I stumbled into this tonight and had not thought that I would ever hear SSM discussed in Utah, AS IF. Well, there is dialogue going on. Hmmmm

Since I haven't posted anything in quite a few weeks I thought I would give everyone an update.

As some of you know, I have been looking for work and may have found a job that can work with me and how I really hate dealing with people face to face. I have applied for 3rd shift (or graveyard for you West coast people) GM (general merchandise) stocking at a Meijers near the house. For those who don't know, Meijers is a Michigan based company, like Walmart, but nicer to their employees, or so former workers have said.

I seem to have developed a selective form of social anxiety.

Well, the night before last I caught my foot against a pallet at work, and became off balance and started to fall. It felt like someone had yanked on my leg hard. So I went to the hospital to get checked out today, and it looks like I dodged a bullet and didnt do any damage to myself.

Still hurt, though.

Ah, well.

I owe my life greatly to several people here on BCTS who were strong and obstinate enough to call me on my shit years ago when I was an "endangered species".

Many people know from a few hilarious blogs I posted a year ago that I work as a papergirl. The only problem is, most people there don't know that I'm a girl.

Because I know,

what it's like to ask for help, and be told you don't need it.

This is about my 20th time, I attended the third one way back in 72 and I've gone to almost half of them since then. I have a few friends in the industry and know even more people just to say hi to. I always get enthused about my comics work when I'm here. :)

Having been a small publisher back in the first days of indie comics (we called them street-level comics), I get a professional badge and get to hang out with the pros and drink free coffee in the pro lounge. So cool!

I am going to be real here for a moment and share something deep and personal.

I had a little interaction with Stanman over the past years & he and I had some laughs about the post from EOF about the mmorfg or what ever you call the interactive games you play on the internet .

I'm trying to work up the nerve to get out of my comfort zone, so I was wondering if someone here could give me a nudge.

It is with heavy heart and deep regret that I must inform the community that Stan Morton, otherwise known as Stanman died a week ago. I heard from a friend of the family so I didn't get any details

My uncle has taken a turn for the worse. Apparently, he had a heart attack last night. Going to go see him tonight.....

Yesterday I had my court date for name change. The whole process to this date had been a bit time consuming but not difficult. Basically I had to supply a SLED(Criminal) background check, fingerprints and all and a DSS background check to ensure that I wasn't a child abuser or neglect-er.

The policewoman that took my prints was super nice, we wound up having a conversation which starts as those conversations seem to...

"Wow, I wouldn't have had any idea until I looked at the paperwork!"

"Thanks!"

This week has been a staycation one of those times when you have to use vacation time to avoid losing out. We are saving up for a big vacation next year and so our time this year is spent at home. My wife was out of the house all day today and I had an early morning errand to run, so I got dressed in my feminine best and went out. (My wife knows I do this, so don't think I was sneaking out.)

Sunday is Bastille Day, the anniversary of the storming of the notorious prison in Paris which was one of the trigger points of the French Revolution and arguably, the French have been revolting ever since.

I often wonder what people see when they look at me.

For example, let me ask you a question.

Just got a phone call from one of my aunts saying that one of my uncles is in the hospital after having had a stroke. Dont know more yet, waiting till mom comes home so we can go see him.

I think me and my big mouth have finally made me an enemy at work.

I finally got around to really looking at what my brother and sister-in-law gave me for my birthday yesterday, and I'm really moved.

Today at church, I was asked to help with the communion service, and it was a good experience. We were given these sashes, then we went down to the front to hold out the bread and the wine for the congregation to come down and partake.

Best part? They gave me a sash with a butterfly on it ....

Well, yesterday was a pain-filled day. First, my breasts started hurting, and it got pretty bad. So bad that I started crying on the phone with Jaci and Ruth and pretty much blubbered for more than hour, with the only words I could say were "I'm sorry" over and over again ......

Then, at work, my male bits somehow managed to slip out of my panties, and the pain I experienced was tremendous, and the psychological suffering was just as bad ....

Ah, well. Time to sleep, and hope for a better night tonight.

The biggest thing about being trans is that it forces you to deal with the assumptions people have about gender. Most people dont think about their gender, or how being male or female influences how people treat you, but as a trans person, I have to face those assumptions every day. Along with the assumptions comes judgement - am I feminine enough, or too feminine? How do people see me, and how do I interact with them?

I'm trying to learn to give myself some slack in these judgments, and am hoping others will do the same.

So far so good .....