I am a horrible author.

...

That's all I hear in my head now. I feel compelled to write, to have others know my thoughts through stories I've crafted after hundreds of hours of research and writing... and re-writing... and editing... and then finally after 3 years of sitting on these stories, I let the people in my life convince me that they're actually good and that I'm an author and a good writer.

They were wrong.

I heard this on the radio in the car yesterday.

The Who song I'm a boy was written by Pete Townsend . The song was originally intended to be a part of a rock opera called 'Quads' which was to be set in the future where parents can choose the sex of their children. The idea was later scrapped, but this song survived and was later released as a single.

It was never clear if it was intended to be about a boy who was treated as a girl, or a girl that wanted to be a boy.

I find it fascinating how much people get messed up, and then report it as the truth.

I got an email about "watching out for public records being released, and what they may say about you." So, just for kicks, I looked myself up online to see what it says.

The result? Whitepages isn't making a good impression with me They have 2 wrong aliases and 3 incorrect places I used to live. "Uh.... No, I don't think I really want to pay for your services. You don't seem to know much about your 'subjects'."

is something I ask myself often.

Two more stories. One from MORFS Universe and the other from fictionmania.com.

MORFS:
In actual timeline sense it would be among if not the first in timeline. Boy becomes a hybrid squirrel girl. Her father builds a tree bedroom for her in the backyard.

I usually listen to music constantly in the background while I conceptualize characters and plot out my stories, and oftentimes while I'm working on a story, I make a playlist of songs that I associate with the general "feel" or "vibe" of the piece, certain events and/or characters therein, imagining it as the ideal soundtrack were the story in question ever to be adapted into film. (These playlists are essentially the soundtracks to their respective stories as they play out as if cinematically in my head/imagination.) Even though it's now years after I published these two on BCTS, and judging by their view/kudos counts these stories have "run their course" on here (in the sense that everyone regularly on the site who's going to read/kudo/comment on them has done so by now), I figured I'd share the "soundtrack" playlists for "Aurora and Aurelia" and "Ships", if anyone's interested.

My therapist had a really good insight into what happened with the writing group:

"Sometimes when we're struggling with self-hate or loathing, we find ourselves sharing vulnerable aspects of ourselves to people who have not earned the right to our most intimate selves. It's almost like a test to those around us. And if they passed one test, we push again and we push harder.

“As long as it’s not Gizmo driving a Gremlin,” said Doc and we all chuckled. We faced unknown danger and laughed, so we must be brave.

Part 3 of latest book posted! Thanks again to the help of a good friend who caught quite a few gooberisms with their final check-through. They had to suffer through with me sending many updates over the past week as I kept poking at it, even after I had said I was 'done'. I'll have to be better about that for the next one, lol.

Now to use the rest of this holiday weekend plowing through the text of Part 4!

Thanks to everyone who reads as always, and especially those who comment! Hope y'all enjoy!
- Erisian <3

I've resisted as long as I could, but the dark side has taken me -- I've started publishing my material on Amazon. It's a new thing so far with only Lifeswap available as a Kindle download (with a slight facelift -- the story is the same, but I've tweaked some of the bits I felt needed tweaking). The plan for the next few weeks (months?) is to do the same with some of the other stories I've posted here, making anthologies of the shorter works so each work will be 100k words or above, and making them available in digital or dead tree format.

AITA for refusing to give my trans daughter a family heirloom? : AmItheAsshole (reddit.com)

As I have done a couple times before, when I have read something, especially something I am unable to comment to directly. That which I feel fits more into our specific issues, I have no other choice but to address it, particularily where the terfs and trolls cannot reach it, essentially.

The fact is, that this is technically a situation where neither gets truly a happy ending, unless the ‘winner’ is a severe narccist.

in case anybody isn't tired of me talking about my dreams, here is last night's:

I dreamed I was an assistant to a young man, who looked like an athlete. I was following him, taking notes on a notepad, and after entering a hotel room with 2 beautiful women on the bed, he announced he was going to take a bath.

Because he also wanted me to keep taking notes, he had me follow him, and in the swimming-pool sized tub were 3 more women who I ignored as I kept taking notes.

I do a lot of reading on Psychological matters and sometimes take College courses. The DSM can most certainly put one in a tail spin if we take it as Gospel. I've noticed that certain schools of thought preach that MTF folk have been abused by males. That could be the case with me because of my own stepfather, and it is very easy for me to hate males. Off setting that, I have met numbers of males who were very nice and caring. The other day on an elevator a man started talking to me and by the time I got off I was gasping.

So last night I brought my autobiographical piece "the house" to my writing group, and the group leader got so upset at the thought that I might be worried about hurting someone the way I was hurt got her so upset she stopped my reading, and we went on to someone else's work. So I came home in a cloud of self-hate, which wasn't helped by my sister in law reminding me this is now twice in a fairly short time I've hurt this person.

I let the steamy water cascade over me…and groan. It’s the first day of school…my first as a “girl.” It’s also my first day at my new school.

WunderBoy -10-
by Shauna Rousseau
on BC Patreon for Members

Re-reading some old comments I was reminded of how what is regarded as male or female garb depends on time and place.

In many countries men walk around in what really is the same thing as dresses. In Suva I saw a bunch of teenage schoolboys in their school uniform skirts. And what about the cute little skirts Greek guard soldiers wear?

If I remember correctly Romans despised Britons as barbarians for wearing bifurcated garments on their lower body.

On my woes!

"Romance in Disguise" is my latest, my fifth anthology of short stories published on Amazon and available on Kindle.

... I'm scheduled to be meeting with a therapist.

I'm not sure if I'm ready. I feel like I'm wading into a lake, and years of memories are being stirred up as I walk. The water is too murky to see my own feet, and I'm not certain how deep the lake is, or how far I can go before I slip into the deep end. Right now, just the thought of letting a complete stranger look into those waters, and see whatever might float to the surface, is a bit ... terrifying. I really hope I'm in better shape tomorrow.

So I had just about finished a long post with some pictures for you when Firefox decided to refresh and lost the whole thing.

As a result you won't be getting all that I wrote about my rides, visiting Imber and so on. There is a new Gaby chapter up, my desktop has blown up which is why i'm using Firepox on my steam powered lappy, here is a picture from yesterdays ride and one of me earlier - I didn't have any red dye so i've gone a bit, er blue!

A bit ago it came to light that an author can request no comments be allowed on their story.
My general policy is if there are no comments, it means the story will not be read.
And if the lead in synopsis feels a bit sketchy or very vague, the story will be ignored.
An exception to that might happen if I am acquainted with the author's style from previous stories.
In years past, I have started reading a story only to find it wasn't something I wished to read for one reason or another.

okay, its dream time again.

last night I dreamed I was working in a place that kind of reminded me of Black Mesa from the game Half Life. But unlike the game, we were not evacuating, but we were moving.

After helping a woman with some offices, I went to see if I could help anybody else, when one of the senior people there told me we had a spy somewhere in the facility, and asked me to do a search.

Luxuriating on the beach with a real book and tea.

I've sorta been ... obsessing ... about seeing a therapist in a few days. There were just lots of stuff ... I don't know the name of the stuff ... but it was filling me up to overflowing. And then, I became disconnected from the stuff, but it sorta ... kept going without me. And that stuff somehow turned into the song below. I'm still feeling disconnected, and I'm not sure if I can make sense of the song, but I sorta just needed to say what's in this song, because ... I'm not sure. It just feels like something that really needs to say. Umm ...

I've finally got my finger out and done some actual writing! Its the start of a new Gabysode that sits after Book 26 but i'm not sure where it fits or even if it fits in the following books. Anyhow, my Patreon supporters should have exclusive access to it now - not a supporter? well get over to Patreon, the basic package starts from £3 per month https://www.patreon.com/user?u=38088018&fan_landing=true

Have fun
Madeline Anafrid

Thanks to everyone who checked out ‘Ground Rush’, bought it or read it with Kindle Unlimited. You’ve given me my best ever month on the Amazon platform.

If you did read it, a review would be appreciated, when you get the chance.

I recently had a row with my wife. She told me I bottle everything up and I don't show my emotions. What I wonder is this because I'm a man? Or is it due to the fact that I longed to be a girl?

My wife knew I liked to occasionally dress before we married, when the kids come along I was forbidden to do it and still am. I do everything without her knowledge now. Hotel stays when working, fishing holidays etc, allows Leeanna time.

I've only just finished reading "Life Giver", by Melanie Brown and was greatly impressed. This book is as professional and easy to read as it gets, in my opinion. I tried to leave a comment at Amazon but can't figure that out. There are other very good Authors at BCTS, but leaving them a comment is quite easy.

Thank you Melanie.

Gwen Brown

for nobody.

I just heard that Charlie Watts, the drummer of The Rolling Stones, died.

I met him back in 1963, when The Stones were just getting started, and he was a lovely guy, the only one of them who wasn't either so far up himself or high on something, who gave a fan a little facetime and some conversation, without being in any way condescending.

Apart from that, he was one of those mostly unsung brilliant drummers who anchored the group for over fifty years. It makes me feel very sad and very much mortal to hear of his death as he was only a few months older than me.

I was very late to learn to read and in the early 50s, the teachers I'd had were neither patient or gentle. A teacher I had in the 4th grade, instead of lecturing me, gave me a book that looked very interesting and sitting with a child's dictionary and that book I learned to read somewhat. The name of the book was 'Bull Dozer' and looking, a used copy of it on Amazon is $90. Later in the 7th grade, my teacher noticed my idle fiddling and handed me an encyclopedia to read. By the end of that year, I'd read them all.

So, as it says on the tin, I'm looking for a pre-reader to give solid, detailed feedback on plot, character development and world building. I don't need my ego stroked, but if the limit of the feedback is it's great/sucked, that doesn't help me. I need someone who can articulate, in depth how they are/aren't enjoying the overall story, the world the story is told in, and the characters as they interact with each other.

This time it's me asking about an author here
who goes/went by the handle Limbo's Mistress
In 2020 she was posting some fantastic serials
and she and I were getting to be PM-Pals...

Claire: “Thank you for understanding, Penelope. I know it’s not ideal…but that’s the life of a WunderGirl.”

Shauna's tale of the WunderGirls and WunderBoys is back!

but I've been out today

Puzzled. I now have ten chapters of 'Rainbows///' up, and for some reason Chapter 10 is being sorted between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. Any ideas, hive mind?

After a marathon edit session today between me and a good friend who's acting as editor in exchange for future cookies, Part 2 of Book 4 Light And Shadow is posted!

Tomorrow continues mad editing on Part 3! After groceries. And housework chores. And playing with neglected kitties. (Okay, they're totally not neglected, just spent half an hour with a kitten chasing a dangled shoelace...)

Hope people enjoy! If you do, feel free to leave a comment! Thanks!! :)

- Erisian <3

Hello out there,

I wanted to let you all know that the next Writing Walker's Path is out on my website!

Writing Walker's Path is something I started doing after the release of the story. The blog posts talk all about my thought process and sometimes hints at what is going to happen in the future. There are other "Writing Walker's Path" episodes for other chapters on there as well so make sure to read them all!

You can read Chapter 11's here.

got a body blow today.

Carol told me Mike had a meltdown on the weekend. He got very angry at an employee at the wildlife park over nothing

this is very much unlike him, but something she was warned about as his disease progresses

he went for a test today, the results will tell us if it is getting worse for sure, but he's already told Carol that if he ever gets violent she has his permission to put him into long term care

the worst thing of getting the news about Mike today was it was Sam's grad today, and I hate that I couldn't be happier for her

Hello out there,

Walker's Path Chapter 11 is out!

I mean you can probably see it on the list but it's out!

I hope you enjoy it!

I'm going to be working on the "Writing Walker's Path" today and will release it tomorrow so keep an eye out!

Lots of love,
Katherine

It's been a few years since I've seen a therapist. I'd stopped, because it was starting to bring up stuff I felt like I couldn't handle. I still ain't sure if I can handle it, but stuff seems to be bubbling up, and trying to ignore it doesn't seem to be helping any more. So, I've decided to try contacting my healthcare provider today.

I'm really, really nervous about looking for a therapist to help me with stuff. I'm tired of hiding from my past, but I'm also scared of facing it. Anybody got any suggestions on how to do this with the least amount of issues?

I wrote this after responding to a self castration story, and a suicide storie.

This deals with those of us that are born with a small extra amount of flesh between our legs, that stamps us as male, and set us on a fixed course in life.

I often wonder. If men and women were treated the same, dressed the same, played the same roles in society. Would those that hate their bodies feel the need to end it, or remove the offending parts?

Always comes into play when you think you are on top of things!

I was on Fictionmania a few days back. I read a story where teenage boys were fed hormones by their mothers after fighting at school.
It was fairly normal stuff, it wasn't particularly badly written. It was by an author called Metmanmornge.

There were a few nasty reviews. One said it was so bad it should be deleted. Another said it made no sense as the boys would beat their mother to death before this happened etc. It was pointed out that the site was called Fictionmania, and the story was fiction. I suggested if people didn't like it, they should just stop reading.

I was just reminded of "Through the Looking Glass", a scene in which if you approached someone, he got farther from you. Trying to chase an FTL spacecraft has a Looking-Glass aspect, as I discovered while equation-crunching and number-crunching for my story.

well that's the name one of yesterdays Strava segments goes by,