am trying.

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A big change

There has been a change in me.

Maybe it has been there for a while, but I finally noticed it on Sunday before church.

To understand this change, you have to understand how SCARED I was going out in public in feminine clothes when I started my transition. EVERY time was nerve wracking terror just to step outside my door.

And then, before church on Sunday, I walked over to a convenience store to pick up a paper and as I walked in my pretty dress, I realized - I wasn't afraid anymore.

Pretty neat, no?

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When dealing with IDIOTS, you have to speak their language...

OK, so I USED to be a member of a site called Geeker.com. It was touted as a FREE streaming site. When I was actually CHARGED for the service, I went online, to a "Live Chat", to try to rectify the situation. Below is the ENTIRETY of the transcript. Please note what occurs at the very end, especially. It's quite humorous!

==========

Ronald Bailey

Why was I charged for a FREE membership? I have e-male proof Geeker.com charged me during my 5-day free trial (which I applied for on June 8). I was charged by Geeker.com on June 9th, JUST ONE DAY later.

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It's criminal that Erin has to beg

every damned month for help in keeping Top Shelf open and running smoothly! It pisses me off more than I can say and it frustrates me beyond anything else in my life and it hurts me that, because of a lsck of funds, Erin is reduced to not paying people that NEED to be paid and has bankrupted herself in the process of providing us with this wonderful place!

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'This is how it always is' by Laurie Frankel

This is a fictionalised account of real life. The author has a transgender daughter. It had very good reviews in the 'i' newspaper and on Amazon. I haven't read it - yet - but I'm sure I will soon.

It's available via Amazon so remember to buy it through BC so Erin gets the pennies.

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Helpful hint:Bookmarks

Quite often I am asked to recommend a story. My answer is simple, just check my bookmarks. At the bottom of the story is the option to bookmark it. When I read one I like, I bookmark it. If that writer has more than one I like, I'll bookmark their collected works to save time. This really helps as my reading bookmarks don't take up my browser bookmarks and I've suffered from complete computer failure before. Have fun and enjoy the great works found here at BC!!

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Bikini beach story The Russian Connection

Hi well finally completed the first part. I had the help of a very patient editor and proofreader this time.This time the story is a little longer but does flow a lot better. I'm sure that there are still some errors there. Please let me know what you think.

The title is as above.

Cheryl XXX

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eBook up on Amazon - ICE

I have just been notified, ICE is now available on Amazon as a Kindle eBook and as a paperback.

Please go through Big Closet if you are going to be great people and buy this book (in either format), as Erin and co need all the extra income they can get.
The link for amazon.com is here - ICE
The link for amazon.co.uk is here - ICE

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Sales are dipping, but new series on the way - Book 1 - ICE out now!

Hi everyone.
Things are pretty dire in the good old UK... and not just the political crap that has hit us recently. I refuse to say any more about that, but to say, sales have slumped and I'm aware that there is less money about.

However, I am please to announce that I have completed a series of three books.... The series is called Elemental and the first book ICE is available already as a paperback through Amazon, and hopefully within the next few hours as a Kindle eBook.

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Another Milestone

I've just inched across another milestone: my first story to reach 10,000 hits, "John's Living Nightmare", just inched across today. It's the story with by far the most views, although very low (0.72%) kudoage.

2nd: The first four parts to "A Bikini Beach Summer" with over 5000 hits.
3rd: "BB: A Boy's Visit" with over 4000 hits.
4th: "The Family Council" inched over 3000 hits two or three weeks ago, IIRC.
5th: "Our Daughter's Prom Date" might reach 3000 hits in a few weeks.

Just a bit of trivia for y'all.

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Figure this out (If you can...)

Once upon a time, three traveling salesmen were walking along a long stretch of road, trying (in vain) to peddle their wares. As the sun began to set, the weary salesmen began to look for a place to rest for the night, when they stumbled upon a hotel.

"How much for a room?" they asked the owner.

"Thirty dollars a night," he replied.

So the salesmen each handed the owner a ten and took the key.

A short time later, the owner had a change of heart. It looks like the salesmen are down on their luck. I'll give them $5 back.

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Wow!

I'm two for two now... Heh. Heh. I commented on a post by Erin, and as soon as I went back to the home page, my parable popped up as a "Random Solo". I just posted it, too. Gotta quit doing that. Too spooky... I'll be posting the Parable for yesterday in a few minutes (editing it now). Look for the Sunday's parable around noonish, and the 8th's around 6 pm, EST. That will catch me up for the month of June, I hope.

Haylee V

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Tammie's Aftermath

Reading this chapter brought to mind a situation I encountered once. There was a potential assailant, and I realized that if he did not refrain very soon, I was going to do him. He was close enough, and an easy shot. My hand was in my purse, touching the instrument, a heavy revolver. Suddenly he got a strange look on his face and fled the scene. Threat resolved.

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More Wildcat stories on the horizon

While The Wildcats story ends with Chapter Thirty next week, I'm having too much fun writing this tale to just let it go.

I'm in the process of rewriting the first thirty chapters and using our great team of editors to make it the best read possible. As I write, I'm adding chapters, more characters, and more details.

This will be given to Erin to publish on Amazon/Kindle. I want to support her efforts by giving any money to my team and Erin.

I hope to write a Jessica Jade story and many more stories about the Wildcats. Promise, LM

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Life is a bitch......

Here I am, 21 years old and longing for someone to love me. I have my adopted family but it’s not really the same. My transition was rough and no guy really wanted anything to do with me.

At the time it didn’t bother me as I was in transition and really wasn’t trying to please any of the guys I went to school with.

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Simple question about BC

Okay, this may seem like a silly question.

I often go into my user profile to click TRACK to see if any new comments have been made on my stories, stories I have commented on, or blogs I have commented on too.

Today, like on other occasions, I see in red 'Updated' and no new activity in that story or blog in the way of comments.

When there is no activity as in new comments or edits I have made to a story I have written and I see a red 'Updated,' what was updated?

For example, I saw it on my Wonder, Woman? story.

AuP

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Chelsea Manning

BBC is carrying Chelsea Manning's first interview, and in my opinion she is one of the most credible sounding trans folk I have ever seen. Some of us have issue with her because of her actions in the Military, and I won't argue with you because I was not there. She seems intellectually astute, and absolutely female.

I wish her the best.

Ahabidah

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Chapter List and Reference Songs

Possible Spoilers

I admit, that I write everything to music. I'm either listening to it to drown out the voices in my head (...that may be a bit TMI) or I'll use the song as a "soundtrack" for the chapter. "I Am Rosemary's Granddaughter" uses chapter titles taken from Aslein Debison's albums "Homeward Bound" and "Life"

The video for "Life" could be considered the secondary "theme" of the book.

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Truly Uplifting Performance

OK, I don't know if anyone's been watching America's Got Talent, but if you didn't catch the end of last week's episode, you missed a truly remarkable performance by a deaf 29-year-old singer named Mandy Harvey.

Here's her GOLDEN BUZZER performance: --> Golden Buzzer and the song she sang (an original), with lyrics: --> Try

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I read a story earlier today.......

Or actually, I perused several stories on Amazon as I was looking for something new which might peak my interest. In the course of doing this, I came across multiple stories about cuckolding and forced feminization, both of which hold little interest for me.

But they did make me think about my own life and relationships as the evening wore on - mostly about my relationship with my spouse.

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a step back from the edge

Not for the first time, I have been reminded of the value of friends.

Thanks to several friends, I cried some tears, and then began the long slow slog out of darkness. I finally realized I was indulging in self-pity as well as self-punishment, and neither is healthy - or warranted.

To get myself further back from the brink, I decided I needed a distraction, and so went to see the movie Wonder Woman, which was excellent.

My deepest thanks to all who sent me messages of support.

Huggles for each and every one of you.

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Breast Massage = Growth

Breast Massage = Growth

We had a discussion lately whether breast massage will make them bigger. I’m living proof it works and I wish I wasn’t. The old adage “be careful what you wish for” bit me in the posterior.

By age six I was driving tractors by myself. The car or pickup my brother and I worked as a team. One of us stood in the seat and steered and shifted (stick shift) The other sat on the floorboard working the clutch, brakes, and gas peddle.

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I am close to being suicidal

Remember how I had said my unemployment claim had finally been settled, and I was going to start getting some money?

Well, apparently not so fast.

Went down to the office today to give a direct deposit form, only to find out my claim is still in limbo, and I have NO idea when or even if its gonna change.

I am really close to wanting to go play in traffic ...

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