For those who were confused about The Mockreet Chapter 36 - yes, it makes very little sense right now. Truth is, it's not going to mean anything until the last third of the story, but as I'm winding down, it sort of had to go somewhere. I promise you, when you've done as much acid as I have, it makes more sense.

Speaking of which...

Its 14:54, Thursday. I have work today and as much as I dread going in, it keeps me from binge eating. I've cut my calorie intake down to 800 a day and I can see the results. All the results. My waist is slimmer, I feel lighter, but I also see the dark circles forming under my eyes. I sometimes wonder how much more my body can take and how much is going to be 'enough'. Will I stop when I reach my goal weight, or will I keep going until they have to hospitalize me? No, I'll stop, but the most important thing now is not letting anyone in my life know about the burgeoning health issues.

I've had a few days to cool down from an outburst that should never have happened. It wasn't justified in the least, because while I might have my personal opinions about BCTS, it ultimately comes down to the fact that it's well run, has great staff, and I couldn't do it myself without expending a lot of money. I started this new account because I believed I had outgrown 'Audrissa', I thought that I was better, and I believed that I could write a story without it consuming my emotions and sending me into a downward spiral.

It's 5:24 on a Monday morning and I'm just sitting here at my desk waiting for day shift to relieve me. This hospital is fucking dreadful and the desk beside me is covered in vomit that EVS still hasn't cleaned up. So anyway, I've made some progress on the Mockreet, two more chapters have been written in between dealing with patients, and I have therapy on Friday. Now that I'm on a once a week schedule I've started reading more, finally getting back into my Brandon Sanderson novels and hopefully in between I'll come up with more creative chapters for the Mockreet.

I've been on the internet since we had a turbo button and Telnet was a neat way to play chess. Suffice it to say I've seen a lot of shit. A lot of the weirdest shit I've witnessed has come from BCTS, when I noticed that there was a huge demographic of people who like to inbox me horrible things whenever I made a narrative decision that resulted in a character becoming hurt. That being said, when my story disappeared I had to believe one of two things.

Hey Everyone! Whew, it's been a crazy two weeks since I started writing The Mockreet, hasn't it? If you were wondering, yes, I have been writing as I post, and it takes about four hours to write each chapter. In fact, there are four chapters written that I haven't posted yet. Reason is that this last chapter is one that I envisioned from the beginning and it's very important to me; I want everyone to have a chance to see it before it's moved off the front page.

Hey guys, I want to apologize for having a slight breakdown and also for the chapters coming so slowly. This particular story is hard to write because it involves a lot of dysphoria, even though the cast of characters isn't transphobic. I guess I forgot that some events, like Lyra's mental break meant a lot to me, but won't mean much to other people. In any case, I appreciate the comments and the encouragement, I'll try to write chapters faster :)