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Continuing the theme of questions from yesterday, lets ask some more:
1: If you are male to female, how important are your looks to you? Are you okay with just passing or do you need to be "pretty"? For female to male, do you want to be seen as "handsome"?
2: who would you go to for advice ? Would you rather the person be trans too, or is that important?
3. what are some of the positive things about being trans for you? What's the best thing about being you?
And to give you my answer to the question I asked yesterday, I would feel uncomfortable going into a pool change room or gym change room for women until I had the surgery - I use the "family" change room when that's an option.
I look forward to seeing who answers my questions, and what they say.
Comments
Well, for me...
I believe every woman wants to be pretty in their own way. I know I want to be which is why I don't leave the house without at least eyeliner and mascara. I will admit that my looks are less important than they used to be because for the first year after I transitioned, I would not be caught dead without full makeup.
As for advice, it depends on the issue. There are some things that a genetic girl knows better (such as how to handle gender bias, how to handle attention from men, what is protocol for certain social situations, etc.) and others where another TS would be able to offer better advice (such as how to deal with people who are not exactly accepting or how to tell someone new of your status or anything trans related.)
The most positive thing about transitioning is no longer having to lie to myself and those closest to me. The freedom of being true to yourself is hard to describe. Transitioning was the hardest thing I will probably ever do but for me, it was worth it.
I will admit that, if you are trying for stealth you are trading one closet for another but at least the new closet has prettier clothes. On my worst day as a woman I am more emotionally able to handle what comes my way better than I ever did when I was trying to be a man.
Since I have not been able to afford my surgery, I am the same as you and avoid changing rooms.
I might be weird, actually I know I am ;), but these are my answers.
Hugs,
Stef
Short Answers
1. I don't want to be ugly, but being "pretty" is not important either. I just want to pass as a woman, period.
2. I listen to people who tastes in feminity are similar to mine. I know a self confessed drag queen whom I listen to very closely (because I have found his advice to be sound), and I also ignore many woman whose tastes run counter to mine (though I do listen closesly). It does not matter if the are trans, gay, or straight.
3. I did not want to be trans. I hated it so much I came very close to ending myself. Having come this far I am at peace, and would not want to go back. I love myself finally, though I had some real mental garbage to toss first. I feel saner. Woman have a wider range of expression in clothes. I like that quite a bit.
Pretty good questions ;-)
I'm MTF, and when I was much younger, a teen, I was terribly depressed and stressed over looking masculine. Then, after my mother kinda straightened me out ("Look around: women don't look like pictures in magazines! We're people, all shapes and sizes!") I de-stressed into wanting to go through life without too much homophobia. (This was before transphobia had been coined, and before the interweb).
I went to drag queens for advice :-) They were the only trans-anyone I could find in high school, and there was this club, a straight club that featured drag acts. They helped me an awful lot, actually, at least teaching me the ABCs of sexuality and gender. Then, with that, as soon as I was old enough, I went searching for a good shrink. Turned out, the drag queens knew a helluvalot more than most doctors.
Positive things about being trans: well, I'm happy in my own skin, and quite satisfied with how life has worked out. Ups and downs, pain and joy, Disney songs, all of that - but I'm here.
Re change rooms (and public washrooms, too): women don't parade around naked unless they want to. The women's rooms are safe places for women to change and use. I'm a woman, and that didn't happen on a operating table, and my life was no different before or after surgery. Would you have pre-op transsexuals excluded from *all* gendered restrooms - the Women's because of a legal technicality, the Men's because of safety? No, I'm for "use the room that fits."
Answers
mtf- passable was mandantory. Pretty, I don't really think about that much but one picture I saw with my ex-wife was weird, I am prettier than she is. Lovers and others have told me that I am cute and that is nice.Check my fb decide for yourself.
most of my age cohort friends are genetic women so I go to them. Nearly all of my trans friends are fairly young 30 and younger (I'm 70) and there are a couple of men in my life, including my son, whom I would trust for some kinds of advice.
I really love the super close relationships that I have with all of my girlfriends, even that one ex-wife/co-parent. I like the way the world allows me to just be me, sweet, flirtatious, nurturent, feminine (not quite girly girl) and it is nice the way most of the men in my life and some of the women are so protective of me. I feel so safe when I am being held.
Being me is mostly wonderful (8 years of good therapy help that) I am sober for 13 years now and I have learned to really appreciate me warts and all.
Hope this is of interest and hope it helps.
Joani McBride
lol
Well im butt ugly as a female so ehh can't look pretty just presentable.
sorry, Jaci, I disagree.
I have seen your picture, you are very pretty indeed.
None of the above.
I'm a Male to Female trans-person however I'm no where near transsexual. As to my looks, I can achieve feminine, but I'm no where near pretty. Feminine is good enough for me. If I can look feminine enough to make the average person doubt that I'm male, even though they're not totally convinced I'm female that's good enough. I don't even mind being read as a male in women's clothes, so long as the person doing the reading is civil and treats me with the same respect that any other person could expect. After all I'm a feminine male/male lesbian. That is to say, I'm feminine in nature but male physically and heterosexual according to my plumbing -- lesbian according to where my mind is.
Advise; that depends on the kind of advice I'm looking for. If I want advice on looking/acting feminine, a genetic girly-girl is my first choice. If I'm wanting information on dealing with people about my trans nature, then a trans-person gets my first call. On other matters, I want someone with some form of expertise in what ever it is.
Positive things about being trans... that's a tough one. I think being trans is positive only in that it gives me insight into both sides of the coin. I can understand male motivation and feminine emotion without even changing gears. After thirty plus years of being out to my wife, it's a positive that she can relate to me as a woman and love me as a man.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
= )
1: Being Double-Gendered, I seek a combination of pretty and handsome. = )
2: That depends greatly on what the matter is.
3: The most wonderful thing about Extravagance is s/he's the only one! =D
S/HEEEEEEEEE'S... ...the only one! ^_^
sends a huggle which pounces on Extravagance
giggles.
for a good
pounce maybe it should be a Hugglalump
My answers, in order....
1. Of course I'd love to be pretty--I don't know of any woman, anywhere, who'd say, "Nah--I wanna look like Ernest Borgnine in drag." But as I said recently in a different forum, it would be more important for me to blend in with the ordinary women on the street, and not all cis women are supermodels.
2. I suppose my question to you would be, "Advice on what?" If it's about any aspect of my gender presentation--hair, clothes, makeup, voice, mannerisms--it matters not which person I go to. If you're male, female, cis, trans, or in a category all your own, and you know the aforementioned things, you're my new BFF.
3. I'd have to say knowing that I can wear what I want to wear, that I can go out in broad daylight presenting as the gender I was meant to be, rather than what others deem appropriate based on my birth gender. Being seen as a woman among women. Not having to hold my emotions in, or censor my choice of words, or monitor every gesture to ensure I don't come across as "sissy." In short, being allowed to be ME.
Livin' A Ragtime Life,
Rachel