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paddling up a waterfall

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Well, the last couple of days have been filled with anxiety, and last night I finally put together why.

It goes back to an article on Facebook which was about child abuse, and the idea of making a Valentine's day card for your younger self.. I thought it was a really good idea, and was going to work on making one for the 7-9 year old me, but I didn't realize how much I was triggering myself until my anxiety was at Defcon 5 and you could almost hear the robot from "Lost in Space" going "Danger, Dorothy Colleen, Danger!"

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Hows the hatbox fund doing so far this month?

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Erin and company, how much more do you need for the month?

I have got overtime pay this week and last week. I have a little extra money after paying bills, so I can contribute a little bit more this month I just need to know how much to try and squeeze out.
I want to keep a little in reserve but also want to help keep the site going. I may not be LBGT but I find the people on this site much easier to relate to at times than I do most people around me. So I want to help if possible to keep it alive as long as possible.

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Illness precedes my being active

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I have had health difficulties since February of 2014. I have been in and out of the hospital for falling when I stand up.(7 days in the hospital and one month recovery at home) I had my fifth toe on my right foot amputated in August after it blew up ( two weeks in the hospital two months recovery) November I was admitted to a mental health clinic for depression ( 8 days in the hospital and daily recovery. February 6th this year I had a heart attack that required emergency surgery to put a stent in. ( I am recovering now and have thirteen more days before I can drive or get excited.

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Kindle emergency!

To all who have purchased my new book A Necessary Fiction (and thank you for that!)--

The conversion process duplicated some chapters' text and cut part of one. This was caught by Allison Z and thank you-thank you! I double-checked and it has been published again. The title page of the correct book reads: KBB2152

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Leonard Nimoy, RIP

Star Trek!
A name, a program, and TV event that will live in history. For the first time in American media history, Blacks and Whites, men and women, Americans and Russians, Occidentals and Orientals were all working and living together in harmony. And, there was even a half-alien, Spock, portrayed by Leonard Nimoy.

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Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe

The recent best actor Oscar winner is starring as Lili Elbe the pioneer transgender woman who died attempting to have a uterus transplanted. If this film wins an Oscar will it be as best actor or actress?

http://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/feb/27/eddie-redmayne-t...

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For anyone who has lost a pet.

I found this video on youtube, of course. I defy any pet owner to not shed a tear when istening to Jimmy Stewart read a poem he wrote about his lost pet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwGnCIdHQH0

They are ALL waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge and lately, I find myself a bit anxious to get there. No, I don't want to die, but I miss my lost furry ones SO much sometimes.

Catherine Linda Michel

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A series of happenings here on BCTS

As last night saw the closure of Jessie's 2nd Book of the 'Death Dealers Saga'
And when I checked for updates before work this morning, I saw an entry by Amethyst, thanking the Closeteers, hey I know its not a real word but what better way to describe us, for worrying.
Also another blog that was commenting on incomplete/unfinished works.

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I want to send a thank you to Naomi, and others

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I wanted to send a special thank you out to Naomi, Doc, Fiona, Talia, Star, and all the other crazies who have been so awesome to me on the BC chat site, especially the last while when I've been in blanket-fort mode as often as not.

They've cheered for me, they've been silly to make me giggle, and they've always been ready with huggles when I needed them, which has been pretty often.

Special thanks to Naomi for being willing to join Jaci in our little game of "who's girly", which never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Bless you all.

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New Transgender Magazine

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Transgender Life News has just launched with its debut magazine. It's a monthly magazine and I have a small monthly feature in it dealing with being Christian and Transgender. This is not a christian magazine though, for those of you who are put off by such things. I promised I would spread the word and I hope some will take a look. The first few pages are free to try.

http://madmagz.com/magazine/477510#/page/1

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Medical questions

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Suddenly realized that I have a character that's going to be in the hospital for a bit. Among other sundry injuries, *both* arms are broken. And from what I recall from when had my arm broken, the initial cast will cover the elbow.

Anybody know where they stick the IV in such cases?

Even more new Kindles from Karin!

I’ve added two Kindle books, one brand-new and one almost-new, and the Amazon worker bees should have then published by this weekend. The ‘almost-new’ is Powerball, which first appeared here on BCTS, but this is an expanded version with over 20,000 more words—that’s over 35% larger!

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Hey again

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Greetings all!

I have returned after a string of bad incidents which started with a concussion and ended with a cold or flu. I am back and will shortly resume my works after catching up rereading them again for plot information and to rekindle my creative energy.
I know a lot of my fans were worried about me and I am here to say that I am now okay (for the most part) and will get to all of your pm's as soon as possible and will be back to posting shortly as I resume work on projects I was working on before Christmas.

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Books 2 & 3 of the 8 Dragon Saga published!

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I'm so proud to announce the Kindle publication of book 2 ("Though Calm May Prevail Under Heaven" ) and 3 ("When the Enemy Opens the Gate.” ) for Rebekkah deMere's 8 Dragon Saga!

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Thank you all

for all the birthday wishes we've received today!

Now, as promised there is more from Italy today, its a very emotional chapter, not to be missed!

There are still issues with Maddybell.com but when its updated you'll have a chance to try out one of the Wunderkinds favourite meals!

ttfn

Mads

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Bathroom Wars

Bathroom issues are making the news. People want to ban transgender folks from using the potty of their chosen gender. I don't know where the transgender leadership is in these states, but let me give you the playbook on how to win this battle easily.

It's all with the ad campaign.

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Confirmation bias?

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This month's TG Mixed Tape will not have a contribution from me, sadly.

I had every intention of contributing something. Really I did.

I wish I could blame it on the illness (bronchitis, to be exact) that refuses to go away, even after nearly two months.But I can't, since really, I feel pretty good now, and conceivably could have contributed something in the limited window left to me.

Since my fiction stories are in various stages of completion at the moment, I told Hutcho that I'd contribute an essay on growing up as a disabled transperson. It seemed like a good idea, since there's not much written about folks like me, and no documentary to my knowledge has ever tackled the subject. Easy, right?

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A H U G E thank you

to all of you have been so generous with your time to read my Einnlander tale, and to those few of you who took that extra time to comment.

Of course, I need to mention that I am overwhelmed by the generosity of Kudos.

Please be aware that this would not have come to light had it not been for the patient assistance of Penny herself, so she should carry much of the credit.

I think I shall retire for a while back to the Anmarian map world ---- :-)

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Answer to Dorthycolleen, fragile.

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Answers to life?

People seem to either love or hate 50 Shades. It has been difficult for me to read it and see the movie, but I am drawn to it like a “moth to the flame”. The Churchy folk are universal in their condemnation of it, but I simply won’t talk to them about it.

The actual sex part is relatively tame in comparison to some of the things my X and I did. I think on top of a running clothes dryer was close to the best!  We never tied each other up or used cuffs though, I wanted to. Don't know who would have worn them.

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Wouldn't it be Nice

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Wouldn't it be nice if all of us sentient beings could see each other without the distinction of gender, race, religion or nationality.

If only we could get past the physical and concentrate on the spirit.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could say: "I See You!"

Wouldn't it be nice....

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Author Chat Sessions

I don't know how many authors I've wished I could have talked with, but there are a LOT of them posted at Fictionmania.

http://www.fictionmania.tv/searchdisplay/authordisplay.html?... INCLUDING one with JACK CHALKER, famous SciFi writer who included quite a bit of TG stuff in his stories. They're all at Anne-Mal's Page at FM.

Enjoy.

Catherine Linda Michel

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I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile lately

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I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile the last little while.. I think it was in part due to stress because of Sharon's health situation (which added to the pile of stress I've already been dealing with.) And in part because I've been triggered by the 50 shades of grey discussions.

You might say "Dorothy, the movie is about bondage, how does that trigger you?"

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Unforced errors

I suppose it's inevitable that eventually I would make a boo boo that required an already-published chapter to be edited in such a way as the story changes, or at least one aspect of the story. I mixed up two characters' histories and simply changing the name wasn't an option. This made me wonder, how do I prevent this from happening again? The short answer is that I can't, an unforced error is just that.

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A nice transformation video

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This is a video I've had floating around on my YouTube's favourites list for and I recently found it again and decided to share with the wonderful BC community.
Transformation into Beauty. This video is 3 and a quarter minutes long and though it isn't a full animation, it's more a series of linked pictures animated in Adobe Flash it is very well done.

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Relationship Tags in Stories

Zoe Taylor is an amazing writer, and if you haven't checked out her stuff, well, you should.

But, having said that, she tends to write works that lean toward lesbian characters, which I've admitted before usually detracts from my interest in a story.

Her latest story didn't have the lesbian tag, though, so I PMed her about it to ask if it was or not before diving in. I got my answer, and everything was good.

Or was it?

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Question

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Has anybody heard from Joanna Webster since she announce that she was engaged to her friend last October? Just wondering as she hasn't updated anything since that time frame?

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Story Posting Database Problems: Attn Paul Cousins

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We had a serious database problem this morning involving four stories that got corrupted. We rescued the text of the four stories, though we had to repost Badasses of the Multiverse 14 which got lost somewhere between here and Miraz (which is a star in the Big Dipper).

Anyway, the problem may have been caused by a DOS attack, we're not sure.

But Paul Cousins, Shauna, Louise Anne, and Taralyn should check their stories to be sure they have been restored properly. I'm sorry but if anyone had made comments on those four stories or left kudos, those are gone.

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Delays to Tammy's Trials

An apology to those waiting for Tammy's adventures (and there are plenty of them to come) but I'm engaged in a complete rewrite of Chapter 31 and now see that I've made a boo boo in Chapter 30, by mixing two characters up. That's going to require a partial rewrite to fix as it can't simply be explained away.

It's all going to take some time and I'm hoping RL keeps itself at bay.

Shiraz

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Bad news about my ex

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got more bad news about Sharon.

Apparently, she found out yesterday that on top of recovering from having a very large fibrous tumor, plus a slipped disk from a fall, now she has a bowel obstruction that's gonna require surgery.

Things just keep being interesting here ...

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New Kindles from Karin

In addition to my new BCTS story Angry Diary that's currently posted, I'm publishing some ebooks on Amazon. The first up is In Concert, which was first here at BCTS. One of two others from here will be published in the next week; in my time here readers have expressed their desire for Kindle copies of some of my BCTS titles (and I'm always open to suggestions!). As always, please-please-please post reviews on Amazon for any of my books, and any of the BCTS authors whose books you have (and we love stars!)

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Moving problems and the Hatbox

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There's been a snag in Piper's plans to move this weekend. The deal has been hung up by a glitch in the space being ready to rent and she can't move in as planned. The move had been pretty much financed but the snag is going to cost a few days in a motel, and boarding for Penny, the Labrador, an unexpected expense. I can loan her the money but it would be a lot less stress on me if I know that we have met our contribution goals in the Hatbox for the month.

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Over and out

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In my younger days I used to like playing on the cb radio in New York City. I had a little walkie talkie type unit that didn't get much range, but how much do you need in a condensed area.

At the end of the night I would always end with over and out and go on with life. I always wondered what was over and what was out. My guess is that my participation was over and my power was out.

I always thought that was a fun way to end things

over and out.

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oh wow, this was shock

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My mom called yesterday, to tell me she had just re-mailed my birthday card [ she put the wrong address on it and it came back ]. We got to talking and she mentioned that she is planning on coming to Montreal with me when get the operation. [ hasn't been scheduled yet ]

I know I have been lucky in the fact my family didn't freak at my transitioning, but this actually shocked me.

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Creating Your Own World

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My Sister In Law once told me she was in awe, in how I have created my own world!

I am not sure she truly meant it as a compliment. In my world, things happen my way, which is to say not always the the way others would like it.

Being different, means I see life from what I like to call it "the other side." Sort of like the inverse of what everyone else sees.

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Another Getting Older Problem

Last fall I spent five hours in the dentist's chair getting some teeth restored. Number 31 molar was problematical, but she gave it a try. Unfortunately, I began to realize a few weeks ago that all may not be well: throbbing, sensitivity to cold, and last week periods of pain. I knew it was a lost cause. Due to weather, I was not able to get to the dentist until this afternoon at 3:00. That was lucky, as there was a cancellation. I left at 7:15 this evening, having had a root canal, with a numb tongue, lip and cheek.

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Please, don't

Going around the internet today is a news article about a transgender teenager who killed themselves and then left a time released tumbler suicide note after the fact where they spoke about how hard it was being transgender and blaming their parents for a lack of support and not being supportive. The story is starting to go viral and people are promising that the teen will not be forgotten.

Does this sound familiar?

It probably sounds just like Leelah Alcorn, but it's not, its 15 year old Zander from Georgia.

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Anmarian Information and a cry for Help

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Hi everyone,

phew!

We now have a third author contributing to the Anmarian world.

What with writing the next Julina episodes, proofreading for other authors, writing the last Chivan episode, and bouncing ideas off poor beleaguered Penny, I am slowly beginning to drown in the whole thing.

My index thingy ( http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/48235/julina-blackston... ) is getting to be a small monster now.

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Writing like a girl

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http://www.foxsports.com/buzzer/story/new-york-yankees-alex-...

Alex Rodriguez (American baseball player that used performance enhancing drugs) writes like a girl.

I wonder if it is a side effect?

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Possible Editor

I am a new writer of TG fiction. My stories revolve around characters that use the services of a Beauty Salon for their transformations. Plots include womanless beauty pageants, filling in for sisters, curiosity of what it is like to be a female, spouse interaction. I know a lot of these have already been done, but I try to make them different in some ways. I could use an editor to help with punctuation, tense, and paragraphs. If interested please let me know at [email protected] Thanks
Francesca

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Nifty footwork

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Well that's the foot fixed. I have a load of paperwork and planning applications and Landlord Licences to sort out so I'm taking the next six weeks off to sort it out. That's how long the surgery on my foot is going to take to heal. They've had to break the fifth RHS metatarsal and re-align it with a scarf joint and screws so my right foot doesn't resemble a hobbit's. Wont be able to walk without crutches for four weeks then it's 'heel-weight-bearing, for the next two weeks.

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Prayers, and good byes for Cindilee

Cindilee is going through somethings that are really hard right now and while I can't go into her specifics without her permission it's enough that I want to offer up what support I can.

*Great Big Hugs, Cocoa and Blanket forts honey*

I just got the word that Cindi finally lost her fight with Hodgkins having been ill for quite some time and this last few kicks from life were just too much. It just took the fight right out of her.

RIP Cindi We all Loved You.

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my online self vs my offline self

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Recent events on Facebook have got me thinking, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the difference between my online self and my offline self.

I think the word you'd use to describe the online me is ... uninhibited. She (and forgive me for using third person here) giggles a lot, huggles just about anybody, acts silly to make her friends laugh, makes friends easily, has even flirted with people, and probably overshares her personal stuff.

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The ftp issues continue!

Clearly there is some external issue as it worked first try Sunday but midweek its not interested! Hopefully by the weekend my site will be updated with new reading and some exciting news for all the Gabfen.

There is a new chapter here on BC but you might have noticed the lack of breaks in recent chapters. Its not because of lack of code but it seems to be being ignored, does anyone know of any issues with
coding here on BC?

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Pointe Shoes, a sequel

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Still trying to finish It's Not Easy to be a DemiGoddess and another chapter of Evolution is also still in the works.

But the muse has me starting a sequel to My Summer With Meg and Our Nutcracker Adventure.

Sorry the first chapter is a bit short. And excuse the typos and the grammatical errors. You know how I just seem to throw things out there.

Hope some of you will find it worth reading.

Love ya,

Torey

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lightoffury

lightoffury's stories are missing. lightoffury is one of my favorite authors. on crystal hall fan fiction, lightoffury has a link for lights whateley stories under the caption "lights big pile of crap". to me those stories are not crap. i hope that lights self-image will improve and that lights stories will be put back in bigcloset.

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All You Self Publishers Out There - ISBNs?

Are ISBNs necessary? I am getting close to self publishing some of my works and am wondering about the value/necessity of having a book number. Comments please.

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Raw Subject Guns

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There is an old saying, God made people, Samuel Colt made them equal. If one thinks about it there is a lot of truth in there. A hundred plus pound girl has the same equal defense against a four hundred pound bear, rabid dog, six hundred pound moose, three hundred pound man, etc.

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A music icon is gone.

Lesley Gore might not be an icon to a lot of people but she is to me. I grew up listening to her music and she touched a special spot in my soul. Not the best looking girl, but BOY, could she sing! Lesley Gore began her careeer in music in 1963 with "It's My Party" and stole my heart.

RIP Lesley. You brightened my life.

Catherine Linda Michel

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Story ID: memory gap

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I think I read this story on BC rather than FM or somewhere, but I'm not sure.

A person had a sudden gap in memory; on day they're living as a man, and a moment later, months or years have passed and they're a woman. They panic, and after talking to people around them, they find out that they've got amnesia for the period when they decided they were transsexual and went through transition. Later, they find out that someone manipulated them into it, but I don't remember if it was by hypnosis or some high-tech or magical method of mind control.

Sci Fi Books

I am looking for a sci-fi story about a man who is 180 000 years old. He has lived on 6 different star systems and watched man rise and fall. I can't remember the author but it was in a scifi anthology in my local library. Possibly Brian Aldiss. I would love to reread it.

Sydney Moya

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Stonewall to campaign on behalf of Trans people

Gosh, they've remembered the T in LGBT. I suppose this is a good thing as they have lots of experience and expertise in campaigning for equality. At the same time, I've never been happy with including the T with the others, as I see my previous transsexualism (now cured via surgery and Gender Recognition Act) as relating to my gender identity not sexual orientation - precisely the matter which kept Stonewall and transgender apart previously.

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A Surprising Amount Of Response

My second Kingston Academy Shorts has gotten a LOT more user response, and a lot more quickly, than the first one did!

So, I'd like to know: what about Ruby's short story (both before and after the rather important fixes) appealed to readers more than Jules' little mini-adventure?

Are there any characters in particular you'd like to see shorts for in the future, or other PFH mini-stories you think would be fun?

And, lastly: how many other people want to see the next chapter of Angharad's Princess For Hire: The British Kid? Show of hands?

*raises hand*

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The Author's Mantra

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I saw a comment to a comic that sounded like a line from the Movie Dune,

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion." - The Programmer's Mantra also found in WikiQuotes.

This could also be the Author's mantra

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If female reproductive organs could be created for MtFs.

It is something that I imagine many transwomen would welcome, but even if such was possible, there is the problem with producing eggs.

I'm working on a story that sees MtF characters given fully functioning female reproductive organs, but with their genetic make up, there is a problem concerning their Y-chromosomes. Eggs always contain X-chromosomes, for reasons I shouldn't have to explain.

If there was a way for the created organs to overlook the Y-chromosome, and only ever use the single X-chromosome, then that would be one answer.

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regarding my surgery - I should have .....

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If I'd have known then what I know now, I'd have just had them take out the spare ... part. Sore, sore, sore, and greatly swollen. And sore. Did I say sore? A partial orchidectomy wouldn't have left anything to be sore. or swollen. and it was a spare. Damn. At least, on the bright side, it wasn't a tumor.

At least I've got a couple more days of decent pain meds. sigh.

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50 Shades of Grey

For those of you who read the books. It looks like this first movie follows book one faithfully. I see all sorts of snotty reviews but the movie is good, I think it appeals to me because of my own very twisted nature. I would want to be Anastasia and would be happy about some limited spanking, though going overboard not so much.

Welcome to my world.

I am not putting this on my FB.

Gwen

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I'm kinda nervous

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I am a little nervous about going to the Valentine's day dinner and dance at my church tonight. I haven't been to anything like this since I began my transition, and I am not a social butterfly in any case, so I'm a little worried about how I'll do, even if most of the people there will know me.

Ah, well.

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Today would be a great day to read the Valentines contests.

Over the last few years given the day right?
I mean stories like "The Parchment" And "Love and Old Books." are just sitting there right?
Hint Hint :)

*Great Big Snuggly Hugs*

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Just wondering if MtF can get pregnant...

Getting information for my stories, I came upon MtF pregnancy which might happen sooner. Another article was about a Chinese do or implanting an egg in a man, so I wonder if in 10 to 15 years from now a MtF will be able to be a mom... I hope so...

Comments...

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PALS breast forms?

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I've been asked about PALS non-silicone breast forms as a possible product to be carried by our advertiser, The Breast Form Store. I've never had any experience with them, nor can I find much about them except their own publicity. Does anyone out there have experience with this product and want to share? I will probably unpub this discussion later after passing on any information that comes up here. If you want to be private about your comments, you can send them in PM or login as Guest to leave a comment.

Thanks,
Erin

Having gender Identity issues. Seeking help

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These last couple of weeks my gender identity has been all over the place. One moment I am completely convinced I am male and any TG feeling is just a flight of fancy (or perhaps reading too much BC), the next moment I am absolutely certain that if I would awake a woman the next day it would be 45 years too late.

I could sure use some helpful pointers to help me figure out what it is that I am.

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Frozen in the northeast

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For the past four days work has taken me to the New England states. And during that entire time the temperature never got above the mid-twenties. I must have become a real wimp over the last few years living in the South. The next time I head north during the winter months I’m buying heavy weight winter tights, turtle neck leotards, and thermal over the knee socks or anything that will keep you warm. (Burr!) The truly sad thing is I no sooner get home to South Carolina than an artic freeze is pushing its way south. Can’t a sister get a break?!

Freezing in South Carolina

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Broadband issues

I'm having broadband problems again as my fibre went down sometime last night pb (post Bike). I've spent time today, after teaching my over 50s IT class, trying to fault find but right now have no outside world connection using that route although my internal network is still up. That much is useful as my scribblings are not stored on the laptop that I use for writing, all my work is stored on the big beastie (12Tb of storage).

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Hiding our healing

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I've had a belated realization regarding healing and now feel somewhat foolish for not realizing it before.

I have a very close friend who has gone on a self righteous rant about "50 Shades of Grey". I doubt that she has read the books or intends to see the movie. I have read the books and plan to see the movie but do not intend to tell her that.

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First Sign of Spring

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As of February 10th Boston (Mass) has received just over six feet of snow for the season with a storm this weekend expected to add another 12 inches.

Despite this, there has been a first indication of Spring. The equipment truck for the Boston Red Sox (Major League Baseball) is being loaded for the trip to Florida to start Spring training.

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leg update

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So I have had my MRI and while I did tear the hamstring, it isn't bad. I'm off of work for at least a month from yesterday. I'll try and get to writing while I have free time.

Not sure how the doc put it but it was a tear, but the muscle didn't retract. So some leg therapy and I'll be good to go

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Shortcuts Is Now a Complete Story

My Shortcuts story is done. I just posted the last chapter. For those of you who prefer to read complete stories, please give it a chance.

This will be my last long story here. I'm moving on. I plan on joining a writing group in the hopes of eventually publishing the old-fashioned way - on paper. I might still post a short story once in a blue moon if the mood hits me.

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Predestination

Predestination is an Australian movie released in 2014, starring Ethan Hawke and Sarah Snook. It's based on the Robert Heinlein short story 'All You Zombies'.

The film received critical acclaim for Snook's outstanding portrayal of a character who at first appears to be a woman transitioning to male, but her story is much, much stranger than that.

Although the version here isn't of the very highest quality, it's certainly watchable.

http://youtu.be/jEYVgqIlrJE

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Computers - aaargh!

I hate these bloody things, even more after wasting two hours of my life trying to get my old puter, which I keep for my role as cycling club secretary, to do something straightforward like send an email. Needless to say, it's now too late to start scribbling Bike, which means I'll have an extra few hours for my remaining brain cell to ferment further plot twists.

Sorry, but I've had my fill of electronic things tonight.

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read an interesting book

I just finished a very interesting book called "Trans-Sister Radio" by Chris Bohjalian. Its the story of a single mother and teacher who falls in love with a man only to discover he's transitioning to female, and the fallout that situation causes for her, her daughter, her job, and her ex-husband who decides to bring their story to radio. Its not a perfect book - it spends a little more time talking about the surgery than I was comfortable with, but its a very interesting bit of fiction, especially by a cis writer. I recommend it.

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Pickles: The Game

So, a few of you might remember my Pickles choose-your-own-adventure story I started here a few years back. I still think it was a really cool idea, but it never worked out QUITE the way I wanted it to, and eventually just got kinda ridiculous and dragged down by my renowned poor dedication to a regular posting schedule.

Well, I've figured out how to use TWINE.

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