Jem…Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The lighters are dying down as “Two for the show.” finishes our set and y’know it’s not really me or raven singing that either we’re doing back up for Brooklyn actually and I just sort of ended up drifting over to Raven and we slipped an arm around each other and sort of swayed as we sang and shared the microphone she was holding.

I’m shaking from the adrenaline a little and the song she sang to me was I think the most beautiful thing that anyone’s ever sung to me before but I’m biased really.

Dammit I’m really feeling the whole female side of my brain right now…I guess that’s the best way to describe the way that it feels but really it’s that right now in all the stuff I’m wearing, the way I smell, the weight on my chest and the way I’ve been moving all to be Angel/Jem it’s more real than my real life.

Scary and as much as I should be freaking out about getting too into being Angel and being a girl this…the gig, Raven, My girls…my friends and that song all of it is making this so hugely worthwhile in a way my brain would never have guessed.

I smile at Raven and we both head down the stage steps to the people that’ve come over Richard and Jerry the guys from the Second Cup at the mall and the manager even from there too. I introduce them to the girls and everything and there’s some chitchat starting other people coming up and telling us how much that they liked the show and the sets that we’ve picked out and then…. I see Mike.

“Hey girls I’ll be right back I want to go over the cameras and stuff.”

I sort of duck out of there and make myself busy checking the footage and the angles from the recordings and I post them straight to the Blogger and Facebook accounts and say that there’ll be a finished edited version for our You Tube channel as soon as I can get it up.

I’m taking stuff apart when I hear from behind me…

“Hey, great show you girls really rocked it.”

It’s Mike.

Okay…chill just because it feels like your nipples are hard doesn’t mean that your nipples are hard. Well other then they’re hard moulded silicone.

“Hi…uhm, thanks.” Oy vey that came out really girly.

“So do you need a hand?”

“Uhm…okay.”

“You say that a lot.”

He’s gathering some cable and rolling it around from his hand to over the elbow and he’s smiling at me and that blonde hair of his is loose and shining and sort of just hanging in his eyes.

This is so unfair. I’m not with Raven even though I’d love to be with Raven given different…well really I’d likely have to go to some other universe for that to happen. And now Mike. This guy that is just so completely smoking hot that I am really having feelings that I never thought I’d ever have about a guy.

And yeah…even though most guys’d never admit to it under like pain of death or something there are guys that just break that rule they’re that attractive. Magnetic…

And making me blush seriously red which must go really good with the stage make-up and my pink hair and everything.

“Uh…I mean yeah, I guess.”

“Good catch.” He chuckles and smiles again.

The think is it’s partly the way he’s dressed too. I mean he just has the look really something I never was able to pull off before but for some reason my brain can process me in female clothes as Angel.

Long sleeved t-shirt in grey and a Hamilton Steelhead’s hockey jersey, jeans that…fit him perfectly cowboy boots.

He’s making me so frigging nervous as I’m putting things away. I stick my fingers on the cardboard box I’m putting things in. “Oww! Shit!” paper cuts hurt but getting a slice from a cardboard box really stings. I’m sucking on the cut on my finger and he’s looking at me. “Oh…sorry…”

“Not a problem, I tend to curse a bit too when something unexpected like that happens. Here let me see.”

He walks over and I’m soooo the deer in the headlights right now and I think my pulse just hit overdrive when he takes my hand. Mike wipes off the blood reforming there with the sleeve of his shirt and he reaches into his back pocket and takes out his wallet.

Of course my eyes aren’t focused on the cash he has but the condom in there.

Why am I staring at the condom? (Mental whine.) I feel like head-desking the stage but I’m not close enough. Then he move to the change part in his wallet and takes out a band-aid and peels it back and gently wraps it around the cut on my finger.

I…oh lordy-shit.

Why?

Why me?

“And a kiss to make it better.”

Oh crap!

I turn my head to avoid kissing him and he…he’s kissing my finger.

And…..

I see Raven move and hear a sob come out of her and see this fucking smug look on that bitch summer’s face as she glued to that skeezoid she let Raven for.

“Oh crap, watch my things Mike? I gotta go!”

I run through the people after Raven with Roxy and Brooklyn right behind me.

“Raven Wait!”

She’s runs out of the place past the bathrooms and out into the street and I’m desperately trying to keep up but she’s way more used to running in heels and she’s going at a pretty good pace ahead of me and not really looking where she’s going…oh shit…car!

I ditch the heels and run in my stockings and there’s a screech of tires and I don’t know how I did it but I did it and tackled her onto the sidewalk with the both of us barely being missed from being hit. The car slams on the breaks and this guy gets out. “Jesus Christ! I almost ran over you both, fucking kids. Watch what the fuck you’re doing!”

I ignore him because Raven’s screaming. “Why!, Why! Why the hell does she have to keep fucking hurting me?!”

“I dunno honey, I don’t maybe she she’s got like some thing wrong with her like not being born with common human decency.”

I pull her close to me and sit up on my knees so I can hold her better. She hangs on tight with this hard crying that I haven’t heard since I cried like that when my mom died.

“That was us! she used to say that…that was what I did…she..She…said that no one ever made her feel like that…why? Angel….why would anyone be so cruel?!”

“Because sometimes people can just suck…”

“What the hell is wrong with me that I’m this broken!?”

“You’re not broken! You are one of the most awesome people I have ever met in my life.”

“No…! No I’m not because… because there’s got to be something wrong with me right? I mean other people have people that love then and me i…I’m not worth it and I wanna know why…!”

“Oh…”

For fucks sakes.

I push her back by her shoulders so we can see each other and I take her chin kind of a bit aggressively and I plant a kiss on her. It’s a long kiss and it’s and over and over again open mouth hot steamy kind of kiss that’s right out of the movies and when I break it I still hold her chin and stare into her eyes….still beautiful even though seriously leaving dark tear trails down her face…actually maybe even more beautiful because of them.

“Listen Rayne….I love you, I love you enough to jump in front of traffic for you. And yeah if there was a pill or a shot I could take that’d turn me into a real girl I’d take it just for the chance that we could be together…I love you romantic shit or not you are THE BEST thing that has ever happened in my life.”

“Angel…” It’s still a whine but a kind of huh stunned one right now.

“And I’m not the only one who loves you either. You’re way more than a sister to Kim and Brooklyn…there’s a huge difference over blood when someone chooses you to be family and really means it.”

“Oh God Angel…” she’s looking at me and there more tears and then she’s glancing at the girls who are slowly walking up from where that guy and his car is pulling off and she looks at me again. “Oh my god Angel I nearly got you killed…”

“Yeah you running into traffic was pretty fucking stupid y’know.”

“I’m sorry…” she’s lowered her head but I pull it back up to look at me my hand under her chin.

“So would it would’ve been worth it? You dying, me dying over Summer?”

“No…” she’s staring at me for a long time either looking at something or for something and she closes her eye’s and her whole body tenses up. “Fuck NO!” she yells it.

“What was that? I didn’t hear that?”

“Fuck No!”

“Again!”

“FUCK, Fuck, fuck…Fuck NO! Fuck You Summer you goddamned back stabbing fucking whore!”

She’s up on her feet and pacing and she completely starts to wreck the shoes that she’s wearing by kicking the crap out of the closest public garbage can. Oh yeah she’s screaming the whole time and swearing.

I could repeat it but there was just too much of it.

Brooklyn helps me up and ow…I hurt in a few places…I skinned my right forearm really good and it’s bleeding. I think I/We went down on that one with the tackle and my stockings are ripped and both my knees are skinned and my feet hurt.

I check them and their not cut but I’ve never actually ran hard like that on almost bare feet on pavement before. Not a fun thing and I really recommend that nobody tries it unless their knocking someone out of the way of a speeding car.

Otherwise it’s really not worth it.

Kim gives me back my shoes and my feet don’t want to be wearing heels right now but it’s cold and my feet are freezing like the rest of me. It’s nearly midnight I’d have to say and this after playing has my over heated skinny body exposed to the cold night air and we’re all starting to shiver except for Raven who’s been keeping warm throwing the break up mad on fit of all break up mad on fits.

Good for her.

“It’s about fucking time.” Brooklyn says as we watch her trashing stuff in the alley. She’s doing an impressive job with a length of pipe on a stack of wooden pallets. I nod and hug myself trying to get warm. “She never did this did she?”

“Nope, she just completely shut down about three days after the skunt split on us.”

“It was stuff at home.” Kim says.

“Huh?” Brooklyn and I both sorta ask.

“There was a letter…it was from her Mom, telling her that her Dad had taken a massive heart attack and that she was writing her to let her know.”

“Oh not good.” I say and Brook just nods in agreement.

“She went anyway and came back just broken…” Kim’s crying now and wiping her face with the back of her hands smearing everything.

“So do you know what happened?” I ask while reaching over pulling her closer.

“I took two of my guitars that I spent most of my first savings on and pawned them to fly out to Dad’s funeral but they wouldn’t let me even go to that. My Mom and My sister and my brothers actually locked the door to the funeral home on me and told me that dad died because of the stress I put him through with me being a dyke and moving to Ontario with my lover.”

We’re all looking at her like whoa…

She’s crying and rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand and she does walk over to us and into our hug.

Oh yeah lots of hugging and lots of crying and I don’t know if it’s me trying to be the whole girl thing or if it’s just the fact that I can just about feel it sympathetically…you get kicked out likely after a big fight coming out to your folks and move to a place that’s totally new and then to have the relationship go south the way that it did and then this…I’d have shut down too.

Hell I’ve been on the edge of shutdown so many times with mom’s death.

It’s all hitting us like a ton of emotional bricks and there’s this whole burst of us hugging and bawling and holding each other before the cold gets to all of us and raven does that shivery sniffling.

“Shit…We should go back and pack our stuff up.”

………………………………………………………. Good God it felt way too good to walk into the warmth of the Pine Tree Café even though it was closed and Mr. Walker was there to let us in and everyone was gone except for…Mike.

“Is everything alright girls?” Mr. Walker asks.

“Yes Sir there’s just some history between us and Kisses and Thorns.” He passes each of us a hot drink off of a tray he took off of the counter. “Thank you.” We all say to him.

“Not at all ladies I’ve had some time to think after Ms. Simpson’s little tirade about Starlight Butterfly playing here. She was really pushing it and even made mention of Raven Stealing songs from her.”

Raven gets red like not embarrassed but angry red.

“I’m sure that she did. Look sir she’s my Ex-Girlfriend and she’s the one that had stolen the songs and music that I had written for the band and took off to bigger and better things with that guy she was with tonight.”

“Do you have any proof of that?” he asks.

“No… she took everything. My books and my tapes and CD’s and even my rough notes and the sheet music…all of it.”

“Well despite the lack of evidence and everything it’s her attitude that she showed as you girls played and her behaviour after that which has left a bad taste in my mouth with her and her band. I’ve got a nice place and I’d like to have a nice group here to come in and play Monday and Wednesday evenings….That is if you’re interested?”

There was going to be a jump on it surge but I stop the girls. “We need to talk it out Mr. Walker there’s school and scheduling issues that might come up and things we should go over as a band together. I’ll give you my Gmail addy and you can send me the rough draft of a contract between us?”

I look for my purse and Mike tosses it to me.

The girls are all of a sudden looking him over like they just sort of noticed him there.

Yeah…blush time again.

I give him my Gmail addy and the house phone number and the bands internet stuff too…Blogger, Facebook, You-tube and he looks at it then me. “You’re quite serious about this aren’t you?”

“Yessir it’s what we’ve all been dreaming about doing so I want to get things done right and everything.”

“Good, I actually feel better about working with a band that’s trying to be professional about this and you’re good for business.”

“I mentioned where we’d be playing a bit.”

“Well it paid off for both of us.” He offers his hand. “Ms. Benton it’s been a pleasure but we all have things to be doing.”

I go over the girls and sit for a moment and sip the coffee just holding the cup and try to absorb the warmth for a minute. Raven looks at me and there’s that sorta half smile there between us. It’s one of those we just been through hell moments and we’re okay. We share it with the Kim and Brooklyn too. And we just sort of sit there like that just kind of sort of in that place where the bonds between people get stronger, where you don’t really need words.

Mike sits beside me and in one smooth motion he pulls off his hockey jersey and passes it to me. “Here, I’m layered and watch you sit there and shiver’s been making me feel guilty.”

I look at him and then the girls and they’re all sipping their coffees covering their mouths. Even Raven which is nice to see but they’re not really offering any help in advice or covering my butt.

“Uhm… (Dammit I said it again.) Thanks.”

Honestly I was so tempted to say no thanks but it was warm with his body heat and I am a girl, Angel is a girl and girls do stuff like this right? I slip it on and even though I’m sort of blinded by putting it on I swear I can feel him checking out my breasts since my arms had to go upwards to get it on…and you know what that does right?

Cute crafty bugger is just looking at me innocently and everything too.

And then I notice the fact that all of our work is done and all the gear and are instruments are packed up and set into a neat pile at the edge of the stage.

“Mike? You did all of that?”

“Well you asked me to keep and eye on your things and I just thought that I could still keep and eye on them while putting them away. Oh and here.” He reaches from under the little space under the stage stairs and takes out the tip box.

“You…you didn’t have to…”

“That was really nice of you Mike is it?” Raven asks.

“Yeah, I mean it’s alright I saw Jem here playing in the mall this afternoon and she was passing out leaflets about the show here tonight and I liked what I seen so I thought I’d come down and check that show out.”

“Well this was really nice of you; can we pay you back somehow?”

“Naw…don’t worry about it.”

There a few minutes where we all sort of talk and Brooklyn leaves because she doesn’t know Mike and she’s kind of gun-shy with guys when she’s not on so she get’s the leys from Raven and we talk a little bit while I’m counting our tips.

I shoot him a look for just a second. I mean he gave me a twenty five dollar tip at the mall and that’s…that’s a lot. Now I'm wondering if he didn’t toss some extra cash into the pot while we were gon

We need the money, honestly we do but I don’t like feeling bought…I’m not even sure that he did it’s just… “Wow…we made a hundred and twenty seven dollars in tips.”

Okay if he added to it I don’t care. The smile on Raven and Kim’s face is so worth it.

Then Brooklyn comes in tears in her eyes and looking pissed. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She’s sort of does that pacing thing and has her fist clenched. “That Fucking Asshag slashed our tires!”

I look at Mike. “Did you see anything?”

“No they left pretty much after you did and got into a beef with the owner there.”

“Were all of them there?”

“Honestly I don’t know…sorry girls.”

He actually looks like he’s pissed about it.

“Don’t worry I know someone.” We both say it at the same time. I look at him and he looks at me.

“You call your guy and I’ll go talk to the manager and take a look around and see it there’s like a security camera that might have caught anything.”

“Mike you don’t have to.” Raven says. “We know who did it just not which one of them did it.”

“Yeah look I have too, My Dad’s in the RCMP it’s in the blood.”

We all are sort of looking at each other and that might even be suspicious so I get up and give him a hug. “Thanks Mike we appreciate the help. All of it.”

He actually blushes a bit and for some reason it feels like I scored some ground when it comes to him and everything. He’s had be so off balance and everything. He leaves quickly and I go and use the phone and call the shop even this late. It’s dad I know…and it’ll ring in the office too if he’s in the house.

I let it ring a lot before it gets picked up. We don’t use an answering machine; dad just doesn’t want the bother of having to go through messages at the shop. There’s a machine for the business number though.

I get through and he picks up. “Yello…?”

“Mr. Powers its Angel.”

“Hey…is everything all right?”

“No…not really it’s been a hell of a night and I need your help.”

“Okay what happened?” I love him…he sounds worried. I’ve been wanting to call him Dad or even Daddy at just hearing his voice.

“Raven’s douchecanoe of an ex arranged for us to get the van’s tires slashed.”

“Oh…okay that’s no problem I’ll be right down, you know the tire size?”

“Yeah hang on.” I ask Raven and she answers but has a tense and really pissed look on her face lips pursed and not in a kissing way.

………………………………………………….. Dad shows up with the wrecker and he comes in and Mr. Walker’s being like super nice in letting us stay inside until he does show up even if it’s way passed closing. The man just earned some serious brownie points as far as I’m considered.

He gets part of that reward by getting big hugs from all four of us and he ends up blushing. “Girls, girls please stop…I’m a married man I’m too old to be blushing like some teenager.” Well, that just got him some more hugs spurred on of course by Roxy being her usual self.

Heck she practically skipped and bounced over to Dad.

Dad, well Dad’s easy he doesn’t mind stuff like that one bit which is good because he’s getting a seriously long great big hug from me.

Then…then he breaks my brain when Mike comes over to give him a hand and he looks at him and at me with an odd look and says. “Mike nice of you to lend Angel your jersey.”

“Huh…what you know him?” I’m definitely thrown.

“Yeah, Mike here’s the son of my RCMP buddy. They showed up the other night and are here to help with the stuff that’s been going on. He’s staying in Jason’s room.”

I swear, I swear there was a twinkle in his eyes when he said that and the girls all find themselves very busy not being able to look at us at the moment.

Mike…

He’s been sleeping in my…

“Someone’s been eating my porridge.” Brooklyn wisecracks just within my hearing range. I shoot her this look and mouth stop it.

The girls are trying really hard not to burst out laughing and thankfully Mike’s bust helping Dad secure the van.

I give them all the finger.

“Not until you wash those hands.” Raven quips back at me.

Dad comes over. “Look girls, given what happened I’m not going to feel comfortable until I can give the van a good once over just in case there other nasty surprises and stuff like sugar in the gas take or something else.”

“Okay Mr. Powers we really do appreciate this sir.” Raven says.

We pile into the van because thankfully all of our stuff won’t fit in the Mike’s car and we don’t have the engine running for fear of what else might have been done to the van.

I’m just trying to be quiet and be miserable about the whole thing with Mike adding in this newest bit of news to everything else that happened today. Not hard with the aches and scrapes, bruises now too.

I can feel the girls staring at me.

Roxy says. “He’s cute.”

I burst into tears.

Raven moves over and holds me and puts my head on her shoulder and I’m really not good for a few minutes. I think I’m right on the edge of a breakdown or something. Roxy’s over here too and Brooklyn’s holding my hand.

“Ange, you okay?” Brooklyn asks.

“No…”

“So…what is it, he’s got you freaked out?”

“Y..Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s cute.”

“Okay…and cute boy’s clashing with the guy brain?”

I nod.

Raven hugs me tighter. “It’s okay, we’ve got your back…will your dad freak?”

“N..no…we’ve talked about that…since I’m…here and stuff…”

“So he’s good if you’re gay then?”

“I’m not good with it…” I whine.

“Why label it? But he doesn’t know you’re you right?” Brooklyn asks.

“I don’t think he knows, I mean there was no reason for Dad to be all hush hush about me being Angel but he never outed me so…”

“So Mike and his Dad can’t get in trouble for aiding and abetting a suspect or something like that.” Raven says. “He’s watching out for them too.”

“Anyway….” Brook cuts in. “He thinks you’re Angel so it’s a Het boy meets girl kind of thing and Jase…(She lets my name sink in with a pause.) You’re so much Angel that we all just shake our head to try and remember who you are…but it’s like some days you really are our Angel…it’s okay to get caught up in things.”

I nod but just sigh and lean against Raven who’s hugging me tightly. I just of let it go like earlier today because right now Angel is being held by her friends and it’s really it’s me with my friends. If this is my life then I’m good with it.

………………………………..............................We get home and Mike and dad take all of our stuff in for us and after everything. We don’t object, I don’t object actually it’s really nice to have them do this for us. I know a stereotypical girly thing but I don’t care it’s right there with Richard help clear out the garage. I take my shoes off first thing and it’s so good to get them off and I go to my room as fast as I can and peel out of my wrecked stocking and clothes and just toss on a pair of yoga pants in a hurry and a tee-shirt and sweatshirt over that and the biggest softest pair of socks I have before heading downstairs.

Raven’s making hot chocolate for the guys and I dig out some cookies and we serve then up to the guys. Mike eats well…like a typical teenaged guy…did I ever eat like that? And dad well dad’s one of those guys/men that dip his cookies in his hot chocolate.

We give them the five cent tour and the girls brag up the things that I’ve done since I’ve been here and I enjoy the looks that dad sneaks me and we give them hugs at the truck when we’re done.

Dad looks at Raven. “I’ll be back in a bit with a replacement car I use for some of my other clients so you girls won’t be stuck minus one vehicle.”

“You don’t have to Mr. Powers, this is really too much.”

“You girls are friends of Jace’s and he doesn’t…he’s been alone too much over the years…he’s never had friends like you girls before. Hell or high water I’m going to take care of you girls.”

Raven hugs him. “Dammit…you Powers men…stop being such decent guys, you’re giving the rest of them a bad name.”

Okay it’s kind of neat seeing Dad blush like that. It’s good to see that I’m not the only one Raven does that too.

He’s hugging me next. “And you missy get those cuts and scrapes seen to okay, I want you healthy.”

He leaves and Raven and I go inside and I put on a pot of coffee and we start setting up the computers mine and hers and the stuff to get working on our videos while waiting for dad to show with the spare Cutlass-Supreme. Brooklyn and Kim are in the bathrooms and I’m showing Raven what we’re doing and she’s smart, not just getting it but even getting stuff I was about to show her.

It’s actually cool, nice…all those warm fuzzy adjectives and the she’s looking at me. “Jase…?”

“Yeah…?”

“If there was a pill or a shot or a magic potion that I could take and be straight…I’d take it…I’d take it for you.”

And she might have said Jase but Angel’s crying again. I’m crying again and she pulls me into a soft but tight embrace. She’s crying too as we hold each other and she’s sniffling as she says.

“I Love You Too Jason…You’re My Angel.”