Jem…Chapter 73

Chapter 73

 

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Author's Note: Picture with permission from *lavonia on deviantart.
 
Chapter 72
 
 

I’m pretty much done everything that I can think of right now to do really. So I’m back online just going through the towns website and looking up places like this print shop that apparently doesn’t just do signs but they do all sorts of stuff.

Graffiti Inc.

Yeah I thought that was clever too and I think that’s where we’ll be going since the other printer in town sounds strictly like serious business and this place kind of fits us as a band with the owner this very hot looking brunette with graying hair but styles well and glasses but the decider was the fact her picture on her site for the shop or well one of the has her with this sweet cherry red firebird studio version. (FYI, Guitar.)

Okay she so fit’s the way the band feels or at least to me then I go through stuff on other sites on the town’s website links. I find some of the music stores but not the places where you buy CD’s and stuff because we’re on I-Tunes and we’re doing really good that way but instrument stores. Places with things we’re going to need. We need to talk to them and see if we can work out some deals.

Next I look at some of the web design places and their portfolios looking for stuff I might like.

Okay enough of that stuff, I need to just relax until the girls get home and the best way to do that is to get my guitar and some note paper and start to write.

I make myself a coffee and sit down at the couch again and I start to strum away just sort of looking for some bit of sound that will jump out at me.

There’s a few la-la-la’s and a few vocal warm ups that I try heading for that Christina Aguilera soul singing sound and I start.

“Never thought I could dance…”
“Never thought I ever be asked…”
“Oh…ho…oh…and the lights are bright and I’m up here on the stage…”
“Never thought it could be me…”
“Never thought that I could sing…..”

“But you pulled me free and told me I could fly…!” (I belt out this line and suddenly from a wistful pop tune that I was going for I’m right in this whole Celine Dion/Christina Aguilera belting it out stage style singing.)

“They told me I was nothing….!”
“They told to just fade away…”
“Broke me down every night and day….”
“Until I wished that I had died….!”

“But you came to me and with that kiss you saved my life…!”

*Chorus…. (This is turning out different; I’ve never written a two part chorus before.)

“You made me believe….!”
“You took me out into everything…”
“Showed me that life’s not all grey.”
“Warmed my up in a brand new way.”
…………….
“And you showed me I could fly…………(I hit a long note here.)
“That I could reach out and touch the sky….”
“That I could be me…”
“The me they said I could never be…should never be…”
“Oh! You made me believe…!”

“They told you that you were nothing…!”
“They tried to make you fade away….”
“Broke you down every night and day…”
“Made you wish you weren’t alive…!”

*Chorus

“Oh…never thought I would dance.”
“Never dreamed that you would ask.”
“Couldn’t dream of what you’d seen in me…”
“Never dreamed of the possibilities…”

“I never thought I would sing…!” (I’m belting this line out.)
“I never thought I could dream…”
“I never though of the what could be’s…”
“I never believed in destiny……..” (Another long note at the end.”

*Chorus

I’m between breathless from singing and furiously writing the words down as the words are swirling around in my brain and I swear I can almost see the sheet music for the song too swirling out of my hand and down around my pen for this.

I won’t be playing guitar for this one it’ll be straight up singing I’m thinking and Rayne can play the keyboards a bit more if I show her since we won’t need the bass so much and Kimmie can stay on the drums since we’ll still need those and I’m thinking almost trying for an almost orchestra styled instrument sound for this.

I write though when I’m done at the top of the lyrics page. *I Believe.*

I’m getting my keyboard and heading into the kitchen to start the chicken since it’s pretty much about time to get things started and I get the oil going in a large pot on the stove.

Okay here’s something I learned from Mom, use a deep but wide pot like a Dutch oven and never, ever fill it past the two thirds mark with the oil. When you add things they tend to bubble up at first and you don’t want that to happen ever.

I got a really good burn once after Mom died forgetting that fact.

Okay I wedge cut the potatoes and make chips, chips not fries. I just like them better and I get those frying actually first. That’s because there’s a secret there too, the flavor of the fried potato get’s into the oil and that in turn gets into your chicken.

Now the chicken I beat up a couple of eggs and then make the coating using the food processor. I use 2 cups of self rising flour. Now you use this because it fluffs up when you heat it activating the stuff in the flour and you get a really great crispy coating.

In our Magic Bullet I add dry mustard, white pepper, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder then dry thyme and sage. The sage is important and so is the thyme it’s the bulk of the flavors in most poultry seasoning. I add just a pinch of cayenne to add just a hint of heat. Once that’s all done I mix it with the flour, it’s all really fine too a magic Bullet is great for that because you can take white sugar and make powdered sugar in it.

Next is my secret weapon honey sweetened graham wafers. I buzz those into a flour like powder and put it in a separate dish. This stuff adds this crunchy sweet, nutty thing to my chicken that just goes with the salt and the herbs with the rest of the coating.

I dip the chicken in the graham then roll it in the egg wash and then in the seasoned four and set it on some waxed paper to rest. Resting it just a few minutes lets the egg and the moisture from the chicken to wick through the coating. It’s ready and perfect by the time the chips are ready and I take the chips and pout them in on a wire rack on a baking sheet and in the oven on warm. This way they don’t dry out but they drip off the worst of the oil.

Fried stuff’s bad enough for you but it goes from a good thing and a treat to eww if you leave it just sitting in grease.

The first of the chicken is going onto a big bowl with some tore up brown paper bags in to soak up the oil when I hear the sound of car doors closing and the sound of the girls getting home.

The first one in is Kimmie who’s in through the door and she flings her arms out in that whole Japanese cartoon girl pose and she does a big inhale of the air. You’d almost expect her to do that cheer or squeal that you see them do on those shows or something all cute and Japanese like instead…

(Big Sniff inhale.) “Oh fuck yeah is that fried chicken!?”

Brooklyn’s smiling too and she comes in through the kitchen door with her. “I smell fries.”

I smile taking out some of the chicken that’s done and waiting a few seconds while the empty oil gets back up to that perfect heat before adding more. “Homemade too.”

Kim’s over at the counter leaning over the freshly cooked chicken and smelling. “Oh my god this smells so good!”

She snaps up a wing and she juggles it back and forth between her fingers while taking bites out of it. “Oooh shit…hot, hot! But soooo good!” I shove her away from the chicken. “Hey! That’s for later.”

Brooklyn takes her by the hand and pulls her over. “C’mon we’ve got stuff to do.”

Kim’s like. “But we just got home….”

I look at her. “And we’re playing tonight but that still means getting your homework done and stuff ready you know.”

“I know, I know geeze guys like I said we just got home.” She’s miffed and whiney.

Brook looks at her and rolls her eyes at Kimmie. “Oh come on its homework don’t all you Chinese people like live for studying?”

“I’m Japanese not Chinese.”

“Same thing.”

“It’s not the same thing!” She’s yelling going after Brooklyn and then there’s swearing in Japanese as I hear them heading upstairs. I can’t help but to smile because this is so their thing and it’s kind of this who’s on first kind of thing they do all the time.

You know if we ever go overseas to like Japan and stuff maybe we can let those to do one of those Japanese stand up acts…manzai? It’d be a surprise for them to be sure since I’m sure that Brooklyn actually sort of has a decent working knowledge of the language from her and Kimmie being best friends for so long.

I can’t help but to smile as I hear the van pulling in and the sound of the door. My girl’s home. Oh yeah I like the feeling of even sort of thinking that because it gives me this warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I start to make a pot of coffee and she comes inside the kitchen smelling the air just like the other girls. “Is that fried chicken?”

“Yep, I felt like making some.”

“Celebrating right? Like the housework?” She says as she walks over and kisses me and slides her hands onto my hips. I really like the way that it feels.

“I told you, I like doing housework.”

She kisses me a bit deeper then smiles after breaking the kiss and nuzzles me. “Okay…it’s just weird really.”

“So I’m weird but I also goof off and sing along to tunes and dance and air-band stuff while I’m doing it.”

She’s smiling but shaking her head. “That’s just one of the many cool things about you Angel. I’d never be in that kind of headspace but if it makes you happy then I’m more than cool with it.”

“Well I’m glad that you like that side of me.”

“I like all sides of you Angel.”

“Good answer Missus.” I smile and I kiss her and lean into it and we’re pressing our breast together and I wrap my arms around her waist and let them settle into the small of her back and just kind of rub there and let my heat from my hands soak into her back. I hope it feels right I was thinking it might be where she’s been on her feet all day at work.

Rayne’s response is this relaxed moan and a bit of a body sigh and then she kisses me a little harder and deeper as she starts to French kiss with me.

I push away with some effort of will power on my part. “Wow…I’ll have to cook fried chicken more often.”

“No…it’s not the chicken.” She slides her hands around to my bottom and rubs. Y’know it does actually feel good. No one ever seems to admit that. Heck I’m good with it I like my girl giving me the old rub and squeeze. Actually it makes me kind of feel really girly like in that I guess yay way for being trans?

I’m really aware of my panties actually and that’s pretty cool.

Okay it takes some more will power to get detangled with Raine especially since I just really want to get all tangled up in her…with her.

Sigh.

I make my way to the stove again. “I made some fresh coffee.”

“Oh…thanks that sounds good, you actually make better coffee than we do at work.”

“Tim’s?”

“Sooo tired of Tim’s.”

“Hush, that’s almost Un-Canadian.”

She sticks her tongue out at me.

I point the tongs at her. “So is that the lesbian equivalent of waving your thing at me if you were a guy?”

She blinks with this whole huh-wha look on her face before bursting into laughter. I love it when she laughs, I mean really laughs and when she does it’s light not quite a giggle but close and she covers her mouth with her hands too when she does it and it just makes her seem to sparkle when she’s that happy.

I smile and take out and start up another batch and she gets her coffee and sits at the table and she looks over my music and the lyrics.

“Oh…hey, this is different. What’s all these lines after these parts for?”

“It’s where I’m holding notes and here’s where I power through and stuff it turned out like a Whitney song.”

“Whitney?”

“Houston.”

“Oh, can I hear it?”

“Now?”

“Now, I can play most of this on the keyboard like I’m playing the piano for you.”

“Okay just let me get the chicken done?”

“Okay sure.”

Rayne’s sipping her coffee but she’s got her glasses on and she’s going over my sheet music and adding in her own notes literally and she’s playing little sample snippets too.

She looks so sexy like that.

Rayne so has this whole sultry songstress look going on like the whole hot librarian thing but it’s so much better and sexier to me. Her raven dark hair’s still in the pony tail she did it up for work in but there’s those wisps of hair now loose on either side of her face. And she just looks so good even in that Wall Mart Tee-shirt that they gave her….god I love her breasts and those dark stylish glasses with the rectangular frames. Just watching her playing with the pen or playing a few notes on the key board hell she’s just sexy as hell drinking her coffee without really looking at it.

I get the chicken done and turn off the oil and she’s looking at me when I’m just about done. “How about we take it over to the living room and we set this up right?” She asks.

“Okay.”

We head over and she gets me in front of the microphone and plugs the keyboard into the speakers and she begins to play and I step up to the mic and I close my eyes and I’m at a club in a nice dress something sort of classy maybe and the lights are low and I start.

I’ve never really done the whole soulful just long lingering notes and the strong vocals really like the power singers do but I get really into it and her playing along with the whole piano score helps a whole lot in setting the mood and I just fall into belting out *I Believe.*

By the time I’m done Kim and Brooklyn are down and they’re clapping and Brook’s doing the long sharp whistles that you get with the crowd. I blush and cover my face for a few minutes and then peek out at them. “So…really?”

Brooklyn smiles at me and gives me a hug. “It was really, really awesome Ange.”

Kimmie’s bouncing until she has room between me and the mic stand to hug me. “Awesome? It was fucking stupendous; it was un-fricking believable! I knew you could sing but WOW! Do you ever have a set of pipes on you girl.”

I’m still blushing but smiling too. “Thanks guys how about lets eat and stuff then get right to practicing?”

We all head into the kitchen and get the table ready and I have a salad made too because I didn’t make a whole lot of chips and it’s nice to have something else that’s good and filling but actually healthy.

We set the table and we start to eat and we talk and stuff mostly the stuff that’s gone on with them at school and at Rayne’s work and what I did today and that leads into the stuff I want to do tomorrow and all the stuff for the band and then the stuff for the letter that the RCMP set me and stuff and I have to go and get the letter and the papers to show them and the conversation over doing the dishes and putting away the leftovers turns to me.

And me being trans but not just that but what I’m going to be like once I start the whole hormones and the blockers and stuff.

It’s a whole lot of dreaming and wish talking really and stuff kind of a lot like those talks you have with friends about what you’re going to do once you won the lottery. Well this is me and the girls talking about what I’m going to do once I’m me.

The real me and it’s so different living like this and just kind of having to make do with something that really doesn’t do but it’s what you have…it’s all that you have really and I’ll tell you it’s a completely different matter, different thing to have all these wants and needs and little fantasies in your head to yourself.

It’s so much a completely different matter to actually say these things out loud with people….especially when you’re the only one.

It almost makes things feel worse for not getting there…no…it does feel worse because the more you’re saying it out loud the more you’re stripping away the stuff you’re hiding behind.

But on the other side of the coin you feel this huge weight lifting off of you too.

And you know, as we’re setting up for practice… “I think guys that I might have really been “this” a whole lot earlier in my life than this.”

Rayne looks at me as she plays a few bass notes and starts tuning. “Like how hon?”

“I don’t know, it’s kind of hard to really put into words but it’s like just this feeling.”

“Feeling?”

“Like it’s familiar, like I’ve felt this way before…I guess sort of like emotional déjá  vu?”

Brooklyn adjusts her guitar strap nodding and it’s Kim that brings up. “Your Cancer and then your Mom, you likely blotted most of this stuff out in like this whole PTSD kind of thing.”

I chew on my lip and nod too. “It kind of makes sense when you think about it I guess…It just hit me so bad and then it was just me and Dad so…”

Kim looks at me. “So you blotted it out and dressed it up maybe as missing her so much and with it just being you and your Dad it was like time to be the good son and stuff.”

Yeah…

Yeah it was a really heavy practice and I’m glad for the fact that this is our harder music night. Upset, hurt, stressed or angry there is nothing like having music to vent with. I even play guitar a lot more than usual.

Okay and the shower and getting ready to go out and play our show really helps too. There’s something that’s actually turn my brain off good about getting into my costume and the make-up. It’s like I’m taking Angel and setting that part of me aside for a much deserved breather.

I’m going a little heavier tonight on the make up, the stuff around the eyes and get my lashes done, it’s the first time with the lash curler and I’m going for long and full and sort of boost the look of my eyes with some white pencil and some silver pencil before the pink goes on. I powder and my lipstick with a red layer of to add a background to my pink pearly glossy lipstick.

I really like this from stage make up to just getting ready for the day or even pampering myself. There’s just something there in all of it that…I don’t know. I guess as Jase it was wash and wear and dress then go and it just sort of felt unfinished? It’s likely because I’m a sort of really structured person, I like recipes and lists and doing things so getting to go through all of this stuff just kind of fits me.

I’m dressed pretty good too but more for out harder night so I’ve got a short black faux leather skirt on with pink stockings and a black lace and pink corset not a rib and laced one but the ones that are like lycra and elastic it’s pretty risqué but I love the effect and I’m really careful to get my breasts just right and settled and set with adhesive and concealed…thank god for liquid bandage and liquid based concealer.

I still can’t wait until I don’t have to fake this anymore. But despite the fact that I am faking it damn I look really good.

I toss a light blouse on over it all just for some extra cover and I’ll take it off once I’m too hot and by the time I’m ready Mike’s there and the girls are already getting things ready and packed to head off to the gig including the water bottles and the juices.

Raven’s there and wow…

She’s got her hair down and loose and she’s straightened it so it’s really long all except for this very french girl over and to the side wave. All set off by the glasses and a choker made from a ribbon with this sexy-cute old styled diary key dangling from it just enough to make you start looking down and then it’s that perfect cleavage of hers in her tight little black dress that goes so well with those thigh high black stockings and her high heel calf boots.

And I love the way that she’s looking at me…a small smile and then staring at me a little hungry like and then she’s almost shyly biting her lip.

It’s really hard not to be right up and pressed together kissing.

Yeah…okay the show.

Most of the rest of the stuff’s pretty basic, pack up and head to The Pine Tree and start setting up while the guys are coming. Aside from marking our marks and setting stuff up and doing all the post show stuff and the sound checks and the gear check it’s getting normal…but at the same time it’s not.

I’m getting paid to play and sing and do all of this and really how many people get to actually live their dreams if even part of them.

The crowd though, that’s still a surprise it’s Wednesday the middle of the week and you’d figure that people would start to be like getting bored of us but there’s a good crowd showing up and they look pumped up and excited, now there are a lot of girls in our fans here we seem to be one of the L brand bands but there’s guys there too…mostly because the girls are here but still.

Middle of the week and we’re still packing the place.

We get ready and water up and potty break while the stage lights are down and finally ready we come out to play.

Kimmie’s the big start up for us hammering out the beat and we all start to sing together into the mics.

“Nah, nah, nah, nah…”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah…”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah…”
“I guess I just lost my husband I don’t know where he went.”
“So I’m gonna drink my money, I’m not going to pay his rent.”
“I got a brand new attitude and I’m gonna wear it tonight…”

“I wanna get into trouble!”
“I wanna start a fight!!!”

The girls mostly explode out with us singing along as we open with *So What.* By Pink.

We’re really into the energy right off the get-go and we go from that to some high speed chick rock I ditch the blouse I had on over the corset getting cheers that have me on the edge of blushing and kind of all yayness that I’m actually getting that reaction we follow up fast with. *I Love Rock and Roll.* By Joan Jett.

*Raise Your Fist.* By Starlight Butterfly is next after that and it kind of fits the mid-hart rock we’re trying for at the moment.

*Rock Your Little Heart Out* By AC/DC while never a girl band they have some of the best rock tunes ever and they make great covers.

*Can’t Stop* By the Red Hot Chilli Peppers….I love this song, I really do with Kimmie doing the drums so perfectly and Brooklyn and Raven getting into the guitar and I get to play with the pace of the words and the lyrics and I get to dance like a total spaz while singing and we all get to sing together too.

*What’s up* By Four Non-Blondes is next…this is a really under rated bands and great song.

It’s also a fan fave song and one of those sing along girl crying out songs. I love to sing it because of the strong vocals it has.

*Oh Love.* By Greenday is the song that we thought would follow this up really well as we slip into another favorite.

*Drops of Jupiter.* By Train. But it’s Raven singing it and she’s doing it a bit slower than they do but deeper, softer, also like jazz-rock, very sultry and really hot and really into it.

We take a break and as we’re heading off stage we hear them calling out for “Invisible!” and “Oncology…please…?”

I’m smiling because it’s really nice to get the requests and we drink and us the bathroom and talk and now’s when we juice up more than the water to get the sugar blast to our systems and the energy kick.

It’s really cool to get the whistles and the cheers when we come back out onto the stage. I step up to the mic. “We’re going to slow the second half a bit and try to keep to the whole deeper rock and roll vibe okay guys?”

There’s some more cheers and whistles and we open up with me crooning into the mic and Brooklyn doing the guitar intro for *Black Velvet.* By Alannah Myles.

Then Raven’s on the keyboard playing the piano while I do. *Right here waiting for you.* By Richard Marx and that’s a song that translates really well for a slow romantic girl band song….and I can’t help but to turn partways to Raven and sing it too her in front of them.

Then we shift over to *Invisible* By Starlight Butterfly but we try a different speed a bit more like Creep than the sad lonely song it is usually. Actually I’m trying to get that Alana Morisette kind of sound for it and just like last night there’s people swaying to it and the lighters are out and there’s some singing along with it even with the new mix that I’m singing.

*Please Don’t Go* By Starlight Butterfly is next after that and we go from that into *Washed Away.* and then I step back and switch with Raven as she starts into *Oncology*

She switches it up from our three songs to me again and I’m singing *Lover of Mine.* By Alannah Myles again and that’s a really good song actually most of her songs are really good.

*Possession* By Sarah McLachlan is our next song and I really love her stuff to, it’s almost a joy to sing her stuff for me.

Raven steps up to the mic. “Well it’s already getting to that time but we have one more song that we’d like to do and we’d really appreciate it if we can try out a brand new song on all of you.”

They shout and cheer and whistle and she backs away from the mic. “Everyone this is Angel singing *I Believe.*

I’m a little nervous at first and I slip into that same place I went when I was singing it for Rayne back at the house. I get even more into it as there’s just a red filtered light on us and the place is dark except for the lighters and the candles on the tables. It’s one of those times when the mood and the feelings there just turn into music itself almost.

“Never thought I could dance…”
“Never thought I ever be asked…”
“Oh…ho…oh…and the lights are bright and I’m up here on the stage…”
“Never thought it could be me…”
“Never thought that I could sing…..”

“But you pulled me free and told me I could fly…!” (I belt out this line and suddenly from a wistful pop tune that I was going for I’m right in this whole Celine Dion/Christina Aguilera belting it out stage style singing.)

“They told me I was nothing….!”
“They told to just fade away…”
“Broke me down every night and day….”
“Until I wished that I had died….!”

“But you came to me and with that kiss you saved my life…!”

*Chorus…. (This is turning out different; I’ve never written a two part chorus before.)

“You made me believe….!”
“You took me out into everything…”
“Showed me that life’s not all grey.”
“Warmed my up in a brand new way.”
…………….
“And you showed me I could fly…………(I hit a long note here.)
“That I could reach out and touch the sky….”
“That I could be me…”
“The me they said I could never be…should never be…”
“Oh! You made me believe…!”

“They told you that you were nothing…!”
“They tried to make you fade away….”
“Broke you down every night and day…”
“Made you wish you weren’t alive…!”

*Chorus

“Oh…never thought I would dance.”
“Never dreamed that you would ask.”
“Couldn’t dream of what you’d seen in me…”
“Never dreamed of the possibilities…”

“I never thought I would sing…!” (I’m belting this line out.)
“I never thought I could dream…”
“I never though of the what could be’s…”
“I never believed in destiny……..” (Another long note at the end.”

*Chorus

I’m almost shaking and breathless from the power that I’ve been belting out and the long notes and the adrenaline that you get from the crowd as they cheer and shout when I hit the long notes or the power notes and I’m drenched from the effort and the lights and they’re still cheering.