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does my bipolar cycle imitate a menstrual cycle?

Okay so I was talking to a friend last night about my current bout of depression, and she, because she likes to tease me about how girly I am, pointed out that my bipolar cycle speeds up once a month, mimicking a period.

Now before you totally dismiss this, I must report that both times I lived with a woman with a menstrual cycle, my bipolar started to mirror that cycle, to the point I would joke with Tracy that she never had to tell me when her period was about to start, as I just had to pay attention to my own emotions.

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Thoughts too repulsive to write down

Lately I'm having a sort of cognitive disconnect that is frightening. I've understood and grown accustomed to my rough drafts being embarrassing. Perhaps it would simply be easier to stroke out and die? Mostly I've enjoyed it despite the painful times. Thank you for being part of it. This is not a suicide note.

Gwen

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I came out to my mother last night

I came out to my mother last night. I'm am currently on holiday with her and her "boyfriend". She's 84 and he's 88!

He has had his driving license taken away, she will only drive very short distances. My brother won't take them as they can be frustrating to say the least. We spent most of yesterday trying to get second hand walking sticks as they had left their's at home.

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The laugh is on me.

Like the title says the laugh is on me. Today the Kentucky Derby was run. As an avid horsewoman I love to watch the Sport of Kings. Along with placing the occasional bet. I use my knowledge of horses and their riders in making those bets. I usually do pretty well at the races. One of the many things I never do is bet on the long shot. That was until today. My daughter talked me into placing a $200 bet on 80-1 longshot Rich Strike for her. As it was her allowance money that was being used I thought it would teach her a lesson about gambling. Well the lesson was on me today.

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What Does T.O.W.E.R. Stand For?

So far I have resisted trying to give the specific words which lead to the acronym T.O.W.E.R. but the organization features strongly in the next Masks story. So far I have: Theater Overwatch World Enforcement Regulator. That doesn't really... work, so I am looking for suggestions.

This is not a contest. The only reward will be the use of the name in the story.

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Ladies get together this Sunday

It is Friday again, and there will be another zoom meeting this Sunday, Texas time. This meeting is for trans women only. You need not present as female, but it is a good excuse if you are still in the closet. I always include the government time standard so that you can compare with the world time standard and know when it is on your time zone. Last week we had a popular BCTS writer not including myself, and one European Big Closet user. This is a chance to have a trans meeting without ever leaving your house.

https://www.time.gov/

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Looking 4 a story?

Does anybody know what the name of a story that is in the Whateley universe about a m2f mutant (with a drop in age) who is a college professor who is unwittingly thrown back in time by a Goddess to be her champion at different points in time before returning back to the present day, then accepting a job at Whateley as the new history teacher.

Happy 4 any help
DJdownunder.

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Be Comfortable With Who and What You Are

Walmart for milk before I headed to OKC. It's a long drive, I need my milk and Excedrin. Know most of the staff. I received several compliments and hugs. J.... was an obnoxious ass but that's J...., I've known him for more than twelve years. He asked where I got the skirt and if I had been dumpster diving. It is what a lot of the girls run into in their own lives. Let it go and don't get caught up in their bigotry. The world has those people and no matter what we do they will never accept us.

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WE GOT APPROVED FOR AN APPARTMENT!!!!!

So after more than a month of looking, with the stress increasing each day, we finally have a new place to live.

We got approval for an apartment downtown, with official take possession date of June 1st.

now the "fun" of getting rid of as much stuff as we can so we can pack for the move . . .

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American Politics and Religion

Women living in about half of all US states could soon lose access to abortion, according to a leaked Supreme Court document.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-59340789

I've been hearing about this on the news here today. In England abortions became legal in 1967. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_Act_1967

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My 12th Book Just Published

I have now published my twelfth anthology of short stories on Amazon having published my first just a year ago. This is a series of books that my publisher has called “Mainly Happy Endings” because people who read me will know that I like my TG tales to be real and uplifting. Each book has its own themes and each book contains stories that have not been published online – other than as work-in-progress on my Patreon. 12 books and 192 stories in total.

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my inner narrator

I feel like there is a piece of me that has isolated itself from the rest.

while the rest of me is doing the walking and the talking and even the thinking and the feeling, this piece is separated, watching it all.

But it does more than watch.

It provides commentary, and even narration in the third person like I'm a character in a story.

Sometimes, I wish I could integrate it into myself, but I have no idea how.

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Hopelessness

I hate being in a consistent deep-down. This has been going on for over a week straight now & I am getting rather worried. My techniques, to manage it, is hardly working & most are not doing anything at all. My paranoia is up & my antisocial side is making a comeback. I have thoughts, in my head that are so emotionally focused they are anywhere from logical.
Like, I know people care, but feel the opposite... despite what logic decrees.

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They're at it again with anti-trans crap in Northern Ireland

What pisses me off is the way they ask the questions.

"biological men dressed as women should be able to use changing rooms with young females." WHY "young" females? Are they saying it's ok with older females. Clearly this meant to cause an emotional response.

"biological men dressed as women" doesn't mean trans women. This could be a pantomime"dame".

I wonder what the response would be if they had said trans women, instead of biological men dressed as women?

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ASS!

Another Story Search!

Once more, unto the breach. This story has a stuntman contracted to use a set of functional wings developed by an inventor for a movie. First he has to test them out, learn to fly with them, then do the scenes for the movie. Along the way he has various adventures, including someone trying to kill him, finding out he is actually an elven princess, acquires an elven bodyguard and an elven suitor.

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Ladies get together,

Well, here we are again on a Friday. And there will be another zoom meeting this Sunday, 4:00PM Texas time. This meeting is for trans women only. You need not present as female, but it is a good excuse if you are still in the closet. 0I always include the government time standard so that you can compare with the world time standard and know when it is on your time zone. Last week we had two writers not including myself, and one European Big Closet user. This is a chance to have a trans meeting without ever leaving your house.

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Several Hours

I was reminded of this story after reading another 'Looking for a Story' post, in which the MC may be over weight, and I think Leslie Moore's "Copy. Cure." may have been the front runner

I just spent the last several hours reading and re-reading the list of author names but I just cant get Desiree and her story "The Bronze Maiden" out of my mind

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Different? Cloudfare problem

I have been struck. Fortunately on one (only) of my laptops, and fortunately the desktop I am using is OK.
I use Chrome for BCTS on all my 3 computers, and the older laptop is now popping up an unhelpful screen saying I've been blocked. This happens when I try to refresh any of the BCTS tabs in any of the Chrome windows, with the unhelpful message advising me to email the site owner (you) quoting an error code which is 7036fa088ae57549.

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Writing As Therapy?

I have told people before that I write to help me cope with what I am. A trans woman in self-denial too scared to come out. I don't feel it as strong as many of you ladied. I just feel I would lose so much if I did.

I have never considered suicide, well not for that. Depression nearly drove me to it, partly due to gender issues.

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Mother died, three children hike north

This is set early in the 2000s. A families Mother dies and the children's only living relatives are somewhere north. I think this story starts out in northern Florida or Georgia and they have to hike to somewhere on the middle east coast, or even Maine perhaps. It is a harrowing journey for them and that is all I can remember.

I'd like to read it again.

Thanks
Gwen

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Cloudflare DDoS routing has broken the @Voice Aloud Reader on my Android Tablet Again

The Cloudflare page that BCTS is being routed through has broken my @Voice Aloud Reader (text to speech) on my Samsung Android tablet again. I can route to and read the stories on BCTS using my eyes just fine, but when I select a story to be read with @Voice Aloud Reader, the text from the Cloudflare page is what gets sent to the @Voice Aloud Reader app. I've tried clearing the history in the browser I'm using (Chrome) with no change/improvement.

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Looking for another Story

I was reminded of this story after reading another 'Looking for a Story' post, in which the MC may be over weight, and I think Leslie Moore's "Copy. Cure." may have been the front runner

Here is what I remember

I think the story is incomplete!

Set in future
May be Dystopian earth? (BladeRunner overtones)
Ruled by Corporations

MC is an (overweight?) hacker, (Female Persona Online?)
built a mainframe from obsolete hardware
Goes out to collect a replacement part,
has a meal at a street cafe, while waiting for contact

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Russian Court Dissolves Countries Largest GLBTQ Rights Organization

The title kind of says it all, a Russian Court has dissolved the country's largest GLBTQ Rights organization and the foundation that controls it, for trying to spread a GLBT Agenda

under the guise of a charity and said its activities are aimed at changing legislation, including the Russian Constitution

https://outsidethecloset.com/2022/04/27/russia-contines-to-f...

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When you "Came Out" who was more accepting?

After posting my last story about a trans boy coming out to his parents, I wondered which sex is most accepting.

Did you find mother's, sisters, grandmothers or aunts. Or were the males more accepting.

In my story the character was devastated that his mother rejected him, where his father accepted his longing to be a woman.

This was meant to be a twist. I just (wrongly?) assumed that women would be more likely to sympathise.

Was I wrong?

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which came first?

so I made a serious mistake.

I have been watchin g "Moon Knight", and the main character has disassociation to the point he has a second personality.

Well, today they showed why he became like that, and dam, can I relate.

It makes me wonder - did I invent Dorothy just because I couldn't face what happened to me? Or did I invent the male me to carry a burden Dorothy wasn't strong enough for?

whichever way, I am shaking, and wish I had a way to stop.

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finally finished the new one

Finally, I have sent Invisible off to my editor. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to have finally scratched out this story to my satisfaction.

What started out as Serious Camouflage and morphed to Camouflage, then got pulled and rethunk until I knew what story I wanted to tell. I've had many wonderful souls looking over the manuscripts and propping me up with excellent constructive criticism. When it comes back from Tom, I will start publishing chapters here.

I'm excited to finally share something here with the people I love and admire.

Leslie

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my mom has had a rough couple of days

so my mom just had a rough couple of days.

on Sunday, her portable closet broke, she spilled part of breakfast, and she discovered her tomatoes had gone bad.

Yesterday she got confused and couldn't find the entrance to Costco.

If you want to give her some huggles, I'll pass them on to her.

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New Book up on Amazon - Anomalies

- Fanfare of Trumpets... I have actually finished a book! I don't know why it has been so tough, but hopefully, I can catch up and have another one up in a couple of months.
This one - ANOMALIES - features some old friends (Josie, Maxine & Fiona) as well as a newbie in a science fiction/fantasy set in the real present-day and continuing (obliquely) BROKEN PROMISES and ready to bound seamlessly into BOOK 3 - SAM.

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Need help setting up and organizational page

I'm finally going to post all the Petticoat Detective stories by Andrea and Daphne and it occurs to me that they really should be read in order. So they should be set up on their own organizational page. I've seen plenty of these other authors have on their story page, but I've not even a clue as to how to set one up.

Can anyone out there walk me through the process?

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Writers Research - comments turned off?

Is the lack of comments intentional or accidental?

Anyhoo, its an interesting start to what could become quite a saga. Method writing isn't a new thing, i do it myself, its rare that i ask my characters to do anything i haven't experienced myself, (i said rare, not never!) but to use it as the story plot may be a new one!

10 points to Hufflepuffs!

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Psychatric Wards

Just finishing up another of Sarah Lynn Morgan's classics "Boy's School". Those of you who know me well, are aware that after my unwanted Divorce (The situation was much more serious than I will reveal) and all the fucking drugs that the shrinks put in me I had a very rough time, and was on a Psych ward 5 or 6 times. In my opinion the "Medications" only made matters worse, and only when I told the shrinks to go fuck themselves and STOPPED the drugs did my life begin to level out. It took years for my body to return to normal.

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10 Years Old

I was just looking at my author's page and noticed that my story Costumes was written 10 years ago. It is hard to believe it has been that long. A lot has changed over that time, including my transition. That story was a major stepping stone to me shedding my own costume. I put so much of myself into it. I am glad I got a chance to share it with all of you. Thanks to all of you who have read it and commented over the years.

Costumes

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Yet another story search

Looking for a story. A boy is diagnosed with low testosterone and the doc gives him a booster shot to jumpstart his puberty. Leaving the office with his girlfriend he goes into anaphylactic shock. His GF quickly summons help and they are able to save him, but now he is totally allergic to T. I think the GF is the daughter of the doctor.

There are plenty of stories that use this premise, but only one from his POV that describes what is happening to him as it actually happens.

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I really hate doing this

Hey everyone,

I'm not really very good at this sort of thing. I hate asking for help and this is not easy for me. As some of you may know I've been stuck living with my ex and his family since he broke up with me last year because I really have nowhere else to go. The situation has been growing increasingly more toxic and has contributed to a lot of my depression and anxiety of late. The fact that I can't get my prescriptions, hormones or even a doctor here in Quebec has made everything worse.

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meltdown at the car wash

I had a meltdown of sorts about 20 minutes ago.

we were going to put the car through a wash, and while trying to reach the buttons to put in our code, I knocked off my glasses.

I was too close to stand to get out of the car, and didn't dare try moving it in case I destroyed my glasses.

So I sat there shaking, until mom was able to retrieve my glasses.

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Weekly Zoom Ladies Get ToGether

Last week’s meeting was pretty good, we had four authors and a regular user attend as per policy I will not say who unless you attend. Every week on Sunday at 4:00 PM (Texas time) I will have a one hour zoom meeting for trans woman only. Please feel free to invite other trans women if you were invited. You have to ask to be put on this list. Once you are on the list you will get a notification every week. To be invited just send me a PM via big closet. You can always opt out. I plan on having a meeting every week while there is interest.

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Looking for a story

The name of the story is "In Plain Sight" Not the one by Tanya Allen on Kindle. I don't know the author or have any idea of where it was posted.

The story is about an Army Ranger team who served in Afghanistan. Sniper and spotter. They were in DC to receive a Medal of Honor and while out on the town, witnessed a drive by shooting of a powerful drug lord. They were able to ID the perps and the drug cartel has a contract out on them plus the Taliban has issued a Jihad on them, so they are going into the Federal Witness Protection Program.

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What a month or four!

Well! I've said some things about what's been happening, but it's been moving so quickly I'm really not sure of it all myself!

We've had a few last gasps of a dying winter here in the Pacific Northwest, but during the last few convulsions, I was in Phoenix, spending time with my parents and my sister, and ended up with a sunburn. Ah, the feeling of freezing while the top layer of epidermis peels off your arms and shoulders. Such bliss!

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Some Downtime Ahead. . .

This blog is intended to be a heads up.

TLDR:

  • Hardware Upgrades "soon" but actual date unknown
  • Database Upgrades even sooner, within the next 2 days

After the recent downtime where I had to do way too much data recovery, we put in plans for new infrastructure upgrades and improvements with help from a QnEZ Customer.

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April 19th, 1995

On this day, April 19th, 1995, at 9:02 AM, white supremacist Timothy McVeigh destroyed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City with an anfo bomb concealed in a U-Haul truck. The blast killed 168 people, including 19 children in a day care facility. The truck was parked directly in front of the day care. Over 800 people were injured. It remains the deadliest domestic terrorist attack in U.S. history.

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I never get rescued in my dreams

I was talking to my therapist about my dreams, and she asked me an interesting question.

Many of my dreams feature me trying to protect others, or rescue others, and she wondered if I ever dreamed I was the one being rescued or protected.

And after some hard thought, I can say that to the best of my ability to remember, I have never had that kind of dream.

Even in my dreams, it seems, I don't believe anyone would be coming to my rescue.

I kind of think that's sad.

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USA People die because they can't afford drugs?

Not coming from the USA I don't know if it's true. Do people die because they can't afford drugs?

In the Uk we have the NHS, while not perfect, almost everything is virtually free.

I have type 2 diabetes, high bp, high cholesterol and asthma.I appear reasonably healthy though. I take 8 pills in the morning and 4 at night. My prescription drugs are in a carrier bag when I pick them up from the pharmacy.

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feeling bad after a dream

so last night I dreamed I had to protect this house from magical assault, and after driving off several enemies, the last attack seemed to sap the will of the people living in the house, making them give up.

Faced with this, I fled.

I know its just a dream, but I woke feeling like I had let them down..

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Work Process

Life has been fairly busy but I am a bit over halfway through the edits for The Hands of the Morri. I am also working on the edits for a YA F/F romance called The Finder of Words. That story is a bit of a trip and is also a fun ride. So lots of research and writing going on. Once I am done with the edit for THotM I will be looking for readers to go through it and comment. I will probably choose a few from here and a number of my other friends in the outside world. That way I can get a good notion for how the story goes. That will likely decide where I'm gonna send it to.

Later

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Word Drop

Okay so yesterday, I was shopping with Sharon, and I decided to pick up a bottle of distilled water for my CPAP machine, but when I went to ask a worker at the store, the word "distilled" simply vanished from my vocabulary.

I was able to find where they had the bottles, but its very uncomfortable to be standing in front of someone asking for something, and then the word for that something wont come.

sighs . . .

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British Cycling and trans women ban - Sponser pulls out

The main sponser for the Women’s CiCLE Classic race which has banned trans cyclist Emily Bridges, has pulled out due to the ban.

Peter Stanton has sponsored the race since its 2016 inception but withdrew his support on Tuesday after he said British Cycling made the "totally unacceptable" decision to suspend its transgender policy last week.

"Whilst fully supportive of women's sport, I also have many friends and colleagues within the transgender community whom I feel that I would be letting down if I did not make a stand to show my support for their rights.

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Shaved legs hair re-growth slows down in seniors! I thought it was just me

--- seek evaluation from a medical professional---

I'm over 65 and have been periodically shaving my legs for over 40 years. I recently noticed the time between needing to shave has been increasing; every girls dream, right? I wondered why. So I researched it. The answers besides being interesting MAY, perhaps, reveal an undiscovered medical condition. Hair loss of the legs is called anterolateral leg alopecia.

Has anyone else noticed they are shaving less frequently? Check the full article.

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Interesting news

My crappy memory won't remember the name, but I recently read a story here about a brain transplant patient who was accepted into her new (female) host body's family, who owned a solar technology company? Anyway, she dated/married a local boy who went to university and invented a new solar panel for them that also generated electricity at night (and cloudy days?) by generating electricity from temperature changes.

Today I read this article that reminded me of that story.

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Breaking the Habit

before I say this, I want to assure everyone I'm not going to hurt myself.

But man, do the lyrics of "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park feel approprate right now.

"I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight"

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Sanctions help fighting... Shiraz

Yes... I got bored waiting for the UG2 next chapter and decided to buy all of the chapters from Amazon...
So, Shiraz, say a big thank you to your government. I will just get an unread book from my shelf... You just got sanctioned out of my money for your books...
Anyone still think that sanctions are against Russia? $-)

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Hundreds rally in Downing Street for full ban on conversion therapy

In the UK there have been moves to outlaw "Conversion Therapy" being used on LGBT, then the government did a U-turn on banning "Conversion Therapy" on the "T" .

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-61060024

They are seeking to outlaw

"Which can include talking therapies and prayer, says Jayne Ozanne, a former government equality adviser subjected to the practice. More extreme forms can include "exorcisms, physical violence and food deprivation", she says."

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Saccone Joly Trans Child

I came across this on Sky News

https://news.sky.com/story/i-dont-want-to-grow-facial-hair-t...

The parents seem very supportive. How much would many of us have loved being treated like this when we were young?

Looking at other stuff about them, there are accusations of exploiting their children.

There are a mix of positives and negatives with this story.

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I am in a mental shock and anguish right now.

For nearly the past month, my cat had been very sick. He had lost too much weight too fast. This past tuesday I made the decision, after his recent treatment wasn't working, to change his follow-up check up to something that I never wanted but had to so he wouldn't have to suffer. Throughout this past week he seemed to sense that I was very upset about something and did his best to stay by my side despite how weak he became.

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British Cycling and trans women

I am seriously considering resigning as a member of British Cycling after they decided to stop transwomen from competing in elite women's bike races.

This has all blown up after Emily Bridges transitioned, as a man she broke the national junior 25 mile record and is considered to have an unfair advantage over biological females. So they have suspended the policy on transgender cyclists.

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Health Update

Went to the doctor the other day (finally, I know) and received news that I expected: probable heart valve failure.
I'm on a few types of medications for it...but, there has been a bit of a build up of pain to my left side. I'm not going panic as much because, perhaps it is a side effect to what i'm having to take.

Anyway, I'm supposed to have a few tests this week, so we will see what happens.
Until then, I regret, I do not have the focus to work on any of my WIPs...sorry.

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Positive-rapid test Covid

Back in October, I got into another domestically abusive situation & left. I was travelled several hours away & since, this event, I have been in 2 shelters (homeless/women's/coed).

I had not been feeling well the last couple of days. Due to my respiratory issues, I figured it was just pneumonia, sinus infection, bronchitis etc again.

Well I was given a rapid test & I am positive for Covid as of tonight 8:58PM.

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Portent Ending

From near the end of the next Angel of... story. After WWII, three of the superhumans who helped the Allies win are discussing their plans. Two decide they're just going to get away from it all:

"We're going away," said Sutter. "Marie and I have found this place, in Puerto Rico, not far from an old Spanish city but out in the country. It has this bowl-shaped valley. We can lie in the bottom of the bowl and watch the stars go by overhead with no interference."

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