Well hello, my lovelies.

I am still alive, for the moment.

I did survive 2 rounds of Covid & at least 4 shelter quarantines & close contact, because of outbreaks.

It has been some time, since I updated you & believe it or not, things have slightly gotten better….. but nothing is without its consequences.

I am no longer living in a shelter, as in mid-late August, I was accepted & given subsidy through emergency status. It is a great place, at a great deal. The drawbacks however some as much less optimistic, but in all things, patience is one of the greatest of virtues.

As it is known, by those close enough, I fled abuse October 22nd of last year, from Kitchener Ontario.
Thankfully a worker from that local shelter, remembered me from 5-6 years prior, when I was in there the last time. There was no vacancy & rules were gratefully broken to help. Within a couple hours, they sent me roughly 3 hours away North to Barrie Ontario. During this time I was a resident of 2/3 shelters.

The things you live through in places like that, change you a great deal, toughens you up opens your reality, I cannot go into too many specifics, but lets just say the stereotypes portrayed when it comes to homelessness, is by far not as fabricated, though it is slightly blown out of proportion & not everyone meets the same stereotypes.

The reality of the housing crisis is seen tremendously harsher on shelter residents & the workers band together to protest the issue, it is phenomenal. I would have joined in, but with dad being a news-junkie, being protected from him & of course said news coverage & my social anxiety, I did not take part.

Tent cities, are becoming very common & so are bodies being found mutilated & people going missing. Alot of things happened & many of which are being covered up, but that's not surprising.

In august I got an email, giving me the decree that I had an apartment available for me asap…. Course with all the red tape it took roughly a month, especially cause we had a lockdown from an outbreak for a spell.

So now, I am living alone again but in a very small town in the middle of Rural simcoe county. It is fairly progressive due to mild tourism, though lots of people seem standoffish, or its just my typical paranoia. I do worry, as in a town of 4-6k, there are at least in which I personally counted 3 theological facilities. As some of you may be aware of, as a child I did survive 4 sources of conversion therapy, all of which did in fact use corrective rape among other messed up methods that is hard to fathom…. So I am terrified.

Small towns are bustling yet cozy, but they do have that atmosphere of being set in their ways, as many say.

Despite being out, I am extremely depressed & idiative. Though, I have chronic idiation, among other things it has made things difficult. Self inflicted isolation, due to social issues & lack of familiarity. I do not trust easy & although shelter life opened up doors, I still find it hard to trust people, so I am very skittish.

I am still leaning towards the allowance of euthanasia on request due to psychological issues that comes into effect this coming March. Things can change…. When I think of it, its funny…. The states have banned abortions, are trying to enforce detransition, complete attack on Women's & even transgender rights….. yet us evolved Canadians are opening up the door to allow the end of internal suffrage. Ironic eh.

I however am actually looking into college/university, though I am scared & out of touch… as 33 going back to school, its a huge thing. Like I graduated High-school late, by a year & a half, in 2008. It has been a very long ass time. My plans are to major in Psychotherapy, focus on childhood trauma, adult & child psychology, gender issues, domestic & clerical abuse. My desire for this is to find a way to heal or at the very least be able to move forward, without the past being an anchor, preferably with legitimate & innovated techniques instead of medication. I likely will not need it but I will have a back up minor in teaching preferably history possibly & a little fun with classical studies.

I am trying to build up my confidence some & look for a job. I have been on disability for a long time, it is all well & good & to a degree the benefits are reasonable. However, especially in today's economy, trying to live on 8-900$ a month, it well it’s next to impossible & extremely stressful. I am hoping to get back into waitressing, or at least baking. I have not formally worked since I was just out of high-school. For the last decade+ I have been care-taking, babysitting & in a couple relationships domestically subservient.
The places I did work, was prior to transition & are no longer in business. The persons I took care of, the job is done once they die, so no references there & family is not looked upon in a favorable light on a resume. So essentially, I am like a teenager or newly single/widowed after being domestically bound … with the whole you cannot get a job without references, you cannot get references without a job, situation, the joy.

Several works & even redoing on my novel is very much in the works & now that I know a few more things to help not loose my work ie, cloud. I hopefully will not have the same issues I had previously. Currently 27 works are in process, 1 is the editing/updating/redo, the other im not sure is reasonable to engage in as it was on the list for the past 5 years or so, but with the whole JKR, issue a hp thing, just doesn't feel right. Though at least 2 other stories are in magickal worlds of their own. 1 of which will be a saga, that I intend to have legitimately published. There is soooooooo much work on it being done, but it will take time…. Ask any writer & they will tell you, some works are not done overnight, some take years, for a single version.

I do however need to take it slow, as things I had once enjoyed, are now a serious trigger, abuse will do that. So please be patient.

I cannot get online often, even at the moment I am ‘tethering’ my cell service, because I do not have home internet atm & when I do it will be limited because unlimited internet in the country apparently doesn't exist.

I have also been forewarned that being snowed in, during winters this further north is common & have already has a ‘snow squall’ that left us isolated for about a week just a week or so ago.

I am still trying to figure out how I am going to get what meager belongings I have in Kitchener, that I left, in which I need to retrieve & build myself up to the fallout with dad, when I do it. It is roughly 1 normal sized closet of boxed possessions, that's all & pretty much every company told me it would cost at least $1,300.00. So I gotta figure this out, not fun. Especially if dad tries to be a dick & tries to charge me a storage fee or whatever for the past year or so. Do not have I dunno how much time, he was not given long to live, so whatever.

It is funny the things that can be intriguing. Like most Canadians I grew up with bagged milk, I know everyone is horrified & or fascinated about that via other countries, especially the states. But up here, uhm very few of those I have seen, its cattle country up here & well it is glass bottle/jugs, local & fresh. I know its silly, but it fascinates me.

That’s all for now I think, luv you all!