Here's the thing. I'm writing a very long novel about an assassin and have the first part edited and would like to post it. The second part is with my editor and I've started on part three. Here's my dilemma. I vowed not to post anything until the whole story is completed as with Runway. When I wrote Show Me The Money I posted it as it was written.It put a lot of pressure on me so you wouldn't have to wait too long for the story to continue. But, the first part of this story is like having a dollar in your pocket when you are drunk. It burns a hole and wants to be spent.

Well, I thought I might share a bit about my ongoing serial, I Woke. It started with learning about N.D.E. - Near Death Experiances. A lot of people have had this experiance, and there seems to be some common moments they share. They have talked about drifting above their bodies, watching doctors and nurses try and revive them. Many have mentioned a great light, and some have said they have heard a voice telling them to go back. Well, our hero(ine) may not have heard a voice, but he is serving a perpose where he is, and there are some surprizes ahead. My only hint - Chaos therory, giggle.

I hate to say it but the new posting of Once the Hero at StarDust will be delayed. I've been hit with a migraine headache from hell and like always I'm taking awhile to recover. I hope it is only a day or two, but for everyone's sanity I have to send it off first to Hope and Kimmie. Yes, my grammar and spelling is that bad! I do have a list of characters that I'll post instead of that last chapter.

Again sorry everyone!

Hugs!

Grover

<rant>

I must remember, next time I spend 10-15 minutes carefully crafting a comment, to copy / paste it into a text editor before hitting Preview.

It doesn't always happen, but on several occasions, when either hitting Preview or Submit, the page has decided to reload instead, retaining the comment title but not the comment text. Aarrgh!

It's probably caused by something like a temporary hiccup in communications between my computer and the server, so there's almost certainly nothing anyone can do about it, but it's still darned irritating when it happens.

</rant>

OK, no one is allowed to chastize me for this!

I was on the Max Train, on the way to the Bank; there'd been fraud on my Debit Card. I was having this delightful conversation, with another woman, about a street girl that had just been sitting on the floor in the car; she'd gotten off.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a very short Hispanic man get on the train with his bike. The normal place for Bikes was full, and under transit rules, he is allowed to put his bike with the general population if that is so.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" screamed Augustine as she grabbed Lexi to hold her at eye level.

"Run," was Lexi's blunt response.

This is how my home will be forever memorialized by google earth street level view.

Yes that is what it appears to be, a broken toilet.

If you have been on this site for any length of time, then chances are good you have read a few stories with the following scene - a man is made over into a woman, and when he first catches site of his new appearance, he is amazed, (and usualy aroused) by how beautiful, how sexy, how feminine he looks. Well, I dont live in one of those stories. Getting ready for the consilors reminded me just how difficult the road ahead is going to be for me, simply because I dont pass as female. I guess I am stuck, at least for now.

Completely off-topic, but it may be of interest to Anglophiles...

Google have released a giant update to the UK street view coverage (the panoramic photos taken from Opal Astras with funky camera gear on top), taking it from a few major cities and patchy coverage elsewhere, to (they claim) 96% of UK roads.

Here's a few highlights, (inevitably) from Land's End to John O'Groats, plus a few extra locations thrown in for good measure.

This is just a short video blurb, Her Name Was Steven and here are some 'iReport' messages Transgender messages

I saw a story about the law in Uganda that calls for putting Gays and Lesbians to death. It talked about the group of American evangelicals who have gone over there and incited people to use vigilante tactics to hunt down and kill anyone thought to be Gay and Lesbian. They showed the crowd films with Gay porn and worked the crowds into a frenzy . I sincerely hope the U.S State Department and the U.N take some kind of action to prevent this open call for genocide.

I've finally managed to get a letter about women's cycling in the Guardian; sadly it's not in a place accessible from the internet (being in letters and emails in the sport section)it was accompanied by a picture of Bradley Wiggins.

Last Wednesday was my 45th birthday.

At 12:30 in the morning, after saying goodbye in the chat room, I went into my closet to get my breast forms, and I grabbed a form that was wrapped in plastic wrap. I looked at it and said, "what?" and the light bulb caption above my head turned on as I realized these were my old forms, they had developed a leak and I had wrapped them in plastic whilst waiting for the replacements, and had not thrown them out.

Well, I am as dressed as I can be, waiting to go to my counsiling session tonight. My mood is all over the place, as I am nervous, frustrated that I cant be more feminine, and looking forward to it all at once.

My first reaction when I come onto the Home Page is:

One of my stories (Boys Will Be Boys, Chapter 1), has reached 100 votes! SQUEEE!!! *happy dance* Thanks to everyone who voted on it, and all of my other stories! Chapter 2 isn't even close to that high, but I'm too happy about getting a hundred to worry about it!

::::: Doing Happy Dance ::::: (to the tune "Dance of the elephants"

You folks are probably getting tired of me, but I use the blog to remind me I'm working on Transition.

I've now lost 70 (that's SEVENTY!!!) pounds since January first. I've now reached 33% of the weight I HAVE to lose before hormones, before surgery. I just KNEW I was going to not have made it this week. My mom's 75th birthday, (awww I shoulda lost 75) was this weekend, and I had CHOCOLATE cake with frosting on Saturday. I was prepared to not have lost any this week, and I'm down another 5 pounds this week!!!

I've just made an interesting discovery about my Word 2007, Windows Explorer, and Asstr.org.

I used to be able to easily delete files in Word, and I could easily find the file path. Now, I can't. I also used to be able to locate files very easily in Windows Explorer, and now I notice that there are some files that I can see In "Recent Documents" in Word 2007 that I can not find with Windows Explorer, and that leads me to suspect that they are in actuality "Links" to those files. I have opened a couple of them and watched Word, go to the internet and download those files from ASSTR.org.

English Punctuation Skills

I was wondering if we have any girls who have any experience with the Cleveland, Ohio area. I could be accompanying a girlfriend (she's GG) out there to be with her as her room mate for a school year as she finishes her Masters Degree.

A friend of mine has started up a TG website if anyone is interested in checking it out
http://rhonda7.proboards.com/index.cgi

I've spent the better part of the last two days lost in remembrance of those I loved who are gone. My parents, my best friend ever, Mikey, John Denver, Mary Travers, Mamma Cass, Karen Carpenter, KimEm, and so many others.

Memories. They come as comfort and pain together, wrapped in smiles and tears, heartbreak and wonderment. I've lost or left so many friends, in so many places that I cannot recall some of them. Imagine that. People who I called friends and was called friend by them...and I can't remember their names...or even their faces. Yet I miss them, one and all.

For some reason, Yoho! is down. THAT is where I have arcived my stories. That means that until fixed, I cant acces my stories,

Well, if that little blerb at the top doesnt get some hits, I dont know what would, giggle. Of course, that wasnt all I was wearing. I had gone to my last session with the community support team and decided that because it was downtown, I wouldnt go totaly enfeme, but could wear my bra and panties and hose under my boy clothes. It was over quick, so I decided to take care of my teeth, which have been aching the last couple of days. I am not sure the dentist noticed, he didnt say anything anyway. Life can be fun, can't it?

Yup, it's another "Sex Swap Sensationalism Sells" Strategy (I'm almost surprised they didn't use Sun-style alliteration) - this time in a local paper.

http://tr.im/QJfd (URL trimmed as it was incredibly long)

Couldn't their journalists find better things to do with their time than submit a Freedom of Information request on the costs of SRS? Apparently not... and to think it's the headline article on the paper version.

It doesn't help when the website "designers" think it's a good idea to slap a poll on whether Coventry smells or not (!) in the middle of the article text...

Okay, I've tried my best but I cant seem to come up with anything for this site mew. So I'm going to ask for help. My biggest problem is I have a hard time making small decisions, like which story to begin, which character's perspective to take this from, at what point in the story do I start, ect ect. I'd preferably like help from someone that either knows horror, likes horror, or is proficient in it. I just want to make this clear I do NOT write sweet and sentimental, my muse refuses to. So do not push me or ask me to do such, believe me, I have tried, and it did not end well.

I had the most amazing day yesterday.

I had taken my cousin to the airport to fly to a funeral. Yah, it was a downer, but we celebrated the life of my uncle on the hour long trip. I also came out to them. Total Acceptance! Aeeeiii what a feeling!

I'm a tad dismayed that it hasn't had more readers. Part 2 especially is some of Randalynn's best writing, and that alone is saying a lot!

You can't tell from the title, but this could just as easily have been called Saving Stark. If you've read any of the Stark tales, this is what they've been leading up to the whole time.

So if you are a fan of Randalynn's, please check these stories out. Part 2 hasn't hit 1000 reads yet and that's almost criminal.

{{Huggles}}

Frank

Publishing with Microsoft Word
by Puddintane

It's entirely possible to publish very pretty stories using only Microsoft Word and the Big Closet story tools, but you have to be aware of a few tricky things that Word* does that may be confusing.

Here's a story on the CNN web site.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/science/03/01/pesticide.study.f...

"The effects of atrazine in the long term have been shown to demasculinize or chemically castrate [frogs], combined with complete feminization of some animals," said lead researcher Tyrone B. Hayes, a biologist and herpetologist at the University of Berkeley.

I promiced I would write a bit more about my faith. I strongly suspect that my grandmother was the one who convinced my mom to send me to christian camp. But whatever the reason, faith became a big componant in my life. I am not sure I could do justice to what it means to me to someone who doesnt believe, but I needed that sense that somehow, in some way, there was plan, and I was included. That Someone beyond myself, greater than myself, was in charge, and He actuallly cared about me. When I found whosoever prays, it was, as it were, an answer to prayer in itself.

No excuses....

I was reading some of the recent blogs and I realized something. I was feeling much lighter. A great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I didn't even notice it.

Ran across this site today in my surfing. Think they're talking about us?

http://www.lambdaliterary.com/trans/02/25/is-there-or-should...

Hugs

Grover

I just mailed this letter to my parents. I figure it's my birthday, why not?

I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just get right to it. Mom, Dad, I am a transsexual. I am transitioning from male to female now and should have done so 25 years ago at least. I debated bothering with telling you, I know that I am dead to you per your religion and have been for 23 years. You disapprove of me for simply being gay, so I’m pretty sure you’ll think this is worse. I actually wish I were just gay, it would have made things so much easier.

Well, since people refuse to write this blog for me, I guess I am stuck doing it, giggle. So I wanted to talk about my little piece "The talk" for a second. This one came to me as a, er, erotic dream. Which is weird for me, because normaly I don't dream of boys. Its got me wondering a bit about dorothy's orientation, giggle. Fortunatly for my readers, I toned it down from R rated to PG. If you havent noticed by now, I am not one for a lot of graphic descriptions in any case. Besides, I think the reader can fill in the blanks just fine, dont you?

You may recall a few weeks ago, I mentioned a daft weekend project of mine, to slowly produce chapter summaries for a certain story featuring characters with the unlikely names of Cathy Watts, Stella Cameron and Simon Cameron. Not forgetting Tom Agnew, Mima, Trish, Livvie, Danny, Billy, and Julie - together with appearances by Leon and his mum, Pippa and her sons, the lab technicians Neal and Gloria, Simon's father Henry and his other half Monica, several dozen other humans, and a dormouse by the name of Spike.

After a sleepless night (up at 1AM and couldn't get back to sleep) I was picked up at 6AM for the trip to the VA hospital in Buffalo N.Y. It snowed all the way there, sometimes reducing visibility to less than 100 feet. The roads, even the interstate, were not good at all, and we saw many cars and trucks off the road in the ditches.

I saw this today in the paper... interesting to say the least.
http://www.prodigalsonsfilm.com/drupal/index.php
"Prodigal Sons is a remarkable study of family and identity, of what it means to love and be loved, of how much human dignity can be found in surprising places. It is made with elegance and passion and a searing honesty that can very nearly break one's heart."

Looking at this blog, I realize I have only scimmed the surface, hitting the highlights. But I am not sure where to go from here, so I am leaving what to fill in with you readers. What's missing? What are you curious about? I of course will include any breaking news as it happens, but I hope I can satisfy any questions you folks might have.

By the time I was writing "The saga of E-girl", I was desperate to figure out exactly who and what I was. I realized I had to face fully the demons inside me. That would have been all but impossible, except I was getting support from others. I finaly plucked up my courage and published it here, and was overwhelmed by the positive responce. Thanks to that support I have made a commitment to getting whole. I have finally admited to myself what I want - I want to be female. I am in counsiling through my local hospital, and am seeing a rape counsilor as well.

Well, after my marriage imploded, I was ready to try and find out why I behaved like I did. My first stop in this journey was a christian counsiling center. They promiced a "cure" for gays and Tg, and I was desperate. The consilor was into Jung and dream interpertation, and encouraged me to write everything down. So not long after I started, I had a flashback and grabed a pen and paper and started to write. I had no idea what I was writing until I finished and read it. It was a graphic description of one of my assaults. I started to feel ill.

Maybe I was doomed to be confused about my gender anyway. Or maybe the trauma I had suffered created it. The fact is, I don't know which. I managed to bury the abuse so well, I effectively forgot, except in my nightmares. But by the time I started noticing that the girls were developing, I knew I was different from other kids. I felt totally disconnected from the boys and felt empathy for the girls. I started cross dressing whenever I could. I developed all sorts of rituals to force a gender change. But somehow I kept this hidden for everyone around me.

There's a new chapter in the new series posted today!

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18249/jamie-and-peach-02

Maddy

Grief was a resident in my family from before I was born. Both my brother and I were in our own ways haunted by at least 1 ghost even on the day of our respective births. For my brother, that ghost was my mother's first-born, who had died 2 days after being born. So that when my brother came into the world, he was given the mantle as the heir to every dream and hope my parents had had for his older brother. My ghost was slightly different. While I was in my mother's womb she dreamed of a little girl. She was so convinced this dream was real that she had a female name ready - Colleen.

I would like to take a moment to step out from behind the stories and introduce myself. I am the product of a madcap gypsy childhood, puncuated by madness, death, rape, abuse, and then a long slow attempt to bring the pieces back togethr again. I am a work in progress in many directions. Do you want to get to know me? Be careful what you wish for. The one thing I am demanding of myself is honesty. If you stick around, you will get the truth, to the best of my ability to tell it. That picture may not always be pretty.