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To All...

Dear Family, Friends, and Faithful Readers...

I have just finished a two year commitment, packed up my belongings, and am in the process of starting yet another new life. This will be my third. Tomorrow, the new love of my life (read "Second Chance")will arrive and we will embark on a getting reacquainted cruise for one week. After that we will directly fly to Boston and then on home to Ireland.

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Christmas Shoes.

I know some of you are going to ask why I didn't enter this in the contest for Christmas stories. I didn't want this one to be in a contest. It's just my gift to all of you.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and may someone love you as much as that little boy loved his sister.

Be well, all of you.

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told my boss

I just had to give an update here: I have come out to my boss at work. I have talked about my assault, and was giving her an update, and she asked me (making sure to let me know that i had the right to say it was none of her business), if i was gay, and that gave me the opening to tell her about my trans status. She was fairly nonplussed and gave me some indication that if the day came that i wanted to be working as Dorothy FT, she would do what she could to help. (unofficially) It is a big weight off my shoulders.

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Duty, Honor, Country, Family, Part 29

I promised to get this story chapter out by the end of this week. Unfortunately, I been a little too busy with household matters. I've got a little over 12,000 words written but there are two major scenes I still have to complete.

Plus I need to fix up the story before turning it into Puddin. DHCF Part 29 will be ready soon, but now I'm estimating it will be more like Monday to Wednesday of next week before its published.

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Testosterone Filled Locker Room

Why is it many discussions regarding transitioning seem to careen off into nonsense?

What compels us to argue over whether or not a person can reassign their gender without having surgery? I suppose it’s a logical extension of the internal battle we’ve waged since first becoming aware of our gender dilemma.

But . . . do we have to go the route of Frank Butler and Annie Oakley?

Here’s a verse from their famous duet:

Anything you can wear
I can wear better.
In what you wear
I'd look better than you.

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Transgender Research Leaders

There used to be professors at University of Hawaii (Milton Diamond), and one at Umich, (Who seems to have been completely written out of the historical record?) who were studying Transgender Issues, and of course there was pioneering work done in the Netherlands in the early 90's, but lately I have not heard any new News. Of course there was the work done at a University in Australia that had done preliminary identification on a Transgender Gene, but in the last year, I have not heard anything new on that front.

Khadijah

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Sleepwalking

I may have mentioned before, I am not a fun person to sleep with. Between night terrors, snoring, and the simple fact i dont sit still, even when i am dreaming. But last night was a topper. I remember having a dream of going downstairs, picking up a pile of presents, and returning to my room. Along the way i had turned off my alarm. Once the dream was over, i woke, and it had felt so real i actually got up to check if i had brought stuff up. I hadnt, but I had turned off my alarm, and there were signs i really had left my bed while asleep. It's a little frightening, to be honest. Ah, well.

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Probably only news to me, but...

Okay, some one has probably mentioned this before, while doing research for chapter 9 of Unexpected Atractions, I came across this, and thought it was interesting. Of course, we are not a target market...however...

http://cancer.about.com/od/copingwithcancer/a/uterus_trans.htm

I think I have that right. I was looking up GRS and found this about Uterine transplants. Maybe it'll work for us...someday.

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Change of user name...

Well, today I was told to stay off work. Snow had closed it down, and looking out the window at nine eleven PM my time, the snow is still coming down, and the road past my placeis nearly shut. The drifts on my walk around today were nearly at my knees. Not big stuff compared to other countries, but it's bad enough fora cyclist. Ice under powder snow, now being covered with fat flakes. So...I should call myself 'Walker' now!

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The Redhead and the PM - Chapter 14 & 15

For some reason, I don't really understand how this works, chapters 14 & 15 of The Redhead and the PM that I posted last night dropped off the surface of the earth. This link might get you there if you are looking for it. Please read and comment.

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/23916/redhead-and-pm-c...

Portia

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About "no son of mine"

For those of you who are interested in such things, i would like to share with you how "No Son of Mine" came about. It started with the old Genesis song of the same name. (you can read the lyrics at: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/genesis/no_son_of_mine.html) Because i could truly identify with the character in the song, it was a moving piece for me from the first time I heard it. It ends pretty darkly, and at some level that bothered me. I wanted some hope, some possibility of a reconciliation. Then i saw the "loophole".

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Choosing an editor

I am amazed. Angela's post that she could not help me edit my stories has left me with a quandry. I have four people who have expressed a willingness to help me, all of them (I think...) whose work has impressed me, and who I think I can really respect for the help I need.
I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I just don't know what criteria I would use to best find an editor, someone to work with successfully.

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It's that time again - Bike referendum

Somehow, my short story is approaching 1,200 episodes, so it's time I asked if readers want me to continue it for a bit longer - the last time was two hundred episodes ago. This is of course assuming our gracious landlady will permit accommodation for a bit longer - maybe we could all give a little more towards the rent, I know she struggles with it.

I'm still working on a Hatbox story, but it's very slow, plus I have a Gabysode in progress and I know someone would like another Bonkers for her Christmas present, plus I get asked about Snafu and Charlotte fairly regularly.

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THANKS

Just wanted to thank ya'll you the wonderful word of condolences for my loss of my friend Bill.He did things that is hard to forget and I shall always love him GOD BLESS YOU BILL , THANKS EVERYONE RICHIE

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And I'm back!

I've begun posting the rest of "Unexpected Attractions", a story that Melanie E. first suggested as "I Was A Transgendered Craigslist Bride". For the first 8 chapters, I have had the assistance of Angela Rasch, and I think she has made me a much better writer as a result. We'll see what y'all think. I hope you enjoy it.

Wren

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Editing

I've run into a problem and can't finish an editing job for Wren Phoenix. Her story is compelling, quite romantic, and is running in excess of nine chapters.

I'm more of a stand-alone story writer, but someone who has experience with serials would enjoy editing for Wren.

If you're interested, contact her directly.

Jill

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Ironies, and another tough night

Had another series of flashbacks yesterday, and thank God for the friends who chatted with me online as i worked my way through it. I am finding all kinds of ironies in my struggles, both with the assaults and with my gender. For example, I realized that i owed to my abusive step-father a thanks, because by forcing us to move when he did, I was able to escape from the monster who was using me. And despite his other flaws, he never touched me sexually, which gave me some opportunity to heal enough to function.

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may not be able to get back to "the lucky one"

Well, with all the stuff i have been going through lately, I honestly don't know when or even if i will be able to get back to "the lucky one". It requires a goofy, silly mood, and right now i just dont have it. Frankly, I am having trouble having the concentration needed to do any writing at all, so i may go a while before i have new stuff to post. I will still comment and give kudos, still support all of you when i can, but the writing may have to wait until i am more stable. Hugs to all.

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Missing in Action

Hello all,

Enemyoffun was nice enough to post a blog letting some of you know that I've been incommunicado for the last three weeks. My motherboard and CPU had to be replaced on my new laptop that's not even a year old yet. Of course it had to happen right during an epic writing spree and on NaNoWriMo. I would have had that sucker beat in the first week! GAH!

Anyway. I'm still returning emails and PM's, so if you haven't heard from me that's why. I'm back now and my fingers are seriously itching to write something. So to work I go.

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I'm Safe ... right ???

I've had several emails from members of my "other" community who are quite frightened. I am sure that most of you are aware of the attempted bombing in my home town, Portland, Or. It is the women who have most reason to be frightened, because the Hijab "brands" us. It is likely that many of them will be going out sans Hijab in the future.

I do not have that choice. For me it is Hijab or dress as a Man. I can not wear a wig.

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My muse is calling out, will you want to read what it wants me to write?

A couple years ago I wrote a very short story about how a Christian parent and her friend were discussing the suicide of her child "Jimmy." The story was called it worked out for the best and was deliberately dark short and to the point.I was in a very low point in my life little did I know it would get worse but I'm still here and don't plan on going anywhere for a while.Here's the thing I'm thinking I should bookend the story with a short story from jimmy's perspective about how he feels and what drives him to commit suicide.I know for me it will take me back down that dark and ugly road bu

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Back to the grind... mostly

Home again, home again... jiggidy jig...

So the Vacation was awesome and I feel loads better. Sorry for the late posting of the story but unfortunately my home phone is dead and thus my net is down. It sucks, but until I have money I am banging rocks in the cave... metaphorically. Anyway... I just wanted to share. Talk to you all later.

Ciao.

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A Nonsense Rhyme.

Christmas is Coming.

Christmas is coming
And Bonzi’s getting fat
He stole a piece of chicken;
He’s good at doing that.
He’s teaching to that Izzy
The tricks he’s learned to do.
And she is keeping busy
Learning things anew.
Keeping cats at Christmas
A right old pair of thieves,
They’ll steal the milk from porridge
Without a by your leaves.
I wouldn’t be without them,
The pesky rotten pair
Keep me warm in winter
Perhaps they really care.

Angharad 28.11.10

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Flashback, grief, and recovery

Well, it has been an interesting day, to say the least. I am still fighting a bit of a cold, so I chose to stay home and not go to church today. I went on a chat site to talk to some friends about my depression, and while we were talking, I started having a pretty strong flashback. One of my friends there has my phone number, so she called me, and listened while i cried to the point i could barely talk. Feeling slightly better after i unloaded, i fidgeted, played video games, and made lunch. Then, some remnant of my flashback nagged at me, and i started to write.

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Update on my FRIEND BILL

This is a email his wife set out,I know Bill and Rochelle 25 years I started to cry half was threw reading this THANK YOU all for letting me vent my broken & heavy heart HUGS RICHIE2 Hi All...again, thank you for the continual prayers and messages. Your reaching out does mean the world. Bill remains in ICU. I know many of you have asked if it was okay that you visit. We ask please not to. For many reasons: Bill is sedated, he does not know if you are there or not.

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Is this what I think it is?

A visit to FM's Hyperboard and I found something......I don't want to look too closely. But an image in a Hyperboard reply appears to be of someone stroking themselves. {LINK REDACTED - EDITOR}

If I right, FM has gone down the toilet. It's been going that way, but this is just absolute confirmation. The person who posted it, isn't a registered user. So their post had to get approved before being allowed on the Hyperboard.

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One Step Closer (to Coming Out)

This has been an unusual morning for me. What began as another pointless argument with my mother actually turned into something worthwhile for the both of us. I've learned a lot about her today that I didn't realize before, and I've been shamed for it, I'll freely admit.

The important thing is, I learned she isn't clueless, as I once believed by her previous reactions. In the past I've tried to talk to her about my being transgendered, and it's resulted in some pretty upsetting responses. The thing is, she doesn't remember any of it.

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Anything to do while stuck in a hospital?

Looking for ideas on something to do while stuck in the hospital. Armed with my trusty blackberry, I can do basic browsing and text editing. Hard to do with one hand though. Cat bites suck when you have no immune system :(
So, any suggestions on things to do? Vicodin is helping a little, but still have a nasty headache that won't go away
One armed hugs,
Diana

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My Birthday Was A Bit Disappointing

My birthday was a bit disappointing. I had some longtime family friends there as well as my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. The small group of friends that I personally invited never showed up at all. I was very hurt and disappointed, but I guess that's life! I told people that I won't celebrate any more birthdays, because I don't want to get so excited about seeing my friends and then have them decide that I wasn't worth their time. It felt like all the times I was rejected in High School. I got to the point that I withdrew and quit putting myself out there to be hurt again.

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Acceptance!!!

I just got home from an all day movie marathon at a friend's house, with new and old friends. The new friends are used to seeing me as Cathy, and they treat me as the female I present myself as, but two of the old ones hadn't ever seen me as Cathy, and I was a bit uptight when I got there. okay, I was a LOT uptight!

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Wishing It was over

The worst part of my downs is the horrible feeling of hopelessness i suffer with. It is hard to even conceive of a good outcome, much less make positive plans. I guess i thought that the anti-depressants would be a magic fix, and not surprisingly, they are not. I am still stuck in male form, still without even hope that i will be able to change that, and wishing that it all would just end. But I am needed, by my daughter, my mother, even my ex, and taking my life would be utterly selfish. I appreciate all the support i am getting here, and I will find a way to hold on.

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New lexicon.

HELP

Can somebody please, pleeeease create a new 'Lexicon' section for all the odd acronyms in compu-speak that keep cropping up.
Then if an author feels like compiling an acronym of their own they can throw it in 'willy-nilly' or is that 'w-n'and leave an alphabetical translation in the 'Lexicon' section.

It's getting quite frustrating when authors leave ten letter acronyms that don't make sense to other readers, especially old farties, (like me who don't do geek-speak,) and foreign readers.
P.S. I don't do cryptic crosswords either.

Beverly.

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My George Jones CD Is Cued For "I Don't Need Your Rocking Chair"

Today my family will declare me to be over-the-hill officially as I have achieved that milestone that women don't talk about. I have my George Jones CD cued to "I Don't Need Your Rocking Chair" and I will use it to remind everyone who rubs it in too much! There is a few more miles left in this girl before she is officially "Over -the- hill" I don't intend to go quietly either! At least I can say I have the best gift already. The wonderful friends and family I have!

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The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan

I'm grateful to Julie O for highlighting this report from the BBC in one of her stories. It's perhaps expected in a country where there are very poor and vulnerable people that some are exploited sexually, add it to a culture which is so constipated about treating women as equals to men, and a general backwardness and this happens.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-11217772

Angharad.

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Military? Ex-military? Get your corsets here...

I came across this link and it amused me no end. I know there are many current and former military types here, so I guess you might also be amused...

Tactical Corsets

I should declare that have no connection with this company.

I wonder if this clothing is standard issue at The Center?

Penny

PS take a look at some of the optional equipment pouches...

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Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving?

Why?

We had Thanksgiving at MY house today. 13 or 14 people around the house, chatting, eating, playing with my son's new baby.

All of them smiling, happy.

I asked what we had to be thankful for. The Grand baby, my son's job, the weight I've lost this year (120 pounds, more or less, thank you very much!), the food, everyone was happy on the outside.

Except me.

My family barely tolerates me, though God Forbid they should show it in public. My son says I'm "disgusting. My oldest commands, "don't embarrass us."

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holding it in

Sometimes, i find it hard to hold back from just telling everybody about my gender struggles, and getting it over with. Other times, I realize that to do that would bring all the consequences down on my head, without actually being able to have any real positive results, except I would be free from this terrible burden of having to lie, especially to the people i care about. I pray to God that I can endure, since I see no way to move forward at this time.

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A Thanksgiving Poem

There are folk who are hungry,
But we have food.
There are folk who are cold and in danger,
But we are warm and safe.
There are folk who are alone,
But we have each other.
There are those who have sacrificed
Peace, comfort and joy
That we may have all of those things.
Let us be thankful then,
In memory of them.

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Genetic Personality Types and GID

I think that most T folk struggle with figuring out who they really are. WELL DUH !!!

So, today, I was just cruising the net, trying to figure out some feelings that, Bailey's, "I'd do anything for love ..." story caused to surface. Well, in my researching, I happened upon an author who is published on LuLu. You can get his book titles off the home page of his site.

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TopShelf's December 2010 Santa's Helper Story Contest

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TopShelf's
December 2010
Santa's Helper
Story Contest

 

The Christmas present from me to all of our authors who entered is that
there will be 3 prizes of $25 - one each for the top 3 entries!

Please read and vote on our author's submissions here with Kudos until December 31, 2010.
The Big Holiday Revelation Night to find the winning entries, is on Jan 1, 2011!

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Smile, your biggest asset !

One of the biggest issues I faced in passing was my smile, and for most of us T folk, lots of the time, there just does not seem to be much reason to do so.

However, I think a happy smile can be our biggest asset, even if we don't feel much like smiling. In my experience, slapping on a happy, mischevious smile before I leave the door, can make my day seem brighter, and generally makes other people respond to me in a much better way.

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had a little trouble posting "she"

I had a bit of trouble posting "She". You see, it was intended to be one word per line, but when i went to post it, i got an error message saying i had less than 10 words. (I counted, i did have more). So i ended up putting two words on some lines with a slash between, and that worked. Anybody know why this error message occurred?

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My turn!

I'd like to give my thanks to Erin and the crew that helps to administer and provide this wonderful site;The authors who give from their souls to provide such wonderful stories; and all of the folk on here that have given such amazing support and advice in their blogs, comments and pms. Most of all, I want to thank my friends here, and the folk who have read and (I hope!) enjoyed the stories I have written. You are all such great people! Portia, Bailey, Armond, Angela and so many others who make my daily grind livable! Thank you so much!

Love,
Wren

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about "A Cop's Story"

I would like to take a moment and talk about the origins of the story i published called "A Cop's Story" It stared during a horrible moment, but by the time I finished writing it, it had become a sign of my progress. You see, I started having a flashback at work, and it was terrible, and i wasn't in a position to do much at that moment. But, instead of just being a victim, I responded by writing, and before long, i had mastered the flashback, and i had crafted (what i think) is a pretty good little story too.

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Jumping on the "Thanks" bandwagon

Seeing the other authors who have posted their "Thanks" blogs reminded me just how much thanks I owe the community here as well.

In the past few years, I've gone through a lot of drama, most of which I've ended up posting about here. In all this time, no one has ever, EVER, been anything but supportive of me. Through all my ups and downs, Big Closet, and the many wonderful readers and writers therein, have always been there for me.

There is no way that I can thank you all enough, but I can try.

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For those of us who have a tough time during the holidays

The weeks from Thanksgiving through the end of the year gave me problems for years.

It is at this time we tend to spotlight our lives and examine how we truly relate to familiy and friends. It is one of the reasons many suffer Holiday Depression; we simply cannot live up to the Hollywood and Madison Avenue's stereotypes. Oft times, "It's a Wonderful Life" we ain't.

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Thank you

I have so many things to be grateful for this year. This has been one of the most stressful years of my life, but much of what caused that stress has been resolved and now all that angst seems so . . . meaningless.

There were many days when RL pressures became so intense I had to escape . . . and I came here.

Sure — there are those on BC who I think are laughable for a variety of reasons. And -- sometimes the rules are overbearing and the administration of those rules is heavy-handed.

All that being said — BC has given my life more purpose again and again for over a decade.

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Happy Thanksgiving

May everyone here at BC have a great day tomorrow.

I have a new story that will be published either today or tomorrow. It's a one part Spells R Us tale. I won't say much except it is gentle and not very long tale.(A one-parter) You could also describe my plot as what would happen if you mix the SRU Wizard and Groundhog Day together.

For my Duty Honor Country Family readers, the next chapter will be published next week. I took a couple of days off from DHCF to write the Spells R Us tale. It been rolling around in my head for at least two months.

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Back to School ... I Hope (Quick update :-D)

Well, I'm taking the first steps to going back to school. I should have done this sooner, but you guys know what a rocky year this has been for me. My mother's not been as big a help as she insisted she would be, so I'm taking the initative (Edit: Not her fault - she's been busy this year too! :-D)

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Book promotion!

Lulu are doing a special promotion again, 25% off any order!

Simply select go to Scaramouch, choose your books/calendars and in the voucher box when you check out just put 'CYBERUK', the website will then automatically make the reduction.

Its for a limited period - until the 29th November, so take advantage now and get your reading matter before Christmas!

ttfn
Mads

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Having a crush

Well, color me overwhelmed. The response to the first chapter of "The Lucky One" was amazing, and I thank everyone who has left a comment, you made a middle-age lady very happy. But I have other concerns to share with you all. I sort of have a crush, and its driving me crazy. She works at the day care that my daughter attends, and not only is she pretty, she is kind, gentle, and super nice. She is like a warm fire on a cool night, just being near her makes me feel better about everything. But, there are a few problems with asking her out. First, i am assuming she is taken.

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Gaby 2011 Calendars

For anyone who's interested there are two 13 month Gaby Calendars available for 2011, the first is illustrated Manga style by Mizutamari and the second follows Gab's on her Spring trip to Germany and Autumn trip to the Gabycon in Dorset.

http://www.lulu.com/product/calendar/gaby-by-mizutamari-2011...
http://www.lulu.com/product/calendar/gabys-travels-2011/1383...

Price is  £15 each - the cheapest package i could do.

Mads

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Did it work?

Well, I posted my latest story, and I am waiting to see how well it is received. I am not going to beg here for kudos or comments unless they are deserved, but weather or not the story continues will depend somewhat on the response. I happen to think it was funny, but I am the AUTHOR for heaven's sake, so what do I know? I hope it lightened at least a few people's day, but we will have to see.

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Every Few months…

Some funny stuff.

A reader wrote to my Hotmail to say he liked Star Crossed. He went on to say that he had only gotten into it because he clicked the wrong link!

… Sure! Fine by me.

I like to scribble a little, in those exceedingly rare instances that I have any time at all, and I’m convinced that like most people who’ve been afflicted with this same psychological shortcoming, I don’t care if he tripped over or fell down the link — Just as long as once the actual reading is begun, he feels like reading to the end.

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Trigger Warning for those who have been in Afghanistan

After much procrastination and many misgivings, I finally posted "Lt Katia In Afghanistan". Perhaps those who have PTSD problems caused by combat, should just avoid this one. To make it clear, I have not been in "Military" combat, and this story is not meant to be a commentary on anything, and is solely for reading enjoyment.

Much Peace

Khadijah

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PRAYERS NEEDED

My good friend William aka Bill or Billy O'Dennell is suffering with a very aggressive Lukemia. Bill had bone marrow transplant 3 years ago and was in remission since , late October he started to feel ill ( more than normal ) again they put him in the hospital on November 1 where he has been since trying to get strong enough for another marrow transplant as some of us know you get sick in the hospital because of all of the sick people they have there.

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Still kicking

Okay... So the one chapter I was worried about, as I hadn't written it at all and it needed new research to fill in a few holes is done and I plan on getting to it sometime this week. That will be nice. As I have been doing these I realized that I had missed something in them and thus I needed to toss in a whole new chapter. It answered a few questions for me in terms of plot and such but also raised a few new questions.

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Becoming Robin Interlude - The Gowns

BecomingRobinBk2 ©2010ZoeTaylor.png
 
~* The Gowns *~

It's almost entirely likely that the next chapter will feature Robin and Linda's first fittings, but I couldn't resist showing off what I have in mind for the two of them as a 'finished product' since the wedding itself will be taking place in the Spring, and Book Two will come to a close with the holidays (in-story).

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Writing Bike - the Daily Dormouse

I'm delighted when people write to me and say that reading Bike has inspired them to have a go at writing themselves. It's nice to think it's an inspiration, although as Bonzi pointed out, it might also mean that Bike is so badly written, they all think they can do better. He could be right.

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Help!

Please help. When I wrote Something to Declare,I was listening to folk music. When I wrote the two strands of Points of View, it was Sibelius, mostly. Here I am writing a Cold Feet altercation in a Welsh pub, and it's Budgie's heavy metal riffing.

Do I have to play the soundtrack of my writng?

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Transgender Day of Remembrance

I've never posted a blog before but I found a good news article that I felt was worthy of posting here. I never see any Canadians posting our news so I thought it might be time, especially given todays significance.

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/ottawa/story/2010/11/20/ottawa-tran...

Alright I fixed the link and went straight to the CBC. I just thought it was a good article on some basic recognition...

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It seems all you authors know the proccess

Being totaly green, I dont even know how to post a story on this website.
Speaking as a virgin on this website, my attempt to post a viable story on this site proved fruitless (due to my own ignorance,may I add) not to worry,its back to F.M for my storie's. (Read but never reccognised)aah well.

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High Anxiety

It’s hard to believe that it has been over thirty years since some of my darkest hours. I was in a horrible work situation and also trying to lose too much weight too quickly through a diet of mainly caffeine laden diet cola.

Out of the blow I started having full-blown anxiety attacks. They were of such force that I thought I was being hit by an electrical charge when the adrenalin rush started. It got so bad I couldn’t leave the apartment where we lived with our two-year old child.

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TDOR In Dallas - One Woman's Story

From the Dallas Voice Weekly E-Blast - 11.19.10

As North Texans commemorate Trans Day of Remembrance, one trans woman remembers the attack she survived as a child

DAVID TAFFET | Staff Writer [email protected]

To many people, statistics on anti-transgender violence are just numbers. Astounding, perhaps frightening, but still just numbers.

Winter Mullenix is the face of one of those numbers. One of many.

Mullenix was attacked when she was 9 years old by someone who had apparently been stalking her for a while.

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