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Its Just Love

Okay. I came out to this girl and told her how I felt, she basically told me that love at first sight didn't exist, that I deserved better than her, that I should give up and find somebody else. Well... I wrote a poem back, but it really didn't help.

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Want'n Desire

Same chick from the 'Foolhardy Pants' poem, except I was sorta brooding over her from afar because I knew it wouldn't work out but I really didn't want to accept that. Also inspired by a bit I took from a manga called Loveless...

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Foolhardy Pants

Okay. I saw this girl walk past me one day, and you know how they say that love at first sight causes time to slow down? Yeah. That actually happened. Everything around you sorta fades out too... All you see is that person. Well... I actually said this because she was wearing these pants that had these little grommets on them that glowed in the dark... (So cool!)

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Vanilla

I've decided, on the advice of a few, to post my poems here, as they are like a diary of how this past school year has started and has been going. I may or may not add a little of what the situation was with each one, but that depends on the poem. For some, you should just be able to figure out what its about right off the bat.

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Why the Sun is Green...

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Why a sequel to Blue Moon? Why not?

Well, existential questions aside, I couldn't get Richard, Jo, Sophie and the other characters out of my head. They had lots of clever things they wanted to say and stuff they wanted to do. But I didn't have a plot.

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Angharad - what's in a name?

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I get asked this quite often, is it Welsh, what does it mean and so on? I don't mind because people generally ask questions when they want to know something.

It is a Welsh name and is known from the ninth century as that of the wife of Rhodri Mawr, king of Gwynedd. It probably originates before that. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angharad

Comments

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Attempt two at writing this. I think I forgot to submit last time - duh!

Anyway, I had a few comments go via my Inbox rather than against the story that were clearly story related and would have been very beneficial to other readers. When I enquired, it seems there is a new restriction to 15 comments per week. This is the first time I've heard such a thing.

I can too nurse my baby.

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Read this and giggle ladies.

http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/miscarticles/milkmen.html

So this means that I could nurse my own baby. I have this fantasy about being captured by a powerful business woman who is pregnant and given the job of nursing her child. I really would love to do it.

They say I am a little loopy, but perfectly harmless.

Gwenellen

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Friday, October 26, 2007

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Wow. The response to my stories, even if they are old ones, is really gratifying. Thanks to all of you. I'm still working on that Whateley Epic, which is taking up a lot of my time just now. But I can tell you that Nikki stops being just a pretty princess in this one. She even gets nasty... (What?!! Nikki being nasty?!! Nah!)

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Another Endocrinologist Appointment and First Mammogram

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So. Yesterday I spent about 6 hours on a rickety, rusting, ready-for-the-junkyard, bus, so I could make my appointment time in Buffalo New York, at the V.A. Hospital. No real problems since I slept most of the way there, although the trip back could be a book in and of itself. *giggle*

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It's a funny, funny world. :)

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This afternoon, I am doing some very casual research into my families history. I have two other full blood brothers among the crowd of my family. Their names are Aven and Logan. I was extremely surprised to find that both of those names, along with mine, are Celtic women's names.

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Bad Advice? Gay or Transgender?

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I'm a big fan of Dan Savage's sex advice column. Dan himself is gay, but he does a great job, in my humble opinion, of giving good advice to straight people, too. I find him to be witty, worldy, and well-centered and generally enjoy his sensible and insightful answers to even the kinkiest letters.

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The real deal

Once in a while, I am blessed enough to hear a few kind words that really sink in, from another person. My counselor told me today that I was 100%, the genuine article. She said manerisims, my walk, my make up and my personality were all authentic. She said,"you are infact a woman." I think this is something that every New Woman wants to hear.
What she said, absolutely made my day.

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Fionna McIntosh

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I was recently reminded of a very good fantasy trilogy that some of you may like or have already read and liked. It is called 'The Quickening' by Fionna McIntosh the first book is called 'Myrren's Gift'. It is a read that most of this site would enjoy especially the second and third books. just thought I would pass it on.

A.A.

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Desert Princess II

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I have Chapter 2 of Desert Princess almost ready to post but I am thinking that it needs an edit first. Erin has done my other work, but I think she may be waaaaay to busy right now, what with,,,,, so I am not even going to ask.

Would anyone else care to have a look before the chapter has its first blush? I am thinking that this is the end.

Gwenellen (Gwen Brown)

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A Silly Little Ditty

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Recently, I've been reading lots of Maddy Bell's Gaby series. Having been born and raised in the US, there were a few words that kinda went over my head. This blog entry is about a neat resource I found and a silly ditty I made up using a couple of my newfound words. ^.~

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It Is That Time of The Year Unfortunately, TDoR 11/20, 2007

This is the current TDOR event list as put out by the Remembering Our Dead web site:

Sydney, Australia
Will hold an event on Sunday, November 18 at Bar Me at 154 Brougham Street
(cnr William Street) Kings Cross.
1:00pmWelcome and Announcements
1:05pm "Surviving Life and Death on the Edge" norrie mAy-welby
1:30pm Light refreshments,
with Jade Starr playing appropriate songs.

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Seeing a Psychologist: Woe Is Me

Well, i just got back in from Dr. De Witt. It will be awhile before the operation. I am the one to blame too. I have a history of mental illness. I use to go to the East Side Mental Health Center. It was in walking distance. I was going because a college counselor advised me to seek treatment.

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How about a writer's challenge. nothing formal. just mental exercise...based on songs with ominous thoughts....

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How about taking popular songs and create stories out of them for a contest,,,maybe The Who song "I'm a Boy" or Queen's Son and Daughter, Lou Reed song take a walk in the wildside...Ziggy Startdust..Arnold Layne...lots of weird songs to work with...anyone up for it?

Fiction Rules

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I turned off commenting on blogs yesterday just to let tempers cool off a little. I left the blogs on so people could have a say but there wouldn't be the sort of escalation that happened earlier. That didn't work perfectly, either.

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I Hope So Too

Jan, Thanks so much for posting A Ray of Hope. I've been to the Third Way website that you mentioned, and read a synopsis of the progressive-evangelical dialogue and manifesto that's posted there. And it does give this BC regular, at least, reason for hope that people in the US may yet find "common ground" on cultural issues.

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Three Cheers

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I just want to applaud Jodie Anderson for her eminently sensible comments about the diversity of the BC and TG community. It's time somebody said it. I, for one, do not want to be hijacked into supporting positions being pushed by factional interests. I just want to enjoy the stories, the banter and the friendliness of most of the users.

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Apologies

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Here I am, tail between my legs and asking for forgiveness.

Actually, that's not quite true. I'm here to apologise to Erin and to the others I pissed off through my comments on the restaurant thing.

Here it is in words that I hope cannot be misconstrued.

I agree the bouncer was out of order. I believe he acted in a bigoted and unprofessional manner and should be punished for that.

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Going To The Doctor AUGH!!

Well, I have been going to Doctor De Witt about both my lower left leg and my hernia resulting from my gastric bypass back in 2001.
I 2001, I let the doctor open me up and perform the operation that should have helped me to weight. It did for awhile, but I regained all my weight and then some.

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Serials or putting a story up in parts

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Just some thoughts on this.

First I have another story in the making. A male US Army Captain because of his background is being asked to volunteer for an unusual assignment. To infilitrate a Yakuza family in order to bring it down. My main character taking the place of a Saiko-Komon or Senior Advisor to this particular Yakuza. One that is like a financial advisor.

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That Whole Disappearing Chapter Thing

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So as some of you may have noticed, Chapter 30 of Being Christina Chase was posted briefly yesterday, and then it disappeared. So basically, what went up accidentally yesterday was not the final draft of the chapter. I had in fact been making edits to the chapter yesterday afternoon to incorporate Holly Logan's changes and my own last minute brain aneurysms.

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I'm disappointed

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No one has commented on the insanely cute picture of a kitty in a jack-o'lantern I decorated the hatbox donation side panel with. I can't understand that. Don't you guys know how hard it is to find a picture like that? A public domain one that I can just use without worrying about it?

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A request for help

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I am nearing my one year anniversary of my first post here at Erin's wonderfully Big Closet. During this time I've been blessed by having a great group of ladies step forward and help me. Alas nothing stays the same and with Dreaded Real Life and other issues taking their toll I find myself looking for help once more.

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‘It’s OK to be gay,’ Dear Abby says

Columnist also supports gay marriage, will be honored by advocacy group

SAN FRANCISCO - For years, rumblings have surfaced on the Internet, conjecture about her casual references to “sexual orientation” and “respect.”

Now, Dear Abby is ready to say it flatly: She supports same-sex marriage.

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High Maintenance, Ha!

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Years ago, in my super masculine stage, I had a wonderful hill climbing motorcycle called an OSSA. It seemed that for every hour of run time, I had three hours of repairs to make.

That was until I got my own Cunny.

Gwenellen

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Hijackers

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A hijack attempt apparently took the Classic BC server (Classic BC, Tuckerspawn, Original BC, Eros Calendar, NaughtyWords, BeastlyThoughts, Ms. Midnite, Qnez mail server, et al.) down sometime this morning. A simple reboot seems to have fixed things with no real damage.

- Erin

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Transsexuality For Beginners

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I visit Zoe Brain's blog regularly, and she frequently produces posts that summarize issues well. She's done it again with her post on TS 101.

Go read it; go share it.

Somehow the facts need to get out, and this is a good start.

Nicole ( a.k.a. Itinerant)

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Important! Crystal's Storysite Servers Outage

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Here's the note from Kim at Crystal's:

Tomorrow (Sunday, Oct 7) morning the servers will be going down at around 11:AM EDT. We'll try to have things up and operating normally as soon as possible. When they come up, the IP addresses will be different, so there might be a delay as the new DNS propagates.

- Kim

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Sex,TG Fiction, and Reader Interest

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Pretty much since I started writing TG fiction, one thing I've tried to avoid is including anything sexual. This was for a number of reasons. For one thing, there seemed to be a lot of such stories already out there. Another reason was ... well, I just wasn't interested in writing them. Lately, I've been thinking of trying to do something that had a bit more ... I guess intimacy.

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Coming in October...

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Okay, there have been recent events. Moving, being back in college, my brother being hit, my brother dying, losing my job, issues with three different writers' groups, having a major falling-out-misunderstanding with another group that I've decided to try to join, seasonal migraines, and even unexplained illness. All of this combined pretty much killed my inspiration for awhile. This month, things are going forward.

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Formatting Stories for Display

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One problem I noted while re-posting the Andersonville stories was that the voting button caused the title and bylines to center improperly with the voting button pushing the left margin in for the top 4 or 5 lines. As a solution, if my synopsis was only one or two lines, I added several blank lines to push the title and byline below the level of the voting button. This would allow the title and byline to center properly on the final displayed page.

voting

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I have noticed that certain times I can't vote for a story I would like to.Tonight I was going to vote for Being Christina Chase but the voting button wouldn't fully display.I tried refreshing the page and it didn't work.Amy

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Thinking

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I'm sittin' on the top of Kilimanjaro
All my heart is yearning
Like a candle burning in the night
Seasons keep on turning
Sometimes hard to keep up the fight
I will climb the ancient mountain
I will find the last flicker of the light

What a strange strange freedom
Only free to choose my chains
So hard not to weaken-
Just give up and walk away
I will climb the ancient mountain

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How to get a plain, no color background on stories

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Somebody asked this in an email so here's how:

You have to have a BC account to do this. Go to BC. Use logout to log out of your account if you are already logged in. Now, log back in then choose |my account| in the left hand menu. Scroll down to where it offers you a choice of themes. A theme is just a layout and set of formatting commands for the screen.

Gaby

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Some two or three weeks ago I came across Gaby/Drew.

Every night since then I have spent hours trying to read everything I can find.
What a story.
Every chapter brings tears. Sometimes of sorrow, sometimes of joy.

It's too late for me but one hopes that many young people today will not have to suffer.

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Author Little Katie in hospital

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Little Katie, aka K.T. Leonard, is in the hospital in Florida with a bloodclot in the lungs. They think. Unfortunately, she has medical contraindications for the usual treatment for this condition, blood thinners, and she is in a lot of pain. She's been staying with her pastor lately, she's a Christian, and she would appreciate any prayers anyone might wish to make on her behalf.

Thanks,
Erin

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Things I don't understand

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OK, well actually there are a lot, a lot, a lot of things I don't understand, see at least two-thirds of the blogs posted in the last -- well forever, and the list grows everyday. But here are some that have hit me in the last few days, starting with, maybe, the easiest.

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Extremely emotional story

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For a while I have felt a story coming on whose emotional strength really frightens me, yet I want to write it; to get it all out; to laugh, to cry, to feel security, to express sheer terror.

Well, I have no idea how powerful my writing is nor do I know if there are those here who would be vulnerable to trigger words. When I finish it the story will expose my heart and soul.

Be warned.

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So what's an average TG?

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So What's an average TG?

I have replied to the blog about average guys and wonder, what's the average TG person?

I'll bet that there aren't too many out there who can generalise are there?

It's probably the same for generalising about guys or anyone for that matter.

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What's an "average" guy?

Lately I've been wondering, what makes an average guy average? I realize I probably should be able to answer this question, since my parents did my best to raise me as a boy, and as an adult I didn't get called ma'm when I was trying to pass as a guy. Just the same, guys feel like a mystery to me.

The reason I ask this is because I've tried to portray Carl (the big brother in Shoes and Brianna's Big Brother) as an average guy, but I'm wondering how off the mark I've gotten. For instance, in the second chapter of Brianna's Big Brother, he's putting flowers in his sister's hair. While it's something I wouldn't think twice about doing, is it something the average guy would do? Is there a way of making sure my male characters feel realistic?

Re-posting stories found elsewhere

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I wish that when a multi-chapter story is posted there could be some mention of it being four years ago when the author stopped writing ... without a conclusion and no other stories since.

If more is planned that's great .. say that somewhere ...

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What Being A Member Of Big Closet Means To Me

I am a confirmed cross dresser. It took reading stories here and finding friends that are cross dressers for me to finally admit this truth about myself.
I find that many authors truly amaze me when I find out something new about them. When I do, I celebrate finding out that new facet about them.

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Cruel Crazy

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Cruel Crazy Beautiful World
You have to wash with the crocodile in the river
You have to swim with the sharks in the sea
You have to live with the crooked politician
Trust those things that you can never see
Ayeye ayeye jesse mfana (jesse boy) ayeye ayeye

Beyond the door, strange cruel beautiful years lie waiting for you
It kills me to know you won't escape loneliness,

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I am

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Bits of songs and broken drums
Are all he could recall
So he spoke to me
In a bastard tongue
Carried on the silence of the guns

"It's been a long long time
since they first came
And marched through our village
They taught us to forget our past
And live the future in their image"

They said
'You should learn to speak a little bit of English
Don't be scared of a suit and tie.

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remember Steven Biko

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September '77
Port Elizabeth weather fine
It was business as usual
In police room 619
Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko
Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko
Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja
-The man is dead

When I try to sleep at night
I can only dream in red
The outside world is black and white
With only one colour dead
Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko
Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko
Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja

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Author Needs Help!

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Do you know a lot about organic chemistry? Do you speak German and know your way around Vienna? Do you speak Italian, and know your way around Rome? If any of these, and you are able to help me authenticate the plot of a lengthy coming-of-age novel set in the years just before World War One, I would love to hear from you!

Hugs, Daphne

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Being A Crucifer

Well, I was the Crucifer three weeks ago. I was not scheduled, but one of the girls was absent, so Jerri, The lady in charge of Acolytes asked me to help. Well, I was happy to, even though I was still scared. The service went off with out a hitch.

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Choices

I debated whether to post this as a short story, or blog entry. While it was conceived as more of a short story, I can't in any honesty call it fiction in any way shape or form. So maybe it's best put here.

Anyone who has looked will notice that my blog entries have been few and far between...I believe this is the second in over a year's time...so I doubt they'll become any kind of regularly recurring thing. My life is too boring to bother.

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just a thought

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When you can’t be amazed, I am sorry for you
Then no chance for you
When you can’t feel, it is over
You will stay empty
When you can’t forgive, You give up all
Is your slate clean?
When you carry on life like this
You never reach your salvation
You are not the child
That you were, that is true
Although, be what you once where
The child in you, wake it up
The child in you, bring it out
Maybe you are a good person
A good woman, a good man
And unwanted in this world
As unwanted as one can be
Please don’t give up, Keep your ears open

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I Died Sunday

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If you would like details send my a PM.

1.) The EMTs revived me.

2.) Within less than an hour the hospital installed a stent which opened the 100% blockage.

3.) Minor muscle damage.

4.) Minor rehab needed.

5.) I was discharged and walked out of the ICU today. In fact I went to my daughter's coccer game tonight.

If you just want to tell me I'm a no good horrible liar, don't bother to PM.

Jill (Angela Rasch)

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Hi... and a Couple of Questions

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Hello all --

I'm very happy to have joined this site, it seems like a nice family. And I'll keep plugging along with my little stories until someone tells me to stop, if that's ok with you!

I had a few questions, though, if you don't mind. Didn't want to do anything to step on toes, so I thought I'd ask first.

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Rambling

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I was going along this street and the street lead to me
The song that you sang on the last evening played only in me
Just a few more steps and the key to this door
This way is not easy this way is stony
Not many agree with me but life offers so much more
It was just a little moment and I was mot here
After a little step it downed on me
Some kick you some love you some help you
Some bless you don’t set your sail if the waves reach high
Some will love you some will hate you just be yourself
On this road

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Couple of birthdays and a note

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*- My wife turned.........39 again today. LOL, if I say her real age, Leonita may use the medallion on me. On second thought, I would like that. Can I be this woman?

We been married 18 years. Can you believe there is someone who can put up with me that long? As a Irish priest once said to me. "You're married to a saint and you think that you deserve her, you must go to confession!"

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Moving Day

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My moving day has been moved from Thanksgiving, to mid-October, to early October to late September to tomorrow (today?)

Incommunicado until I get things settled, shouldn't take more than a day or so.
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney

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Taking a Day Off

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Going to San Diego with some friends for the day with a nice plan for tomorrow in Orange. :) I'll look in on my laptop when I can. Bob will be looking out for major server problems and Sephrena will keep an eye out if anyone needs help formatting a story or something. Be good. :)

Hugs,
Erin

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I was wondering what was up with some of the missing serials like Leeway

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I've noticed a couple of serials that I started to read have stopped or been discontinued.Lee way by Just me and thats the way it happened Or something close to that are two that come to mind.Does anyone know if they are going to be continued?I read a lot of storys and it's a big let down when a story's not finished.I'm not trying to be critical of the writers it is their effort that provides my enjoyment in reading their work.

Amy

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Six Months Out

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So it was roughly six months ago when I first started posting Being Christina Chase, and the response has been pretty good. The story is slowly creeping up in the all time popular content list, and I get a good number of hits on every chapter. All in all, I have to think I'm doing pretty well for a first time writer. That said, Holly has done a great job of cleaning my stuff up.

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Death of Michael Galyen

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My baby brother died tonight.

He was only 16.

At around 11:45pm tonight it happened, and I found out about an hour later, having been home about an hour. So it happened about the time I got home.

Michael Andrew Galyen

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To My Big Closet Family- I Have Returned From Court

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I am going to court tomorrow. It is civil, not criminal court.
I was at home, with the door open, a safety gate barring my doggies from harm.

A member of the "Green Police" called me to the door. "I" was charged with litter in the yard and abandoned vehicles.

Well, I had not been outside to patrol the yard that day, so I did not know that some "local yokel" had left several bags of litter on the side of the road.

As for the "Vehicles", they belong to my brother Randy, with whom I have the "pleasure' of living with.

Well, the yard is taken care of, but his cars are still a

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