Sometimes, i find it hard to hold back from just telling everybody about my gender struggles, and getting it over with. Other times, I realize that to do that would bring all the consequences down on my head, without actually being able to have any real positive results, except I would be free from this terrible burden of having to lie, especially to the people i care about. I pray to God that I can endure, since I see no way to move forward at this time.
I'm shaking right now because something just attacked our dog. He's just a little half-chihuahua lapdog, but we let him out every night to do his business. Usually he stays close to the house, but tonight he ran off after something into the pasture by our house.
There are folk who are hungry,
But we have food.
There are folk who are cold and in danger,
But we are warm and safe.
There are folk who are alone,
But we have each other.
There are those who have sacrificed
Peace, comfort and joy
That we may have all of those things.
Let us be thankful then,
In memory of them.
I think that most T folk struggle with figuring out who they really are. WELL DUH !!!
So, today, I was just cruising the net, trying to figure out some feelings that, Bailey's, "I'd do anything for love ..." story caused to surface. Well, in my researching, I happened upon an author who is published on LuLu. You can get his book titles off the home page of his site.
One of the biggest issues I faced in passing was my smile, and for most of us T folk, lots of the time, there just does not seem to be much reason to do so.
However, I think a happy smile can be our biggest asset, even if we don't feel much like smiling. In my experience, slapping on a happy, mischevious smile before I leave the door, can make my day seem brighter, and generally makes other people respond to me in a much better way.
I'd like to give my thanks to Erin and the crew that helps to administer and provide this wonderful site;The authors who give from their souls to provide such wonderful stories; and all of the folk on here that have given such amazing support and advice in their blogs, comments and pms. Most of all, I want to thank my friends here, and the folk who have read and (I hope!) enjoyed the stories I have written. You are all such great people! Portia, Bailey, Armond, Angela and so many others who make my daily grind livable! Thank you so much!
I would like to take a moment and talk about the origins of the story i published called "A Cop's Story" It stared during a horrible moment, but by the time I finished writing it, it had become a sign of my progress. You see, I started having a flashback at work, and it was terrible, and i wasn't in a position to do much at that moment. But, instead of just being a victim, I responded by writing, and before long, i had mastered the flashback, and i had crafted (what i think) is a pretty good little story too.
Faith, family and friends give me so much to be thankful for. And you all have made this the best of all years in the midst of the worst one! Thank you! Andrea
Seeing the other authors who have posted their "Thanks" blogs reminded me just how much thanks I owe the community here as well.
In the past few years, I've gone through a lot of drama, most of which I've ended up posting about here. In all this time, no one has ever, EVER, been anything but supportive of me. Through all my ups and downs, Big Closet, and the many wonderful readers and writers therein, have always been there for me.
There is no way that I can thank you all enough, but I can try.
The weeks from Thanksgiving through the end of the year gave me problems for years.
It is at this time we tend to spotlight our lives and examine how we truly relate to familiy and friends. It is one of the reasons many suffer Holiday Depression; we simply cannot live up to the Hollywood and Madison Avenue's stereotypes. Oft times, "It's a Wonderful Life" we ain't.
I have so many things to be grateful for this year. This has been one of the most stressful years of my life, but much of what caused that stress has been resolved and now all that angst seems so . . . meaningless.
There were many days when RL pressures became so intense I had to escape . . . and I came here.
Sure — there are those on BC who I think are laughable for a variety of reasons. And -- sometimes the rules are overbearing and the administration of those rules is heavy-handed.
All that being said — BC has given my life more purpose again and again for over a decade.
May everyone here at BC have a great day tomorrow.
I have a new story that will be published either today or tomorrow. It's a one part Spells R Us tale. I won't say much except it is gentle and not very long tale.(A one-parter) You could also describe my plot as what would happen if you mix the SRU Wizard and Groundhog Day together.
For my Duty Honor Country Family readers, the next chapter will be published next week. I took a couple of days off from DHCF to write the Spells R Us tale. It been rolling around in my head for at least two months.
Well, I'm taking the first steps to going back to school. I should have done this sooner, but you guys know what a rocky year this has been for me. My mother's not been as big a help as she insisted she would be, so I'm taking the initative (Edit: Not her fault - she's been busy this year too! :-D)
If you were paying for the SRS on a young teen, and you were like a kajillionaire, and you wanted them to do like the full meal deal, I wonder what could be done?
Lulu are doing a special promotion again, 25% off any order!
Simply select go to Scaramouch, choose your books/calendars and in the voucher box when you check out just put 'CYBERUK', the website will then automatically make the reduction.
Its for a limited period - until the 29th November, so take advantage now and get your reading matter before Christmas!
Well, color me overwhelmed. The response to the first chapter of "The Lucky One" was amazing, and I thank everyone who has left a comment, you made a middle-age lady very happy. But I have other concerns to share with you all. I sort of have a crush, and its driving me crazy. She works at the day care that my daughter attends, and not only is she pretty, she is kind, gentle, and super nice. She is like a warm fire on a cool night, just being near her makes me feel better about everything. But, there are a few problems with asking her out. First, i am assuming she is taken.
For anyone who's interested there are two 13 month Gaby Calendars available for 2011, the first is illustrated Manga style by Mizutamari and the second follows Gab's on her Spring trip to Germany and Autumn trip to the Gabycon in Dorset.
Well, I posted my latest story, and I am waiting to see how well it is received. I am not going to beg here for kudos or comments unless they are deserved, but weather or not the story continues will depend somewhat on the response. I happen to think it was funny, but I am the AUTHOR for heaven's sake, so what do I know? I hope it lightened at least a few people's day, but we will have to see.
A reader wrote to my Hotmail to say he liked Star Crossed. He went on to say that he had only gotten into it because he clicked the wrong link!
… Sure! Fine by me.
I like to scribble a little, in those exceedingly rare instances that I have any time at all, and I’m convinced that like most people who’ve been afflicted with this same psychological shortcoming, I don’t care if he tripped over or fell down the link — Just as long as once the actual reading is begun, he feels like reading to the end.
After much procrastination and many misgivings, I finally posted "Lt Katia In Afghanistan". Perhaps those who have PTSD problems caused by combat, should just avoid this one. To make it clear, I have not been in "Military" combat, and this story is not meant to be a commentary on anything, and is solely for reading enjoyment.
As I approach my second year on this site, it's only recently I have discovered the Themes and other settings available to tailor the way that I can view it!
A murderer who brutally killed transgendered prostitute Andrea Waddell in Brighton, Sussex, England, has been given an indefinite jail term for raping another woman in Brighton five weeks earlier.
I long to gently caress your face,
to look into your eyes and lose myself,
I long for our arms wrapped around each other in our embrace,
for you to be snug and warm with ourselves,
Okay... So the one chapter I was worried about, as I hadn't written it at all and it needed new research to fill in a few holes is done and I plan on getting to it sometime this week. That will be nice. As I have been doing these I realized that I had missed something in them and thus I needed to toss in a whole new chapter. It answered a few questions for me in terms of plot and such but also raised a few new questions.
It's almost entirely likely that the next chapter will feature Robin and Linda's first fittings, but I couldn't resist showing off what I have in mind for the two of them as a 'finished product' since the wedding itself will be taking place in the Spring, and Book Two will come to a close with the holidays (in-story).
I'm delighted when people write to me and say that reading Bike has inspired them to have a go at writing themselves. It's nice to think it's an inspiration, although as Bonzi pointed out, it might also mean that Bike is so badly written, they all think they can do better. He could be right.
Please help. When I wrote Something to Declare,I was listening to folk music. When I wrote the two strands of Points of View, it was Sibelius, mostly. Here I am writing a Cold Feet altercation in a Welsh pub, and it's Budgie's heavy metal riffing.
I've never posted a blog before but I found a good news article that I felt was worthy of posting here. I never see any Canadians posting our news so I thought it might be time, especially given todays significance.
It’s hard to believe that it has been over thirty years since some of my darkest hours. I was in a horrible work situation and also trying to lose too much weight too quickly through a diet of mainly caffeine laden diet cola.
Out of the blow I started having full-blown anxiety attacks. They were of such force that I thought I was being hit by an electrical charge when the adrenalin rush started. It got so bad I couldn’t leave the apartment where we lived with our two-year old child.
Well, this might be my last update for a bit. I am writing like crazy, and i would like to finish my current project before life catches up with me. Hugs to all, and I will be back when i can post it.
Most of you know me as Gwen, but recently I realize that when someone uses that name on me it is particulary jarring. Gwen (Gwinn) was my male name, and my ear does not hear a difference between the two. In real life, everyone knows me as Khadijah. I won't bother you with the correct pronunciation as my throat can not form the sounds either. I heard a woman say it properly the other day. NOPE, ain't happening! LOL
I am re-reading Fleurie's, psychological thriller, "Deception Of Choice", um because I decided to. As it turns out, the story was originally published in the same month that I was originally outed. Being outed was not something that I wanted, but somehow the system propelled me along as surely as being fired out of the torpedo tube of a submarine. I had intended to stay with my family, and hopefully die not that long after the last one married. My job would be complete.
I have to apologize. I have not been commenting much lately, and that isn't like me (I have left kudos, though...). I'm just going through a seriously depressed time. So many bad things happening. I'm holding it together, but I feel like crying all the time, and I didn't want to bring anyone down with my comments. It gets worse with some writers (Bailey, Portia, I'm sorry-you always seem to get the tears going for me!), but I am reading, when I can drag myself out of bed. I'll be fine, eventually, just gotta work my way out of this.
Well, today is the transgender day of remembrance. Have things got better? Probably. I mean, I have gone around Edmonton in a skirt and not drawn any serious negative reaction. And there is a bill in our Parliament that will finally put an end to discrimination based on gender expression or identity, assuming it ever comes up to a vote and passes. But things are less good in other places, and even here, I risk the loss of my child if I move forward. (Even if the ex would be wrong legally, it would be up to me to go to a court to get access, and I simply cannot afford it).
As somebody (in good intention no doubt) changed my posting of Photo Opportunity to include everything available there is no point in me posting anything else.
Please, if you are on the organising commitee check what you are doing.
On Joanne Barbarella's suggestion, I created a joke section on my new website, which because I can't use a database (it's the ISP, not my inadequacies), ten different subjects one on each page.
I'm quite chuffed with them and although there's nothing brand new there, there are some good ones.
However, they don't represent all of what I have, so having now got the bare bones down, I will be adding to them as often as I can and will be including a video section too!
Apparently there is a boy playing on a girls field hockey and "dominating" it. While they haven't listed all his stats, he hardly seemed to be dominating.
http://www.salon.com/technology/dan_gillmor/2010/11/15/faceb...
In the above article, Dan Gillmor at Salon warns about a couple of issues
One if them is the part about the conversations feature which includes a complete archive of everything you’ve ever electronically exchanged with your friends and loved ones on Facebook: What a treasure trove for divorce lawyers and law enforcement.
The Redhead and the PM is forty (40) chapters long. I have it set up for 21 postings; however, some of the final proofing for the latter chapters is not completed. Specifically, some of the UK unique things haven't been gone over by someone who knows. I made many errors in the first few chapters out of ignorance. That's because, as much as I try, I haven't learned enough British unique language and geography features from my five trips to England, and watching PBS. So, the posting will take a while. Right now, just the first twelve chapters are mostly ready to go.
Well, its been kinda a good news/bad news day. To start with the bad news, I got a reply of sorts to the reply I had sent to the fellow on the christian support group. Unfortunately, it was less than charitable, or at least that is how I saw it. At the moment I was reading it, I was on a down, so it was like a slap to my face. But, (and this is the good news) fortunately, some christian friends of mine were online, and comforted me. Then, to make things even better, I got a gift from Richie (our fellow author here on BC) - a pair of very nice wigs.
I do not, nor will I, put my life out on the internet.
I want absolutely nothing to do with Facebook in particular, because they are constantly invading the privacy of not just their users, but the people their users are in contact with.
I know two people who said things on facebook that cost them a job, because even though they had removed it, it was still archived on the internet.
I have discovered a side effect of my little breakthrough the other day. I seem to have lost any protection i had from my emotions and they are in overdrive. I am hyper-cycling, with my ups and downs going like a roller coaster traveling at about Mach 10. I am going from stratospheric highs to crying from utter depths of depression in less time than it took to write this paragraph. I am not sure exactly what I can do about this, except ride it out and hope things slow down soon.
For a while there was a new female singer out whose name was something like "Ke$hara" The only thing I remember for certain is that the S was a $ and it began with K. She's about the same genre as Katy Perry, and I liked her music.
Over the week end, I thought I caught a look at some pictures of her in which she really looked like a T girl, though in her music Videos, she looked anything but. Come on, we all know that our waist lines are a struggle for us. I nearly got a silicone Butt, but did not want to spend another $12,000 in Thailand. It's a bitch isn't it?
Vacation is so good for the soul. We are just happy vegging here in Myrtle Beach. Our place has a great view of the ocean and we have been listening to the waves for a few days now. It is oh so relaxing.
Yesterday I swam in th ocean for a little bit. It was cold but the hot tub was a good follow up to that. A lot of the stress and tension that we have been dealing with for a third of the year is slowly trickling away. That will help with writing and everything else.
I'll have to say that I have never made a serious effort at role playing games, but I've gotten curious a few times. The first was after I had read most of the Gor books. After the first two or three, I only kept reading them because I had exhausted all the David Weber books, and hoped that John Norman would eventually improve with practice.
At the time, I was enduring the last gasps of a rotten 40 year marriage. Yes, I know I should be flogged for staying with a bad marriage for 40 years.
got dressed up tonight and videod myself. feeling sexy and posted the vid on youtube .
its november so i shaved my legs and i couldnt give a f@ck . dont have to show my skin for another 6 months at least so wearing sexy stockings and my legs look great .dont it make you feel so feminine
god bless
traceymac
Well, the author of that hurtful message sent me a message to apologize, and although his message is too long for me to share, I would like to share my response.
I find myself conflicted. I appreciate the apology, and I forgive you. But may i point out a couple of things? First, talking about me to (other member) or anybody else behind my back is not any different than any other form of gossip. Perhaps you will learn from this to not say something about a person that you wouldn’t want them to hear.
Do you ever find yourself looking at My Stories and find yourself surprised how long ago you posted something. Today that happened to me with In This Land, my last Manny and Maude story. I knew it had been awhile, thought I was coming up on a year, but its actually been almost 16 months since I posted it. Yet, despite the next story, Who's the Fairest, being one of my goto stories to work on since I finished The Transformation of Gwri, it still feels like I have a long way to go.
Well, first i want to thank everyone who offered support to me by leaving a comment on my last entry. Each one of you helped me greatly, and I thank and bless you. But I also have some big news to share. First, I have to relate a story, and forgive me if I have told it before: When I was 16 years old, I saw the movie "The Wall", and I became fascinated with the concept of having a wall. I then did something a little odd - I prayed to God to have my walls come down. Well, be careful what you pray for, to mangle a quote. I discovered that I didn't just have walls to keep others out.
If you come across Whatshername's LARGE pic, please send me the LINK so I can delete it. There are so many and it's taking me too much time to hunt them up just being given the name.
Thanks and hugs,
Jezzi
Portland eatery is offering something different to patrons... and reports say people love it!
PORTLAND, Ore. -- A Thai restaurant in northwest Portland is hoping makeup, wigs and heels will put a new face on its business and its bottom line.
Oasisba, formerly known as Sweet Basil, is stirring up its business by having servers dressed as drag queens. At first glance, it may appear the new name is the only thing different at the restaurant on Glisan Street and 17th Avenue, but once you go inside, the change is clear.
I wanted to share with you guys a message i got on the support group site i am part of:
I read (my screen name's) latest journal and felt that he could make for a good illustration in church. It crossed my mind that we have a guy claiming to be a woman trapped in a mans body. This guy is basing his feelings as reality. I am assuming that his latest dream (his latest journal) where some girl asked him when is he going to tell the truth as meaning when is he going to come out confessing his perversion as his reality when the opposite of that would be the truth.
I'm hoping at the weekend to get a big chunk of AquaGirl 2 written - as it's currently >5,000 words long and I've only covered half a day; and I'm intending this episode to last several days (more water-based training, starting her 'day job', evening computer fiddling, and her first mission), it might take a while longer to finish (although hopefully before a rather portly superhero piloting a rather improbable vehicle makes his seasonal appearance!)
Today's posting is the next to the last for Musetta's Waltz. This is the first of the new material - the material that had been removed before publishing the first edition. The primary reason for not publishing this chapter was because it revealed the tunnel between the two houses. That was an still an important secret. When you read The Redhead and the PM, it will become obvious the reason they can now talk about it. The next and last posting is two chapters and they reveal something that wasn't even hinted at in the first edition. They reveal a slightly different Musetta.
Well, for all my anxiety before I went out today, things could not have gone better. I got dressed up, I stopped for gas, I went to the coffee shop, and nobody blinked. Then I met my friend, and she was lovely, gracious, and we hit it off like two old girl friends catching up. We chatted, laughed, and gossiped for more than two hours. Best of all, she said she could definitely see me as female, which made my day, week, year, and possibly century. Wow! I can't wait to do it again!
My lovely mum is terminally ill and is not expected to live for much longer.
I will be reading the great stories on the site as time permits, (it helps take my mind off things) but I won't be writing anything for a while. As soon as I am able, I will continue with the stories.
And just to be clear, this is to all Veterans of all nations who put themselves in harms way for the good of their people. All Veterans give of themselves and not just Americans.
I am just about to go out to meet my friend dressed as Dorothy, but I am struggling. It's hard not to see what I look like in a mirror, and think "Who the heck do I think I am fooling? I don't look like a woman, I look like a bad joke, a man in drag pretending. I wish I could turn off that "tape" once and for all. I fear that as long as I hear that message, I am not going to make real progress.
Irony can be described as an incongruity between what is expected and what actually occurs.
On the left side of the screen this morning is a message discussing the apparent demise of Storysite. On the right side is the display of contributions to Hatbox.
First of all -- Storysite has been "gone" before and seems to come back every time.
I know to some people regarding your dreams as something worth thinking about once you wake is a little odd, but I do. I don't necessarily think that they are messages from God, but I think they often show me whats going on in my head better than i can sometimes express it when i am awake. So last night, I had a dream of being in a large room, perhaps a gym that had been converted into something like a flea market. I recognized most of the people there. Then a girl came up to me, shook me, and said, "When are you going to stop running?
I spent most of a couple hours talking with a GG who had no clue I was anything but what I presented myself to be...namely, me, Cathy. That's the triumph part. When she finally tumbled, she was blown away and completely complimentary, to the point where she wanted to exchange email addresses.
I keep losing track of time lately! Sorry about being a day late to post again, but The Watcher #7 is up now. Things get a bit complicated for me at this point, because Watcher, Who Watches the Watcher, Toil & Trouble and Venus Cursed! all come together to some extent. There will be a fair amount of overlap between the various series for a while, though mostly between Toil & Trouble and Venus Cursed!
So, here is the next great chapter in the epic 300 Rains. I am posting it early because I take off on vacation Friday and thus am not going to update anything until the Sunday after Thanksgiving. After 4 months of sorting, processing, cleaning and painting my MIL's house after she passed away in July, we are done and thus need to get the hell away from all of this crap. So, we are going to spend a week in Myrtle Beach to unwind. I also plan swimming in the ocean just because. Because I want to.
So um, it turns out my mother took out a small life insurance policy on me several years ago as part of a package that covered the three of us, adding me as a term policy or somesuch. I don't really understand how it all works, but basically, since the cost was increasing she decided to go ahead and cancel it.
Neither of us knew this was the type of policy that you pay into like a savings account. Between this and the award for the Halloween contest, I'll be able to afford a new keyboard and stand (I'm going with the Yamaha PSR E423) with a little bit left over. :-D
Well, today was a tough, frustrating day at work, and I am glad it is over. Basically, we spent the whole day preparing for a delivery that didn't come, and then had to spend the rest of the time putting everything back we had moved out to make room. Sadly, tomorrow could be worse, as that delivery plus another are expected. But the good news is that a friend from the support site i am a member of wants to meet me in Real Life, on Thursday, and I am totally pumped. It will be really nice to have an outing with a friend as Dorothy.
The nurse from my Endocrinologists office called and told me that she was sending my new prescriptions out to me. She did tell me that my blood sugar was elevated and they scheduled me for an appointment on December 10th. I am hoping and praying that I can get it down by modifying my diet and not have to start insulin. I hate needles anyway,so the idea of sticking myself a few times a day is not high on my list of things I want to get started doing. My family history is not on my side with regards to diabetes. I just hope I can change habits and take care of it that way.
Just to warn anyone who wants to try things of this sort. Didn't work for me; wasn't gay. Oddly enough I had no attraction to men at all until well into transition. It took me a long time to resolve the pure, unadulterated, revulsion I had for men, but after a long time, living as a woman, it slowly ebbed. I don't know how.
In this one, I will say that the psychobabble is impressive, but you can still see the conflict in the face of the man who was interviewed.
No I don't want to remember another password and log onto yet another forum. So I'll post here since it will probably share much the same readership.
Great to see Tuck in control as always, made even easier by Jane and crew being down with illness.
I am sure they are blind at the moment to what an asset they have on their hands. It will be fun to see what happens once honest and open communication starts between them.
I really feel Tucker would be such an asset to Hayfield Hall, don't you think?
Having read this story, it would be very easy for me to get carried away with commenting on how ridiculous ‘his’ views are. To say:
"People who think they are a woman trapped in a male body are, in my opinion, completely deluded. I certainly was."
Here is the link:
I will limit my comment to reiterate an old saying ‘he took the dressing up too far’ I am certain others will leave more pertinent comments
Love to all
I need your help for the next installment of Assassin. One of the characters is from England I need to know at what age a person would graduate from university with a degree in geology. Thanks for your help, Arecee
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
