My body scares me, and last night was a great example as to why.

Well, I am trying to clean up the mess I'm in regarding the accident I had last year, and its not fun.

I have been reading the Reluctant Girl stories and was thinking about how I use to feel when a story used my childhood name. Especially when the character was so not me.

Well, five days into the new year, and its turning into crap already.

I sit, joyous, alone in my little cottage, in quietude and peace. It took 4 hrs before I could breath without pain from my back and that was OK. Artifacts if a life fully lived but no need for an organ recital. I feel so connected with you all; participate in your pain and joy and I do feel with you. I am supported by networks of trans friends/allies, another network of LGBT friends and allies and a very strong small network of families. Thank you all, you bring me peace and joy and I hope I reciprocate. You all truly have my love.
Joani

Meinn gott, I hate moving. Expecially having too pack. Little ol me had to pack my whole room all by myself, lol

Well, things aren't looking so hot at the moment. When removing the cathader the doc mentioned a graft not going well (a large graft I migt add). He gave me 5 bottles of metaiodyne to douche with and would not talk to me after. So here I am knowing something has gone badly wrong scared as hell. I have a meeting tomorrow whwhere I might get some answers. The smell from this is unbelievably bad, so I douche.

When I know more I'll post mote.

Another Christmas come, another Christmas gone.

I know that there are some who are concerned about me and really care. As I often do, I will be taking my leave from the site for a while. Unless something major happens or I will the Nobel Prize for transgender literature, I will have nothing much to offer for a while. I am going to be starting on my next story sometime in the beginning of January. I plan on making Growing Up Jenny into a paperback as well after a major overhaul.

Just to give you a heads up of what is planned for 2014:

It is this time of year that makes grumpy old farts like me sit back and remember just what life I all about....Its not about what you did or what you achieved , to me its all about being the kind of person God would like you to be. Those ten commandments were set for a reason. I haven't been an angel about following them and am the first to admit it , But I now want to say this. I am going to try harder in the coming days, those of you I have offended know who you are and I offer the hand of friendship and forgiving to now.

♥Jessica♥So recently I discarded the last material possessions that where rons, he is nolonger around and our family

If I dont get a chance to say it tomorrow, Merry Christmas, everybody.

Well, I've just trashed the last of Rons old clothes, after 5 years my stepmom finally allowed me to get rid the last peices of him, hes gone now and I am all that's left... I actualy feel a little bit guilty, for 13 years I pretended to be somebody I wasn't, in a way they had become apart of me and ive just killed him with hormones and panties, lol. I think i should have a funeral for him... what do you guys think.(let me know in the comments)

I am really not used to being complimented.

My pastor's wife described me as "wise", and I just didn't know how to handle that without deflecting.

Sometimes it is easy to forget how blessed we are. I am flat on my back recovering from SRS. A really close pair of friends are allowing me to recover at their house, which I am greatful for. Lots of pain but it is normal. I can't wait for the tube to come out of my new tush, but no worries. Looking forward to doing more than hunt anf peck on this keyboard. Till then all my love.

Wendy

So, I finally got an MD at the Veterans Hospital that had active brain cells, and she told me things I had never heard before. Generally speaking, other women, even natural ones, will not share these details.

Well, with a soft "pop" sound, my TV died.

Rest in Peace, old friend ...

Had an appointment with the doctor, and he wants to book me for surgery on my foot as soon as possible. He talked about it being a "fibroid mass", and mentioned the possibility of getting a biopsy on it once its removed to be sure its not cancer.

Now, why couldn't I get that on my male bits instead ?

Ah, well.

Well, on Sunday after church, I had another session with my pastor's wife, and had a flashback during the session. In my flashback, I saw myself during the abuse being photographed by my rapist. A flash from a camera, going off again, and again.

Needless to say, I was a little upset about this.

But thinking about it this morning, I found myself being able to say "Screw my rapist. He doesn't own me. So he took pictures. I don't belong to him."

So maybe this flashback ends up being a step forward.

I can hope so, anyway.

I guess what little fan-base I have has given up on my writing. My last story "Somebody's knockin'" and my latest poem "Lie to me" both are lacking in comments. I know I'm not the wonderful author Tels or Bailey Summers or Drea (or almost anybody you can mention on this site) are, but still ...

In two weeks, it will have been seven years since Sephrina recruited me to come to this site. I was a right mess when I got here. Looking at the Calender, it must have been the night that I returned from the hospital because of suicidal ideation, and had just been told that on the next day, Christmas Eve, I was being thrown out and installed in my own apartment, thus ending abruptly a marriage of nearly 40 years. By the time the divorce was final, it would be 40 years, 4 months. What the hell, this was supposed to be for life !

So I went to my regular Thursday dance class today and a two songs in my ankle started feeling really stiff and a bit sore. I tried dancing a couple more songs but it just kept getting worse and I was making mistakes. My teachers usually tell me I'm one of the best in the class and are actually thinking of having me in one of their shows. fourth song in I was making more mistakes because of the pain and discomfort and it was throwing off my balance so I quit for the day.

Well, I had my ultrasound on my foot, and I am more confused as to what's going on than ever. I started to sweat when the technician called someone else to look at my results, and all this other person would tell me was there was a possibility it was "scar tissue" and gave a Latin name which meant nothing to me.

So now I have to wait for a MRI scan, which wont happen until May, and then see the specialist.

Our system is free, but it sure takes a long time to get anything done ...

Ah, well.

What's a life without pain?