I know most trans-people try to be as stealth as possible - some going as far as changing towns to escape from their past as the opposite gender. But for me, because of my circumstances, this simply isnt an option for me. I have no choice but to be up front about who I am and what I'm doing. There are many times when I wonder what it would be like to be treated as a woman, full stop, but I doubt that will happen. Ah well.

I always suspected it, but it's official now: I LIVE A SOAP OPERA.... Guiding Light, One Life to Live, As the World Turns... they can't come up with shit this good. Here's an update

Mother calls Uncle Sal to put some pressure on me to pay her the mysterious 12k.

Then I find out some truths:

Truth 1: Though my mother said the family plot in new york is full, there are actually 5 spaces available.

Well, last night went much more smoothly, despite my being in some physical pain. But the topper was when I had to tell a co-worker (who is always rather silent around me) that he had to take a pile of pallets outside. He dropped them in the freezer section of the store instead, and then shook his head, Once I got out of range of him, I started giggling, because it occurred to me to wonder if he was being sexist - he just didnt want to take an order from a girl. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

So there I was, Sunday morning club rides and I'm turned up in the normal Welsh drizzle expecting a nice 28 mile amble with the group fours; only to find no other group fours or even group threes had turned up. I'm debating taking off on my own and enjoying a nice pleasurable ride at my own pace all nice and regular like but oooooh nooo!

"No Bev", says Les the club secretary, "come on out with the group twos, we'll take it easy for you."

"Yeah!!!!!" Says I as I look pointedly up into the rain sodden clouds and the 'unsolvable porcine equasions of flight' refuse to leave my head.

We got a phone call from my aunt Pat last night, saying that her eldest son has cancer. Apparently, he had some before, and was cured, but the new one isnt the same as the old. I guess he is estranged from his dad, and Pat is angry that the boy's father cant put aside their differences because he's sick. It reminded me of the rest of my family, who have taken the ability to hold a grudge and perfected it into an art form. One of these days I should find a way to come out to them, but as they are not part of my life much, if they reject me, I dont lose much. Ah, well.

The Observer magazine has done a photo shoot of mainly gay icons. The cover has one of Pejic dressed like a bride, but the collection in the link shows an amazing one of him with a python or boa constrictor - it certainly isn't a snake in the grass. There's also one of Chaz Bono.

See what you think.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2011/dec/11/g...

Angharad

There is little girl and her name is Maggie. To everyone that knows her, it is Kitten. They named her that because of the way she is. Full of energy that she uses up in a hurry sharing her love, joy and happiness with everyone and everything around her.

For those who said that I should let my hair grow out and straighten it, I can do that. I have tried to straighten it out and nothing keeps it straight at all. It just keeps curling up on me after dries out. Since I grew up in the military family, I have gotten use to having my hair short. I have a wig that is red and long, so I can wear that if I want to go out. I was thinking along that line right now.

Joshlyn Amanda

Well, last night I was starting to feel a wave a grief coming on, and I got to wondering what I could do to endure it better. Just when things started to look bleak, the song "The only girl in the world" came on over our intercom. Somehow, the song got me out of my rut and made me feel better again. Neat trick, that. I'll have to remember it the next time.

The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #14: Being Mr. Heckles To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

this was supposed to be a comment, a piece of unsolicited advice, actually, for dorothycolleen, in her blogpost, "Disassociation" -

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/32731/disassociation

i originally wanted to post it as a comment, but looking at how involved i got in writing it, i thought i'd make it a blog instead. so, i think you'd best read her blog first, so this one will make some sense.

Doing the administration here is not easy, keeping things friendly and focussed on stories, storytelling, reading and commenting on stories. Maybe I should do away with the blogs.

Twice today I have had to remove comments for being unfriendly, both times because some reported news event and someone's fairly innocuous comment sparked replies that got political and maybe a bit unfriendly. Whenever this happens, it has nothing to do with my own politics, sometimes I have to remove posts that I agree with because not doing so eventually leads to flames, in my experience.

Yesterday I wrote that my mom was fine with my feelings. Well, from the way I understood from listening to her I am allow to explore my girl side as long I do not make a show of it. I like to be a girl alone, unless I find some who are like me here in Nashua, NH. I will go out in public, but first I need to get something’s under control. Then I am getting my body ready for both. I like to cut my hair short, for it grows curly and thick. So I am looking at getting all my hair remove from the face down. When I look think of myself as a girl I think red head.

Well, I think the hormones are starting to have an effect on me, but not in a good way. Several times last night I was in tears, frustrated with my lack of strength. Overall, the day sucked, and I left feeling like pretty much a complete failure. Ah, well.

Well this is it. We're in the final stages of moving. I get the truck today and when we get that sucker packed it's hit the road time. The internet is due to be cut off any time now, and I don't know when we're get everything connected back up and online again. Hopefully not too long. Writing of course has taken second fiddle to the more immediate concerns of real life. I will do my best not to kill too many good story ideas by telling them to myself on the trip. There's that delicious zone of where the tale is unfolding that's like riding a wave.

I more than understand that the things that I write are not for everyone. I tend to deal with harsh subject matter in a pretty straight-forward way that not everyone is comfortable. I get that. But know this about me, I enjoy writing what I do (not that I get some kind of perverse pleasure out of pain and suffering, but the exploring of dark emotional places that few dare to tread gives me a certain strength that allows me to confront the shit in my own life).

Ladies,

If you haven't seen this and live in the UK might I suggest that you take a few moments to review the links below?

Killers of transgender people to get longer sentences A Link to the BBC story which covers the change.

Home Office Transgender equality strategy

I'd like to contact Alyssa Davis. She doesn't seem to have been on BCTS, and her stories' last appearance on Fictionmania and Crystal's StorySite was in 2002. Any ideas of her whereabouts or how to find out?

Stephanie James is another that seems to be MIA; she doesn't seem to be on BCTS, FM, or C'SS!

Any help in contacting or any info about these writers would be appreciated!

Karin

I'm having trouble figuring out my ex. Yesterday, after the Christmas do at my brother's, I took my daughter home, and since I didn't have to work, I came into my ex's house for a bit. While I'm there, my ex starts playing with my hair, complimenting me on its softness and length, and making suggestions to help cover up my bald spot. Then today, when I was dropping off my daughter, she noticed I now have pink gloves, and gave me the third degree for their color. Like I said, she confuses me.

Well, classes are over for the semester. That is a great relief as two classes I was taking gave me an incredible level of stress that totally sapped my creative juices. The good news is that I have a month to catch up on writing before new classes start. So I aim to have new 300 Rains, new The Journey is the Destination and hopefully some Whateley. That will be nice if I can pull that off.

But no more classes at the moment! Whee!

I wrote my first overtly sexual piece but haven"t gotten comments about it.

I'd like to know how I did. Did I handle things correctly? Too graphic? Not graphic enough? Did I handle it with style and grace?

According to my account details I have been a member for 4 weeks. This means that I have been writing, or trying to , for 4 weeks.

Mayhaps I doth write too much.

In 2 hours I am off to an assessment of a few things. I am scared, my nerves are not the best either. Not sure if I have enough time to get ready, Nor what to wear as its bloody cold outside.

Sisters and Brothers,

Yesterday I talked to Dad about how I was feeling. Well, he understood what I was going through. He asked me to look into other ways of relaxing.

That is when I really stress out. I feel more comfortable at times as a girl then I do as a boy, but most of the time it is a balance between both boy and girl. I going to try talking to my mom next. I’d like know what you all think.

Thanks for being supportive,

Joshlyn

I can't beleive I am still going strong on this story, nor that the words just seem to flow filling the page fast, I haven;t even gotten to the first date yet and Im probably already at 6k words.

My uncle passed this evening from heart failure. He was my dad's second oldest brother and had suffered from the effects of Agent Orange for many years. My problem is this, I want to be there to support my cousins who know I have transitioned and mostly haven't had a problem about it. The rest of my dad's side are the ones I am worried about. They are mostly strict Southern Baptist and Pentecostal and they do not like anything that doesn't conform to their narrow minded view of the world.

Many of you may recall that Ms. Stanton is TG.

six hours of almost constant writing of the same story. Ever feel like the energizer bunny.

For those of you who wonder what I really look like, here is your chance to have a good laugh or lose your lunch.

Va. Inmate Appeals Dismissal Of Sex Change Lawsuit: Transgender Ophelia De'Lonta Wants Surgery

Thought this might be of interest. Please keep comments on context, and civil, PLEASE!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/05/va-inmate-appeals-d...

Rami

Posted on Facebook by someone from one of my other networks...

Dear Santa, This year can I please have a big fat bank account and a slim body? Please don't mix 'em up, like you did last year!!!! Thanks, __________         P.S. I have tried really hard to be good this year.         P.P.S. The incident with the greasy pig wasn't proved.

Much to my astonishment, I have been invited to a muggle writer's group through my church. I am frankly astonished and wonder how long this will last. The word from a friend of mine who secured the invitation for me is that if these people like your work, it will go to print.

So, now is the time to see if I have real talent, and am I up to writing withing the constraints of what adults see as proper spelling and sentence construction? Up until now, I have written for fun, and have ignored the rules of most of the editor mongers. I just wanted to have fun! :)

I was sitting here at the computer getting some things done for work, and while I was pondering things, some old memories hit me. Flashes from late toddlerhood, preschool, elementary, middle school, and I realized something I had not noticed before. I always had a girl my age that was a friend and role model for me. I had boys that I was friends with. At times I hung out with them a lot more, but growing up I always had that one girl that I looked to when I was unsure about how to act, or that I looked to when the boys I played with confused me or just got too rough.

Although I have sparks for stories every 5 mins and a story develops from a spark to full lenght one by the time I reach the bottom of stairs usually, missing some details among other stuff.

I am writing a new one based in part with my love of cars. I am not going to post it here till I'm satisfied with it. I write in notepad which is on just about any computer.

I have alot of stories already in production here which I can work on when the mood swings inline with the area of that story.

I am sorry that I haven't been writing much lately, real life has got in the way and I have been rather busy of late.

Just got the nook tablet first site i checked out and saved was Bigcloset. Yay now i can read my fav authors on the go!

Just two days after Thanksgiving my main supporter in being transgender died at the age of 67. She had been suffering for fifteen years with work related Asthma and Fibromyalgia. My mother had even supported me when I lost my job by loaning me money to live on while I looked for a new job. My current job is about to run out in January and she had left me enough money to live on for the next couple of years and a house to live in.

Hi everyone.

It's rush rush, rush for me.... I have eight, full-length novels in the later stages of development, all I wanted to finish before Christmas, as well as trying to get all my works onto Kindle to clear the decks. Then there are the short story competitions, of which I have entered nine new stories, all written over the last seven days. Then I've got my decaying parents... just give me an hour in a darkened room each evening, and I'll be fine. I promise.
My apologies in advance, I don't think I'll meet my self appointed deadlines, but I shall try.

I was playing one day at my laptop, Lonely and ill at ease, My fingers wandering idly, over the plastic keys. I struck one chord of wierdness that sounded the great amen!

Just transferred chapter 1 of Mares Talers over from FM.

I'm carrying on with Mermaid but frankly there are virtually no comments these days so I'm winding it up after a few more brief chapters. Frankly, I think I'm getting a bit stale and this is reflected in the paucity of comments. I'm also running short of ideas after 197 story chapters on FM plus whatever here on BC.

Byee.

Bev.

I made a mistake in the story I just submitted. How do I edit or delete it so I can make the correction?

mistaken girl chapter 4 is up it took awhile to get to moms appearance. never made it to store yet even though its 6 am the next day.

Enjoy

You ever look in the mirror and hate what you see? Do you feel hopeless, like you'll never have a bit of glamour or femininity in your own presentation?

Well, despair not! Or, misery loves company. Or, something. For I have found something that should make every person in that category find some hope.

This photo gallery.

Had another of my patentable weird dreams. This one was about a fictional high school in Malibu known by the nickname of Surfer High. In the dream, I was pitching this as a cable TV show.

One of the exec types says, "I like what you've done there, with the double meaning in the title. It's not a double entendre unless it's dirty, right?"

I want to work on chapter 4 of mistaken girl.....after I finish writing this little story for someone else.

Also want to get out to wally world during the day for some catfood and another can of paint. Maybe some makeup ill see. That is gonna take a huge effort though as Im scared.

My fellow Whovians, an interesting interview with Matt Smith who plays Dr Who in the latest incarnation of the character. He seems remarkably down to earth and unaffected. See what you think.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2011/dec/03/matt-smit...

I think medieval needs to be a keyword for stories from now on:)

Did you ever cry while lying on your back?

Today was my third electrology session, this time for the upper lip.
Because of the bright light some tears ran down - directly into my ears.

Then I somehow thought about the english translation and had to post this blog entry ;)

Apparently allowing women to drive would increase prostitution, pornography, homosexuality and divorce.

Yes, we're talking Saudi Arabia, and one particularly loopy academic (Kamal Subhi) who's submitted that description as part of a report to the country's legislative assembly, the Shura, in an attempt to get it to drop plans to reconsider the ban on women drivers.

You can read more about this rather strange report over at BBC News. Further evidence it's a mad world out there.

There are no rules

I forget where I either read or watched that. Its a memorably quote though.

Do I have a plot...eeeehhh kinda I know what the ending is sorta. Usually very vaguely.

Where do I get my ideas from. The spark for a story comes from anything. Another story, stubbing a toe, cussing at the stupid cat. I do say spark because thats just what it is *What if...* is pretty much the spark. From there I have a picture in my head then it starts moving with a life all its own.

The writer me just uses words to try to describe what I see think and feel in my head.

It is said:

In the Northern Hemisphere in winter, generally the male reindeer will shed their antlers, the female reindeer (being one of two female breeds who have antlers) will maintain their antlers to allow for clearing of snow for foraging so as to support their young.

Merry Christmas everyone at BC, thanks for all your great stories in 2011.

http://www.the-north-pole.com/carols/rudolph.html

LoL
Rita

I got my passport and it is all official and everything! I finally have the correct gender marker and everything! Woot!!

The only confusing thing is that it seems to only be valid for two years. This is irritating and I am not pleased with this. So I am going to call them on Monday and ask for clarification. So that is a touch irritating.

But YAY!!