I could really use some motivation. That is one of the downsides of not posting stories regularly while you work on really big projects, you hardly get any feedback.

First of all, I'm sorry but the chapters of Winter's Child and Twice Removed that I was hoping to have done today will be a bit delayed since my weekend was a bit crazy. First on Saturday I had to do some gardening and Martin's three year old niece wanted me to play with her pretty much all day long, so I was too tired to do much when we got home late. Then yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown. Ever since I moved to Quebec I've had nothing but problems with finding any sort of work, getting financial assistance, getting consistent medical coverage, a doctor and my prescriptions.

Well, here is a copy of what I said in church today:

I am transgender.

You might have guessed that, I mean, I don’t really know how well I “pass” so maybe you can tell by looking at me.

Just a question for you all. I am considering publishing here the speech I will give at church on Sunday, and I wonder if I should do so as a "story" or a "blog"?

opinions?

I am sitting on something very hot right now. I am half way through writing a biography about an undercover narcotics officer for a major metro police force who happens to be transgender and just went through SRS.

I know I have had some success self publishing, but this is well beyond the scale of God Bless the Child and Unreachable when it comes to importance and marketability. I admit, I might not have what it takes to make this book the success that it should be on its own. I need an agent, but I have no clue how to find one or where to really look.

Just got back from a sonogram. I went to the new Kaiser West Side Hospital. They set my appointment for the third floor. I checked in as usual using my male ID and the reaction was admirable. I was wearing white Capris and an all in one top consisting of a black cami, trimmed in lace and an open front over shirt in a multicolor print. The lady doing the check in didn't blink and just checked me in. She then walked me back to the waiting area.

Sorry folks, been up in Lunnun all day as part of my training for the Tour de France (I'm not riding it, just helping to make it happen). Walked miles around the Olympic Park and didn't get home until late evening, so I'm afraid I'm too tired to do Bike tonight. Hopefully if I can wake myself up by tomorrow, I'll try and do the next exciting(yawn),thought provoking (duh!) episode of BCTS own long (winded?)running soap. I'm sure you can't wait.

Good news everyone.

I don't have to fix the exhaust leak in my car....

well, yesterday I went to the doctor's about my foot, and my 2nd worst fears have been confirmed. My worst fear was that it was cancer, which it isn't, but my second-worst fear was that they would tell me there's nothing more they can do for me, and that's what's happened. Apparently, they don't think surgery is a good choice because the risks of nerve damage, so basically, I can try to stuff a pad into my shoe and hope that helps, and otherwise, I get to just live with it.

Ah, well. with my gender issues, I already knew I wasn't gonna ever be pain free anyway ...

Tomorrow I will have been on the road for 12 days, and If I could afford it, I would just live on the road. All someone would have to do is give me a couple thousand a month. Right.

Well, I have been asked if I wanted to speak at my church during the Pride service on June 8. If you're the praying type, pray I do the community and my God proud with my words.

I just finished reading a book called "But inside, I'm screaming". Its the story of a young reporter who has a breakdown and ends up in a mental hospital, and the story is about her slow journey back to mental health.

You wouldn't think that would be a good story for me to read, especially as I have been fighting depression all week, but her learning how to love herself even if she isn't perfect was inspiring to me.

I can recommend the book to anyone.

The final part of Dancing Queen (Chapter 30) has just been posted - for those who do not like to start reading stories until they are completed. Please feel free to comment on earlier chapters or else at the end of the story.

Families, who can live with them?

The next time I mention something about my family being nice, someone please have the guts to put me out of my misery? Please

Well, I seem to inspire kindness in others.

Well, I just got home from my group therapy session, and once again, I am in tears.

Here is a collection of random thoughts from the last couple of days ...

Well, I have a new favorite book.

Its not news, but I am a total wuss when it comes to pain.

For example, I am currently in tears because my mouth hurts so much.

OH, my goodness. I was doing some fiddling about, calculating the cost of Petrol in the UK ! Glory be, it it really about $8.25 per US Gallon there? It appears to be around 1.30p. My goodness.

Well, today is my fifth anniversary here on Big Closet!

Well, I had a dental appointment yesterday, and I am in pain, but at least its over with.

I was accosted in the hospital last night.

I try to let people know what's going on with me, especially after I don't produce something in a month. I am hard at work on Phenom, the fourth book in the God Bless the Child saga. I finally got to the main issue and it should be smooth sailing from here on out (probably not). I am over 50k words and I already see areas that I need to do major reworks over, but I'm hoping for that random bit of inspiration to hit me.