you know, I often praise the level of tolerance I receive here in Edmonton, but there have been some ... troubling signs that the forces of bigotry are trying to push back.

I knew it was coming, I just hoped it wouldn`t be so soon. My laptop has been having enough issues with the memory and hard drive problems and various other problems with USB ports, network card, and a lot of the other onboard motherboard related hardware. Now the onboard video is going too. I`ve been plagued with various screen and graphics errors the past several days and It`s getting progressively worse, I can hardly see what I`m typing through the damn lines on the screen..

Well, I had my first session in group therapy today, and it was okay, I guess.

It was all women, I'm not sure if that was on purpose or not, but it made an interesting dynamic.

I spent the whole day at the University hospital today.

First, I tried to get in to the dentist to get my teeth fixed, but the best I could do there was get an appointment for next month.

Some time ago, my primary care physician at Kaiser retired and I was force to select another one. I just went online and picked out one who was accepting new patients. This time she's young. But then remember, at 69 it doesn't take much to look young to me; however, my last doctor was nearly my age.

So still no McDonalds, I hear their stock is dropping like a rock.

For my loyal readers who have been avidly following my story Out of the Blue Part II: Into the Fray, sorry for the delays. Since I came out to my parents and starting transitioning with hormones just about a year ago, I've gone through a couple of very dark patches, but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I'm feeling very peaceful in my mind and contented. It's good to be writing and posting again. Looking forward to the future!

I am writing a story for Jaci's birthday, but due to circumstances, its obviously running late. Be finished and published soon, I hope.

What is courage? Is it that thing that causes a soldier to rush a heavily occupied enemy fort, knowing he might die in the attempt? Is it that thing that causes someone to do the right thing even though it might hurt them? Is it making the right decision for oneself, knowing that all the other choices presented are worse in the long run?

I had to go to Wal-Mart a few weeks ago because I can get some things there at a better price. Wal-Mart is never an enjoyable experience, but I endure it. As I was leaving with my stash I heard a voice to my left. "Sir, I will give you a hundred dollars if you will take me to the VA Hospital." He was in his thirties, close cropped hair, and he had a severe limp. His head was scarred. He was thrusting a hundred dollar bill in my direction. He had a large suitcase on rollers. I knew immediately that he was the real thing.

Well, if I needed proof I've got the best mom in the world, I got it yesterday.

There is a new Katie Leone book available on Amazon and it is going to be a little bit before the next one comes out. I try to stagger longer works and shorter works in order to keep my sanity. I am still recovering from Unreachable but it is time to move on. Plus, I am also going to be doing the biography at the same time, so that will slow things up a little more.

As I woke today I found myself thinking, and what I thought was "I can't remember the last time I had a nightmare".

Well, my ex has managed to do something I never thought she'd do - she apparently is using my male name is a a pejorative.

Well, the last couple of days have brought some bad news, but also some good news, so here is an update:

Well, last night at work was rather interesting. For the last while I have been working on and off as night maintenance at work, and last night they asked me to train a new person for that job. When I met him, I was slightly curious to notice that his name tag said "Jennifer", even though he was not in any way feminine.

I asked him about the name, and he said his father had given it to him, and giving female names to male babies happened quite often in his country, the Philippines.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to slam your head into the wall? The past few weeks I've been running around trying to find another job since Home Depot fired me over injuring myself in an incident I could not avoid. when the incident happened I informed a manager as soon as I realized something was wrong and 4 days later I was fired. that was nearly a month ago.

I'm sitting here totally shocked. I've been talking to Jaci and she told me that she's been talking to my mom, who apparently told her that she "didn't raise me as a boy." She went on to say she didn't force me to be a girl, either she just "raised me to be Dorothy." I really don't know where to put this piece of information. I'm ... just ... stunned ...

I would like some opinions on a question.

Should I name my fears?

What I mean is should I say here what I am afraid of?

My recent pregnancy dream got me thinking about something: When I was a teen, I had a gf and we had a mutual friend who later came out as gay. One day, and I think it was completely out of the blue, he asked, if one day we (me and my gf) were still together and decided to have kids, and if it were possible for me to have the pregnancy, what we would think about it. I said I wouldn't be interested, which was sincere but I also found the idea unsettling. He then mused that given pregnancy required massive doses of female hormones it would probably be a bad idea even if possible.

my last story didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. Would like to figure out why I'm regressing in my storytelling ...

I don't know exactly when it is that I gave up, but it seems very difficult to find that will to fight that I once had. It has cost me greatly: it has cost me health, freedom, and happiness.

Had a funny moment yesterday getting an oil change for my car. I was waiting in the lounge when a guy came in with a clipboard containing paperwork and a set of keys. He saw me, and continued to look around the lounge, and realizing I was the only one there he looked rather confused.

Finally, I said to him, "Is that for my car?" He looked at me, looked at his sheet and asked tentatively "T...Todd?" I smiled and nodded and he gave me the keys.

It seems clear to me that he saw me as a woman to the point he couldn't believe my male name belongs to me.

This spring or summer I want to go camping in the Oregon Outback and have found a place that is at least 40 miles from any urban lighting, on a plateau of some 5000 feet, in isolated solitude. In my youth, I loved amateur astronomy, and once had a small reflector, so plan to resume that hobby once again.

In the mean time, I must find ways to prevent any lights from coming on in my car, or cover them in red cellophane. Any camp lights I have must be red also.