Jem…Chapter 50! Part 2

I curl almost into Rayne spooning into her hip and smiling at her and we’re kissing and she’s tearing up still and crying and I go from kissing her to wrapping my arms around her and pressing my chest to her side and slipping myself under her arm but I pull her closer to me and even as angel I hold her in that same way as my Dad does.

It’s just me…I’m Angel…and she’s said that Angel is boy plus some and at the same time maybe I can also be a girl plus some too. I hold her gently but with enough care and strength that she’s safe.

“S’okay Rayne…It’s okay…I’ve got you…”

“Really…?”

“Yeah…really.”

“Even after?”

“Yes, even after…I’m not going anywhere even after…”

“But…your life…”

“I’m living my life…and I’m good with it.”

“Good with being a girl?”

“As much as I was being a guy…maybe more I don’t know…maybe that more you’re talking about is something I’ve been missing?”

“Missing?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t doing badly as Jase but I wasn’t exactly being me either or not all the me that I’ve learned that I am. I’ve grown; I’ve grown and outgrew my old life.”

“But Jason?”

“Jason’s me but really I don’t think that, that’s all of me anymore.”

“What about your Dad?”

“My Dad loves me and he’ll take me as I am and we’ve already sort of had this talk.”

“You did?”

“Yeah we might have to talk some more but I know my Dad and he’s good with me being whoever I turn out to be.”

“So…you’re going to stop being Jason?”

“No because Jason doesn’t stop and me being Angel starts I’m good with the guy that I used to be, but I’m still even better being the girl in love with you.”

“So are you going to…”

“Transition?”

“Yes…”

“Maybe…it’ll depend on the case and stuff…I’ll need to be Jason more than likely if this ever ends up in court.”

“Yeah…”

“But I…I think so.”

She turns her head over to stare at me.

“Really? Why?”

“I made that promise remember?”

“Yeah but…”

“Well maybe part of me knew then and that was like subconscious foreshadowing of things until I got this all right in my head.”

“Right in your head?”

“Yes.”

“And are you?”

“Yes,”

Wow….

Even as I said it I know that this is what I’m going to do. How, all the other stuff with it is still up in the air of course but it’s a done deal in my heart. Angel is here for good.

She’s looking at me staring in the eyes. I can tell she’s trying to see just how deep how real this is going. That’s okay because it’s real for me and her eyes connect with mine and there’s this softening there in them and she rolls over in my arms to face me and I can tell that it’s Angel she’s seeing in there.

Inside of me.

There’s such a soft, amazingly soft look there that gets on her face all the way to her eyes and some more tears slip out from her eyes and I move my arm and wipe them away.

“God Angel…you’re beautiful you know that?”

I blush. “Even like this?”

“Yes, even like…”

“Rayne?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you know?”

“I think so, honestly it’s sort of there Ange. Pink hair aside you look like your mother in the pictures at the house.”

“I know, I think I’ve been trying to process it all.”

“I know.”

“The thing is that I never really though about it, it was never something that was in my head I was really okay with being me until everything happened here meet you and the girls and being Jem….”

“You mean being Angel.”

“No….I think I always was Angel just before I never had a name for myself, or a face for myself…now I’ve got a life but I’ve got more than that I’ve got things I love, people I love, plans that I want to see come to pass…and people know me more than they know me as Jason.”

“But the stuff with the jar at the comic place.”

“Hey, that’s cool as heck Rayne and I’m still choked up about it but I’m not going to just stop being me because there’s people that liked Jason. Jason’s who I used to be before I grew up into being Angel. I’m transgendered, no big deal there a lot of transgendered people in the world and we all come into feeling who we are at all sorts of different times and places in our lives just like everyone else.”

“So…”

“So, I’ll likely come clean when this is all over and stuff.”

“Oh…”

“You think it’ll hurt the band?”

“Maybe, I dunno rock’s a funny business like that. But we’ll be with you all the way.”

“You already have been.”

Rayne smiles shyly and sweetly at me and the she kisses me deeply. Actually she kisses me over and over again and she slowly starts to run her hands over my body and touching me in this way that gives me those good shivers.

Then she slips down and she takes one of my nipples into her mouth…it feels good I know not even close to being the same but at the same time it does feel good, I am enjoying it and yes boy nipples harden too when stimulated…there’s nerves though usually very asleep being woken up as Rayne’s really talented mouth causes more blood to flow there that before.

I moan and hiss and make sounds and she gets more into it and I get more into and I go with it. They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ there is and I just sort of go into this little fantasy that I’m just like this and the only difference is that I’ve already started my treatment…the hormones and stuff at it’s effecting the way my nipples feel the way that I feel and it does help…

Oh yeah a good little bit of fantasy makes a lot of difference.

Rayne straddles me and that’s this gasping oh wow…moment and she bites her lip.

“Too heavy?”

“Oh shut up, you’re perfect.”

She blushes and smiles but it’s still a smile and she goes back to kissing me and I can just reach down and run my hands over her really excellent butt.

I love the fact that she has curves…Adam’s crowd the girls and the girls that want to be like his girls they all starve themselves the do all these stupid things and get brainwashed into thinking that they have to be a certain way and a certain size to be…worth something.

Here’s a secret girls, those girls that have a guy in a long tern relationship and are carrying something extra. Some of them are happy. Some of their guys are happy because she’s his and she’s just being real.

I guess being a lesbian now that goes true for women too. That it’s not the wrapping or the padding it’s the shiny prize inside.

God Rayne shines to me.

I wonder if it’s weird that I want to be a girl and I’m in love with a girl? Sex isn’t gender and gender isn’t sex so…

Oh…I feel myself stirring and even more so as Rayne’s got her hand on it and she doesn’t pull it free of my panties but uses then to keep the length up and pressed to my pubic bone.

I feel her juices soaking through the satin making it slippery and there’s the feeling of her sex through that oh so thin fabric and she’s gliding over the underside of my shaft which is way more sensitive.

And in my mind those feelings aren’t the guy feelings they’re not the guy sensations we’re together and we’re rubbing our girl parts together and…and…I swear I feel this hard little nubbin through the wet satin and it’s touching the me and she gasps and I gasp and her eye’s widen.

(Pant.) “You…you felt that?”

(Whine.) “Yes…oh god yes is that…?”

(Pant.) “Yes…”

(Pant…mine.) “Up…up a little more…please baby…?”

Rayne adjust her seat just a little and she hit’s it…that little nubbin of her clit exposed as he labia are parted by my shape so her hardness is touching me and now it’s sliding right in between where my glans come together…her eyes widen as she feels the bumpy difference and she leans down and pins me to the bed by my wrists but adjusts quickly so we’re holding hands and our fingers are entwined and she’s on top…she’s in control…

He breasts are gliding over mine and touching as she moves and the sway and bounce and her hair is falling down onto my skin in this incredibly hot caress and we’re kissing and she’ll kiss and suckle on my nipples, give me love bite and then arch herself so I can lean up and nuzzle and caress and kiss her breasts.

“You like this...?”

“God yes Rayne, yes…baby it feels so good…”

“How good…?

I whine and lean up to kiss her and there’s tears there spilling out from pure pleasure…it takes awhile to get me stiff and it takes me longer to get to where I’m ready to get off…but this, this is concentrated and loving and erotic and it’s someone else touching me…loving me, making love to me.

“Fuck me Rayne…please…please…rub my clitty with yours; please…oh Rayne…eengh! (High pitched.)

“Are you close?”

I nod.

Oh sweet Jesus she slows down and kisses with me. Then we go through the wonderful foreplay with our breast and then she’ll start up again and then slow and it’s more than a bump and grind, it’s more that dry humping because there’s nothing dry about it and she get’s “There” twice before I explode drenching my underwear and hitting a sexual feeling that I have never gotten too on my own and it’s even the longest orgasm that I have ever had because of Rayne’s weight pressing down and constricting the flow.

I swear time stopped…saw colors.

Rayne was right behind me and she squealed and screamed muffled by the fact that she’s pressed right into my chest with hers and she’s biting my shoulder…she’s still riding me into softness.

We just lay there awhile panting and I feel drained, hell I feel like I no…there isn’t anything I felt that compares with this.

Rayne’s sobbing and giggling a little at the same time and I can’t help it I get swept up into it too.

Then…

There is clapping…Mike, Brooklyn, Kimmie and whistles.

We get red faced so badly and them look at each other and smile at each other then we’re laughing and giggling and kissing and lots of kissing.

She looks at me and plays with my hair a little and smiles. “Oh by the way you are so much more Buttercup than me.”

Blink…blink…

Oh…

I look at her. “I want to see you dressed like Dread-Pirate Roberts.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I want to see you in a dress like that one she wears.”

“Deal if I can make it…Halloween?”

“Yeah…”

“Rayne…”

“Yeah…”

“If our life’s written down somewhere I want it to be a kissing book.”

She smiles and I know it’s our after glows and hormones and chemicals or stuff but she’s glowing when she does that at least to me.

Shiny…

“Angel…”

“Yes lover…”

She smiles a bit more even at that.

“It’s never been like this.”

“What?”

“All of it…the sex…oh good god girl the sex has just been…but it’s more than that…I can talk to you about anything, I can trust you, you make me feel happy and that I’m beautiful….I’ve never had these kinds of things…not really not with Summer.”

I smile and roll from my side to my back and cover my face with my hands.

“Angel?”

“Rayne can I just be a selfish little bitch for a minute?”

“Uhm…Okay…?”

I kick my feet in the whole yay squee style and I sort of punch and fist pump in the air several times and yell. “YES! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!”

She looks at me totally in surprise then she her smile breaks up and she was right on that edge of holding it in and laughing and she was pushed over the edge by more clapping from the peanut gallery.

She burst of laughing and buries her fact into my stomach giggling wildly.

It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her giggle and laugh with total abandon and just be really happy and it’s in my tummy and sinking those feelings into my soul.

Can you have so much love for someone flooding into you it feels like your heart is going to burst?

I just sort of run my fingers through her hair and just soak in the moment and that’s when I fell asleep.

……………………………………I wake up having had the best sleep I think I’ve ever had in my life and as soon as the sleepy for clears from my brain I realize that Rayne and I are together in bed and cuddled up and….

I’m with someone….

Really, really with some one and it’s sinking in so deep really.

I mean there’s being with someone and then there’s dating and other stuff but that is so, so different than waking up beside somebody that you love and they’re actually there. It’s not a fantasy, and Rayne is real.

I roll over…uhm…okay the sheets are a little glued and there’s the smell of sex everywhere…I’ve sort of smelled this before but not this real and intense and it’s not as eew as I though instead it’s more of this is US, this is real and in a way it’s a first for us.

There’s those little things y’know even if they aren’t all romanticized and stuff. It’s still important all the same.

I roll over to her and I watch her.

You’d think after all the waxing poetic I’d done that I’d be all that way with this and I could be. Even like this she’s stunning but in a cute way. Hair a complete mess and all over the place and she’s on her stomach which is odd because I though girls hand uhm breast issues and stuff sleeping on their chests but that could just be like myths and stuff. She’s not quite completely face down with just enough of her head turned to mouth breath and she’s I think almost snoring.

I carefully slip out of bed and I write her a note. “Making coffee and breakfast, stay here.”

I set it on my pillow and I grab some things and the first thing I do is go and have a quick shower.

I freshen up and check the hairiness levels and do a quick once over with the Veet then it’s lotion and powder and deodorant and a kiss of perfume.

And a maybe surprise for later….

In fresh underwear and bra and my inserts I slip into the pair of old Roots brand sweat pants I own and one of mom’s old pink breast cancer tee’s and I pad barefoot downstairs just grabbing a scrunchie to put my hair up.

I stop in the mirror.

Old but really girly tee shirt, old comfy sweats, hair just done to keep out of my way.

“Yeah…”

I didn’t even think about this; this is just what I grabbed and how I turned out.

I stare a little longer and then actually smile at myself in the mirror.

No regrets actually…not a one it’s actually a relief not having the whole is this right or is this normal thing being asked in my head now.

I slip downstairs to the kitchen and there’s a note from Mike & Brooklyn that they and Kimmie went shopping and I smile mostly because I know this is a big deal for Brooklyn to have her own cash now.

I take out the eggs and I take out some flour and stuff and one of the non stick pans and put the bacon in the microwave it just gets nice and crisp in there and flat. I make pancake batter but take out the waffle iron and get it going and I make some waffles but I don’t make a sweet waffle mine has some thyme in it and a bit of fresh ground black pepper and a bit of rosemary in it and some really, really finely diced onion.

I slice up a tomato, and get the water ready to poach a few eggs and make some hollandaise to go ontop it’s sort of my take on the whole eggs benny thing but as things are going and the coffee’s perking I pick up the phone and dial home.

I wait, and wait because I know he’s there and it’s Uncle Mitch that actually answers.

“Hey Mitch is Remy there?”

That’s one of the things about this that’s weird really. Calling them both stuff like that.

“He’s welding Angel but I’ll go get him is anything wrong?”

“No, sorta, maybe…? Can you ask him to just come right over when he can? I really need to talk to him.”

“Sure no problem.”

I set the receiver down with a big sigh. There’s no point in hiding it or dragging it out I have to tell him. I think he’ll be good with it…I mean it’s Dad….

But I’m still nervous and scared.