Jem…Chapter 2

I love this song, I honestly love this song and the way that the writer and lead singer Linda Perry just wails out those lyrics has always got me singing along and even just doing housework I’d move to the music.

I’ve never rocked out this hard with other people before, especially one’s that could actually play. I really get into belting out the song….”What’s Up, What’s going on?” By 4-Non-Blondes.

“And so I cry sometimes, when I’m lying in bed.”
“Just to get it all out, what’s in my head.”
“And I, I am feeling a little… peculiar.”
“And so I wake up in the morning and step outside…”
“I take a deep breath… and I get real high.”
“And I scream from the top of my lungs…”
“WHAT’S GOIN ON?”

I’m sure if we were in a better neighborhood that we’d be seeing the cops her but I don’t care. We’re playing to no one but ourselves but we’re jamming it out like the rest of the house was a slamming club or a venue.

I go right from that into another tune as I take a guitar off the stand and start playing the opening chords to another great…no killer artist…Joan Jett.

“I saw him dancin there by the record machine…”
“I knew he musta been about seventeen…”
“The beat was goin strong…”
“Playin’ my favorite song…”
“An’ I could tell it wouldn’t be long.”
“Till he was with me…yeah me.”
“An’ I could tell it wouldn’t be long.”
“Till he was with me…yeah me.”

“Singin’…”

“I love rock n’ roll!”
“So put another dime in that jukebox baby…”
“I love rock n’ roll!”
“So come an’ take your time and dance with me!”

Yeah the rest of the song get’s sung and we even do the stomp and clapping bit and there’s these killer guitar bits that Raven just freaking cracks out on the guitar and we get to that point where you’re right into the music and you’re dancing even as you play and I’m singing and dancing too and Roxy’s some how bouncing up and down as she’s banging out the songs on the drums.

I’m dressed like Jem, and I can sing in that kind mid low ranged girls tone but I’m so into it and so feeling I’m dancing like a girl. Or I actually hope I am because I’ve never danced before and honestly I’d seriously hate to look like a spazz in from of them.

Which is kinda funny considering I’m in drag as it were and looking like a shitty dancer is what I’m worried about.

We go from song after song trying stuff like Pink, and No Doubt, Averill and even some Alana Morisette.

I manage to croon out this soft sultry version of “Black” by Pearl Jam. I know not exactly the stuff you’d here a girl done up in pink and white to be singing but it’s a killer tune and I always thought it could be crooned out all slower and bluesy by a girl. I guess right now that girl is me.

Raven is staring at me the whole time too and she’s all that gothy hard rock looking girl with the dark make up and the jet black hair and she’s got these breasts that are making my tuck job very uncomfortable.

I really don’t mean to be that way and even with my uhm impairment down there I’m still functional and I’ve never been this close to one good looking girl much less three. Okay Brooklyn’s great looking with those green eyes and red hair and not as endowed as Raven but she makes up for it with these really long legs, Roxy is just that whole short, slender oriental girl cute hot with is tossed even more into this odd meshing of her being a metal-head, and into hello kitty stuff and having drummers arms and shoulders.

But Raven…

Five eight…pale fair skin, shoulder length jet black hair, blue eyes and the gothy punk make up job all mixing with she’s got some actual meat on her bones and curves to all get out. From a guess at my bra I’m wearing and comparing it she’s a D cup, scoop necked black Lycra tee that pushes everything up into all the right places.

And of course it’s just my luck she’s a lesbian.

We break after that and we’re all breathing hard and sweaty. There are really direct comparisons between getting lost in the music and sex. Roxy comes back dancing from the kitchen with some drinks. I go for a Mountain Dew and she’s beaming at me.

“Jeez Jase, where’d you learn to do all that?”

“Well I write songs or try to in my spare time and I play music a lot.”

“Wadda ya play?” Brooklyn asks popping her can of lime Crush.

“Guitar mostly rhythm or acoustic, but I play the keyboards too. And well you kind of sing a bit when you’re trying to write songs so I guess I sort of picked that up.”

Raven looks at me, she’s pretty serious looking too. “So how’s that explain the clothes and the voice and the way you move? That’s all really y’know girly.”

“Hey look I’m sorry if this is pissing you off Maybe this is a bad idea anyway me hanging out here Adam and his bunch could find out or the cops and you girls could get into trouble because of me.”

I get up to go but Raven pushes me back down on the couch. “Did I say I was pissed? I’m just curious. I didn’t mean to sound all ueber-bitch about it and all…I do that…”

“I noticed.” I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I can’t. I keep doing that. Raven gets this blink…blink…WTF look and for a second there’s just quiet.

Then Roxy and Brooklyn burst out into gales of laughter and I give Raven my best attempt at an innocent look. She still looks stunned, Roxy’s rattling off something in Japanese and Brooklyn’s nodding and laughing harder and pointing at Raven gasping out. “….yes…yes…just like she got slapped in the face with…” and then Roxy chimes in with “A Trout!” which sends both of them into laughter again and Raven into cursing them out in rapid sounding French.

I move a bit and sit in the corner of the sofa and watch pulling my legs up. I can’t help but watch, I don’t have friends, I don’t have any idea how to do this or how to interact with any of them, especially them because well it’s me and three teenaged girls.

It’s surprisingly easy and not really all that surprising when I can slip off in the middle of them having the whole argument or whatever it is. I take on of the guitars and a yellow paper note pad and sit out on the back step alone…even here.

I strum a little and start to write and even sing a little.

“Invisible…”

“Day after day….it’s always the same.”
“Waking up cold…on a bright sunny day…”
“Breakfast’s cold coffee and three cigarettes…”
“Why do I even bother….?”
“No one will notice…”

*chorus “Because I’m Invisible…”
“Why can’t anyone see me…?”
“Because I’m Invisible…”
“Why can’t anyone hear me…?”
“I’ve been screaming and shouting but nobody cares…”
“Because I’m Invisible…”
“I’m Invisible……And I’m fading away…”

“And the shower can’t wash away the pain…..”
“Another day…of not this again…”
“And the soap’s not what’s making me cry…”
“I close my eyes to the razor’s lullaby…”
“Why should I bother…?”
“Will anyone notice….?”
“Will anyone miss me…?”

* Chorus again.

“And is the knife my only friend…?”
“And will these pills take me to my end…?”
“And will anything be there at the end of the line…?”
“Or like everything else is it a big waste of time?”
“Why should I bother…?”
“When Nobody loves me…”
“When Nobody see’s me…”

* Chorus twice more.

I was playing and I was really into it when I slip out of the second round of the chorus Raven’s there and she’s staring at me. There’s tears running blue streaks running down her face and she sit’s down beside me.

“You’re too dark for all that pink hair.” (Sniffle.)

“I can’t help it, if I didn’t get this out somehow I’d either explode or else I’d hurt somebody.”

“I didn’t mean anything by what I said earlier Jason.”

“I know, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s something, you’re out here.”

“I’m Invisible…” I look at her and my eyes are doing that burning thing where I want to cry but …oh…she reaches out and strokes her thumb by my eye like she could see them gathering there and broke the surface tension.

“It’s alright to cry Jase, It’s a safe place.”

I can’t help the few tears that fall. Raven reaches over and she hugs me. “I’m sorry, look why you do stuff the way you do doesn’t matter. You need a place to stay and you need a friend and you’ve got both here.”

I sniffle a bit. “’Kay but you got your lead singer back if I passed the audition?”

“Passed shit Jace, that song you just wrote might be dark but it’s also pretty good in a deeply depressing gothy EMO kind of way.”

“What’d they say, write what you know?”

Raven hugs me again and for a minute she’s really close and staring me in the eyes. Then she seems to come out of the haze and she kisses my cheek. “I see you Jase, we all do.”

“That’s…that’s going to take getting used to.”

“That’s okay, I’m stubborn like you wouldn’t believe, I’ll wear you down.”

We both get up and head inside to play Invisible twice before we head to bed. Roxy hugs me. “You really feel like that?”

“Yeah, all my life…or well most of it.”

She takes me to her room. “You can bunk here with me.”

“I thought you went to a fancy private school?”

“Yeah but I’m an emancipated minor, I didn’t want to live on campus.”

“But what about your parents?”

“Oh that’s why I’m emancipated, both are serious urban professionals and once Mom had me it was just fashionable to trot me out every now and then in her little over achiever life like Dad and they really don’t give a shit. So when I was thirteen I started making waves in their perfect life until they agreed to cut me loose. I’ve been nothing but a disappointment to them or so you’d hear them say it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh don’t be. I’m not. There was just so much of being the phoney little princess I could take. The only thing that’s remotely good about it is the fact I learned to play a few instruments out of it and they’ve got to foot my bills until I’m eighteen unless I’m off to college in which case they’ll pay for it too.”

“Well that’s good…I guess.”

“Yeah, well I’d though about not just to spite their asses but at this point they think I’m not worth it so I’m going to go and show them that I can be a well adjusted normal person instead of their robot. What about you?”

“I was more than likely end up helping dad run his garage and work on my music try and sell a few songs, maybe put something up on You tube.” I shrug.

We get ready for bed and Roxy lends me a set of pyjama bottoms and I slip into her queen sized bed with her. She giggles a bit. I look at her what. “No poking me with your y’know in the middle of the night okay?”

“Sheesh, yeah okay.” She giggles again.

“What?”

“I wonder if Raven’s jealous?”

“Why? Raven’s a lesbian isn’t she?”

“Oh yeah but I think Raven got herself a serious girly hard on for Jem.”

No…that can’t be right.

No one gets interested in me…cross dressed or not.

“Roxx?”

“Yeah Jem?”

“Go to bed.”

“’Kay, but no poking me!”

I roll over and try to go to sleep in this nice really soft bed, that just has that scent, girl, woman, make up, perfume, all those scents kinda like the lingering smells of Mom’s and I drift away to Roxy giggling.