Jem…Chapter 7

Chapter 7

You’d think that I’d be more guy about this whole thing right? That I’d be more Jason or that Jason would be more of a teenaged guy here living in a house with three really pretty girls.

I thought I might be.

Hell I thought I would be way too turned on by just being near them. You get a totally different look at girls/women when you’re living with them and apparently camouflaged.
They act totally different when you’re one of the girls. There’s a lot more adjusting of the bra’s and scratching than most guys would think of and I get to learn about something I’ve never heard of as Brooklyn adjusts herself from having a front wedgie.

Okay…it took me a few moments to figure that one out. It was worth looking a bit “duh” then embarrassed for getting the laughs that came out of all three of them.

We just kind of got a little goofy from there. I mean really being in a houseful of girls is becoming an experience that I don’t think I’m ever going to regret or forget.

They’re definitely not boys but there’s also stuff not far from the mark in them being just like guys. Like the scratching or the language. People who really don’t get to live with girls my age don’t seem to think that they swear or just drape themselves over the furniture and sprawl out.

It’s funny because Roxy is the in her pyjama bottoms and just her bra when we’re just here goofing and talking and her and Brooklyn who swears the most…well Roxy swears too but it’s in Japanese or I think it’s swearing I recognize some of it I think from my watching anime.

Brooklyn is the girl with the raggedy old knee length cut off jeans and a tank top an army one I think it’s that drab olive green but it really looks good on her in this comfortable way and then there’s Raven who’s got her hair in a scrunchie but just haphazardly and she’s wearing a big guys sized Coors beer t-shirt and really well worn sweatpants full of holes looks really good on her.

At no point do they break out into Victoria secret lingerie and start having pillow fights or start kissing each other and getting into lesbian sex either.

We finish the night once Roxy and Brooklyn are done mopping the floor with each other and we settle in and watch a bit of TV, reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but new to me. I’ve always been busy and never really watched a lot of TV before always studying or working on my music.

I actually get hugged though before bed and then I’m alone. I turn off most of the lights and slip into the kitchen and get the coffee maker filled up and grate a little cheese and beat a few eggs and put the stuff in the fridge. I know I’m not their maid or anything but I just want to do something nice for them while I’m here and to pay them back for accepting me.

I curl up on the couch kind of thinking of that and what it means and what it feels like to be accepted and how lonely I’ve been and end up pulling the fuzzy blanket I have over me and hugging one of the couch cushions falling asleep finally.

Part of me really loves this even though it’s such a new thing and part of me is scared to lose this. If you’ve been sort of the loner and pariah for so long then suddenly your world changes and you’re with people… You actually start to feel just how lonely you were and the though of going back to that.

………………. The train wakes me up going past with a blare if it’s horns about quarter past five and I wake up slowly and rub those itchy I’d been crying in my sleep crystals out of my eyes and I pad upstairs and get some clothes and slip down to use the downstairs bathroom to shower and get ready in.

I look so strange with the pink hair and even different again outside of my bra and the gel forms. Not overly guyish really, I’m pale and I’ve never really worked out but I don’t really have the girl shape either.

I shower and actually this is one of the girl things I’m liking so far. I like the smell of the stuff I’m using, some of the guy stuff is either so neutral it’s just meh or it’s just overpowering like Axe, anything by them just about gag’s me. I kind of like this shea and cocoa butter smelling stuff and I know it’s either girly or just me being kind of a little kid throw-back but I like the bubbles the shower puff makes.

Wash my hair and condition it and then blow dry it mostly done brush my teeth and just take a second to do my eyes. I slip into new underwear and get adjusted then a pair of what were Mom’s work jeans I had washed last night. Oh…I love old jeans and I don’t care if their girls jeans these are that old and well used their faded from it and not made to be faded but they have that soft supple thing that you really only get with wear, and real denim too not that stretchy stuff. I get my bra and my breasts settled and I pull on this old baggy McGill university sweatshirt and pad out barefoot to get the morning started.

I get the coffee going and take out some of the bacon from yesterday and get that going and toasting toast and Eggo waffles up. I’m sipping my coffee while things are cooking and making another list on one notepad while I’m strumming away at another song or trying to while the rest of the house comes alive slowly.

The first sound I hear really loudly is Roxy doing her drumming along with “Tom Sawyer” by Rush. I can’t help myself and flip what needs to be flipped and turn stuff down and go to the living room/practice place and plug in and wait until a good start and jump in letting the amp carry the sound upstairs.

Okay, I’m kind of getting the feeling that zap of getting to play and rocking out adrenaline first thing in the morning. It’s got that kick you get when you play…to me there’s this buzz that sort of like the hum of the strings still in me even after I’m done.

After that’s done I grab three mugs of coffee and head upstairs into the flurry of three girls getting ready, two for school and one for work Brooklyn has that full on girl interrupted look coming out of her room hair in her face and doing the zombie shuffle and there’s a smile under the hair as she takes the coffee and kisses me on the cheek.

“Mmhnn…thanks Jase… (mumble…mumble…) you’re awesome.”

I smile and chuckle at that, though she tends to call me Jase rather than Jem or Angel it’s kind of nice.

Roxy comes bouncing out and I pass her a mug and…okay that’s hot coffee and she takes it and she chugs it and …and she chugged hot coffee. “Oh My God Ange that was so cool this morning when you like cranked it and joined in with me and we were all…” she start imitating the synth while air guitaring and air drumming and gyrating like she’s dancing and going a hundred miles an hour and it’s so bizarre because she’s in her bra and panties and…okay like I said I don’t have experience with girls but…

I’m still watching Roxy dance around but I’m passing Raven her mug and she gently pushes me downstairs with her. “C’mon Angel, staring at her for too long when she’s like this is known to cause seizures.”

I’m taking a sip of my coffee when I get the joke and choke on my coffee. That whole inhale as you’re sipping wrong pipe thing. Raven’s patting me on the back and smiling. She’s not totally dressed for work and looks like she was up early enough to beat the girls to the shower and she looks good but so different with just a little make up on and most of her piercings out and most of her usual jewellery off.

I smile back. “We should dress Kim up as Animal from the Muppets this year for Halloween.”

She almost spits some coffee out too and does this little sweet laugh and a cough then points her finger at me. “Nofair bitch I’m getting ready for work.”

I smile and then make a face at her. “C’mon, I’ll buy ya breakfast.”

“I usually don’t eat breakfast, it’s just I’ve…”

“Bullshit you’ve got to eat breakfast because when you don’t eat you through your body into conservation mode and that’s when you start storing fat.”

“Where’d you figure that out?”

“Um, Discovery channel or something but it true.”

“Well…”

“Move…” I push-walk her into the kitchen and get her to a chair and pull it out. “Sit.”

“Arf.”

“Hey…I’m the bitch remember.”

I grin and drain the bacon with some paper towel on a plate and then give the eggs another quick whisk and pour them in to scramble and I make Eggo McMuffin sandwiches with just a bit of the cheese on the bottom one then some scrambled eggs and the two slices of bacon a bit more eggs and a bit more cheese just so the hot eggs melt the cheese and sort of weld the egos into a sandwich.

I make mine adding some sliced tomato and I eat while I’m cooking and giving Brooklyn and Roxy theirs and some more Minute-Maid Juice from the can. I get hugs from both of them and Brooklyn’s got this big smile as she’s eating. “God thanks Angel; seriously I’m not used to the good life like this.”

“Yeah well I think my Mom’s leaking through the clothes because she was kinda big on this kind of stuff and even as things are now Dad and I still took the time out for breakfast and stuff together.”

Raven looks at me. “Well it’s still appreciated a whole lot, just leave the dishes and we’ll do them when we get home.”

“No, I get these; I’m going to be mostly hanging around here all day anyway getting stuff set up. There’s only so much that I can do with no ID’s and stuff.”

“You don’t have to wait on us.”

“I’m not I’m taking care of people I care about who already have been taking care of me.”

There’s this actual little sort of stubborn stare off between us and the other two get up and leave. There a bit of whispering between the two and we both hear.

“Totally fucking opposite.”

“Yeah, super nice though.”

“Yeah but Dra..ma..”

Raven and I both yell at them. “We can fucking hear you!” at the same time it was one of those…

Then I hear Roxy singing. “I don’t want to be…anything…other than what I’ve been trying to be lately…”

Then Brooklyn chiming in with. “All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind…”

They bang the door as they leave and I’m staring at Raven who’s up and blushing and sort of angry like washing the breakfast dishes.

“I’m sorry, I’m overstepping aren’t I.” I feel, I don’t know scared, insecure even after saying it. I mean I’ve never had friends before and this is sort of my first friend fight and I kind of hide my hands in the sleeves of my sweatshirt and then hug myself.

She keeps washing and looks at me after a few seconds and sighs closing her eyes. “No, it’s just I’ve been…It’s been awhile since…since there’s…I’m just not used to having someone like you in my life Angel, it’s kind of scary to open up two somebody new and I feel like I’m not in control here…and I’ve always sort of been the one here in control…that grown up I guess.”

“I know…I think that you taking the girls in with you band or not is a really cool thing to do and there’s a lot of people who’d not bother…It’s just I’ve never really had this, not even when Mom was alive y’know. I don’t want to do something or not do something to mess this up and be alone again…”

She takes her hands out of the sink and she comes over and hugs me. “You can stay here until you don’t want to be here anymore, we won’t kick you out or abandon you Angel…ever…I know…I know what it’s like to be lonely and….different.”

I’m staring into her face and I’m there again just lost in how beautiful and strong she is. It’s not this…I can’t put into words but makes my hands damp, my mouth dry and my eyes on the edge of spilling over and my heart race so much it hurts.

I’ve never been held like she’s holding me, more personal than family and the way that she’s looking at me I just…

It feels like I’m not Invisible and that for once someone’s seeing me. She pulls me into a bigger hug and her body posture changes and there’s a sigh. “I’ve got to go… are we good Angel?”

“Yeah we’re good.”

She grabs her things and head out to the van and I watch her go from the doorway and hug myself a watch her drive away with this ache I don’t understand, but understand and know won’t happen.

I close the door and head to the guitar…I have to get this out and play this out of me before I explode or something.