Autobiographical

Informal Poll: Transsexual vs Transgender vs Cross-dresser

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I got to wondering the other day about the terms we use here on BCTS. Specifically Transgender.

Just wondering if my interpretation of the term is the same as others.

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Lies down in dark corner

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Unfortunately, going on my nightly experiences, that probably won't help much... but I'm going to take it easy this week-end. I've spent three days visiting hospitals last week and another rebuilding the house network. Phew!

Each time I go to a hospital it basically uses up a day. If I go to the local hospital for a blood test, it is a mile walk and then a bus ride each way; I can get other things done but you can't get a full run at anything. Going to the Renal clinic is an hour's train ride and a mile walk each end so basically we make it a day out and roam the shops, eat out, etc.

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Transgender Battle in the West

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It seems from my perspective that the battle for rights is joined in a way I have not seen before, at least in the West. I know that in Washington DC there are those who are pressing for a Rights Bill, that this time includes Transgender folk. If you remember the old bill was called ENDA and it threw us under the bus.

To be clear, I think it is mostly the FtM folk who are driving this as they do not seem as easily cowed as most MtF folk, or perhaps I am the only one who is cowed.

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Recuperation is long and slow, but there is a plus side

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In January of this Year I stepped on the scale at the VA hospital in Philadelphia my weight came out as the last four digits as my SSN but with a period after the first three numbers such as as 123.4.
I decided I needed professional help and got it. Now ten months later I weigh 80 pounds less1425797_709287929082924_1452247874_n.jpg

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Openly Transgender Mormon Woman... I NEED help !

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I was extremely surprised to find this on a TV Station in Salt Lake City. Part of the video refers to several transgender women living in Portland, Oregon. I am none of them. Lots of people here know my real name, it is no secret.

This article is also mentioned in a thread on mormondialogue.org. I am really sorry, just reading about it has upset me so much that it is obvious I can not participate in it at all. I think the tactics being used are absolutely despicable and likely to put genuine efforts back years.

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The best years we can have.

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I saw a blog about De-transitioning and read the blog it referred to and the replies. Days later, it finally sinks in that while the circumstances surrounding my coming out and transitioning are dreadfully sad, and painful, the last few years are the best of my life.

It is wrong, just wrong for me to keep trying to be a gate keeper any longer. I just wanted to save people pain. But, what if in trying to save people pain, I just increased their pain?

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Balancing act

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There is quite the balancing act going on with my new post: Unreachable. It seems that there are some who are really enjoying the story and I wish I could just throw it all up at once, but it really is too long (180k+ words). Add on top of that that I'm selling it on Amazon and it leaves me in a bit of a lurch. Of course I want to sell books, it helps with the bills, but I also like sharing my creations as well. I also like reviews and comments and kudos in abundance.

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spare a moment to send a positive thought to Jaci today

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If you would be so kind, take a moment to send a positive vibe to Jaci today, as it is her first day back at work since surgery.

Thanks!

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Detransitioning?

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I found this blog on de-transitioning, and thought I would share it. It bothers me, because of how similar our stories are, giving me fear that should I get the surgery, I'll only end up doing what he's doing ...

http://retransition.org/2013/10/detransition-transsexual-reg...

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where are all these tears coming from ?

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Well, last night I was having a conversation with Jaci, when out of the blue I started shaking and crying. I bawled and bawled for about twenty minutes, while Jaci just let me go at it, but finally I wound down enough to regain some control again, at which point I wanted to know why this happened. Jaci thinks this was because of the tension I had going into my physical finally coming out, but I'm not so sure that's the only reason.

Ah, well.

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Small steps - coming out at the office

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This morning at our weekly department meeting my colleagues were told about my "change of style" after this weekend.

I didn't attend this meeting on purpose, and I was told it went very well.

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breathing a sigh of relief

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Well, I am breathing a sigh of relief. I had a physical today, and by the time I went there I was shaking and near tears because the last time I went the prostrate exam set off my PTSD something awful.

But as it happened, the doc didnt need to do that this time, so I escaped without a major meltdown

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got a nice compliment today

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"of all the people like you I've met, you were the one most comfortable in their own skin. You're a very pretty woman, and you're very lucky."

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I have a growth on my foot

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spent most of yesterday at the hospital because I have some kind of growth on the bottom of my foot. I love the fact that I can go to the hospital without worrying about how I'm gonna pay for it ....

The best they could tell me is it isnt a bone spur or something like that. They think its an infection, so I will be on antibiotics ...

ah, well.

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Small steps - the final one on the first part of my way

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In a few days I will take the final step on the first part of my way:

After Halloween I'll drop my male disguise completely.

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Interesting times

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The reference is to the old Chinese proverb, of course. Did I expect to settle down to a quiet life? What do you think?

Apart from the various medical issues, there are a number of other upcoming activities which have to be addressed, of which writing is, regrettably, only one.

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Lost chance

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So I've finally come to the decision. I don't need my family anymore. So I've disowned them. I'm tired of caring what they thing. I'm tired of hurting. To follow a story recently on the site, Masks, I've determined my male self, Dan, is a mask lined with thorns. a Mask that is so heavy that if I let it sit on me. It hurts so much eventually I will be no more.

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Happy Dance Time

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I am overjoyed! Yesterday I had a Cardiac PET Scan Stress Test and they just called me to tell me that my cardiac arteries both large and small are in great shape and if you knew my heart history for the past 15 yrs you would be amazed too. No results on Echo-cardiogram or Carotid Ultrasound till 11/5 but that is good news in and of itself. If there were bad things she would have me in sooner.

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End of the line

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I just posted the last of God Bless the Child and published Unreachable. That is going to be it for me. It has been a great ride. I had some laughs, shed some tears, but I'm really not cut out to be an author. I don't have what it takes and it has become obvious. There is a certain level of attention to detail to produce a good story, and I don't have that ability. It is more than just not getting reads and comments and kudos and reviews.

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Wonder what is going on?

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Usually, I actually am reasonably pleasant woman at peace with myself and life. Oh, I have my moments but they are few and far between. Today, every time I've encountered even mildly abusive stuff in my reading it has triggered my inner Mama Bear and trust me that is scary.
Something is going on but experience has taught me that attempting to "figure it out" is fruitless. Best I sit quietly with the feeling and allow it to become clear in its own time.

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Never thought this would happen

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So how do I begin this one. I guess I'll start out by saying my transition is going well. If anyone wants a link to my Transition log or E-log as I like to call it, feel free to PM me and I'll see about sending you a link to it. but anyways I digress, This past week I took adive off the deep end. in a matter of speaking. The past week, I met this guy in my reading class who asked for my number to do a study group session. later that week I got a text asking if I wanted to go out. At first, naturally I was scared. I hadn't been on a date in years.

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Survivor?

I wasn't really ready for this when I found it on Facebook, but I think it needs to be widely shared and read. The author has done what I never could do, and expressed it well.

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Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!

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Well, today is Canadian Thanksgiving, and has become tradition, I will list some of the things I'm thankful for:

For Kyile: Because she has become something precious to me.

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Bad week, Inauthentic day

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Well, today didn't go according to plan.

I was supposed to have a day with my daughter, but instead I ended up tagging along behind her and my ex as they walked around a local mall.

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trans people as horror villains

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Here is an interesting article about the use of trans people as horror movie villains

http://www.autostraddle.com/whos-afraid-of-the-big-bad-trans...

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That money grabbing GATES chap....

... seems to finaly have got his way and is going to get more money out of us!!!!

As of 'APRIL 08 2014' Microshaft is widrawing support for WINDOWS XP

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I've never felt more pretty

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well, I went to church in my LBD again, and my braids, and felt wonderful. Then I went to a local mall and found a make-up counter, and got a bit of a makeover. I dont think I've ever looked this pretty ...

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Anyone here with heavy Psych background ...

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I was wondering if there was someone here with a strong psychology background that could read a 34 page Facebook journal for me and give me their assessment. I think that someone has an adjustment disorder, and is possibly obsessive but am unsure about how to proceed.

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I find myself wishing I could go out this Halloween

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I have said here before that for most of my life I hated Halloween. I always felt like I couldnt go out as a girl because I might cause people to wonder about my masculinity, or rather my lack of the same.

But now, for some reason, I find myself wishing I could afford a costume and knew of a good adult Halloween party I could go to. But, lack of money, and lack of somewhere safe I could go means I will be on the sidelines when for the first time I actually want to be the game ...

ah, well.

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