Jem… Chapter 132

*Before…Kimmie

So many feels.

And then there’s this whole thing when it’s me going up to sing *True colors* By Cindi Lauper and I’m just sort of all of the sudden there in that sort of moment looking down at the boy.

And me being the girl…

And I’m like singing to him and I really do like swear the crowd sort of went away and it’s kind of like just us.

Then I’m done and there’s this like really heavy like sort of moment when I’m done and I don’t know what to sort of do for it because there that whole like anti-climactic moment that would have like stopped the feels if I went back to my drums.

And that’s when Angel gives me this little look, smile and a push forward and I hop off the stage and it’s like not even that like big but Max still catches me and I’m so….Baby to his Johnny and all of that scene from tha bodyguard and max lifts me down and he like kisses me.

Like for real kisses me.

*And Now…

It’s been a long time since I’ve been kissed.

Okay like next to never actually not since Cam.

That was my cousin’s friend from when I ran away from home and hung with my cousin and his crew in Toronto. Cam was a white boy well sort of I think he had something else going on but he was white and he didn’t treat me like some of the white guys on the street or in my school in Toronto.

Him being all tatted up and cute didn’t hurt either and we were or I was younger and stuff and Cam and I hooked up and he was a good kisser but it was that younger teens sort of thing with like being all cute and tentative and nipple hardening and all those crushy yummy feels that you get from those first kinds of kisses you do especially when you’re not all that like good at kissing.

Max…holey cheese.

It’s not just the kiss of a guy that knows his way around a kiss it’s this kiss from a guy that knows that and he really, really wants to kiss you.

Hard but soft, his lips grazing as they come into contact with mine and I feel the graze like super slow motion and he does it and then it’s just…kissing and being wanted and yet gentle and respectful and hot, really hot and then there’s this smell that comes off of him.

Aftershave and I don’t know what kind but it’s nice and there’s also the smell of deodorant which again I have no idea but it’s not Axe and that’s a good thing and maybe the best of all is his clothes and the fact they smell like the fabric softener that he uses for his and Janey’s clothes.

Max breaks the really long kiss and he sets me down all the way to my feet and that’s when I have this little electric zing through me that he…he was kissing me and holding me up and there was this whole yay burst of ooooooh.

Because he’s like working guy strong and that’s a really turn me on thing.

Rayne and Angel can be all girls into girls full on and while I think there are some girls that I really don’t mind the thought of like making out with or more there’s guys.

And then there’s men.

And Max is way more of a man than a guy.

Just like that whole thing from the movie *Say Anything*

“Hi.” He says but he says it with this happy smile.

One word, two little letters making me smile so much.

“Hi.” And…I’m blushing.

“You were amazing up there.”

“Really? I’m still getting used to it all with the soft songs and everything.”

“Yeah you really were you have this amazing sweet voice.”

I’m blushing more and ducking my head. “I’m not really a singer though.”

“I’d say that you were.”

“No, I can sing…or like don’t suck at it but I’m still a drummer.”

“Well you’re definitely an excellent drummer.”

“That, that I will accept I am an awesome drummer.”

He laughs and that’s like a right on moment and it’s really cool too. I mean I don’t really see myself as funny all the time. I’m silly and I know I’m silly because with the stuff that I been through and done and all if I let it get all like emotionally backstopped I’d lose it.

And Kimberly Kimura with a full on depressed ugly cry is actually just as ugly as a backstopped toilet.

He actually starts to dance with me sort of slowly because Angel and the girls are still playing the Trooper song *One For The Money Two for The Show.*

I slip my arms around him as best I can and I just lean into him and we dance and it’s nice too because this is different that club dancing which I do like to do a whole lot but there’s something that’s so nice about this.

And dancing with like other couples too is another kind of like yay good thing and all.

We stop when the song does and he smiles at me and asks. “So…I don’t work in the morning and I was wondering if you’d be okay with a date tonight?”

“Date tonight?”

He blushes some. “Yeah, I know it’s like not much of notice and I know it’s really late too for us to be going out but I was kind of hoping to actually take you out somewhere and just spend some time with you even if it’s a little bit of time.”

“Sure!” I laugh at myself. “Wow…I just didn’t sound like super desperate right now or anything huh?”

“Well no more desperate than me nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“It’s late Kim and that’s like kind of really sort of making this sound like me, asking you for a booty call.”

I look at him. “It’s not?”

He blushes. “Honestly no, I like you Kim, like seriously like you but I’m really a slow moving kind of guy at this point now.”

I tippy toe and kiss him lightly. “I know, I was just teasing. I’d love to go out for a while after we do all the after show stuff.”

The music’s over with and Dad/Remy is hovering nearby? He’s looking at Max and at me and I bite my lip and look at him with a please look.

He nods. “We’ll take care of your stuff Roxy so you two can go besides Angel’s going to do some stuff with some fans here post show so that might make it longer.” Then he looks at Max. “I’ve heard good things about you young man so don’t make me have a talk with the two Bikers over there if you get my drift.”

Max looks over at Billy and Davey and he nods. “Yessir.”

“Good lad.” Dad/Remy says then he leans down and he hugs me. “Not too late kiddo, Redbull will only go so far.”

(Happy sniffle.) “’Kay dad.” I hug him back tight and in a world where my parents not giving a shit to have Dad/Remy care enough to look after me that really means a lot.

And so does the tight, well tighter little squeeze he gives me.

I can’t remember my bio dad hugging me unless it was with something “Good” I’d done first.

Dammit it’s not rocket science, Love should not be conditional.

I’m a little wispy-weepy when I take max’s hand and we head out and it’s kinda cool because like people are like wanting to talk with me and want me to sign things and I stop to do a few things…two are panties?

And it’s so cool-scry-odd-weird that there are like girls into me.

I do say to a bunch of them. “I’ll stick around tomorrow night and stuff for like sure and I’ll like do a draw for like a drum tutor or like something but I’ve got a date.”

I hear someone yell from the crowd. “Aw dammit she’s straight!”

I yell back. “Nope!” and pull Max outside to the parking lot where he catches up and scoops me up in his arms and carry runs with me on one side of his hip like I’m really light.

I can’t help but to surprise scream and then squeal out laughing and I stick my hands out in front of me and I make Voosh flying sounds all the way to his truck.

And then we get to his truck and it’s an old beater like in the whole rust bucket sense of the word and I swear it’s like some 80’s model with like that sort of square look to them and I can see where there’s been a generation or three of body work done to it.

Hey I know that stuff it’s what my n’ere-do-well cousin did as his straight-up business was run and auto-body place. A lot of stuff stuck, and I might not look it but I’m kind of a car girl.

Max tosses me the keys; which means he holds me against his hip to do that which is fun and kind of sexy. I like strong, I like guy strong it’s sexy to me and it’s like definitely a thing. I definitely don’t like all guys because some are just like real shit heads but Max is nice.

Kinda like that bull in the old cartoon with the flower and stuff.

I mean c’mon as strong as Max is he smells like Snuggle fabric softener and he made me cupcakes.
And he’s playful too because I have his keys and he’s holding me still and I’m trying to open the truck door and he’s making sounds of some kind of flying thing as he’s moving me around.

And I’m laughing out loud because this is fun.

I get the door open and I grab the steering wheel and he lets me pull myself into the truck and it’s got those old bench seats and I’m like… “Thanks for opening the pod bay door Hal.”

And Max says… “You’re welcome Dave.”

I snerk and start singing. *These are the Dave’s I know.* By Kids in the Hall. They’re not a band but like the greatest like thing I had ever seen on like CBC TV.

I get Max laughing again and that’s so cool really. I’m being funny, like for reals making him smile and laugh and it’s just like silly stuff really but I’m going to be honest actually making a guy laugh takes a lot more often than not what they find funny and what we girls find funny has like this fine line of like shared stuff.

Or like in my experience it’s been that way.

A lot of the time guys will laugh at stuff you say to be fake and get in your pants.

Again experience.

Max so comes across as a guy that had to grow up into becoming a man and he’s not really all that aware of it.

Which is really just what I think I’m sort of looking for.

I dated a few times since coming here and leaving Toronto but they were really the bad sort of typical guys that left me with those whole boo-guys feelings.

Having a whole bunch of like yay feels is actually pretty awesome.

Especially since everyone else is kinda like seeing someone and stuff.

Max climbs in and we drive and his beater rides like a brick and but it’s like part of the charm I guess and he has this look like he definitely knows what he’s doing.

“Oh…oh you have a plan.”

He actually sort of beams. “I have a plan.”

“What’s the plan?”

“Movies at the drive in.”

Huh?

“Huh?”

“You’ll see.”

I bite my lower lip and stuff and I watch him and stuff and we drive to Kodiak Gas and he goes in and he gets some junk food and things and then we drive to the little park by the lakeside and he pulls in and he looks at me. “Just give me a few minutes okay?”

“Uhm…cool, okay.”

He gets out and then there’s Max getting out this foam pad like sponge foam and he has sleeping bags and he opens then out and he puts them out and he takes out some weird packs that he breaks and tosses in the sleeping bags and then he says. “Come on out.”

I get out and he helps me into the back and those packet things are those heat packs for like the wintertime and making the sleeping bags all warm or they’re like starting to and he goes and gets a backpack out of the truck and he comes back with a laptop and he has this old box with him and he sets it between us and there’s some kind of heavy stuff in it.

It goes sort of in between us but not and he passes me the junk food and he sets up his laptop close so we can watch it and he puts in *Beauty and The Beast* By Disney and we start to watch the movie.

On the back of his pick-up with like no one around and we’re at the park which is like maybe a hundred feet from the lake and we can see the moon on the water.

It’s like seriously, seriously amazing.

Like squee and glomph and vibrate with happy amazing.

It’s that girl meets boy and poor so it’s them doing amazing stuff like this kind of date and everything, like in those romantic movies or like books and stuff it’s just.

It’s store bought bagged popcorn that black bagged stuff that’s the white cheddar flavor and it’s coffee in a can and that’s hot and me with a mouthful of coffee Crisp candy bar as the musical score for the movie is carrying out over the parking lot and the lake.

Gaston reminds me of Adam.

Like seriously that dude’s so scary as a Disney villain really because he’s so possible.

And the attitude so fit’s Marshole to a tee.
But like honestly I can’t remember even ever having a date like this or like even dreaming up something like this which I guess says a whole lot about like Max as a guy doesn’t it?

We get to the credits and it’s like just after two and I look at Max and he’s watching the screen and he sighs.

“I really don’t want this night to end Kim, it’s been really, great, the best time I’ve had in a long time that wasn’t attached to everything else in my life.”

I nod. “I had the best night too. Seriously Max I don’t get to do this kind of thing and I like doing this kind of thing.”

I get up and roll over on top of him and straddle him then kiss with him deeply over and over and he’s surprised which is really nice and there’s something really sexy and empowering with feeling a guy taking that ‘oh wow’ suck of breath and then he’s kissing me back and it’s both us hungry for this and wanting this and I can feel him getting hard underneath me a little…well there’s jeans and a sleeping bag in the way but there’s a definite kinda-sort-lump-bump going on there.

I really, really dig that there’s like so little give to his chest and I have my hands on him holding myself up and it’s like I can feel that restrained guy power underneath his shirt and his skin.

Then Max’s hands are on my butt and there’s the feel and the cup and the squeeze…it’s really, really a naughty feeling and kind of thrilling not that I’m into that but it’s soooo soooo close to having things come off.

I want things to come off, my breathing’s hard my skin is hot I feel like I’m under hot sun in the best of ways and yet I don’t want things to come off, I want this to be right and I want ti to last and I want us to like not be some good but like random thing.

I’ve had random things and random’s fun sometimes but I want something for me…I want the hold me close, keep me safe and make me feels.

We get pretty heavy for a good ten minutes and I’m hot and I’m horned up and my nipples could like cut friggin glass and I’m sucking on Max’s neck and his hands have been stroking my sides and touching my back and inching their way up my sides towards my bra and we get right to the whole peak of like crossing over into real foreplay and I slow down and I stop and put my forehead on his.

I’m panting. “Can we stop?”

He nods. “We can…anytime.”

“I don’t want to be that girl, that too fast girl Max.”

“You’re not.”

“But I don’t want it to feel like that, I don’t want to be a shooting star.”

He looks at me and he bashfully bites his lip and he nods. “It’s pretty late isn’t it?”

I nod. “I’m not really remotely tired though.”

“Me neither, but it will hit me and I have to take Janey to Kindergym this morning.”

“Kindergym?”

“It’s like kindergarten and sort of daycare but with like gym stuff and tumbling in it.”

“Sounds cool actually.”

“She loves it it’s worth it.”

Actually I don’t know a whole lot about this stuff but it’s daycare with like gymnastics in it and one alone is expensive having something like that is expensive and he’s got to be paying a lot though he’s likely doing this for her.

He likely does a lot for her.

I ease back on how I’m sitting and he’s looking at me and he’s doing some blushing and smiling and I’m doing some blushing and smiling and he looks at me. “Tim’s over on Carter crossroads is cooking up a fresh batch in about ten minutes.”

“Oh…yay. How do you know that?”

“They’re close to the turn off for the mill so they cook a new batch up for the three AM break rush that comes in from the Mill.”

“Oh….can we?”

“Sure, I think I’ll need a coffee or two.”

We pack up fast and that’s mostly just dragging everything into the cab and me having a sleeping bag nest in the truck and we drive to the Tim’s before going home and I’m not familiar with this time of morning or this part of town even if it’s not that far away from home like five or ten minutes’ drive and stuff but they’re open and not like the drive through is open but they’re main doors open and all of that and I can see people in there from the Mill and there’s like hard hats and then there’s some other folks too like some of those guys that look like they work of the fishing boats actually here for coffee and breakfast before hitting the docks.

Brooklyn’s family does that, or they did the whole fishing thing and there’s like this whole bunch of folks that think that people don’t like job fish The Great lakes or even like Rivers and stuff but it’s definitely a thing here in Harper’s point.

I know that a lot of the pickerel and trout and lake bass all like end up in either the fish plant here or the best ones go to like high end places in Toronto, but that’s from like stuff brook told me.

Her brothers work in a fish plant where they process whiting and blue-gill?

I look but I don’t see either of the douche-canoes there and I get out with max and we head inside.

We’re going inside because we’re not working and not in a rush and it’s not cool to take up space in the drive through doing that when people like only have like a thirty minute lunch break.

I take a pen and paper out of my purse and we get a table to let others do their thing while we’re making our order and I want a box of doughnuts for The dad’s and the bikies and one for the house and a box of timbits for school for the girls and a can of the coffee for home.

Max is looking at me. “Wow…”

“Something for Remy and the bikers, one for home in the morning and a box of timbits for school because like half the girls are like on campus in the dorms and unless it’s the weekend or afterschool and they take a cab to somewhere that like has a Tim’s they don’t like get it and it’s like a treat and all and the can of coffee’s like small and stuff and we’re nearly out so I thought that I’d actually spend some cash on the household and stuff.”

He’s nodding good point. He’s looking at his wallet or rather the contents of it and he’s looking at the prices. I don’t offer, he doesn’t ask. Maybe if we’re going to do this sort of thing like later in our realationship sure we’ll like pool money but I’m not like going there not this early in.

He buys my Coffee and he buys his and he gets two small boxes of timbits one in the chocolate glazed and the other one the cinnamon-sugar apple filling ones and he buys a can of Tim Horton’s coffee. I can tell that was the bite in his wallet and I look at him.

“Oh yeah I can drink instant and usually do but mom helps out a lot and stuff so she deserves something like this because well mom’s mom and she’d like never spend that kind of cash on herself.”

I nod. “She sounds like the type from all the stuff you’ve like said.”

He nods and I can tell he’s pretty close to broke but he’s feeling good about doing this. “So that hurt huh?”

He has that rueful grin on his face. “Yeah but I can take a job for the weekend that’ll earn me some extra cash and stuff it’s just one of those oh well there’s goes sleep and me time sort of things.”

“Bad?”

He shrugs as we pay and get our stuff and head back to his truck. “It’s garbage pick-up for the county truck so it’s early morning and it’s rough and smelly and raccoons and skunks and stuff.”

“Oh…so why do it?”

“It’s an in, because if I take some casual shifts there I can maybe get on part time and that could be in the glass or plastic barns or the cardboard one and maybe even like get into something else like driving the dozer or forklift.”

“Wow really?”

“Yeah and it’s county money too which is a lot better at the mill.”

“It is?”

“The Mill only runs so many union jobs and that’s all the serious pulp and paper stuff so like all the clean-up and drivers and forklift stuff is like non-union so it’s like only twelve bucks an hour. The garbage truck pays like sixteen and some of the county landfill stuff pays even better.”

I grin. “I can buy you a present of a box of Redbull?”

“No thanks I like my insides as is.”

I nod at his coffee. “Yeah I noticed like four milks.”

Max nods. “Milks not cream and no sugar I drink enough of this stuff that I try and be actually kind on my insides.”

“Oh I’m all about the whole full deal coffee with like all the things.”

He laughs. “Yeah I seen that, all you need is like an egg and a cup of flour and a little baking powder and you’d have cake mix.”

I do the Homer Simpson drool thing… “Mmmmm…cake batter.”

He’s laughing and choking on his coffee-milk and I absolutely love that, getting him to laugh and stuff like that.

I like the way that feels, just being me and like being loud and kinda spinny, hyper and all those other things that girls get shit for and Max likes it.

I love that he likes it.

We get back to the house and the lights are off except for the small light for the kitchen and the light for the front door and I get my stuff and Max helps and he walks me to the door and I open it up and set my stuff just inside and I turn and kiss him and he’s got the same idea and he’s kissing me and it’s that kissing that leaves me pinned to the doorframe arms up around his neck kind of kissing and it’s super good, it’s freaking amazing actually.

And we kiss for at least like four or five minutes and that’s a really, really long time and stuff honestly.

I’m so, so, so, tempted to like break all of my rules and invite him to bed!

We break the kiss and we’re both panting again and we’re staring at each other and we’re both blushing and flushed and I reach up and wipe off some of my lipstick from his mouth but just some of it and he does the bashful head tuck this time.

I give him a light push. “Go, you have enough to do and so do I and stuff.”

He nods and he heads down the steps and gets to his truck and he opens his door then stops.

“Kim…”

“Yes?”

“You’re not a shooting star to me; you’re more like the second star to the right and straight on to morning.”

“………………” Yeah I have no words that can like get passed that emotional lump that’s in my throat because never-ever in my life has anyone ever said anything so special to me.

He gets into his truck and he drives away and I watch him go and I just sit there and I watch him go and there’s tears running down my face right now because it’s like crazy good y’know.

I hear a noise behind me and I see Remy/Dad there and he’s picked up my bags and has them in one hand and he’s wearing old track pants and an old Bruce Springsteen concert tee and I look at him.

(Sniffle-happy-sob.) “What’re you doing here?”

“Waiting up for you.”

(Sniffle-happy-sob.) “B..bb..You don’t live here.”

“Yeah well I don’t know this Max guy yet and you’re one of my girls so I’m doing the dad thing.”

(Sniffle-happy-sob.) “F..ff..for me?”

“Yeah, you…so you wanna come in and tell me all about it?”

I’m full on ugly crying and I close the door and run the like five feet to Remy/Dad and hug him hard and plant my face into his chest and sob and hug and nod. He holds me with one arm around me and kisses the top of my head.

“I always honor my pinky swears…always. C’mon and you can tell me everything.”