Doctor's Appointment Tomorrow

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I have yet another doctor's appointment this coming Thursday. It is so I can have an M.R.I. done on my stomach and lower left leg. I weigh some 352.5 pounds, am 5feet 4 inches tall.
I have always been a chubby kid. In fact, I was often bullied by the bigger kids until Coach Miller told me to fight if I had to,I would not be in trouble. So, i became one mean little "TANK" that no kid dare try to insult.
Well, anyway, back to the appointment. My pastor, Max Blalock said that he will give me a ride there and back from the hospital.
He is a very caring man. I have told him my story,yet he still accepts me as a valued member of the Church.
That there gives me hope that my life will only get better as I continue on my path. I will bring in an update and place it on this blog tomorrow. STANMAN63.

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I have a doctor's appointment this Thursday. I found out about it late Sunday night. I had just got in from Bowling with the youth.
My bowling was crappy, but I had fun which is why i went, other than to help out.
Well, the kids all decided to stop playing in the middle of the game. Which would be fine, IF they had let the adults know.
After being on my feet all that time, I was glad to get on the bus and nap.
When I got in, I learned about the appointment. Needles to say, I am very worried. I am calm about the meeting,it is the operation I dread.
I have nightmares when I go under that deep. They are of the worst time in my life, when I was assaulted. The pain and humiliation are intensified beyond the facts.
Worst of all, I have no way to fight back. How can I fight my terror? Why can I not fight it? Why am I so weak?
Sometimes, the pain drives me into my shell. There, I stay, becoming a zombie. If only I could fight, then I would be at peace.
May my Big Closet family sleep in peace.STANMAN63

Comments

good luck, stanman!

laika's picture

Operations are scary. Going under general anesthetic is counter to every
instinct we have. I don't know that you're that weak, maybe just not as
good at hiding it as some people are. And if you are, so what?
This doesn't make you a bad person, inferior or whatever...
I'll pray for smooth sailing & a speedy recovery for you!
Take care, Laika

.
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

Thanks Laika

your kindness does help. Knowing that other are with me makes the fear lessen. Thanks for commenting, It made my day

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Don't like Hospitals

I too don't care much for Doctors because I have a fear nearly bordering on a phobia of being cut or stabbed (yes needles count! yuk!) It is not cowardliness to worry about such things. Nor should you berate yourself for it. It might be good for us but it is counter to every instinct we have for survival. Pray for strength and serenity during your trial and we will pray for you as well.
hugs
grover

Thanks Grover

I hate hospitals too. But to get better, I must go.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine