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Feeling very sad

I lost my best friend today, I've now outlived all of my friends except the ones I've made here. I do have my family, or I probably would have done something stupid by this time. I have to admit that I'm not sure how much more I can take, my parents are gone, my brother wants nothing to do with me (and it has nothing to do with me being Holly), and now my only friend I could hug is gone. I'm so very afraid of trying to make new friends in my area, I've started dressing full time now and I don't know how well I would be accepted outside of my family.

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Dad 2

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I know I've already posted on my Dad, but these are some different thoughts on the topic.

I went to Phoenix (the Arizona one) August 29th. My Dad was unconscious when I got there. I talked to him and he seemed to respond. 5 hours after I got there, he died. My mom and sister had finally gone to sleep, and my aunt (Dad's sister) was resting. I was holding Dad's hand and stroking his hair as he passed away.

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Secret Identities

One thing masking for COVID has taught me is that a half mask - at least of the lower face - alone is not enough to conceal a person's identity, at least from from someone who knows them.

Or maybe I just have a very distinctive upper head. :-)

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Regarding "The Story of a Reluctant Southern Belle"

Good morning everybody, first allow me to thank everyone who's read 'The Story of a Reluctant Southern Belle' I'm very pleased with the support its recieved. The story though has given a bit of writers block. And while I think on it, I've decided to given some attention to a few of my other stories I have floating around in limbo. One new story I hope to publish is called "The Mallrat Chronicals" it ties in with my other stories, and is set in the same area of Mississippi as my other stories.

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Perusing my bookmarks and missing people……..

I was looking through my bookmarks this evening, deciding on a story to read, when I started thinking about the authors that I have become acquainted with here and those that I am missing.

Has anyone heard from Elsbeth? She is one of my favorite authors, but she disappeared suddenly around the beginning of Covid.

Bailey Summers posts sporadically and is another of my favorite authors. I hope to see more from Bailey soon as I basically owe my life to Bailey. We’re it not for Bailey, I would probably have eaten the muzzle of my .45 nine or ten years ago.

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Angela Lansbury passed away

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Actress dame Angela Lansbury passed away today.

It was her onscreen character Jessica fletcher that first inspired me to try to write. The quaint little town Cabot cove, which didn’t exist back then, really appealed to me.

But I watch other stuff from back then and realize many of the things I aspire to be current, real, or beautiful are from around that time.

I prefer eighties clothing, music, cars, movies over even new stuff.

Seeing prominent actors and actresses that made up my youth pass away hurts.

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Iolanthe's Comment

At the end of a long and carefully thought-out comment in another blog, Iolanthe said, “It is always a little distressing when another reader looks down their nose at stories or categories that I prize, but oh well. We're not all in the same place; we don't all have the same tastes.”

As usual, Iolanthe has caused me to think.

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Thoroughly recommend these stories

I have spent the last couple of days reading some of Torey's stories and I thoroughly recommend them, most will leave you with a feel-good sensation. See what you think, I'm sure at least one will work for you.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/14454/torey

Angharad.

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I'm sorry

I'm sorry it took so long but finally chapter 12 is out! I know it's been many months but i hope those of you who like this story will forgive me

I've been going through a lot mentally and while it's no excuse it's made it very hard to write. I think I'm back in it now though so hopefully it won't take this long next time.

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Bookstores

I love discoveries in bookstores. What are favorites, perhaps not in your own town but a worthy destination?

One of mine is Malaprop’s, Asheville, North Carolina; forever grateful to the friends who insisted on a stop there during a trip.

Also, does it have a cat, at least as of your last visit? Malaprop’s: yes.

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Consequences of Life

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A consequence of life is the existence of its counterpart: death.

Yesterday my mom passed away.

As I've posted before, she's been in and out of the hospital more times than I can count over the years due to her long struggle with pain-inducing autoimmune issues (fibro, rheumatoid, etc.). This past year her gall bladder made that worse with many gall stones. A week ago bacterial infection got out of control and into her blood, and now she's gone.

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The Chevalier d'Eon in Dr. Who

There have been some new Dr. Who audio adventures made with David Tennant and Billy Piper.

There are 3 of them. This one features the Chevalier d'Eon. I should think most of us have heard of the Chevalier d'Eon .

Eonism

the adoption by a male of a female role, or vice versa, as in transvestism. Eonism is named for Charles Eon de Beaumont, a French political adventurer who died in 1810 after posing as a woman for many years.

I discovered her story when I first got dialup internet. There are so many versions.

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Blog Entry 2

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Its 14:54, Thursday. I have work today and as much as I dread going in, it keeps me from binge eating. I've cut my calorie intake down to 800 a day and I can see the results. All the results. My waist is slimmer, I feel lighter, but I also see the dark circles forming under my eyes. I sometimes wonder how much more my body can take and how much is going to be 'enough'. Will I stop when I reach my goal weight, or will I keep going until they have to hospitalize me? No, I'll stop, but the most important thing now is not letting anyone in my life know about the burgeoning health issues.

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Divorce papers in the USA

I'm doing some research for a future story and would like a little bit of help.

How long would it take to prepare a set of papers for a divorce? If the side petitioning for the divorce knew what they wanted before contacting an attorney, how long before they could get the application for the divorce? I would like it to be pretty short.

I need this to work on the timeline for the story.
Thanks,
Samantha

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Blog Entry 10/6/22

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Look, I don't know why I'm posting this. I swore I'd never post anything here again but where else am I going to put this shit. I can't talk to the people around me, I don't even tell my therapist the whole truth, but no one knows me here. No one cares and honestly, no one's going to read this. I just need to get it out there.

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^W vs. ^X

In Emacs, a text editor originating in the 1980s, the command equivalent to ^X (the cut in cut and paste) is ^W.

Today in writing a comment, not once but twice in a row, I used ^W instead of ^X to cut something preparing to paste it elsewhere.

I'm losing my mind.

EDIT: It occurs to me, I should have said that both times I typed ^W, my screen disappeared with my editing.

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Public Apology

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I've had a few days to cool down from an outburst that should never have happened. It wasn't justified in the least, because while I might have my personal opinions about BCTS, it ultimately comes down to the fact that it's well run, has great staff, and I couldn't do it myself without expending a lot of money. I started this new account because I believed I had outgrown 'Audrissa', I thought that I was better, and I believed that I could write a story without it consuming my emotions and sending me into a downward spiral.

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the next chapter of Sammi's story is up!

the next chapter of Sammi's story is up!

in this extra long chapter help finally comes for the family and we get an idea of what is going on and some of the 'whys'

hope you all like this?

post a comment on telling me how this story is to or not to your liking?

have fun reading!

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I laugh at stuff like this as an author

I laugh at stuff like this as an author

One of my characters I write about 'Shadowsblade' begins a career as an action heroine and I think about stuff just like this when I write that part of her stories.

Imagine walking into a store...a wallmart and there is a aisle of toys with hundreds of little 'you-s' all along it! Big ones, small ones all kinds!

The weirdness factor alone!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SqpOdh7VNY&ab_channel=SlySt...

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Mocrheet Chapter 30 is upa

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I have great hnews. I'm not sure if it's been a week since tha last posting, but I have written Mockreet Chapter 30 and p osted it. I just want to say that I love each and every one of you, you're all amazing and some of you are even good writers. Enjoy the chapter while I go enjoy the r est of my night! :D :D <3

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Looking for a story

Hi
Looking for a story hope you can help.
Story sypnosis
Young Trans doctor working somewhere in the far east at a womens clinic meets and falls in love and marries a high ranking officer from an american base.
They have 4 children by 2 different surrogates, children are brought up as girls and tought martial arts by their kindly next door neighbour.
They eventually go back to the U.S.A. one of the girls is a brilliant mechanic and car builder and one seems to be some type of crime fighter thats all that I can remberer.

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Horizon Zero Dawn (Aloy)

I sat up very late watching a movie in which a Gamer took all the parts of a Sony Video Game and put them together to make a movie. I have NO idea how they did this, since I am not a Gamer. Said movie, about 6 hours long was much better than the movies I rent and it called "Horizon Zero Dawn. The main protagonist is called Aloy.

If you look it up on YouTube, I hope that you enjoy it.

Gwen

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Early Morning Thoughts

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It's 5:24 on a Monday morning and I'm just sitting here at my desk waiting for day shift to relieve me. This hospital is fucking dreadful and the desk beside me is covered in vomit that EVS still hasn't cleaned up. So anyway, I've made some progress on the Mockreet, two more chapters have been written in between dealing with patients, and I have therapy on Friday. Now that I'm on a once a week schedule I've started reading more, finally getting back into my Brandon Sanderson novels and hopefully in between I'll come up with more creative chapters for the Mockreet.

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My Writing Process

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So the deal with my writing, generally is that I'm very, very good at it. Unfortunately the price of that is that I start to slowly channel the characters and their emotions in order to get them on paper. I've already got a rather...lot going on in my head, and this is a form of maladaptive daydreaming. That being said, in this lucid moment I'm going to ask you to ignore any bullshit I post between now and the last 72 chapters of The Mockreet. I will try to refrain from posting bullshit, and fourth wall breaks and I will give you a good story.

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Introspective BS

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I've been on the internet since we had a turbo button and Telnet was a neat way to play chess. Suffice it to say I've seen a lot of shit. A lot of the weirdest shit I've witnessed has come from BCTS, when I noticed that there was a huge demographic of people who like to inbox me horrible things whenever I made a narrative decision that resulted in a character becoming hurt. That being said, when my story disappeared I had to believe one of two things.

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Missing chapters

Just been readind airforce sweetheart by T D Aldoedenneti chapters 1-14 where brilliant went to read chapter 15 all I got was this chapter is no words long checked all the other chapters in the story got the same message no words long can anybody tell me why as other users of this site have left comments on these chapters so they must have been there at sometime in the past if these chapters have been removed surely this dishonours his or her memory as I am sure the author would want us to carry on reading their stories.

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The Mods of BigCloset

I feel like a lot of people around here expect a lot of the moderation and maintenance staff here at BCTS, but that they don't tend to get nearly enough recognition for all the hard work they do.

As such, I would like to take a moment to list them all, so we can all show each of them the love they deserve.

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All stories should be back

Database repairs done.

All stories should be back in place.

I got the first notice something was wrong at 2:45 pm my time. I was at lunch and got the note on my phone as I walked in the door here.

Piper was unavailable, so I tried to fix it myself and had things back up by 3:10.

At the current time, there are no mods but ME. And occasionally, I do something else for a while.

Like now. I think I will take a nap. I got up at 430 after going to bed at 1215 last night.

Hugs,
Erin

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Moving The Mockreet

Hey Everyone!

I know at least five of you have been enjoying my story The Mockreet, but I logged in today to find that the latest chapter's text has been entirely deleted and I'm unable to re-add the text. It looks as if the mods have taken away my ability entirely so...I'm going to remove all of my chapters here and move over to Scribblehub. The story is keeping the same name. I appreciate your understanding, or not. Either way.

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Ohhh...ryctolagus

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The end of supermarket copycat items could be in sight after a bombshell decision by a Swiss court over Lidl's knock-off chocolate bunnies.

The Federal Supreme Court of Switzerland ruled that Lidl's chocolate bunnies wrapped in aluminium foil, whether 'golden or of another colour', were too similar to Lindt's.

It banned the chain's Swiss branches Lidl Schweiz and Lidl Schweiz DL from selling similar bunnies and ordered the destruction of any still in stock.

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Computer troubles

My nine-year-old iMac is dying by inches. I will need to get a new computer soon.

I'm thinking of moving away from Mac, even though I love them.

My brother is looking for a desktop computer that will be good for my purposes and not break my budget, but suggestions are welcome. I already have a good PC laptop which I'm going to spend today setting up as backup for Daisy here.

Hugs,
Erin

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hugs needed

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so yesterday, I spilled hot coffee on myself, and when I went to check on the burn, I discovered I have a massive bruise on my lower tummy where I give myself my insulin injections.

For whatever reason, this has set off my PTSD, and I've been shaky ever since.

hugs appreciated

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Remember

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A lot of years back, a driver's license cost four dollars and allowed one to drive any thing on the public roads as long as it didn't have steel wheels. I doubt any of you saw the signs along the highways "no steel wheels allowed". Society was changing from wagons to vehicles with tires. Moving on, a few years after that one had to have a chauffeurs driver's license to drive anything for hire or anything more than a half ton pickup or family car and that cost six dollars. I kept upgrading as the laws changed.

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Politics

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It doesn't matter if you wrap it up in honey and grits, politics are politics.

I try not to live in a liberal echo chamber.

I don't watch the more egregious talking heads on CNN and MSNBC. Every now and again I watch FOX -- to try to understand the conservative viewpoint.

I subscribe to the conservative St. Paul Pioneer Press and the New York Times - for balance.

I read a lot of history and political science books.

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The Mockreet - Wrapping up Part 2

Hey Everyone! Whew, it's been a crazy two weeks since I started writing The Mockreet, hasn't it? If you were wondering, yes, I have been writing as I post, and it takes about four hours to write each chapter. In fact, there are four chapters written that I haven't posted yet. Reason is that this last chapter is one that I envisioned from the beginning and it's very important to me; I want everyone to have a chance to see it before it's moved off the front page.

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ITS Sammi not Sammie !darn new word processor program and auto correct!

ITS Sammi not Sammie !darn new word processor program and auto correct!

just went from MS word 2000 to Google docs at gun point..AKA MS wanted their money and word 2000 does not work with win 10 so they can make more $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

But I got stuck on Sammie over the right way I wrote it a few years back of Sammi!!!!!!!!! so the story just go corrected and will from now on be Sammi!

and if you want real fun writing try elf names sometime! You have to beat and threaten auto-correct on that!

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The problems of being and becoming a trans lady in past.

I realise how hard it is coming out and living as your heart tells you you must live. I have never had the courage to do it. After hearing the horror stories of those that did have the courage or perhaps the naivety to tell their parents or carers, I am often glad I didn't.

I came across this letter on another site. It has many "truths" that most of us will recognise.

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"Chance and Hope" in the Whateley Academy Universe?

For a pretty long while, I've been thinking of adding to my story"Chance and Hope", but my ideas seem to wander all over the place, with no real focus. Recently, while reading some stories set in the Whateley Academy Universe, and it occurred to me that my story might fit in that universe. The only problem is, I'm not really sure how much I'd need to change my story to make it fit in that universe.

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new story and character added to my library

new story and character added to my library

Please read up on this one and tell my how you feel and I am taking guesses on what will happen to this character!!!

Have fun read enjoy and most of all comment to feed the idea Pixies!

shadow!

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as if things weren't bad enough

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As if things weren't bad enough right now, apparently on Wednesday, Sharon had to put down Sam's dog.

Which probably is why she has gone back into an anxious state, shaking, barely able to talk.

All hugs and prayers appreciated.

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How to set good boundaries for your personal life

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On the MedCircle channel on YouTube I found this video 9 Signs of Poor Boundaries | MedCircle x Dr Ramani. If you have trouble with that link, here is the URL as text:

I have found that MedCircle is serious and scientifically based channel with very good insight and suggestions on many different issues of mental health, and relationships as it relates to mental health.

Have a good weekend.
Jessica Nicole

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dream time again

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okay so last night, I dreamed I was laying on a beach, just relaxing listening to the waves, when a band started playing music near me. something in the music moved me, so I got up to thank them - and realized the top half of my bathing suit was missing.

I grabbed the towel I had been laying on to cover myself, apologized to the band, and ran like heck towards a building containing lockers where presumably my clothes were.

make of that what you will.

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Never Give Up

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Anyone who has been reading my blogs understands I've been outing myself, hopefully to give encouragement to those who are caught up in the gender blender. Sometimes the hardest part of life is to live it like you own it instead of trying to be what everyone else wants you to be, which isn't really you. It isn't only those you love but sometimes it seems like laws and government is against us if we don't fit into the nice little definition they and society wants the world to be.

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Slowing Down on The Mockreet

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Hey everyone! So far I've been posting a chapter of The Mockreet every day (at the expense of my own personal reading time), but as we near the end of Part 2, I'll be slowing down and we may only see a chapter once per week. Why? Well, at this point in the story it is becoming more and more complicated as we start to uncover Lyra's origin and the nature of the Stormveil. The coming chapters cannot be rushed, and they cannot be as simplistic as the previous chapters. We are about 1/4 of the way through the story and Lyra's story is about to become a whole lot more complicated.

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it seems

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that somewhere between me hitting the post button and it actually saving, my Wednesday blog post disapeared into the ether!

I'm not going to try to remember what was in it, i'll be back on Sunday.

Maddy

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Aidra's Ramblings 9/21

Hey guys, I want to apologize for having a slight breakdown and also for the chapters coming so slowly. This particular story is hard to write because it involves a lot of dysphoria, even though the cast of characters isn't transphobic. I guess I forgot that some events, like Lyra's mental break meant a lot to me, but won't mean much to other people. In any case, I appreciate the comments and the encouragement, I'll try to write chapters faster :)

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Geez, it's getting hard to login here lately!

Last week I was locked out of BigCloset for three days, unable to login because either my username or my password was unacceptible. Could not even use the link to change the password-- because when I did, I got a message the link was bad, or backfetch had failed, or the link was no longer valid, or (really the topper) that I had already used the link before.

Same thing yesterday. Today I only got backfetched twice.

I miss this sight. I really do.

charlie

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Requesting a favor and status update

I would like to request if I could have anyone take a quick read through some of the chapters of “A Cracker Barrel Christmas”. I am trying to clean up some edits as I want to submit the book to the local Cracker Barrel locations in my area BUT, I want to make sure that the story holds and is believable. The book is on the site, divided by chapters.

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New DOUBLE SIZE Meagan's tail up!

New DOUBLE SIZE Meagan's tail up!

Who are the 2 voices from the basement stairs?

what does a Fae queen's mansion in Los Angeles look like and why have one in human lands?

Is this new elf safe in LA?

read on and have fun!

comment please...comments add to my story 'brain' and add to story ideas!

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Queens funeral

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Today Monday manitoba held two special funeral stuff for queen Elizabeth II. First was the standard 21 gun salute followed by a 96 shot salute.

At the main Anglican Church here in Winnipeg a special invite only funeral service in her honor is being held.

I have a middle ear infection on left side, outer ear infection on right side but still managed to bicycle to legislative building to sign Queens book.

Watched the funeral via YouTube live this morning except actual lowering of coffin. Cried entire time good service, wasn’t crazy about the spooky music though.

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Working on Madam Martinique's Finishing School - Part 6

After including a couple of people from my older Madam Martinique's Finishing School story in my newer Janegirl Camp story, I started thinking about my older story, and how so many people seemed to want to see more of it. Eventually, I started writing Part 6. Even though I only got about 500 words in before I got stuck, it was really nice working with Billie again.

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Well, I'm back

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Well, they fed her up on antibiotics, stuck needles in to drain her twice, and got tired of listening to her and shipped her back. So far she is able to be up moving about 30min a day, which just about covers restroom trips. Glad I learned to cook and do laundry as a kid. I went to pharmacy and picked up a months supply of meds and they counted 14 scripts to ensure they got them all. I'm really glad they don't count things like medicine, doctor bills, and hamburger when they are trying to figure inflation rates for pensions and social security, or I could get a real raise.

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Referral pt 4

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I was doing some housekeeping on my file/media server when I came across a copy of a few long-deleted blog entries from 2012. This one from 2012-07-24 should be self-explanatory:

Anyone who knows me is aware that I seldom stop talking, but one little envelope in the mail managed to do just that.

The envelope was marked "Private & Confidential". I just knew it had to be the psychiatrist's report so opened it with some trepidation, especially given the experience I had 'enjoyed' in the company of the newly-qualified shrink two weeks ago.

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The Fortune Teller

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My latest graphic novel is for sale on Amazon and Gumroad.

Chris Allan was enjoying his favorite beverage at his favorite bar on his favorite day (Thursday). When he decides to play an antique 'fortune teller' machine that happens to be a cursed object, things do NOT go as planned. Can Chris get back to himself or will he be stuck in a new form?

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Uninstall Kindle?

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I seem to have filled up my PC Kindle. I have hundreds of books on it, to the point that they won't let me add anything unless I delete something. Now I have found "Uninstall Kindle". What does that mean? If I do that can I just start over again? I'd like that.
Any ideas? I would like to start over on David Weber's books and maybe The Dragon Riders of Pern...

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Medical coding system leaves trans patients struggling to pay for care

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I'm sure there are many people on our site that are impacted by what this newspaper article lays out. Perhaps reading this article will help in dealing with medical/insurance denial of benefits. Being blind sided by insurance issues & procedures can be horrible.

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Story idea, HRM Charles III

I came across this. It seems that at least one legal document requires the monarch to be "Her Majesty".

So, like, obviously that's not an acceptable situation. Which leaves a clear solution...

https://esteefee.tumblr.com/post/695097085453877248

~~ Michelle

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Misgendered in the right way

For the last year and especially the last six months I’ve been more out and open with my presentation. I got my ears pierced (it took 3 tries for the left one!), usually have my nails painted, and have been letting what’s left of my hair grow out.

I dress as femme about 80% of the time, while presenting as male when necessary ex officio.

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Taylor, Too! as a collaboration

Hi. I’m starting a sequel to Taylor. All the proceeds go to BigCloset just like the first one.

I am looking for friends here. I want co-authors and readers. Anyone game?

It will start with brain storming, creating an outline, and then writing. Anyone can pitch it to help move this process along. Everyone will receive credit when it’s published.

As you already know from my work, I don’t have a lot of ego leading the way. So, anyone or anything is appreciated.

Give it some thought. It’s for a good cause.

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Beautiful Boys

While reading a really sweet story by Melanie Brown called "Just Friends", a song by John Lennon called "Beautiful Boy" was mentioned. Intrigued by the song title, I decided to look it up, and found a recording of it on YouTube. After listening to what turned out to be a very pretty song, I found out it was written for John's son Sean. I'd only heard of Julian before, so I did some research, and discovered that even though Julian had basically been abandoned by his father, he'd still had a good relationship with Sean.

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Looking for old story

What I remember is that is was about a kid how living as a boy at home, but attending school as a girl. I think they changed clothes somewhere in between.

Parents didn't know.

Vague, I know, but here's hoping.

*Edit*

Seems to have been found. Thank you all for the quick response

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Work in Progress

From the next (currently being written) Masks story:

"We occasionally tell people that this island was used as a base by the Dread Pirate Roberts, centuries ago," said the Commander, straight-faced. "That the place was built-up and maintained by the descendants of those left behind to guard the treasure. It's amazing how many believe that."

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