I've discovered that I can't write effectively with my flight or fight instinct broken and on. It's been a while since it was this bad. My writing is suffering. I'm here with my limited work area, setup in the room I'm sleeping in at my mothers house. My brain screams at me that there is danger, and I know that there isn't, but it won't shut up. Not easy to write when that's ongoing. I had high hopes that my vacation would be a lot of writing, and it's been the opposite.
At least my mood stabilizer is keeping me stable in regards to moods.
On a plus side, my mother said she's read my stories and likes them. This was an amusing moment when she told me. She was driving me somewhere when she admitted this. My response was repeatedly saying the word what over and over again in disbelief. I had a hard time believing it because none of my friends and family read my blog or anything I post in any medium about my writing and tell me.
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Update - 7pm MST
I ended up talking with my mother for almost an hour about how I was feeling. I then popped some ibuprofen for a massive headache(Not a migraine) I had, and slept for two hours, and now I'm actually writing. The 2nd chapter of Salamander Spark is in final edit. So maybe I'm over this hurdle. I still feel the anxiety, but it's kind of at the back of my mind and not so strong.
Comments
Have you tried
Have you tried writing about the fear? Something is triggering it, try exploring that on the page and see if it can help you come to grips with it?
*big big huggles*
~And so it goes...
I think I know what's causing
I think I know what's causing it. It's two things.
The first is I'm completely bereft of my normal routine and familiar environs.
The second is that like every vacation I take like this where I visit my family, I'm reminded that everything I'm familiar with is gone or at the door about to leave.
Internet High Fives All Around
Stardraigh
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My Deviantart
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Don't think of it being
Don't think of it being broken. If you didn't have a fight or flight reaction, _then_ it would be broken. It's one of the most basic instincts built into animals, and other than procreation, probably the most important for survival.
What you're suffering from is paranoia. Rather than get worried about it - do what I do. Work with it.
Figure out what you need to do to make yourself feel safe. If that involves installing a bar on the door, do it! Six chains, two deadbolts, a doorstop under the bottom, bars on the windows... Nothing says that you can't just make yourself comfortable that way.
I slept _under_ my bed for a week at one point because it was the only way I felt safe enough to sleep deeply. Last week, I pulled one of my pistols out of my gun cabinet and kept it with me around the house (inside and out) for a day.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
I'm 90% sure that if I wasn't
I'm 90% sure that if I wasn't on vacation I wouldn't be feeling like this. I'm kind of stuck where I'm at for another week and a half. I didn't expect to feel like this, but I do.
I also used to sleep with a pistol within reach of me by my bed, but that stopped when I started having semi-lucid nightmares on occasion.
Internet High Fives All Around
Stardraigh
( •_•)>⌐■-■
My Deviantart
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