It will come as no great shock to regular readers of this blog to find out I struggle with feelings of worthlessness at times.
Seems like no matter if things are going good or not, there is a little critic in my head, ready to pounce on even the slightest flaw and blow it up to try and get me to see myself as a waste of space and air.
Fortunately, it seems like lately I have done a better job at fighting back. I go back to the truth, which is I am loved, and therefore I am valuable. Indeed, based on how much I am loved, I am someone very precious indeed.
Doesn't mean I dont wish I could kick that critic out of my head permanently.
Comments
You are not alone...
I call it the dark spot. It used to overwhelm me, but I am successfully arguing it back. It won't go away though, it always lurks, waiting.
Talking to my counselor almost everyone has this to some degree. With people like us it is just much worse, possibly life threatening at some points. Taint fun, but at least I'm winning the arguments now days. It has shrunk to very manageable levels.
Dorothy Colleen
I think you have it backwards. Anyone can tell that you have love to give and it is that -- the love you have to give -- that makes you valuable, not being loved, which is what makes the people that love you valuable. It's kind of an accident to run into a person with love to give, but it is no accident that you choose to be loving -- and it is something no one can take away from you.
Love, Andra
Powerlessness
Dorothy,
I have learned that love is a gift. It is freely given because we all need to give love. All around me love is in the air and I am totally powerless to get some of it. I can chase love away, I can refuse to accept love and I suspect that I can also destroy Love.
What I am powerless to do is earn love, command love, actively attract love or manipulate love. Remember Love is a gift given because the giver needs to give it. Love is not a prize; not wages earned (though there is a name for that transaction), not a bauble to be filched. Love is Gift! I can look to see if there are ways that I am actively chasing love away? Have I so walled myself off that love cannot reach me? Do I present the world with coldness, abusiveness, arrogance or Willfulness. Of course, the answer is - Yes, sometimes I am only human.
When someone loves me that is NOT a statement about me. Rather it is a statement about their taste in women. When I love some one that is about MY taste. There are perfectly normal, attractive folk out there whom I really dislike What is wrong with them? Nothing! It is about my taste in people. Is there something wrong with fine smoked eel? Not at all but I wouldn't eat that shit with someone else's mouth. Again all about me.
So what is the answer to our conundrum? First, unhook you feelings of self worth from other people's feelings good or bad. Second, Relax. Third, since we are powerless we just continue to work at being our best, kindest self. Fourth, brace yourself because love is all about us and will land on us if we allow it.
I will never forget one day driving down the street and being struck by this young couple's love. Everything about them radiated their love for each other. As much as I hate being unkind, objectively these were the two butt ugliest folk I have ever seen. They did not see that. And when I looked at their love they were beautiful. I learned some humility that glorious day.
Namaste'
Joani
Oh Dorothy!
You've gone from feeling worthless to being full of yourself. Still, I would say that you're better off this way. = )
*Huggles* ^_^
Internal critic
Some of my friends have had great luck in shutting up their internal critic (or at least getting her to tone things down) by the simple method of writing two pages of whatever comes into their heads first thing in the morning, then putting them away, not to be looked at for some time.
Seems like that practice comes from the book _Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain._